Unfairy Tales story please critique

[reynard]

Okay, so as I mentioned in the research thread, I've gotten this impulse to try to write a better story to a game I found on Kongregate called Unfairy Tales: Of Slumber and Dreams. I recently did a written review/walkthrough/rant on it on my Dreamwidth account, and in the process, had to play the game over again. reynard531.dreamwidth.org/tag/unfairy+tales. Beware, it's 36 parts.

Anyway, the entire process became a massive undertaking, what with fixing the setting, characters, plot elements that didn't work, and trying to work in the fine details.

For those that don't want to read through the whole walkthrough, I'll try to summarize the game's plot as best I can. I'll put it in spoiler tags so I can compress this post.

SPOILER: Click to show

Unfairy Tales is about a kid named Alan who was trick or treating with his friends. They happen upon the old house of the mysterious Dr. Mansion, knock on the door, and get sucked into the Land of Dreams, a place seemingly, by my estimation, made from the dreams of children. This world has been mostly conquered by the evil Geppetto, with his army of Pinocchio Clones and Lead Soldiers. You have to rescue your friends who are separated between the dungeons of the three castles of the kingdoms Geppetto has under control. You start in Halloween Kingdom, and the kingdom on the other side of continent is the Sleeping Kingdom.

The Sleeping Kingdom is ruled by allies of Geppetto, the Four Princesses, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Snow White, and Rapunzel. You have to gather ingredients to make a potion to break the shield on their castle and then defeat them. Along the way you can fight Vincent, leader of the Beasts. The princesses are evil, really evil. Your friends are the king of Halloween Kingdom, Jack O' Lantern, a man with a Jack O' Lantern for a head, a good guy, red-haired, shirtless Captain Hook, Alessa, the daughter of the Witch Superior of the Wicked Witch Guild (most powerful sorcerers in the world), the Pea Princess who is packing heat, and the Big Bad Wolf.

Whew. Anyway, here's where I just wanted to discuss the various ideas I had for my story, since the amount of data and things to consider in something like this is crazy for one person alone to do without talking to somebody.

Okay, first thing I wanted to talk about was the villains. It never really sat well with me that classic fairy tale characters like Geppetto and the four princesses were pure evil. And I do mean pure evil. Cinderella is described by one of her subjects as being “full of envy, wanting everything for herself, and the person who locked all the step-mothers in the dungeon.”

Rapunzel is the fearless general in battle. That’s not really a negative, but worth noting here. And although the princess is not named, I think Sleeping Beauty is the one that burned (almost) all of the Wicked Witches at the stake. The Wicked Witches used to have a guild in every town, but as of the present time of the game they only exist in the town of Darkville in the Halloween Kingdom. And Geppetto used to have a relationship with Sleeping Beauty, though now his heart is supposed to belong to Snow White. And the only tree that grows delicious red apples is a tree (a living tree no less) that loves Snow White, and only grows them for her. She won’t share the apples with anybody.

Now when it comes to characters like Captain Hook and the Big Bad Wolf being good guys, you could work in some form of turning point in their characters. But I never really liked how these other characters were turned into bad guys.

Some of the game descriptions say this thing brings fairy tales to life, and that’s wrong. Sure, this Cindy may seem to have a thing with step-mothers, but does that make her the Cindy from the story? Does that mean she had the same life experience and character? The character of Cinderella is never one that you could call envious, not under the circumstances of her tale, not now, not ever. And Sleeping Beauty would not be so cruel as to burn every witch at the stake, or any of them for that matter. And what about Geppetto?

And the Princesses really are pricks. Their personal guard used to consist of Beasts. Not just the Beast, but adult and young beasts. The leader of this group was Vincent the Terrible. Then the Princes came along, led by Prince Charming, and they drove the Beasts away and took over the job of royal guard. That seems rather cruel of the princesses, doesn’t it?

And then when you fight Vincent, he says that he heard you killed many of his “sons”. He’s referring to the Beasts you end up fighting to get to him. But…sons?! How can Vincent have sons? This could mean several things:

One: He’s been a beast all his life and there are female beasts that are unseen

Two: He hasn’t been a beast all his life but he’s somehow like a plant in that he’s self-reproducing

Three: He’s hasn’t always been a beast and he’s violated someone, several times, to bear children. After all, he can’t have a wife. Because if he had a wife, you would think she would love him if she bore his children already, and if he was loved, his spell would be broken and he wouldn’t be a beast.

See the problem here? It seemed to me more like these characters only had names in common with the fairy tale characters. But enough of my ranting, this is long enough. I just never felt comfortable with these characters being twisted like this. So this is how I proposed to fix it in the best way.

Game-Geppetto is an imposter. He’s really Stromboli, the puppet master from the story (who Faerie Tale Theatre combined with the guy that turned boys into donkeys to create a gypsy). Stromboli was always envious of Geppetto, especially after he had a living puppet. So when the Blue Fairy visited, Stromboli rushed in, grabbed her wand, and used it to imprison the real Geppetto, Pinocchio, the Blue Fairy, and Jiminy Cricket.

Then he impersonated Geppetto and in his attempts to recreate Pinocchio, he created the evil Pinocchio Clone army, and started to take over the world (of course! XD). He originated in the Sleeping Kingdom. He knew he would face opposition from the forces of the Four Princesses and their princes.

So he used the Blue Fairy’s wand to summon up magical books, looking for anything he could use. And then he found out a reference to a hidden treasure of great and terrible magical power. This treasure was the Dark Mirror from the tale of The Snow Queen. If you recall, in the tale the shards of that evil mirror pierced the hearts of people and made them see the worst in everyone, made them cold and cruel.

Fake-Geppetto used these shards on the princesses, twisting them into cruel monarchs. Knowing that the Princes would be able to tell something was wrong, he had them abducted and changed them into donkeys, forcing them into manual labor in the same deep prison he placed his other captives. He also captured other close individuals that could give him away, like the original seven dwarves, Cinderella’s fairy godmother, and so on.

From then on the twisted quartet made an alliance with fake-Geppetto, combining forces. The Princesses also managed to trick the young and gullible Pea Princess (who I named Liza in honor of the actress who portrayed her on Faerie Tale Theatre, Liza Minnelli) into exile, waiting for her prince).

As for Vincent, the other beasts are not his sons, but his servants. His servants, maybe his entire kingdom, were turned into beasts along with him.

And to ensure every fairy tale could have happened basically on its own, I have it so that in the beginning, what is now the Sleeping Kingdom was once a whole bunch of smaller kingdoms, each one with fairy tale characters in it. And kingdoms united under a peace treaty, led by the Four Princesses (who became close friends) and their princes.

The idea for being corrupted to evil came to me when a dwarf NPC said that the “dwarves used to be loyal servants of Snow White before she went nuts.” That implies there was a time when she was sane, and perhaps not so awful.

What do you guys think so far?

[Penny Royals]

As a fairytale fan, I share your frustration. For the most part, I think your ideas are good- my one question is, couldn't Vincent have been calling them his sons just to say that? Like... You're familiar with the trope 'A father to his men', right?

I'd love to hear more about the princesses before they became corrupted, how they were corrupted, and of course- will you be adding other fairytales?

[reynard]

I admit that's an interpretation I never thought of, but personally I wouldn't use that bit of dialogue at all since it is a bit confusing. The makers of the game had lots of language/terminology consistency problems, so they may have meant it literally. In any case, you'll agree that the literal interpretation doesn't say good things about the character.

And like I said, I have to rewrite the fairy tales both to suit my own tastes (combing elements I like from Disney and Faerie Tale Theatre mostly, have you seen Faerie Tale Theatre? You should) with some of my own stuff, and altering some stuff to fit the setting.

The full list of fairy tales referenced in the game are Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Rapunzel (they spell her name as Rapuntzel for some reason which I don't understand), Peter Pan, Hansel & Gretel (who have a cookie named after them, even if the actual item is named a muffin...grumble), Beauty & the Beast, The Cobbler and the elves (sort of), the Three Little Pigs and Red Riding Hood, The Princess and the Pea, and Pinocchio.

I was thinking of technically adding other tales, mostly from the Faerie Tale Theatre list.

One of the other ideas I had was actually expanding the world map, something the game maker's never did, though they might have if they ever made a sequel.

