TigerAnne's Detectivating Excavations
Sept 23, 2013 11:50:59 GMT -8
Post by Tigeranne on Sept 23, 2013 11:50:59 GMT -8
Oh right, I'm sarking this fic. I think I got caught up in playing FarmVille again. It's time for another part, don't you think?
And yes, I agree that this story can't possibly have been meant seriously. All the author's other fics are a lot saner than this, and she did say that she wanted to write a fic of "this type", which I take to mean "Bella is a ridiculous badass, and everyone else are dumb as bricks." (Not Professor Bricks from Scarlett's story, because he's smart.)
Emmett rushed over to the piping hot food.
"Hot! Hot!" he cried as the steaming food went in to his mouth.
You'd think the steam would have tipped him off.
"Wait until it cools down!" Rosalie smacked the back of his head, which made him spit is food back onto the plate.
I think it was the fact that he burned his mouth that caused that, actually.
He shrugged as ate it again.
Emmett: Now this piece is colder.
"Ew! Gross!" Alice shrieked, covering her eyes.
Emmett rolled his eyes.
"Really?" he asked and stood up, showing his chewed up food in his mouth to her face.
Emmett is the picture of maturity.
"Ew! Ew!" she squealed.
"Emmett stop it," Jasper interrupted from behind us.
And Jasper is the well behaved one, as usual. You know, I think I have yet to read a fic where Jasper has any sort of personality outside of being the normal one. That's a bit weird, because in canon he's the unstable and dangerous member of the family.Unless Savanna or Raelynn wrote the fic, that is.
"Fine," he huffed and sat back down, chewing his food slowly.
"Thanks for the breakfast, sis," Jasper smiled and sat down.
Edward was right behind him.
His eyes widened as he saw me in his clothes. Edward: Lovely lady! Thy boobies are touching the fabric of my sweater! I blushed and playing with the hem of his hoodie.
"Earth to Edward!" Alice waved a hand in front of his face.
He didn't budge.
"Hey!" she shouted into his ear.
Being around Izzy tends to have this effect on him.
He jumped and looked around. Rose and Alice were smiling, and Jasper and Emmett were snickering.
He looked back to me.
"Um...Good morning," I smiled shyly.
"Morning Be greeted, my beautiful songbird heralding the dawn!," he smiled and sat down to eat.
"Hey! You didn't greet me!" Emmett whined.
I smiled and rolled my eyes.
"Good morning, Emmett, Jasper," I greeted.
"Morning!" Emmett shouted, spraying food everywhere.
Why is Rose dating this mentally challenged guy? His brain must have stopped developing when he was 8. Having sex with him is basically molestation of a child.
Rose smacked him again Which is child abuse. and went to get a tissue to wipe the mess.
Jasper just nodded at me.
When they finished, we went to get to class. I sighed.
"What's wrong?" asked Rose.
"Lauren and Tanya are in my next class," I responded.
But you have levelled up now! You can use Brain Melt on them!
"Ooooh, the attack of the bitches," Emmett mocked.
Rose smacked him again.
Please stop that, Rose. He can't afford to lose any brain cells.
"Hey!" he yelled.
"Don't listen to him, or those girls for that matter," Alice smiled.
I nodded and went to head off to class.
When I got to class, everyone's eyes were on me. Class: She's not expelled?! I sighed and took a seat at the back.
"Did you hear?" a girl whispered. "When Bella wasn't at school it was because she was screwing guys all day."
Why would anybody believe what Lauren and Tanya says? Nobody likes Lauren and Tanya, remember? They are The Least Popular Girls in School.
Lauren & Tanya: Um, no. We're not!
Not you two! The Twilight characters!
Lauren: OK? So when is our story getting worked on?
*Whistles innocently*
"Yeah, yeah!" another boy whispered.
"You think it's true?" asked another girl.
"Yeah, she lives with the Cullen and Hales girl. Who knows what she does with their brothers!" the first girl said.
"You think-" I cut the second girl off.
"You know I can hear you right?" I asked them loud enough for the whole class to hear.
Err, yeah. Why would they have that conversation in front of her? Is that another "American thing" that actually happens outside of early 2000s teen comedies? Isn't the teacher present in the classroom more or less all day long?
"Um..." the first girl said.
"Well, would you like to go out sometime?" asked the boy.
We have a genius here.
"No," I said bluntly.
"Maybe it's cuz you don't know me. I'm Tyler Crowley-," I cut him off.
