If your favorite character met people in Twilight
Dec 22, 2010 13:47:19 GMT -8
Post by Madame Celeste on Dec 22, 2010 13:47:19 GMT -8
Hmmm...
I don't usually have any favorite characters per se, so I'm going with the idea that I find most interesting to write about. (Be Warned: This turned out a LOT longer than I'd originally planned!)
If Lestat, Louis, and Armand from Vampire Chronicles happened upon Twilight, this is how it would happen and what it would ultimately lead to.
I don't usually have any favorite characters per se, so I'm going with the idea that I find most interesting to write about. (Be Warned: This turned out a LOT longer than I'd originally planned!)
If Lestat, Louis, and Armand from Vampire Chronicles happened upon Twilight, this is how it would happen and what it would ultimately lead to.
New Orleans, LA
*Louis sits on a rooftop overlooking the French Quarter, reading a book in his hands, though he seems unimpressed by it thus far. Another page into it, Lestat steps out from behind the stairwell and approaches Louis.*
Lestat: *indicates the book* What d'you got there, Louis? Usual nightly read?
Louis: What, this? No, just some new trend the mortals keep chattering about. As far as I can tell, it's supposed to be about a vampire boy and a human girl falling in love.
Lestat: *hushed laugh* Until he finally feeds on her, no doubt.
Louis: See, that's the thing. *looks up at Lestat* Most of what I've read so far of it is the girl Bella complaining about every little thing for no apparent reason, that or prattling on to the reader for paragraphs on end about how breathtakingly beautiful the boy Edward is. And Edward is no better; his attitude toward Bella is offensive, to say the least, and indeed he seems more in love with the scent of her blood than he is with her.
Lestat: Ah, so really it’s just the old stereotype disguised as a mediocre romance. *rolls his eyes* How exciting.
Louis: That's all I'm seeing, anyway. And the writing itself… *scoff* Don’t even get me started. Even now, I’m only reading this drivel to see what has every female in New Orleans so utterly spellbound. *pauses to glance back at the book, then does a double-take at the page* Sparkled?! Vampires don’t sparkle!
Lestat: What? Give me that! *snatches the book from Louis’ hands and scans the page, then facepalms* Literally sparkled, like thousands of tiny diamonds were embedded in the surface. Louis, are you certain this passage refers to a vampire?
Louis: Edward stepping into the sunlight, to be exact. *shakes his head* And just when I thought humans had run out of crazy ideas...
Lestat: Crazy? Hardly strong enough to describe this, this... garbage! *throws the book down* Sparkling vampires. What a disgrace.
*As Louis nods his agreement, the stairwell door swings open and clangs against the side. Armand emerges, looking none too pleased.*
Louis: You heard about Twilight too, didn't you?
Armand: I sincerely wish I hadn't. *holds up another copy of Twilight* Whose idea was this? Lestat, I swear, if you had any part in --
Lestat: Me?! I never! You couldn't make me stoop that low on pain of death!
Louis: Well, I'm sure we all can agree that something has to be done about this.
Armand: My thoughts exactly. The next flight to Washington is due to leave in three hours, and I intend to be on it. You're both welcome to join me, of course.
*Louis promptly tears the back cover off of his Twilight copy and takes a pen from his pocket.*
Louis: Exactly which flight would that be?
Lestat: *smiles widely* Then it's settled. Pack your bags gentlemen; we're going to Forks.
Forks, WA
*BellaSue Swan walks toward her kitchen, rarely taking more than two steps without breaking something in the house, for some odd reason. Her virtually ignorant father Charlie Swan is already there, reading the paper and being blind to everything else.*
Bella: Morning Char- uh, I mean, Dad.
Charlie: Morning Bella. Oh hey, I hear your school is hosting a new exchange student from Paris. You excited?
Bella: Umm, well I guess that depends. Is he a gorgeous, icy-cold, sparkling vampire like Edward is?
Charlie: I'm sorry, what did you say?
Bella: Nothing!
*Later, at Forks High School, Lestat, Louis, and Armand carefully remain well within Forks' perpetual cloud layer as they drive up to the entrance. They spot Bella andTeh Stalker Edward walking hand-in-hand, both hopelessly locked onto each other's eyes.*
Louis: There they are. Ugh, they're even more repulsive in person than they were in the book.
Lestat: Pull yourself together Louis, this won't take long. Armand, do you remember the plan?
Armand: I remember. You two go and set the trap, and dearest Edward and I will meet you in the woods.
*Armand gets out of the car, and Louis and Lestat drive away. Having been turned at 17 himself, Armand easily blends in with the crowd as he slowly approaches Bella and Edward from the side.*
Edward: And one more thing Bella. Under no circumstances are you to acknowledge, talk with, or even look at the new exchange student. He's dangerous.
Bella: But you've never even met him. How do you know that he's dangerous?
Edward: Because I said so, now shut up!
Armand: Excuse me, where do I find the principal's office?
*Bella turns from Edward to face Armand. Edward growls under his breath and glares at him.*
Bella: You must be the exchange stu- *gasps* Your skin.