The map featured in the game material is what I now call the western continent of The Land of Dreams. On this continent is the Halloween Kingdom, home to Halloween type things, and the Sleeping Kingdom, the place where most fairy tales happened, and the original home of the first rulers, and the great Sand Man, who formed the world (not DC's Sandman).

The eastern continent is the home of the Mythological kingdom, the primary home of all mythological and fantasy creatures like dragons, dwarves, fairies, mermaids, etc.

The northern continent is a mostly polar place, and is home to the Christmas Kingdom. That place is ruled by none other than King Santa Claus. It is also home to other Christmas icons, such as Frosty the Snowman, The Nutcracker Prince, and the evil Krampus. Krampus has formed an alliance with Geppetto to try to take over this kingdom. Geppetto can't do it because his forces can't deal very well with the cold there. After all, only his smallest, weakest, and lightest troops could even make it over the mountains of his homeland.

Krampus has not yet succeeded in winning though.

The southern continent is mostly a desert, and is home to the Desert Kingdom. This place is where you will find the stories of 1001 Arabian Nights. The place is ruled by Queen Scheherazade. Or she did anyway, for Geppetto has conquered both the Desert Kingdom and the Mythological Kingdom.

And as a bonus, I'll put up the first scene of chapter one. I wrote it before I really got bogged down in the background stuff.

Chapter 1: Trick or Treat

"Come on Peter, stop lagging behind!"

"Maybe you should just slow down Alan!"

Alan laughed as he led his friends in trick or treating. The streets were rather empty, this was one of the lonelier parts of town. But it was safe. Alan marched along in his skeleton costume, the mask discarded after the elastic band got too uncomfortable, and it was too hard to talk in. Next to him was Cecil. She was opinionated, but sweet, dressed in a black cat costume, her shoulder length black hair nearly blending into it, if it weren't for the blue hair tie she kept it in. The costume fit her rather well with her green eyes.

And behind them were Juseppes, a young brunette dressed in a magician's outfit, which was appropriate since he loved reading about stage magic, ever since he was in elementary school. And at the very end of the line was Peter, a boy a bit taller than Alan and also quite heavier, with sandy-blonde hair and who had dressed himself in a green short sleeve shirt and a fake beard, saying it was "him in 20 years" or something like that.

"Alan, you really should slow down, even my feet are starting to get a bit tired," said Cecil, who was trying to keep up with the spiky-haired blond as best she could.

Turning to see Cecil's tired face, Alan relented, and slowed his pace enough for everybody to catch up. "Sorry," he said.

"It's okay, Alan, we know how big your sweet tooth is," joked Juseppes, punching him lightly on the arm. "Just save some for us."

"I don't understand how you still have teeth with all the candy you eat on Halloween," said Peter, who was still catching his breath from trying to keep up.

"Lots of brushing," replied Alan.

"I'm sure Dr. Pierce will be disappointed when you show up without any cavities," said Cecil as she readjusted her cat ears.

The four continued on, stopping at every house, with Alan trying his hardest to hold himself back as they moved from place to place. They could all see the excitement on Alan's face, the holiday, and the candy, always brought that out. And the fact that Alan was one of the fastest kids in school only served to make him difficult to trick or treat with, or at least keep up with. When his mother used to escort them around, he used to drive her crazy. Finally they reached the end of the block, gazing at the facade of a large mansion.

"Whose house is that?" asked Juseppes.

"I think it belongs to Dr. Azure," said Cecil.

Peter had a flash of recognition. "She's that lady doctor that works in the kid's wing of the hospital, right?"

Cecil nodded, "Yeah, she took care of my little brother when he broke his arm. She's real nice. You remember her, right Alan?" Cecil's question was accompanied by an impish smile.

Alan tried not to blush at the question. Of course Alan remembered her. She came to town about five years ago, and had seen Alan lots of times to treat sprained ankles, broken bones, and the like. And Alan developed a rather powerful crush on her when he was ten. Not that it was hard to be infatuated with her mind you. Amelia Azure was in her early thirties, about five foot four inches tall, but with a petite figure that made her seem so fragile at times. Her skin was a light colored, but not horribly pale, pretty pink lips that she never bothered putting lipstick on like his mother, deep blue eyes that caught his attention right away, and soft, wavy blonde hair that stopped at the base of her neck.

She might have even known about his crush, but if she did she never said anything. She was always so gentle with everybody. She had also stopped by his house to talk to his mother. He remembered her telling his mom that she bought an old house just outside of town dirt cheap, since the seller was just about to have the place scrapped. But he'd never actually known where it was. Come to think of it, he hadn't seen her in quite some time.

"I remember her. I haven't seen her for a while though."

"My Dad mentioned her after he took my little sister in," said Peter. "He heard she was taking time off to visit family or something."

Alan didn't know she had any family. It was sad that she wasn't around though. It explained by the lights were off in the house and all the windows were shut. He almost started to head back, when he spotted something out of the corner of his eye. There was a flash of light in the front windows.

"Did you guys see that?"

"See what?" asked Juseppes.

"I didn't see anything," replied Peter.

"Me either," said Cecil.

"There was a light in the windows there, I saw it."

Juseppes gave hum a sceptical look. "You probably imagined it Alan, she's not there."

But just then, Alan saw another flash from behind the shutters of the windows. "There! See it now!"

His friends nodded in agreement this time. Peter spoke first. "Do you think someone broke in?"

"I don't know, but I'm going to check it out,"

Cecil put her hand on his shoulder to stop him. "Alan, if someone broke in we should call the police." Peter and Juseppes nodded in agreement.

Alan shrugged her off. "I just want to check it out first. Maybe she hasn't left yet. She could need help."

He was already moving past fence and down the path to the door. Most people put flamingos or gnomes for yard decorations, or maybe religious things. Dr. Azure's yard was filled with small statues of fairies. His friends were trailing behind him, even as he reached the door.

"This is ridiculous Alan," said Peter. "We really should call the cops or something, or get one of the adults from the houses nearby."

Alan wouldn't listen. He had to know if Dr. Azure was okay. She was a friend, and she'd appreciate him looking out for her home, whether she was here or not. But the pounding in his chest made him think that maybe, just maybe, he'd never really gotten over his infatuation with her.

There was another flash from behind the shutters, far brighter than the others. What was going on? Alan pressed his ear to the door, hoping to hear something, when the door started to give way. It wasn't locked. But as the door continued to creek open, Alan felt a rush of air, like a vacuum. And then the door swung hard the rest of the way open, hitting the inside wall of the house with a crash. The vacuum force was magnified by fifty.

That was the last thing Alan saw before the world faded away.

And that's it for chapter 1 scene 1. What do you think?

[Penny Royals]

Seems interesting so far. Were the kids given these names in the game, by the way?

I haven't gotten a chance to see Fairytale Theater. DX Have you seen the Storyteller series? I feel like you'd have a blast with it, even though most of the fairytales it uses aren't exactly the most well known.

In a way, even just in the mythological kingdom, there seems like so much to explore! Has most of the kingdom turned bad now that the imposter is taking over, and there's just like, one little rebellion, or is most of the kingdom still good, and so it's more like a full-on war? From someone who hasn't played the game, mind you xD

[reynard]

The mythological kingdom is purely my idea as someone who saw a story that needed serious overhaul. The game itself isn't entirely good, as my rants would prove. Seriously, that game is hard, and it's still hard even if you know what your doing like I did because I took lots of notes, enough that you would think I made the thing.

In my rewritten version, I haven't done much with the Mythological Kingdom. Geppetto has taken it over fully, but I know I will have rebels there, particularly the Good Fairy Guild, which includes Tinker Bell. Geppetto, as far as I have planned, only used the dark mirror to twist the four princesses because he liked the thought of having them, and they had an entire army he could use to bolster his forces (which he did).

And as for the names, only one of Alan's friends is named in the actual game. That would be Juseppes. He's the one locked in the dungeon of the Sleeping Castle. In the very brief cutscene, it showed Alan with that kid and another, a boy in a short sleeve green shirt and a beard. He was unnamed, so I named him Peter.

Cecil is my creation. In the dialogue at the beginning, Jack tells Alan that Geppetto found his friends first and that he, and I quote exactly "locked them inside the three castles of the kingdoms subdued to his power."