Van Guy! Everyone's favourite driver!
"I don't care who you are, I am NOT going out with you," I said.
"Then go out with me! I'm Eric Yorkie-," I cut him off too.
Great. All the guys from canon have become amoebas who think with their...
"I said," I took a big breath. "I DON"T CARE,"
Everyone looked at me stunned. I sighed. This will be a looooong day.
When Lauren and Tanya came in, I glared at their smug smiles.
Hang on. Why are they still smug? Didn't Alice and Rose do something that ruined their lives? When did they ditch Jessica, BTW? We haven't seen her in a while.
Jessica: Oh, I've been busy. I moved up to Dad and them on the farm, and we're trying to get the old orchards replanted.
*Sigh* Yes, I also have a Jessica in my story. She's Lauren's friend. Why did Twilight have to happen, so everyone will think I stole the names from there?!
In every class the Cullens and Hales and the Tribe sat next to me while we glared at the bitches. Why do people even try to mess with her, when she's so very obviously more popular than they will ever be? Even Edward did it. I guess of course that would happen when the girls were trying to kill your family and best friends.
It also begs the question why they're letting the Bitches get away with a murder attempt. Izzy should have notified Milly the moment Aro phoned and told her he'd kill Alice. Death threats are illegal. I'm sure a school as wealthy and well-run as PP would have hired armed guards in such a situation. Actually, I'm wondering why they don't have guards already. There seems to be a lot of criminal activity going on.
This happened until lunch.
I sat with Jacob and the rest.
"So, what's up?" asked Jacob.
"The sky. Duh," I said it like it was obvious.
Edward: Also, my manhood, because I find myself in the ensnaring presence of The Queen of the Elves who is Dancing with the Unicorns!
He rolled his eyes. "I meant is anything new?"
"Yeah, rumors, rumors and more rumors." I said.
"That is not new," Paul scoffed.
"It is to me," I pouted.
No, you told us a couple of chapters ago that Tanya told everyone you were a hooker.
"Well, she wasn't in school most of the time," Sam defended me.
"Are you defending her?" Embry gasped.
"No way!" Quil exclaimed.
Do Embry and Quil have a problem with Izzy's behaviour? Because that would be very strange, considering she's got Black Hole gravity, and they're not bad guys.
"It's only natural." Sam went back to eating his burger.
"So why are you wearing Cullen's clothes?" Jacob smiled.
"Have you seen my wardrobe? At all? Because I'm scared of what the creepy fucker will do if I don't oblige to his crazy wishes. Would you want to upset him?" I asked.
"Right...," Jacob grinned.
I was nibbling on sushi when Tanya said a little too loudly, "Hey look! It's Bella with her boys,"
Shut up, Tanya. Nobody likes you!
Her cronies starting giggling and Tanya sent me a smug smile.
"Are you talking about yourself?" I said.
No, she said "Bella."
"What the f*** are you talking about?" she screeched.
Screeching is never suspicious behavious. At all.
"See! You said...that word...and anyways, no swearing in school!" I said in a stern voice, pointing my finger at her.
They huffed and walked away.
I smiled in success. I ate my sushi and went to class.
I sat next to Edward and we were watching a movie or something. When the lights turned off, I couldn't think about anything but Edward.
Yeah, he's creeping me out too, Izzy. Maybe you should tell the teacher, and have him transfered to another class, so he's not scaring you away from learning.
I looked at him in the corner of my eye. I felt like...like I needed to touch him. There was like...electricity flowing through us.
I crossed my hands on the table and balled them into fists.
He was in the same position as I was. He looked at me from the corner of his eye and smirked.
I blushed and put my hands down to my sides. I tried to focus on the movie, but I couldn't.
Just when I almost got my mind off of him, his hand bumped into mine. I went rigid and he intertwined our fingers. I looked at him from the corner of my eye and he was smiling a crooked smile.
I blushed and looked down at our hands. He squeezed mine gently. I tried to focus on the movie, but it wasn't working.
At least it's not Raelynn writing this fic. She had them slipping under the desk for innarcourse in the first chapter.
After a while, the movie ended and the lights were turned back on.
"Well, that was interesting," Edward commented and smirked at me. He was still holding my hand.
Yeah, and the answers you'll give to the pop-quiz on it will be interesting too!
"Um...yeah," I said. I didn't really know what it was about. "I need to get to class..."
"We have the same class," Edward raised an eyebrow.