*She reaches to touch Armand's face, much to Edward's chagrin. Armand holds back a growl.*
Bella: It's so pale. And you're so cold. *leans into Armand's ear and whispers* Vampire.
*Armand grabs her hand and holds it up to eye level. Bella stares at him in blank shock.*
Armand: Don't touch me. It's annoying.
*He bites her hand, barely drawing a drop of blood. Bella screams in agony and collapses.*
Bella: *writhing on the floor* Oww... it hurts... Edward, save me!
Edward: *roars* How dare you!?!
*Armand starts laughing at them as he runs to the woods at an unnatural speed. Edward immediately gives chase, until Armand finally stops in a thicket well-protected from the sun.*
Lestat: Now, Louis!
*Louis pounces on Edward from behind and knocks him to the ground. Lestat and Armand rush to help him restrain the rabid Meyerpire.*
Louis: All right. Now what?
Lestat: Let's see... *stops to flip through Twilight book quickly* It says here that the only way to kill these creatures is to tear them to pieces and then set all the parts on fire. Simple enough.
*Lestat tosses the book aside and, without hesitation, he and Armand each take one of Edward's arms, while Louis grabs hold of his legs. Between them, they tear all four of his limbs clean off and throw them to the ground.*
Edward: *about to cry* B-bella... my love... my-
Louis: Mon dieu, he's going to call her a drug again...
Lestat: That does it. Stand back!
*Armand and Louis promptly back away, and Lestat uses the Fire Gift on Edward and his discarded limbs. Lestat dusts off his hands, looking very pleased with himself as Edward burns to a crisp.*
Lestat: Well! That was fun. Almost makes me glad that this Twilight was ever published.
Armand: I suppose. And I must admit, Bella tasted better than I expected.
Louis: Speaking of which... *checks his watch* 3...2...1...
*A shrill but familiar cry echoes from the clearing.*
Bella: NOOO! Edward! Edward, speak to me!
*Armand and Lestat watch in utter shock as Bella throws herself into Edward's remains, grabs handful after handful of the ashes, and proceeds to cry her eyeballs out. They turn toward Louis, mouths agape, but Louis merely shrugs.*
Louis: Lucky guess.
Bella: *still crying* Ohhh, my love... my unconditional, irrevocable love...
*Louis sighs in disgust. The vampires then watch Bella in silence for 30 more seconds.*
Bella: *STILL crying* My planet, destroyed in a cataclysmic, disaster-movie scenario...
*A few more minutes pass. Lestat taps his foot impatiently, Louis paces with his arms crossed, and Armand heaves another groan.*
Bella: *yep, still crying* Take my soul. Please, take it, if only it can bring you --
Vampires: SHUT UP!
*Bella gasps aloud as she lifts her head to face the vampires. Despite her overly tearstained face and puffy red eyes, her expression is relatively blank and lifeless.*
Armand: Thank you! Urgh...
Lestat: Quickly now, while we each still have our appetites.
*The vampires instantly set upon Bella; Lestat bites into the front of her neck, Louis into her left shoulder, and Armand into her right forearm. Together, they drink Bella dry in seconds, drop her corpse into Edward's ashes, and then walk away in high spirits.*
*Louis sits on a rooftop overlooking the French Quarter, reading a book in his hands, though he seems unimpressed by it thus far. Another page into it, Lestat steps out from behind the stairwell and approaches Louis.*
Lestat: *indicates the book* What d'you got there, Louis? Usual nightly read?
Louis: What, this? No, just some new trend the mortals keep chattering about. As far as I can tell, it's supposed to be about a vampire boy and a human girl falling in love.
Lestat: *hushed laugh* Until he finally feeds on her, no doubt.
Louis: See, that's the thing. *looks up at Lestat* Most of what I've read so far of it is the girl Bella complaining about every little thing for no apparent reason, that or prattling on to the reader for paragraphs on end about how breathtakingly beautiful the boy Edward is. And Edward is no better; his attitude toward Bella is offensive, to say the least, and indeed he seems more in love with the scent of her blood than he is with her.
Lestat: Ah, so really it’s just the old stereotype disguised as a mediocre romance. *rolls his eyes* How exciting.
Louis: That's all I'm seeing, anyway. And the writing itself… *scoff* Don’t even get me started. Even now, I’m only reading this drivel to see what has every female in New Orleans so utterly spellbound. *pauses to glance back at the book, then does a double-take at the page* Sparkled?! Vampires don’t sparkle!
Lestat: What? Give me that! *snatches the book from Louis’ hands and scans the page, then facepalms* Literally sparkled, like thousands of tiny diamonds were embedded in the surface. Louis, are you certain this passage refers to a vampire?
Louis: Edward stepping into the sunlight, to be exact. *shakes his head* And just when I thought humans had run out of crazy ideas...
Lestat: Crazy? Hardly strong enough to describe this, this... garbage! *throws the book down* Sparkling vampires. What a disgrace.
*As Louis nods his agreement, the stairwell door swings open and clangs against the side. Armand emerges, looking none too pleased.*
Louis: You heard about Twilight too, didn't you?