It's weird, because if you read that sentence, that implies that Alan had three friends. And yet I only ever saw two. And I changed Dr. Mansion to Dr. Azure because the whole "Dr. Mansion" thing in the opening just didn't work right.

One of my other ideas, as you can see, was making Alan a runner. The game worked with action bars that had to fill based on character speed, and Alan was one of the fastest.

You never saw Shelly Duvall's Faerie Tale Theatre?! Shame on you! XD It was a really great show from the 80s. Shelly Duvall is an actress who has always had a great love of fairy tales. When she was off shooting a Popeye movie with Robin Williams (she was Olive, he was Popeye apparently), she brought along this huge fairy tale book.

Then she had a conversation about how it would be great if Robin Williams could play the Frog Prince, and from there, the idea started of doing just that. They took the idea to the then new Showtime, and said they could make little movies on a shoe string budget with A and B list actors in title roles, and they did, because Shelly had lots of friends. And when she ran out of friends, agents called her.

Her love of fairy tales really shows in the work. I just got the DVD collection for Christmas, complete with a little story book. And let me list some of the big names in this show: Robin Williams, Terry Garr, Christopher Reeves, Burgess Meridith, Matthew Broderick, Jennifer Beals, Helen Mirrin, Billy Crystal, Vanessa Redgrave, Vincent Price, Christopher Lee, Jean Stapleton, Valerie Bertinelli, James Earl Jones (Mufassa and Darth Vader), Leonard Nemoy, Peter Weller (Robocop), Ian Abercrombie, Paul Rubens, Mic Jagger, Malcom McDowell, and Liza Minelli (daughter of Judy Garland).

And the episode of Aladdin was directed by Tim Burton. And another episode was directed by Francis Ford Coppola. You can see the show on Youtube. Someone called FaTaTh put up all the shows, and others have posted them too.

Is this Storyteller's series a show or a book?

[Penny Royals]

I've known about Fairytale Theater for a while, just never got around to watching it. I actually found out about it while I was looking up two of Shelley Duvall's OTHER works: Mother Goose's Rock n Rhymeland (that's the name it says on my VHS but it has a name that's different but close to it- Shelley plays Little Bo Peep, in fact) and Shelley Duvall's Bedtime Stories, which nobody seems to know xD

Storyteller is a show. Also found on YT. It's made by the Jim Henson company

Yeah, Dr. Mansion, as a name, sounds like it would be a typo (which I thought it was xD). Giving him the name Peter makes me giggle because it seems kinda ironic, fitting in with the fairytales. What age do you envision these characters as, by the way? At first I thought they were very literal children, maybe eight years old, but you mentioned a bit that they were older, so I'm guessing 12-15.

[reynard]

Jim Henson huh? I'll have to check it out.

Yeah. This was actually the game's intro text.

A long time ago, one Halloween night, a boy named Alan and his friends were trick or treating along the streets of their quiet town.

Already loaded with candies, the children reached the house of Dr. Mansion, a strange and mysterious man living on the outskirts of the town. The windows of his house were always shut and no one had seen him for a long time. After some hesitation, Alan quelled his fear and rang the bell…

Then something unbelievable happened!

The door burst open and Alan was sucked in by an unknown force. He fell for a long time, surrounded by thousands of colored lights. All of the sudden, he hit the ground and found himself in a room with throwing a feeble light over the stone walls. Standing in front of him was a man with a harsh look on his face, a soldier, dressed in a violet tunic, a long spear at his side.

And so began the greatest story ever told…

I don't get what's so funny about Peter.

And as for ages, Alan is about 13, and so are his friends. At least that's what I put down. They never really said in the game but I figured that was a good age for kids that were still trick or treating.

And since you asked about the the backstories of the princesses earlier, I just want to say that I'm working on the one for Cinderella. I just got the DVD copy of the Disney film, so I was going to watch that to see if I could get any more ideas. But I'll type it up here hopefully later today.

[Penny Royals]

One of the protagonists is Captain Hook, after all, from what you said. Plus he's blonde, wearing a green shirt... xD

Those ages seem to fit well enough.

Oooh! Though perhaps tossing in a bit of Grimm might be good... maybe her corruption began around the time of the ball, possibly with the Fairy Godmother? Just a suggestion, as in Grimm's stories, the stepsisters had their eyes pecked out by birds and all that.

Plus in Into the Woods, she can talk to birds, so it was just a logical step to me. /shot

[reynard]

Oh, I see. Well just so you know, Peter Pan is a separate character in this thing. And for the moment he is presumed dead (is not dead).

As for the whole "when they turned evil" thing, like I said, I wanted each fairy tale to play out more or less as they are supposed to play out. So Cinderella had her story and her happy ending. It was after she married her prince that she went with him to diplomatic meetings and met the other princesses, and in time, the four ruling couples decided to try to unite all the little kingdoms on their side of the continent, both their kingdoms and others, into one kingdom.

It was some time after that when Stromboli showed up and struck the four princesses with shards of the dark mirror, which made them cruel and cold and horribly OOC.

Personally I don't really like the violence in the Grimm versions. Sometimes it just doesn't seem right to me, and sometimes those tales don't make total sense. Anyway, even though I've only watched a bit of the Disney movie, I think I'm secure enough in how I want the story of Cinderella to go. So here's what I have in mind.

Cinderella, like I said, happened roughly as is standard. She was born as Ella, the daughter of a nobleman and his wife, Matthew and Jennifer Perrault. Their names are derived from Matthew Broderick and Jennifer Beals, the two to play the prince and Cinderella in the FTT episode. The last name, as you may know, is a reference to Charles Perrault, the man who wrote down Cinderella. As a side note, in my version Cindy also had an uncle Charlie that died in an accident.

Her nickname of Cinderella came from her father, who gave it to her out of affection. She used to sit near the cinders, even at a young age, because she was utterly fascinated by the glow and dance of flames.

Her mother died when she was young, and her father remarried a woman with two daughters, partly because he felt his daughter needed a mother. Things went well enough. But then the family got a letter saying Matthew Perrault was dead.

After the funeral, the step-mother said she wanted to reorganize the housework. Essentially she hefted it all on Cinderella. Now Cinderella was a kind girl, a forgiving and understanding girl. Before this she had liked helping around the house. She wasn't happy, but she went along with it at the start.

But her step family became increasingly cruel. They treated her like slave labor in her own home. They kicked her out of her bedroom and she was forced to sleep on the kitchen floor. Her sisters also took all her clothes. And Cinderella soon realized just how powerless she was in this situation.

Think about it. Could she get legal help? No. Could she tell them off? Yes, she could, but her family was already bad enough without being provoked, so that wouldn't help at all. Could she leave home? Yes, but where would she go? Her step mother had all the money and she owned Cindy's home.

And it would just be another indignity to give up the last bit of control of her own home. And besides, if she found a maid job elsewhere, there could be a man in that house that could take advantage of her, so at least she was safe from that at home.

So she just got used to it. She was still angry and frustrated, yes, but she couldn't change her circumstances. So she held onto hope that one day things would get better. This is where I really draw from the Disney movie for her character.

Doug Walker went over that movie last December in his special series Disneycember. He pointed out some very strong messages and traits in Cinderella. She was patient. She taught patience with difficult people. If you listen to her dialogue at the beginning, she says the one thing no one can order to do is stop dreaming (hoping). She's sarcastic with the cat Lucifer because she can afford to be. "I'm sorry if your Majesty doesn't approve an early breakfast. It certainly wasn't my idea to feed you first. *sigh* It's orders."

That's the kind of person I make this Cindy to be. She's also someone who, while angry, doesn't let it turn into hatred or bitterness. My Cindy was taught by her parents that hating only hurts you. She just keeps hoping.

Then comes the announcement of the ball. Cinderella wants to go, but her family says no. As far as her reason for wanting to go, some people like to say that Cinderella went to find a prince. And maybe that though crossed this Cinderella's mind, if ever briefly.

But in this story, her primary motivation was just to get out. She hadn't been out for fun in so long. Her step mother made her errands outside the house brief, keeping her on a short leash. She just wanted to get out and have fun, wear something nice, eat some nice food she didn't have to cook, go dancing, talk to people, feel like a human being and a noble's daughter one more time. Wouldn't you in her situation?