"Right...ummm..." I jerked my hand from his. "Bye!" I rushed out of the room and of course my old clumsy self had to come back and trip me. I closed my eyes and waited for the impact that never came.
Edward: Lovly lady! Thy visage nearly visited the downthrodded tiles of the floor!
Instead, when I opened my eyes, I saw Edward chuckling. One of his arms held all my books and I fell into his other, onto his chest.
How come he's got such great reflexes when he's not a Campire? Huh? HUH???
"Um...thanks," I blushed and looked down.
"No problem," he smiled.
I stood up and he handed me my books.
We walked to gym together and I changed into my shirt and shorts.
So those survived the Bitch Attack? BTW, aren't those the ones that turn transparent?
I came out and we were playing volleyball.
Weird enough, it was the Cullens, Hales, me and some other people who weren't impportant
versus Tanya, her clones and some other people who weren't important either, and one of them was Kurt.
Ariana, we really miss you! Please finish your new fic!
"Alright! Start!" the whistle blew.
Their team and ours hit it back and forth. Tanya and her group always tried to hit me. Once it just narrowly missed me by an inch. Sounds like dodgeball, not volley.
Then Blaine turned into a transformer and flattened Tanya, and everyone started singing this song:
It was awesome.
We served and Tanya spiked it towards me, aiming for my face. I hit it up and spiked it right in her face.
Some funny was that it was like a domino effect. I hit Tanya, she fell back and bumped into Lauren, she fell back and bumped into a boy and it kept on going on. In ten seconds, everyone on the other team were on the ground and the people on my team were laughing.
I've never played a game of volleyball where the teams were lined up behind one another like that, but OK.
"Okay! That's enough of that!" Coach said. "Everyone have a break,"
I smiled at my work. We all sat at the bleachers.
"Bella, that was great!" Alice squealed.
I laughed and high-fived her.
Izzy: Yeah, especially when we flew on the machine gun!
"Hey Alice, I was thinking, can we go shopping tomorrow? I need new stuff for my room," I questioned.
"Ohmigosh! Yes! Yes! Yes! Rose! You have to come too! Yes! We could go to Abercrombie and Fitch. Or maybe American Engle and Holster! You can buy people at Holster! We could get a slave! And we could get a new couch, or a new rug! Yes!" Alice shrieked.
That was pretty much what happened for the next few minutes. Talking about the shopping trip.
We all walked to the dorm after we changed. When we got inside, Alice said, "Okay, we have no school! What do you want to do?"
"Ooooh! How about we cook?" asked Alice.
Alice answered her own question?
"Well-," I was cut off.
"Yeah! We have ingredients! Let's go!" Alice tugged on mine and Alice's hands.
OK, she's just multiplicated.
"Well, I'm watching T.V.," Emmett said and flopped down on the couch with the rest of the guys.
How does that sofa fit eleven guys? How does the small flat itself fit all the people who are constantly in there?
"What do you want to make?" asked Alice.
"I know! We have strawberries! Strawberry cake!" she squealed.
She's still talking to her new clone, I see. Why are nobody asking the question of where that clone comes from? Because clones are definitely the answer to all the mysteries in this story.
"Ally! Which one? Calm down!" Rose said.
"Ok. Ok. Ok. Ok. Ok, ok, ok." Alice chimed.
"Ally!" I whined.
"Sorry! I'm just so hyped for the SHOPPING TRIP!" she screamed.
"It's tomorrow. Today, we are making cake," I said very slowly.
"O-k," Alice sang.
There was silence for a moment.
"Anyone know how to bake a cake?" asked Alice.
Seriously? She's not had basic Home-Ec? What sort of education are they actually getting at PP? Do they really learn anything at all?
Rose hit her palm to her forehead and I sighed.
"I do," me and Rose said together.
"Yay!" Alice squealed.
"Okay, let's get all the ingredients," I exhaled and walked to get them.
After a while of shoving, opening, cleaning and pushing, we finally got everything we needed.
"Ok, so we need to put this in the bowl..." Rose commanded Alice.
After spilling flour, dropping an egg and smearing butter on the floor, Alice eventually got everything in.
Poor little Alice has been demoted from "Second-Sue" to "Renée 2.0" and that's very sad.
"Ok, I'll mix it." I shook my head. Alice's strong point is not cooking.
Alice's strong points are shopping and bouncing. It's usually all she ever does in fanfic.Except in NPFLH, where she sells Jasper to science, but we're not talking about that.