Armand: I sincerely wish I hadn't. *holds up another copy of Twilight* Whose idea was this? Lestat, I swear, if you had any part in --
Lestat: Me?! I never! You couldn't make me stoop that low on pain of death!
Louis: Well, I'm sure we all can agree that something has to be done about this.
Armand: My thoughts exactly. The next flight to Washington is due to leave in three hours, and I intend to be on it. You're both welcome to join me, of course.
*Louis promptly tears the back cover off of his Twilight copy and takes a pen from his pocket.*
Louis: Exactly which flight would that be?
Lestat: *smiles widely* Then it's settled. Pack your bags gentlemen; we're going to Forks.
Forks, WA
*Bella
Bella: Morning Char- uh, I mean, Dad.
Charlie: Morning Bella. Oh hey, I hear your school is hosting a new exchange student from Paris. You excited?
Bella: Umm, well I guess that depends. Is he a gorgeous, icy-cold, sparkling vampire like Edward is?
Charlie: I'm sorry, what did you say?
Bella: Nothing!
*Later, at Forks High School, Lestat, Louis, and Armand carefully remain well within Forks' perpetual cloud layer as they drive up to the entrance. They spot Bella and
Louis: There they are. Ugh, they're even more repulsive in person than they were in the book.
Lestat: Pull yourself together Louis, this won't take long. Armand, do you remember the plan?
Armand: I remember. You two go and set the trap, and dearest Edward and I will meet you in the woods.
*Armand gets out of the car, and Louis and Lestat drive away. Having been turned at 17 himself, Armand easily blends in with the crowd as he slowly approaches Bella and Edward from the side.*
Edward: And one more thing Bella. Under no circumstances are you to acknowledge, talk with, or even look at the new exchange student. He's dangerous.
Bella: But you've never even met him. How do you know that he's dangerous?
Edward: Because I said so, now shut up!
Armand: Excuse me, where do I find the principal's office?
*Bella turns from Edward to face Armand. Edward growls under his breath and glares at him.*
Bella: You must be the exchange stu- *gasps* Your skin.
*She reaches to touch Armand's face, much to Edward's chagrin. Armand holds back a growl.*
Bella: It's so pale. And you're so cold. *leans into Armand's ear and whispers* Vampire.
*Armand grabs her hand and holds it up to eye level. Bella stares at him in blank shock.*
Armand: Don't touch me. It's annoying.
*He bites her hand, barely drawing a drop of blood. Bella screams in agony and collapses.*
Bella: *writhing on the floor* Oww... it hurts... Edward, save me!
Edward: *roars* How dare you!?!
*Armand starts laughing at them as he runs to the woods at an unnatural speed. Edward immediately gives chase, until Armand finally stops in a thicket well-protected from the sun.*
Lestat: Now, Louis!
*Louis pounces on Edward from behind and knocks him to the ground. Lestat and Armand rush to help him restrain the rabid Meyerpire.*
Louis: All right. Now what?
Lestat: Let's see... *stops to flip through Twilight book quickly* It says here that the only way to kill these creatures is to tear them to pieces and then set all the parts on fire. Simple enough.
*Lestat tosses the book aside and, without hesitation, he and Armand each take one of Edward's arms, while Louis grabs hold of his legs. Between them, they tear all four of his limbs clean off and throw them to the ground.*
Edward: *about to cry* B-bella... my love... my-
Louis: Mon dieu, he's going to call her a drug again...
Lestat: That does it. Stand back!
*Armand and Louis promptly back away, and Lestat uses the Fire Gift on Edward and his discarded limbs. Lestat dusts off his hands, looking very pleased with himself as Edward burns to a crisp.*
Lestat: Well! That was fun. Almost makes me glad that this Twilight was ever published.
Armand: I suppose. And I must admit, Bella tasted better than I expected.
Louis: Speaking of which... *checks his watch* 3...2...1...
*A shrill but familiar cry echoes from the clearing.*
Bella: NOOO! Edward! Edward, speak to me!
*Armand and Lestat watch in utter shock as Bella throws herself into Edward's remains, grabs handful after handful of the ashes, and proceeds to cry her eyeballs out. They turn toward Louis, mouths agape, but Louis merely shrugs.*
Louis: Lucky guess.
Bella: *still crying* Ohhh, my love... my unconditional, irrevocable love...
*Louis sighs in disgust. The vampires then watch Bella in silence for 30 more seconds.*
Bella: *STILL crying* My planet, destroyed in a cataclysmic, disaster-movie scenario...
*A few more minutes pass. Lestat taps his foot impatiently, Louis paces with his arms crossed, and Armand heaves another groan.*
Bella: *yep, still crying* Take my soul. Please, take it, if only it can bring you --
Vampires: SHUT UP!
*Bella gasps aloud as she lifts her head to face the vampires. Despite her overly tearstained face and puffy red eyes, her expression is relatively blank and lifeless.*
Armand: Thank you! Urgh...
Lestat: Quickly now, while we each still have our appetites.
*The vampires instantly set upon Bella; Lestat bites into the front of her neck, Louis into her left shoulder, and Armand into her right forearm. Together, they drink Bella dry in seconds, drop her corpse into Edward's ashes, and then walk away in high spirits.*