Drawing from the Disney movie, this Cindy tries to make her own dress from her sister's unwanted scraps. But her family rips it to shreds before they leave. Really, in my mind this is one of the most proactive steps someone in her situation could take.

After that, this Cindy was broken. She broke down and cried in utter despair. She'd been taking this kind of abuse for a year. Another one of the things her sisters did, taking directly from FTT, is tell one of her old friends she was dead. A boy named Edgar from school came by to see Cindy, bearing flowers. Her sisters answered and told him she was dead. Then when Cindy asked who it was, they said it was Edgar, her Edgar. He stopped by to ask out one of them they told her, and to say he hated her.

As Cinderella was crying, there was a knock at the door. Cindy pulled herself together to answer the door, only to find a strange woman in a blue cloak with short, curly silver hair that went every which way. The woman introduced herself as Mary Alice, and barged into the house before Cinderella could say a thing.

The lady was talking a mile a minute with a thick southern accent, asking for the Perraults. And before Cinderella finally managed to tell her the Perraults were dead, the lady made a crack at how badly Cinderella smelled and asked if she knew how to use soap since her face was covered in soot and dirt.

But after Cinderella told her, the lady stopped, and slowed down, especially after she realized that this was little Ella. Cinderella told her what had happened, as Mary asked several times why she didn't do anything, go to the authorities, anything. But Cinderella just took each question and spelled out just how powerless she was here.

At the end of the story, Mary is livid. She's screaming that she'll kill Tremaine and the step sisters. No jury would convict her. But Cinderella stops her. She says that anger and violence, especially murder, won't solve anything, and cycles of violence have to stop before they start.

This is way too long, so I'll have to double post, sorry.

[reynard]

At this point, Mary is horribly guilty. Most versions have the fairy godmother come off more like a guardian angel of sorts, more fairy than godmother. And many people ask why she didn't show up earlier. Now some versions say they are selective in where they help, and the FTT one says that she can't solve every problem, because solving your problems yourself is part of growing up. And that's fine with me, it really is. Magical agents have limits.

But I just focus on the "godmother" part that never seems to get attention. Do you know what a godmother is, technically? By definition, a godparent is someone selected to officially be a child's legal guardian in case the parents die. You only give that honor to close friends, basically because in doing so you are literally trusting them with raising your child and keeping them safe.

So if the Mary knew Cinderella's parents well enough, where was she? You would think a close friend would be a little more involved in people's lives, and yet Cinderella usually hasn't met her fairy godmother before the traditional story, and that counts for my story too.

And fairies live in regular houses like everybody else in this place. They don't live in separate dimensions or something. Magic is basically built into this place.

In this case, Mary was a close friend, but she was called back to the home of most of her fellow fairies back on the eastern continent. I never really worked out the reason, but she stayed there. And communication between the western and eastern continent, or any continent really, is horrible. It's out of date, slow, and can easily lose messages. So even if a letter was sent to tell Mary that Matthew died, it very likely was lost.

So Mary is feeling guilty, angry, and utterly horrified that this happened to her goddaughter. She should have been there. She should have been there a year ago! Even just being there would have made this situation better.

[On a side note, her name comes from Disney. The artist that had to animate her was Ken O' Connor. He used his wife, Mary Alice O' Connor for inspiration on both the fairy godmother's appearance and her personality, since real life Mary had been involved in many charities]

So when Mary hears that Cinderella wanted to go to that ball, she's determined to help her. You know what happens after. The glass slippers are forged from pieces of broken glass in the trash. Mary couldn't transform Cinderella's slippers because they were far too ragged and she worried about structural integrity, laws of magical transformation you understand.

Cinderella went to the ball and met Prince Henry. Of course at first she didn't know he was the prince. He was smitten with her right away, and danced with her. I just imagine this part pretty much like the FTT version, so watch that. The Prince has some great lines in there, he really does, including the best comeback ever to the step mother.

She's embarrassed when he admits he's the prince. When he introduces himself and asks who she is, in the FTT version she says "I'm very pleased to meet you."

I'd like to use that, since Cinderella probably didn't want her name going around. I mean maybe her step family didn't recognize her since she usually stinks and her face isn't masked in dirt and grime this time, but if they hear her name...

So she spent the next few hours in his company, talking and dancing. But then Cinderella rushes out when she realizes it's 11:45. The prince never got her name, and this time she didn't lose a shoe. Afterwards he's depressed. He wants to see her again. The king suggests having another ball next week. So that's what they do.

Cinderella goes to that one too. And this time Henry is waiting at the door eagerly looking for her, and the two spend the whole night together, even kissing. But this time it reaches midnight, and Cinderella rushes out again, catching her foot on the steps and losing a shoe, with her coach changing back before she can get in, so she has to run home.

The prince, being a lovestruck idiot, was so engrossed in her company that he forgot to get her name. In the FTT version, the king even laughs at him for this, saying: "You spent the whole night with her and you still didn't get her name? What have you been calling her all this time, "hey you"?"

But then the king has the idea of finding her by having girls try on the slipper. And here's where I would like to discuss this part of the story. I made a comment on YouTube about this, but I'd like to talk more here. I think there's a certain logic to the idea.

Consider the fact that the shoe is glass. Only someone eccentric would wear such a thing. If it breaks your foot would be stabbed in 1000 places, so...

And what about determining size? Shoes are made of cloth and leather. You obviously don't get shoes that are too big because they easily slip off. But if a shoe is a little bit small and tight, that can be dealt with. Shoes like that stretch out with use because those materials can flex.

Let me tell you another story. I wore a plastic brace on my left leg from like 4 to 16. Occasionally I had to get a new mold. One time I thought the brace was too close to the left side of my ankle bone. I was right. At the time I had a habit of moving my leg in the brace. You know what happened? Even through socks, my skin rubbed right against the plastic. It didn't take long before I felt a horrible burning sensation and found the skin on my ankle bone dry and cracked. My mother said it was close to blistering. So we had to have the mold stretched out.

The point is that glass, like plastic, does not flex. It won't stretch out if it's too small. If someone where to make glass shoes, wouldn't the shoe basically have to be molded to the size and shape of your foot? If it's too tight, the foot would rub against the glass, causing the same problem I had. Also, wouldn't it put pressure on the shoe and increase the chance of shattering and stabbing the foot?

So in essence, wouldn't it need to be an absolutely perfect fit? I mean, you could say Cindy has small feet. And if the prince is knowingly looking for an absolute perfect fit, that certainly would narrow the list, wouldn't it? That's just the way I look at it.

So the prince finds Cinderella. And Mary turns the step family into rabbits. Cindy thinks that's a bit cruel, but Mary says it only lasts until midnight, so Cindy can live with that.

And here's another important part. I wanted each of the four princesses to have "passion projects" of sorts after their fairy tales, things they would strive toward. After Cinderella gets together with her prince and is a position of power, what would she do besides enjoying life with the one she loves?

Cinderella pushed, along with Henry, for the creation of laws against child abuse. She set forth to make those laws, and to create a department of Social Services to investigate those claims. Those were protections and options she never had, and which would have made her life better. Now that she has the authority, she can put them in place for others. Maybe it won't be perfect, but it's worth trying to make sure nobody is ever has to deal with what she did.

Another thing Cinderella works very hard on is improving the communication system between the western and eastern continents, since she knows her godmother still feels pangs of guilt for not being there. And she was still working on these things when Stromboli managed to pierce her with a mirror shard and fan up flames of anger that had been long dead in her heart, making her lock every single step mother in prison.

Whew that was a lot. What do you think?

[Penny Royals]

I feel like the idea of 'passion projects' works insanely well for the characters. Also the ideas behind Cindy's backstory are pretty good too. If I may make a small suggestion?

Even if her foot was caught, how would the slipper come off if it was formed to be her exact size? I'll admit, a lot of reading of different things made this idea come to me xD I know that in some versions, she has a reason to leave behind the shoe- they were doing something (footrubs! /shot) or, like in Into the Woods (really, I love that musical XD), there's pitch on the stairs and she leaves it behind willingly to get out of that mess.