I mixed everything until it was smooth and put it in a cake pan.
While I did this, Rose was making the icing and chopping the strawberries in half. Alice, just sat on the table watching with a giant smile on her face.
Another mental child who it should be illegal to have sex with.
We all waited for the cake to be done and sat on the couch with the boys.
"Is the cake done yet?" asked a very exited Emmett.
This is why I ship Alice and Emmett in stories where they're not bio-siblings.
"No, Emmett," Rose rolled her eyes.
"So what are we buying?" asked a bouncing Alice.
"A bed, table, chair, clothes-," Alice screamed.
"Yay! I get to buy you a WHOLE NEW WARDROBE!" Alice shouted.
Dunno, Izzy. If Alice's paying, maybe you should just go nuts and pick anything you want. A Sue needs to have clothes for all unthinkable situations.
"You don't know what you just yourself into," snickered Jasper.
"What? It isn't that bad, is it?" I cocked my head to the side.
"Oh, no. It's worse!" Edward laughed.
I'm sure he actually said something disturbing, but I can't even.
"Hey!" Alice pouted. "It's not my fault that you don't have any stamina."
"I have stamina! Lot's of it! Just not for shopping," Emmett bellowed.
Hey, janitor? Emmett's volume control is malfunctioning again.
I looked at the time.
"Cake's done," I mumbled and got up, Alice and Rose following me.
I got the fluffy cake out with oven mittens and put it on the cool rack. I let it cool for a bit before I cut it in half.
Rose took the strawberries, put in on one of the cake halves and covered it with cream. In the end, we topped it up with the icing and a circle of strawberries.
Sounds like a traditional Norwegian Birthday cake, actually. Except we use whipped cream for decoration as well, instead of sugar icing. You all feel hungry now!
"Cake's done!" Alice chirped.
"Yes!" Emmett cried and came over.
I slice it into six pieces and gave everyone one piece.
"Mmmhh! Best cake EVER!" Emmett yelled with a mouthful of cake.
"Close your mouth!" Rose smacked him.
Stop hitting the 8-year-old!
"Oww," he rubbed his head. "I lost brain cells!"
LOLOLOL! I told you so!!!
"Don't worry, you'll get them back," Alice chimed.
No, braincells are the only ones that can't replicate. I think it's to stop us from becoming too smart, because humans don't have the scruples to match our intelligence.
"I doubt that," Jasper scoffed.
"Hey!" Emmett whined.
When we finished, it was 7pm.
"What should we do?" I asked.
"Sleep! We have to wake up early!" Alice commanded.
"Yes, ma'am." everyone said.
But if you all go to sleep at 7pm, you'll all wake up at around 3am. Then you'll be really sleepy again by the time the shops open!
The boys were at the door when Alice stopped them.
"Wait!" she called. "Bella needs clothes!"
"On it," Emmett said and he and Jasper grabbed Edward, running.
I guess they needed to stop Edward from bringing more of his dirty undies for Izzy to wear.
"What was that all about? I asked.
"Nothing!" Alice and Rose said simultaneously.
I shrugged it off and sat down on the couch.
Two minutes later, the boys came back.
"Honey, I'm home!" Emmett yelled. He and the other boys were in boxers and shirts.
Pajamas party?
"Emmett, what are you doing here?" asked Rose.
"Oh, I wanted to sleep here for the night." he smiled.
Unlike Hogwarts, PP does not appear to have any sort of mechanism stopping boys from sleeping in girls' dorms.
"Why?" Alice asked.
"What if we don't wake up on time?" asked Jasper.
"Point taken," Alice smiled devilishly.
Alice took the clothes out of Edward's hands and shoved them to me, and pushed me into my room.
Ok...well that was weird... Edward said his only gown was at the dry cleaners, but here was a a frilly, pink thing... with a large blood stain on the front. It didn't even fit me!
I stripped and stepped into the shower.
After drying my hair and putting my clothes on, I stepped out of my room. I was wearing boxer shorts and a large green shirt because the gown was a bit gross.
Everyone was on the couch.
"Bella's done!" Alice chirped.
"Well, we're going to bed!" Rose said.
"Jasper and Emmett are sleeping with us, and you don't have a bed, so you will have to sleep on the couch. She still has a mattress, doesn't she? So, go, go, go!" Alice commanded and pushed us onto the couch.
I stumbled and almost fell, but Edward caught me.
"Um...thanks," I mumbled and got up.
"No problem," he smiled.
I looked back, but everyone was gone.
Aaaaaand she's going to spend the night on a sofa with Edward. How romantic. And also a very good place to leave off. Next time they probably go shopping, and in the chapter after this they go to Alaska. Maybe they'll see Savanna there.
And yes, I agree that this story can't possibly have been meant seriously. All the author's other fics are a lot saner than this, and she did say that she wanted to write a fic of "this type", which I take to mean "Bella is a ridiculous badass, and everyone else are dumb as bricks." (Not Professor Bricks from Scarlett's story, because he's smart.)
Emmett rushed over to the piping hot food.
"Hot! Hot!" he cried as the steaming food went in to his mouth.
You'd think the steam would have tipped him off.
"Wait until it cools down!" Rosalie smacked the back of his head, which made him spit is food back onto the plate.
I think it was the fact that he burned his mouth that caused that, actually.
He shrugged as ate it again.
Emmett: Now this piece is colder.
"Ew! Gross!" Alice shrieked, covering her eyes.
Emmett rolled his eyes.
"Really?" he asked and stood up, showing his chewed up food in his mouth to her face.
Emmett is the picture of maturity.
"Ew! Ew!" she squealed.
"Emmett stop it," Jasper interrupted from behind us.
And Jasper is the well behaved one, as usual. You know, I think I have yet to read a fic where Jasper has any sort of personality outside of being the normal one. That's a bit weird, because in canon he's the unstable and dangerous member of the family.
"Fine," he huffed and sat back down, chewing his food slowly.
"Thanks for the breakfast, sis," Jasper smiled and sat down.
Edward was right behind him.
His eyes widened as he saw me in his clothes. Edward: Lovely lady! Thy boobies are touching the fabric of my sweater! I blushed and playing with the hem of his hoodie.
"Earth to Edward!" Alice waved a hand in front of his face.
He didn't budge.
"Hey!" she shouted into his ear.
Being around Izzy tends to have this effect on him.
He jumped and looked around. Rose and Alice were smiling, and Jasper and Emmett were snickering.
He looked back to me.
"Um...Good morning," I smiled shyly.
"
"Hey! You didn't greet me!" Emmett whined.
I smiled and rolled my eyes.
"Good morning, Emmett, Jasper," I greeted.
"Morning!" Emmett shouted, spraying food everywhere.
Why is Rose dating this mentally challenged guy? His brain must have stopped developing when he was 8. Having sex with him is basically molestation of a child.
Rose smacked him again Which is child abuse. and went to get a tissue to wipe the mess.
Jasper just nodded at me.
When they finished, we went to get to class. I sighed.
"What's wrong?" asked Rose.
"Lauren and Tanya are in my next class," I responded.
But you have levelled up now! You can use Brain Melt on them!
"Ooooh, the attack of the bitches," Emmett mocked.
Rose smacked him again.
Please stop that, Rose. He can't afford to lose any brain cells.
"Hey!" he yelled.
"Don't listen to him, or those girls for that matter," Alice smiled.
I nodded and went to head off to class.
When I got to class, everyone's eyes were on me. Class: She's not expelled?! I sighed and took a seat at the back.
"Did you hear?" a girl whispered. "When Bella wasn't at school it was because she was screwing guys all day."
Why would anybody believe what Lauren and Tanya says? Nobody likes Lauren and Tanya, remember? They are The Least Popular Girls in School.
Lauren & Tanya: Um, no. We're not!
Not you two! The Twilight characters!
Lauren: OK? So when is our story getting worked on?
*Whistles innocently*
"Yeah, yeah!" another boy whispered.
"You think it's true?" asked another girl.
"Yeah, she lives with the Cullen and Hales girl. Who knows what she does with their brothers!" the first girl said.
"You think-" I cut the second girl off.
"You know I can hear you right?" I asked them loud enough for the whole class to hear.
Err, yeah. Why would they have that conversation in front of her? Is that another "American thing" that actually happens outside of early 2000s teen comedies? Isn't the teacher present in the classroom more or less all day long?
"Um..." the first girl said.
"Well, would you like to go out sometime?" asked the boy.
We have a genius here.
"No," I said bluntly.
"Maybe it's cuz you don't know me. I'm Tyler Crowley-," I cut him off.
Van Guy! Everyone's favourite driver!
"I don't care who you are, I am NOT going out with you," I said.