Sorry if I seem kinda frazzled, and infringing upon your story xD

[reynard]

Thanks. Did you think the slipper thing made sense?

Also, you have a point about it falling off. I hadn't really considered that too well. But that idea about her having to ditch the shoe because her foot got stuck in pitch? It's brilliant. It works perfectly, since Cinderella will be in a real hurry, so she doesn't have time to waste pulling herself free. I looked up the musical, and I saw that the pitch was a trap set by the prince. Personally I think that's a little bit creepy for me, but I can always have the stuff spilled by a worker or something. So thank you so much.

I'm still working on Snow White, but in the meantime, here's what I have on the story of Peter Pan. But before I get into that, here's some more background info from the game you should know. There's these things in the game called Dream Bubbles. In the game Jack says they are ancient artifacts created by primeval mages using the power of dreams. See, the game had this great idea for customizing characters. Each Bubble had a different power, and there were multiple levels of most.

Each weapon and piece of armor had a certain number of slots for bubbles. Some bubbles only went on armor, some only on weapons, and some on both (though the coding on them was messed up in places that was utterly horrible). For example, a Life Bubble could go on either. On a weapon, it allowed a character to cast a healing spell. On armor, it increased the character's max HP by a fixed percentage.

Anyway, Jack says in game that when a child dreams, they produce an energy. This energy can be collected and stored in bubbles. Jack also says in game that Geppetto needs the power of children's dreams to subdue everyone in the world, and he's been trying to make a door to the mortal world for a long time. It was lines like that which made me see a real emphasis on the power of children's dreams here, and made me state that the whole place was made from them and created by the Sand Man. And it also makes the whole Halloween Kingdom thing make sense.

Anyway, I wanted to mention that because it's relevant to my version of Peter Pan. So here I go.

Peter Pan
Peter Pan starts out the same. A small boy wishes not to grow up and is taken to Neverland. Or rather, he is taken to the Land of Dreams. See, in looking at synonyms for sleep, I found an entry for "dreamland", and one of the synonyms for dreamland was Never Land. So they are one and the same, sort of.

Peter was taken there by a fairy named Tinker Bell, a curious fairy who had secretly found a way to travel to the mortal world, a skill she had not shared with anyone. She took Peter to an island which sat just to the northwest of the western continent. Some mermaids had settled in the bay, and they stayed silent about where Peter came from.

Tinker Bell helped set up a home for him, gave him a dagger and taught him to play the pan flute, and with the help of fairy dust, showed him how to fly. Peter was ecstatic. He loved it there. But he knew that one day he would grow up, and he hated that. He wanted to never grow up.

By this point, Tinker Bell had grown very fond of Peter. It was so wonderful to have a human child here. The power of his dreams helped the world around them thrive. So she set out from the island for a time, seeking a way to grant his wish. She had one idea for a spell, though it would be very difficult, and never tried before. But she wanted to see Peter happy. So she searched all around until she found just what she hoped she would need. She returned to the island at night, when Peter was sleeping peacefully.

She laid out her materials next to him, three Dream Bubbles, with the strongest concentrations of energy she could find. First, a bubble containing life energy to enhance the boy's life force. Second, a bubble containing regeneration magic to restore the body. And third, a bubble containing slowing magic.

She planned to fuse all three of them together and mix their power. Normally the slowing magic just slowed movement. But Tinker Bell hoped that the combination would slow down the aging process so much as to never catch up or surpass the regeneration magic. That way Peter would stay eternally young and never die naturally.

It was hard, very hard. She poured all the power together using her own energy and that of Peter's dreams. And at the end, she felt like she hadn't slept in a week. But it was done. She merged her creation with Peter's body.

It was morning when she told him, amidst bouts of consciousness. Peter was thrilled, and wanted to shout. But one look at the poor exhausted fairy made him stay quiet inside so she could sleep.

After that, Peter started bringing in others from the real world, the Lost Boys. Peter asked if they could have what he had gotten. So Tinker Bell made another fused bubble. But the process was so very draining, and Peter had brought so many with him. Tinker Bell told Peter that she just couldn't keep doing this for every single person.

Instead, Tinker Bell and Peter made a fountain deep within their home, and Tinkerbell placed the fused bubble within that fountain, so that it's power was infused into the water. That way, anybody that drank from it would have the same gift. But only those who Peter let stay would get that gift, and Peter was very selective about who stayed, who was worthy to stay and get something like that.

For those that Peter found lacking, they were taken out of the Land of Dreams back to their world, where their whispers and tales of Peter Pan's beautiful island and it's enchanted fountain created the story of the Fountain of Youth.

Then Captain Hook came along. One of the problems with perhaps every single adaptation of Peter Pan, even the novel, is that no one, and I mean no one, ever explains how Hook got there. The author implied that Hook was a real pirate, aka he was from earth and not Never Land. And in the Disney version his crew complains and asks why they don't leave. But no one ever answers how he got there.

In this, Hook is a native of the Land of Dreams. He lived in Sleeping Kingdom, before it was the Sleeping Kingdom. He was a sea captain turned privateer, a person who was given written license to be a pirate and raid certain ships, and he worked for one of those many kingdoms. After a while, he found the little island, obscure and out of the way as it was, and figured it would be a great place to store the loot from his work.

Well, it was a good plan in theory at least. But then Peter got involved and...hijinks ensued. Hook wasn't happy with the kid messing up his work. Not that Peter intended to be malicious. They kept on fighting, and during a fight in a swampy area, Hook lost his right hand to a crocodile, no thanks to Peter Pan.

From that point on Hook hated the kid, and it wasn't just business anymore. And so on their conflicts went. And eventually, Peter brought the Darlings to his island. And before they left, Geppetto showed up.

By that point Hook had gotten very tired of fighting Peter. He'd been focusing completely on that and nothing else. But then a group of wooden men approached him, saying they were Pinocchio Clones in the service of their master Geppetto. They heard rumors of human children, a girl and two boys, on the island. Everyone always thought that Peter and the Lost Boys were native to this world, even Hook. And the rumor of the Darlings probably started from a former crew member of his that he had dismissed recently. Man really had a loose tongue when he was drunk...

The clones said that their master was interested in domination. The clones said that if Hook and his men led them to the island and the humans, and let them take the humans hostage, Geppetto would leave Hook and his crew alone, maybe even reward them. Hook, at the end of his rope, let them.

So came the morning when the attack was planned. Hook and his men observed from a safe distance as the Pinocchio soldiers descended on the Lost Boys. Swords were drawn, bullets fired, explosions, everything.

And Hook watched on as the Lost Boys tried in vain to repel this new and much more dangerous enemy. In the end, all of them, even the Darlings, were backed into a corner. But then came a surprise. Peter jumped out in front of them, dagger drawn. Hook could see his whole body trembling in obvious fear. And yet there he was, standing in front, protecting the others.

And Hook watched Peter tried and failed to fight them. They beat him, and beat him badly. Hook could almost hear the sounds of broken ribs, and saw the blood that poured out of the boy. But even though they beat him, he still crawled back, refusing to step aside. Even though his body was still shaking in fear, he wouldn't move. And Peter was sure to die. For even though the regeneration magic made him a fast healer, even it had it's limits, and it couldn't keep up with the terrible punishment these things gave out.

It was...honorable. Courageous. Hook stood there, silent. He'd always thought Pan was a brat. Maybe he hadn't directly fed his hand to that croc, but he certainly hadn't helped or seemed sorry about it. And yet look at him, standing there and practically allowing himself to be beaten to death for his friends, even though he was clearly terrified. Hook always considered himself a man of honor. And yet he'd been wasting all this time hunting down a simple boy.

Hook charged into the fight, smashing the clones with ease with his hook and his great strength. His crew joined in too. And together, the two groups drove away the clones. After that, Peter and Hook came to an understanding, and a truce. Peter was actually sorry about the incident with the croc. But Hook let that go.

But that truce didn't have long to last, because the Pinocchio soldiers came back. All of them managed to stop them two more times, but the third time, the third time was bad. The last they saw of Peter was when he was dragged under the water. He was presumed dead when no body was ever found. But Geppetto hadn't gotten to the Darlings, who by then had drank from the fountain.