"Then go out with me! I'm Eric Yorkie-," I cut him off too.
Great. All the guys from canon have become amoebas who think with their...
"I said," I took a big breath. "I DON"T CARE,"
Everyone looked at me stunned. I sighed. This will be a looooong day.
When Lauren and Tanya came in, I glared at their smug smiles.
Hang on. Why are they still smug? Didn't Alice and Rose do something that ruined their lives? When did they ditch Jessica, BTW? We haven't seen her in a while.
Jessica: Oh, I've been busy. I moved up to Dad and them on the farm, and we're trying to get the old orchards replanted.
*Sigh* Yes, I also have a Jessica in my story. She's Lauren's friend. Why did Twilight have to happen, so everyone will think I stole the names from there?!
In every class the Cullens and Hales and the Tribe sat next to me while we glared at the bitches. Why do people even try to mess with her, when she's so very obviously more popular than they will ever be? Even Edward did it. I guess of course that would happen when the girls were trying to kill your family and best friends.
It also begs the question why they're letting the Bitches get away with a murder attempt. Izzy should have notified Milly the moment Aro phoned and told her he'd kill Alice. Death threats are illegal. I'm sure a school as wealthy and well-run as PP would have hired armed guards in such a situation. Actually, I'm wondering why they don't have guards already. There seems to be a lot of criminal activity going on.
This happened until lunch.
I sat with Jacob and the rest.
"So, what's up?" asked Jacob.
"The sky. Duh," I said it like it was obvious.
Edward: Also, my manhood, because I find myself in the ensnaring presence of The Queen of the Elves who is Dancing with the Unicorns!
He rolled his eyes. "I meant is anything new?"
"Yeah, rumors, rumors and more rumors." I said.
"That is not new," Paul scoffed.
"It is to me," I pouted.
No, you told us a couple of chapters ago that Tanya told everyone you were a hooker.
"Well, she wasn't in school most of the time," Sam defended me.
"Are you defending her?" Embry gasped.
"No way!" Quil exclaimed.
Do Embry and Quil have a problem with Izzy's behaviour? Because that would be very strange, considering she's got Black Hole gravity, and they're not bad guys.
"It's only natural." Sam went back to eating his burger.
"So why are you wearing Cullen's clothes?" Jacob smiled.
"
"Right...," Jacob grinned.
I was nibbling on sushi when Tanya said a little too loudly, "Hey look! It's Bella with her boys,"
Shut up, Tanya. Nobody likes you!
Her cronies starting giggling and Tanya sent me a smug smile.
"Are you talking about yourself?" I said.
No, she said "Bella."
"What the f*** are you talking about?" she screeched.
Screeching is never suspicious behavious. At all.
"See! You said...that word...and anyways, no swearing in school!" I said in a stern voice, pointing my finger at her.
They huffed and walked away.
I smiled in success. I ate my sushi and went to class.
I sat next to Edward and we were watching a movie or something. When the lights turned off, I couldn't think about anything but Edward.
Yeah, he's creeping me out too, Izzy. Maybe you should tell the teacher, and have him transfered to another class, so he's not scaring you away from learning.
I looked at him in the corner of my eye. I felt like...like I needed to touch him. There was like...electricity flowing through us.
I crossed my hands on the table and balled them into fists.
He was in the same position as I was. He looked at me from the corner of his eye and smirked.
I blushed and put my hands down to my sides. I tried to focus on the movie, but I couldn't.
Just when I almost got my mind off of him, his hand bumped into mine. I went rigid and he intertwined our fingers. I looked at him from the corner of my eye and he was smiling a crooked smile.
I blushed and looked down at our hands. He squeezed mine gently. I tried to focus on the movie, but it wasn't working.
At least it's not Raelynn writing this fic. She had them slipping under the desk for innarcourse in the first chapter.
After a while, the movie ended and the lights were turned back on.
"Well, that was interesting," Edward commented and smirked at me. He was still holding my hand.
Yeah, and the answers you'll give to the pop-quiz on it will be interesting too!
"Um...yeah," I said. I didn't really know what it was about. "I need to get to class..."
"We have the same class," Edward raised an eyebrow.
"Right...ummm..." I jerked my hand from his. "Bye!" I rushed out of the room and of course my old clumsy self had to come back and trip me. I closed my eyes and waited for the impact that never came.
Edward: Lovly lady! Thy visage nearly visited the downthrodded tiles of the floor!