Distraught, Tinker Bell decided to go back to her homeland in the eastern continent, taking the Lost Boys and the Darlings with her. Hook's crew was very badly hurt, some even dead. He let them separate after they stopped in a port in the Halloween Kingdom. He was done sailing.

A while later, he was hired to be a commander, a trainer of all the soldiers in the Halloween Kingdom. He took the job and with his leadership, the Kingdom withstood invasion until the Drowsy Gate, situated in the only pass through the mountains, was closed.

There. Done. Ugh, why do I make these so long? Does it sound like a good adaptation? The Drowsy Gate thing was actually in the game by the way, and Hook really was supposed to be the "great commander that kept the Kingdom safe from Geppetto."

[reynard]

Sorry again for the double post, but here's what I have for the background of Snow White. You start off in a kingdom with a loving king and queen, and the usual opening about the the queen pricking her finger, wishing for a child, so on and so forth. The queen dies in childbirth.

The king decides to remarry not long after so Snow will have a mother. And that brings us to another part of the story, Grimhilde. Grimhilde is supposed to have been the name of Disney's Evil Queen, according to old press material from the movie. It may not be canon these days but I'm using it since it sounds awesome as a villain name.

Grimhilde actually started as a commoner girl, an ugly commoner girl. Seriously, she was ugly. Asymmetrical face (universally considered unattractive, got that psych class), bad teeth, wart, etc. And she's constantly jeered by the other young men and women of her little village for being ugly. There was actually one boy who seemed to like her, but Grimhilde never gave him much attention, her mind utterly consumed by the taunts of her ugliness.

She became an apprentice of the local Wicked Witch Guild, which in those days met in secret. Her teacher was a hard old woman, and someone who wasn't immune to forgetting various things, like putting out candles. Well, except when it came to magic. There she never forgot a thing.

One night, when only she was alone in the guild house, Grimhilde tried a spell too advanced for a beginner like herself. She used magic to make herself incredibly beautiful. And it worked. But then her teacher came back.

Her teacher was furious. For you see, Grimhilde had kind of screwed up. The spell she used on herself made her very beautiful, and would make sure she stayed that beautiful. And with that beauty came a certain youthfulness of appearance, so she sort of gave herself eternal youth in a way. But as her teacher pointed out, spells of eternal youth are usually accompanied with spells of eternal life, sort of like what Peter Pan had. Grimhilde hadn't done that.

The spell she used changed her appearance and froze it that way, and the magic was only superficial. While she would always remain young looking and beautiful, the rest of her would not. She would still have a normal lifespan and suffer ailments of old age below the skin, hardened arteries, failed organs, the usual. Her teacher screamed at her for being so stupid. Such magic was hard to fix, and only an absolute idiot grants themselves eternal youth without eternal life like that.

The screams and insults kept on, and Grimhilde snapped. She grabbed the old woman's wooden cane from her hand, and swung it at her, knocking her down. She continued swinging until she bashed the woman's skull in. At that point, Grimhilde panicked. She ran out, stole a nearby cart, loaded it with everything she wanted from the guild house, taking several trips, and then lit the building on fire. By morning, everyone thought it was an accident, even the other witches, since the old bat had left candles lit before.

Grimhilde took her loot to a cave outside town that she alone knew. She was unrecognizable in town, and everybody praised her for being the most beautiful person ever. That's fed her ego about as much as the insults destroyed it.

When the king went looking for a wife, his sights were originally on a much kinder woman. But Grimhilde wanted to be queen, so she mixed a love potion to make the king marry her. Before she used it, the kind boy she knew from before finally figured out her identity, and tried to stop her when he realized what she was doing. She killed him before he could stop her.

She married the king, and that lasted for a while. But love potions aren't permanent, so she had to secretly get herbs and materials to make more. But then a shipment was interrupted by highway robbers, so the king was out of love. The two started to fight, and when he threatened to divorce her after an insult at his still very young daughter, she slipped him a poison to give him a heart attack. I wanted everybody to think it was death by natural causes.

At this point, I wanted to borrow from the Disney movie. Disney really was a genius. Here's a question for you. How does Snow White know how to cook? In the Disney and FTT versions, she already knows how to cook, and cook a variety of things. And her cooking is usually a strong reason for the dwarves letting her stay.

Of course there was that version from Cannon Movie Tales where she learned to cook, but in that movie she was taken in as a little girl and grew up with them. But she's a princess, she has a chef. She shouldn't need to know how to do that. So how does she?

Then you take a look at the Disney version. In that version, it states that the Queen made Snow work as a scullery maid. That caught my eye when I saw the film again because I'd never heard that. And when I looked up the definition of scullery maid, I was in for a pleasant surprise.

Here's the thing. First, it's the lowest staff position for women. But more importantly, the scullery maid assists the kitchen maid and reports to the chef. The scullery is a room next to the kitchen that was used to clean laundry, pots, pans, utensils, boiling water, and ironing. The modern equivalent is a utility room or laundry room. The place could also be used as a secondary kitchen if the first one was overloaded. And it's stated that with a good kitchen maid or cook, a scullery maid could learn some things about cooking. Mystery solved. I want to use this.

I had this idea that the queen made Snow work as a scullery maid to keep her out of sight from anybody important. Snow would be very young at this point, maybe five years old. And I thought that maybe, since Snow was so young, she may not have realized that these weren't things a real princess was supposed to do. Does that sound right? And the servants never said a thing, because the queen frightened all of them.

So Snow's only friends were the servants, and she learned to cook doing all that. And she actually met her prince when she was twelve. The chef had been out dealing with butchers and greengrocers, and she was the only one in the kitchen. Then a boy walked in. He was carrying a lute (would that be the proper instrument?) and Snow thought he was a minstrel or something.

He wanted something to eat, and Snow told him that the chef was out, but she could make something quick for him. He accepted, and while she worked, he started to play and sing, and she hummed along. It turned into a fun duet. She gave him his food, and he went on his way.

He was actually a prince from a kingdom next door, more interested in music than anything else. He was there with his father for a diplomatic meeting. And here I have to ask, could you help me with a name please?

One day Snow was asked to refill the bathwater in the queen's room. In doing that, she passed by the queen's three way magic mirror. It was a special item that she never let anyone use. The magic mirror had vast sight, and was bound to tell only the truth otherwise it would shatter. For that quality, the queen liked to use it to reassure her that she was the fairest of all. And usually it told her that.

Now I have a difficulty here that maybe you can help me with. Usually the mirror is depicted as having enormous sight, being able to tell when Snow White is still alive and even displaying her image. Now usually you would think that it changed it's mind when Snow grew up enough, but the FTT version had the mirror say that now that it had a better look at her (Snow was just in the room) it changed it's mind. So maybe it's magic eyesight is limited? Does that make sense?

Another thing that bothers me is how frequently the queen consults it. I wanted to give Snow time with the dwarves, but if the queen consults the mirror every day, that doesn't leave much. So would it make sense that such a vain woman might not consult it every day? I thought maybe the queen was away on diplomatic things before she talked to the mirror again after hiring the huntsman, so would that work?

Please critique

[Penny Royals]

Sorry I've been gone! I think most of the ideas work. If not the diplomatic meanings, you could go with several other things- probably the best one being that, perhaps, the mirror isn't evil, and maybe wanting to protect Snow- but the queen makes it angry one day, and it sort of lets it out on accident? Or something. XD

As for princely names... hm. There's a lot of beautiful names that princes could have. Windsor, Amandus, Carwyn, Eder, Apollo, Linus, Orpheus, Taran (hehe xD)...

[reynard]

Welcome back. Did you like my version of Peter Pan?

And you said that most of the ideas worked. Were there a few that didn't work so well?

As for the "mirror not being evil" suggestion, that gives me an idea. What if the spirit of the mirror was the soul of the king? What if that's how Grimhilde killed him, by sucking his soul into a three way mirror and binding it to tell the truth and removing its memories?

That way, when it saw Snow, it started to remember. And after a time, it tried to lie, though it got a crack in it from the effort of holding itself together. Does that sound good? And I can go with the name Linus. I would have used the name of the FTT actor, but his name was Rex and it just didn't sound right.