Instead, when I opened my eyes, I saw Edward chuckling. One of his arms held all my books and I fell into his other, onto his chest.
How come he's got such great reflexes when he's not a Campire? Huh? HUH???
"Um...thanks," I blushed and looked down.
"No problem," he smiled.
I stood up and he handed me my books.
We walked to gym together and I changed into my shirt and shorts.
So those survived the Bitch Attack? BTW, aren't those the ones that turn transparent?
I came out and we were playing volleyball.
Weird enough, it was the Cullens, Hales, me and some other people who weren't impportant
versus Tanya, her clones and some other people who weren't important either, and one of them was Kurt.
Ariana, we really miss you! Please finish your new fic!
"Alright! Start!" the whistle blew.
Their team and ours hit it back and forth. Tanya and her group always tried to hit me. Once it just narrowly missed me by an inch. Sounds like dodgeball, not volley.
Then Blaine turned into a transformer and flattened Tanya, and everyone started singing this song:
It was awesome.
We served and Tanya spiked it towards me, aiming for my face. I hit it up and spiked it right in her face.
Some funny was that it was like a domino effect. I hit Tanya, she fell back and bumped into Lauren, she fell back and bumped into a boy and it kept on going on. In ten seconds, everyone on the other team were on the ground and the people on my team were laughing.
I've never played a game of volleyball where the teams were lined up behind one another like that, but OK.
"Okay! That's enough of that!" Coach said. "Everyone have a break,"
I smiled at my work. We all sat at the bleachers.
"Bella, that was great!" Alice squealed.
I laughed and high-fived her.
Izzy: Yeah, especially when we flew on the machine gun!
"Hey Alice, I was thinking, can we go shopping tomorrow? I need new stuff for my room," I questioned.
"Ohmigosh! Yes! Yes! Yes! Rose! You have to come too! Yes! We could go to Abercrombie and Fitch. Or maybe American Engle and Holster! You can buy people at Holster! We could get a slave! And we could get a new couch, or a new rug! Yes!" Alice shrieked.
That was pretty much what happened for the next few minutes. Talking about the shopping trip.
We all walked to the dorm after we changed. When we got inside, Alice said, "Okay, we have no school! What do you want to do?"
"Ooooh! How about we cook?" asked Alice.
Alice answered her own question?
"Well-," I was cut off.
"Yeah! We have ingredients! Let's go!" Alice tugged on mine and Alice's hands.
OK, she's just multiplicated.
"Well, I'm watching T.V.," Emmett said and flopped down on the couch with the rest of the guys.
How does that sofa fit eleven guys? How does the small flat itself fit all the people who are constantly in there?
"What do you want to make?" asked Alice.
"I know! We have strawberries! Strawberry cake!" she squealed.
She's still talking to her new clone, I see. Why are nobody asking the question of where that clone comes from? Because clones are definitely the answer to all the mysteries in this story.
"Ally! Which one? Calm down!" Rose said.
"Ok. Ok. Ok. Ok. Ok, ok, ok." Alice chimed.
"Ally!" I whined.
"Sorry! I'm just so hyped for the SHOPPING TRIP!" she screamed.
"It's tomorrow. Today, we are making cake," I said very slowly.
"O-k," Alice sang.
There was silence for a moment.
"Anyone know how to bake a cake?" asked Alice.
Seriously? She's not had basic Home-Ec? What sort of education are they actually getting at PP? Do they really learn anything at all?
Rose hit her palm to her forehead and I sighed.
"I do," me and Rose said together.
"Yay!" Alice squealed.
"Okay, let's get all the ingredients," I exhaled and walked to get them.
After a while of shoving, opening, cleaning and pushing, we finally got everything we needed.
"Ok, so we need to put this in the bowl..." Rose commanded Alice.
After spilling flour, dropping an egg and smearing butter on the floor, Alice eventually got everything in.
Poor little Alice has been demoted from "Second-Sue" to "Renée 2.0" and that's very sad.
"Ok, I'll mix it." I shook my head. Alice's strong point is not cooking.
Alice's strong points are shopping and bouncing. It's usually all she ever does in fanfic.
I mixed everything until it was smooth and put it in a cake pan.
While I did this, Rose was making the icing and chopping the strawberries in half. Alice, just sat on the table watching with a giant smile on her face.
Another mental child who it should be illegal to have sex with.
We all waited for the cake to be done and sat on the couch with the boys.