[Penny Royals]

Not that I could see, actually. Though I'll admit that I kinda want to go gung-ho and explain everything about ITW to you but I'll refrain ._. xD

As for PP, I like that idea. Before you fully said it I was like 'FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH OH MY GOD YES IS THERE GOING TO BE A HOLY GRAIL TOO? :DDD'

And yessssssss father in mirror. I've always liked ideas of souls being trapped in things. /shot

[reynard]

When you say ITW, do you mean Idea That Work? You don't need to refrain from talking about how those ideas work for my sake, I wouldn't mind hearing that at all.

As for the Holy Grail, I hadn't actually thought of that. And I'm not sure if it would fit with the setting.

And with the mirror issue solved, let's move on with the rest of the story. So once Snow passes in front of the mirror, it decides she is the fairest, and the queen wants her to go. She can't allow this girl the chance to take the title of the most beautiful woman away from her within her own lifetime. Her ego won't allow it.

So she orders the huntsman to kill her and cut out her heart. The huntsman here is Humbert, which was supposed to be his name in the Disney story according to old press material, but which might not be canon these days.

The huntsman does so, but can't do it. He can't kill her, especially since the kitchen maid, his sister, has gotten so close to the princess. So then he goes with the wild boar plan, and Snow wanders through the thick woods.

Hours pass and it's nightfall. She finds a cottage, but no one answers her knocking. The door's unlocked though, and against proper manners, she goes in. She eats some of the food, which is ice cold, because she's very hungry, and falls asleep on one of the beds.

Then the seven dwarves get back. Here they have the same names as the Disney ones, but they're brothers. They find Snow, but decide not to wake her. Sneezy has to sleep in a chair in their living room/dining room. In the morning, Snow White wakes up to see the dwarves, and is quite scared, since she's never seen dwarves before. She tries to leave, only to be spotted by Sneezy, who wakes everyone else up.

They introduce themselves, and Snow tells them her problem. The dwarves are sympathetic, and suggest her staying there. Grumpy is against the added complication of a house guest. But Snow then offers to help around their house in exchange, wash their clothes, clean, and cook food.

The suggestion of food catches their attention. See, the dwarves mine for gold nearly every day and all day, and by the time they get back, they are too tired to cook dinner. So they cook it in the morning, and every dinner is ice cold. The suggestion of warm food sounds really good. For Snow White it's no big deal. It's not anything she hasn't already been doing anyway.

So they let her stay. But the queen finds that Snow is alive when she consults her mirror. So she disguises herself and tries to kill her by selling ribbons, and wrapping it so tight around her neck that she couldn't breathe. Thankfully the dwarves arrived soon enough to help her.

It was after this that the "mirror tries to lie" idea comes into play and buys time in the story. Seeing Snow White stirred long buried memories in the mind of the mirror slave. He tried to lie to the queen, to say the queen was the fairest. And for that, the mirror gained a tiny crack. For like I said, the magic mirror and it's slave are bound to tell the truth, otherwise the mirror would begin to shatter. Thankfully the queen does not notice.

In that time, the dwarves and Snow White learn about each other. Doc eventually asks Snow White how she knows how to cook. Snow doesn't understand the question. She talks about the things she did at the palace, and the dwarves (awkwardly I might add) tell her that she's pretty much been doing the work of a scullery maid unpaid.

Snow White is thrown for a loop by that. And she's also thrown by another fact. The dwarves are discriminated against. Like I said, their primary home is on another continent. There is a sizable dwarf population in this kingdom, but this kingdom, and most of the people in the Sleeping side of the continent, are human. In this kingdom, there's a strong prejudice against the dwarven "outsiders" and other non-humans.

The dwarves know they were cheated, and they are right. They needed a permit to mine on kingdom land, and the man at the office purposefully sold them a piece of land that was proven to be barren of precious materials. That's why the dwarves haven't found gold for the 10 years they have been at it. Because they still need money, they sell carved wood items to another merchant who sells them directly (and they are still cheated on the price).

The carving idea is from Disney. Look at the cottage. Look at the designs. Their beds all have their names carved in them, along with beautiful designs of animals. Nearly all their instruments are carved with animal designs, even the pipes on the organ. That's real craftsmanship. It's amazing really.

Snow really can't believe anyone would hate them. After all, they'd been nothing but kind to her. But it's the sad truth. And Snow White really does bond with them. She sings with them, dances with them, greets them as they come and go. And, if I may get a bit off track for a moment, there's this great scene in FTT. There's a fire in the fireplace and Snow and all the dwarves are lying in front of it in this big old pile, Snow lying on her side and her head propped up on the shoulder of one of the dwarves, and they're just talking about what it's like to live in the castle, the moat, swimming, and so on, and it's just so heartwarming.

Then one day the dwarves come home, but this time it's not the princess that's in trouble, it's the dwarves. As they walk in, Sleepy is being carried in. He collapsed and it's running a fever, but his skin is ice cold. And then one by one, each dwarf suffers the same problem, collapsing in exhaustion, feverish, and slipping into unconsciousness. Even Doc, who had been busy trying to treat all of them, also falls ill.

[Side note here. I know the name Doc might have been because of his glasses or his attitude, but I take it a bit more literal here. Think about it. Mining was and still is very dangerous. There are toxic chemicals, toxic gases (heard the phrase canary in a coal mine?) and there's a risk of collapse or injury from falling rock. More than likely each one knows some first aid, and Doc is the best at it, so he's like the group medic.]

Snow White doesn't know what's wrong, but she puts each one of them in their bed, and watches over them as they slip in and out of consciousness. She even decides to go out and sell some of the wood carvings for them. The things were already done, and the dwarves need the money. They tell her, ever so faintly that it's a bad idea, but she wants to do it for them and maybe she can get a better price for them, being a human and all.

And she does. And thankfully, as far as she knows, no one seemed to recognize her. It was probably because she never really got out of the palace, so she's probably faded into obscurity ("Hey, didn't the king have a kid at some point?" "I don't remember a kid".)

When the dwarves recover, they're very different. See, in the game there were dwarf enemies, and each one was elemental (Fire Dwarf, Ice Dwarf...). I am ashamed to admit that it wasn't until late in the fourth run of the game that it dawned on me, "hey, seven type of dwarf enemies, seven dwarves". But that's where this idea comes from.

The mine they had may have been empty of precious metals, but it had one hidden treasure, Dream Bubbles. The constant work with their pickaxes all those years must have cracked the bubbles (not easy), and the magic leakage affected them.

Doc is a Poison Dwarf, Sneezy a Fire Dwarf, Happy a Holy Dwarf, Grumpy a Dark Dwarf, Bashful a Thunder Dwarf, Sleepy an Ice Dwarf, and Dopey an Earth Dwarf. It took everybody a while to adjust to their new magic, especially since Sneezy started to sneeze out jets of fire like a dragon. Thankfully he got that under control.

Meanwhile, a servant at the castle had seen Snow from a distance, and remarked to the queen how she saw a girl so similar to the lost princess. The queen knew the mirror lied, so she confronted it and used magic to bend it back under control. Then she prepared a new disguise for the poison comb trick.

And the poison comb was cured by Doc, what with his having poison related magic and all. Seeing this, the queen hatched a different plan, a poison apple.

Now here's where things get weird. In the game, one of the ingredients is an apple from a tree in the Zzz Forest next to the Dwarven Village. Now this leads to the first boss, the Red Apple Tree.

I mentioned it before, but basically it's a living tree. There are magic tree enemies in this game. This thing is an adult and is the only tree, according to one dwarf, in the whole Zzz Forest that grows these red apples. The red apples are delicious, but the tree will only grow them for Snow White. And since she got with Geppetto, that poor NPC dwarf can't have them.

This tree also throws poison apples at you in battle. I just got this feeling that maybe the big thing was sweet on her or something, since it only grows them for her (or maybe just lets her have them). I jokingly called it her pet apple tree monster. But then I thought, maybe this tree is where the poison apple came from, and perhaps it feels sorry for hurting her (besides having a bizarre crush on her?) Does that sound good? It's a detail I wanted to iron out.

Anyway, the queen gets a poison apple from it, and mixes the magic with sleeping magic to induce the sleeping death and bury the girl alive. She splits the poison apple in half and sticks the poison half with a normal half. Then she goes out again. She takes a bite out of the normal half to prove there is no poison, and Snow takes the bait. The queen is already walking back out of the forest when the dwarves find Snow White. And they are mad.