"Is the cake done yet?" asked a very exited Emmett.
This is why I ship Alice and Emmett in stories where they're not bio-siblings.
"No, Emmett," Rose rolled her eyes.
"So what are we buying?" asked a bouncing Alice.
"A bed, table, chair, clothes-," Alice screamed.
"Yay! I get to buy you a WHOLE NEW WARDROBE!" Alice shouted.
Dunno, Izzy. If Alice's paying, maybe you should just go nuts and pick anything you want. A Sue needs to have clothes for all unthinkable situations.
"You don't know what you just yourself into," snickered Jasper.
"What? It isn't that bad, is it?" I cocked my head to the side.
"Oh, no. It's worse!" Edward laughed.
I'm sure he actually said something disturbing, but I can't even.
"Hey!" Alice pouted. "It's not my fault that you don't have any stamina."
"I have stamina! Lot's of it! Just not for shopping," Emmett bellowed.
Hey, janitor? Emmett's volume control is malfunctioning again.
I looked at the time.
"Cake's done," I mumbled and got up, Alice and Rose following me.
I got the fluffy cake out with oven mittens and put it on the cool rack. I let it cool for a bit before I cut it in half.
Rose took the strawberries, put in on one of the cake halves and covered it with cream. In the end, we topped it up with the icing and a circle of strawberries.
Sounds like a traditional Norwegian Birthday cake, actually. Except we use whipped cream for decoration as well, instead of sugar icing. You all feel hungry now!
"Cake's done!" Alice chirped.
"Yes!" Emmett cried and came over.
I slice it into six pieces and gave everyone one piece.
"Mmmhh! Best cake EVER!" Emmett yelled with a mouthful of cake.
"Close your mouth!" Rose smacked him.
Stop hitting the 8-year-old!
"Oww," he rubbed his head. "I lost brain cells!"
LOLOLOL! I told you so!!!
"Don't worry, you'll get them back," Alice chimed.
No, braincells are the only ones that can't replicate. I think it's to stop us from becoming too smart, because humans don't have the scruples to match our intelligence.
"I doubt that," Jasper scoffed.
"Hey!" Emmett whined.
When we finished, it was 7pm.
"What should we do?" I asked.
"Sleep! We have to wake up early!" Alice commanded.
"Yes, ma'am." everyone said.
But if you all go to sleep at 7pm, you'll all wake up at around 3am. Then you'll be really sleepy again by the time the shops open!
The boys were at the door when Alice stopped them.
"Wait!" she called. "Bella needs clothes!"
"On it," Emmett said and he and Jasper grabbed Edward, running.
I guess they needed to stop Edward from bringing more of his dirty undies for Izzy to wear.
"What was that all about? I asked.
"Nothing!" Alice and Rose said simultaneously.
I shrugged it off and sat down on the couch.
Two minutes later, the boys came back.
"Honey, I'm home!" Emmett yelled. He and the other boys were in boxers and shirts.
Pajamas party?
"Emmett, what are you doing here?" asked Rose.
"Oh, I wanted to sleep here for the night." he smiled.
Unlike Hogwarts, PP does not appear to have any sort of mechanism stopping boys from sleeping in girls' dorms.
"Why?" Alice asked.
"What if we don't wake up on time?" asked Jasper.
"Point taken," Alice smiled devilishly.
Alice took the clothes out of Edward's hands and shoved them to me, and pushed me into my room.
Ok...well that was weird... Edward said his only gown was at the dry cleaners, but here was a a frilly, pink thing... with a large blood stain on the front. It didn't even fit me!
I stripped and stepped into the shower.
After drying my hair and putting my clothes on, I stepped out of my room. I was wearing boxer shorts and a large green shirt because the gown was a bit gross.
Everyone was on the couch.
"Bella's done!" Alice chirped.
"Well, we're going to bed!" Rose said.
"Jasper and Emmett are sleeping with us, and you don't have a bed, so you will have to sleep on the couch. She still has a mattress, doesn't she? So, go, go, go!" Alice commanded and pushed us onto the couch.
I stumbled and almost fell, but Edward caught me.
"Um...thanks," I mumbled and got up.
"No problem," he smiled.
I looked back, but everyone was gone.
Aaaaaand she's going to spend the night on a sofa with Edward. How romantic. And also a very good place to leave off. Next time they probably go shopping, and in the chapter after this they go to Alaska. Maybe they'll see Savanna there.