They see the queen tracks and follow. Down the road, the queen sees Dopey blocking her path. He won't step aside, and then the ground shakes and a big old rock pulls out of the ground and flies in her direction. She jumps out of the way, seeing that sweet little Dopey is glaring at her, with his pickaxe over his shoulder.

Then there are shouts, the other dwarves are there, riding on the deer they use to move their equipment (because that's awesome) and also swinging their axes. The queen runs, leading to a great chase scene. The forest is filled with the sounds of explosions as bolts of magic fly out at the queen. There are flashes of lightning, bursts of fire, patches of ice, boulders. Finally the queen barely manages to make it inside the walls of the capital. At that point, the dwarves are forced to turn back. They can't risk an angry mob.

The queen is close enough to the castle to transport herself now. And though her disguise fades, the burns and bruises don't'. She asks the mirror who is the fairest, and it says her. And she gloats on how Snow is dead. Something deep in the mirror snaps. So it confronts her. The king won't let this continue. The spirit forces itself to tell lie after lie, cracking the glass even more, until with one final lie, it forces the glass to explode outward, the shards stabbing and killing the queen.

Then the dwarves make the glass coffin and carry it to a hill. Here they meet Prince Linus, who frequently runs into them when he want to be here to sing, away from his father. He recognizes Snow, and the dwarves explain who she is. Linus can't believe she's dead. She still looks so lively. And he's so sad that he never got to know her and that her life was so short. So he kisses her as an act of saying goodbye, and wakes her.

The two talk, and Linus offers a guarded escort to the palace. Things are tense in the capital, since people don't like dwarves. Someone threw a rock at them, which prompts Snow to yell at them. They find the dead queen, and eventually Snow marries Linus. And as princess, her major goal was equal rights for not only her beloved dwarves, but all species in her kingdom, and later, the Sleeping Kingdom.

[Penny Royals]

ITW for me is Into the Woods, sorry for not clarifying XD The tree seems sentient enough, so perhaps being used to hurt her and then wanting to make up for it works. So far the ideas seem to connect really well. You've thought everything out. I'll be interested to see Rapunzel c:

[reynard]

Thank you for the compliments. But really, most of the stuff for these fairy tales is just the stuff that's already existed from the original story tellers, Disney, and Faerie Tale Theatre. I just put some of the elements together and added in a few things.

Since you asked about Rapunzel, here's what I have. Before I start, I should probably tell you now that the Rapunzel in this game is a redhead. Yeah, it confused me at first too. Basically when you see the princesses, you can see that Cinderella and Snow White are clearly designed after the Disney versions. Cinderella is blonde and wears a blue dress, and Snow's dress matches the color and general design of the Disney version, if it were a lot skimpier. Also, not only is her hair black, but it's short, another Disney thing. But Sleeping Beauty has brown hair and Rapunzel has red hair.

Rapunzel is supposed to be a blonde, hence the whole "golden stair" line. But then I realized that the game designers probably did that to make each one of them visually different. And really, if you replace "golden stair" with "crimson stair", you're good.

I'll also admit here that I haven't seen Tangled. I know a lot about it and it's plot, but I never saw the actual movie from start to finish. So this story is basically following the episode of Faerie Tale Theatre pretty closely, with a few small adjustments. I will take a couple names from Tangled though.

Rapunzel
One day, there was a candle maker and his wife. They were going to have their first child. But one night, the wife had a sudden and bizarre craving for a rapun, a type of radish with blue leaves. She absolutely had to have them, and suggested getting them from the closest source, the garden of their neighbor.

Now the candle maker believed their neighbor Gothel was a witch. And he was right. But his wife was begging, so he fearfully went into her garden and took a large number of radishes, almost getting caught. The wife savored every one of them, and the candle maker hoped that would be the end of it. But his wife wanted more.

The candle maker almost refused, but he surrendered to his wife's pleas to feed this odd craving of hers. So he went a second time, and he got caught. Gothel was mad. When the candle maker explained why he stole her radishes, she wanted payment. She wanted to be the godmother of his daughter (she said she knew it was a girl), and while that seemed reasonable to the candle maker, she then said she wanted the girl. He was too stupid to raise a girl.

She let the candle maker go, and he told his wife the horrible news. They tried to prepare to stop Gothel, but when the witch came the couple were powerless to stop her before she took the baby and vanished.

Gothel took the girl to a tower in a forest a distance away, and named her Rapunzel. Now in the FTT show, there's an interesting twist I wanted to use. As it turns out, the witch purposefully induced those odd cravings in the candle maker's wife. She'd never been able to have children, and it was all an elaborate plan to take the daughter of her neighbors as her own. I think that gives her a really interesting motivation.

So Rapunzel grows up believing Gothel is her mother. And as she grows, Gothel actually lets Rapunzel out of the tower to play and so on. And as Rapunzel grew, so did her hair. Rapunzel was beautiful, but her hair was one of her most striking features. It was thick and soft and a vibrant shade of red. Red had always been Gothel's favorite color, and it was so beautiful that she never cut it. Eventually she even told Rapunzel it was bad luck to do so. Besides, if it got hard to care for, she could always animate the brushes or something.

But Rapunzel eventually hit puberty. And when she was 15, Gothel was afraid of Rapunzel growing up. What if a man came and took her baby away? Or worse, what if Rapunzel left of her own accord? Gothel couldn't let that happen.

So Gothel locked Rapunzel in her room, which was at the top of the tower, and had the door to the tower sealed up with bricks. Rapunzel was horrified. But her mother just said it was for her own good, to protect her from men. But Rapunzel asked why she couldn't decide for herself. She wanted to be free. True, her mother had more worldly experience, but how was Rapunzel to learn about the world trapped in her room?

But Gothel wouldn't listen, even when Rapunzel promised that she wouldn't even think of men. She was scared of them anyway. The next day, Gothel came by with food and drink, and asked Rapunzel to let down her hair so Gothel could come up and see her.

Rapunzel refused, still angry and stating she wanted nothing to do with her mother. Gothel just casually walked away, waiting to see how long the girl would last without food or drink. In the FTT show, Rapunzel even stuck out her tongue at her mother as she left.

Personally, I was wondering why the witch asked to be let up like that. I mean this witch in particular displayed the ability to teleport, so she could have just zapped up there. But I think there's a good reason. Rapunzel is obviously mad, and I think Gothel wanted Rapunzel to let her hair down because, in doing so, Rapunzel would be allowing her to come up of her own will. It helped establish trust.

After a few days, Rapunzel gave in and accepted the food Gothel brought up. Gothel says "See? Isn't it nice when you do as I say? I'm only doing this because I love you."

But Rapunzel just says that if her mother loved her, she wouldn't lock her up. She's a prisoner here now. Gothel scoffs at the statement. After all, she's given Rapunzel everything, she lives like a princess. Rapunzel says that she's been given everything but a father. For that Gothel slaps her, but then apologizes. But Rapunzel says her mother isn't really sorry, and Gothel isn't.

Rapunzel feels trapped. The view is great, but it's gotten boring. She wants out. But Gothel says no, and that she will visit every day.

And it goes on like that, Gothel coming by every day with food and drinks and always asking for Rapunzel to let down her hair as a symbol of trust. And Rapunzel is increasingly lonely.

But one day, someone new comes along. His name was Eugene, and he was the prince of the kingdom. He was an avid and skilled hunter, and frequently went out into the forest to hunt. But his hunting trips were usually confined to certain areas of the forest, and today he'd gone a bit farther than usual. So he was lost.

Then he heard a girl singing. And he found Rapunzel just as Gothel was leaving. Once Gothel was gone, he got Rapunzel's attention and talked to her. Eventually, wanted to know her better, and get a better look at her, he asked to come up, reassuring her he wouldn't trick her or hurt her.

So she let him up. And they talked more. Rapunzel was glad to finally have new company. And she wished he could stay, but her mother wouldn't surely hurt him if she saw him. Eugene wanted to talk to her, but Rapunzel said that was a very bad idea. So she told him to visit her at night, since her mother only came during the day.

So that's what he did. He visited her for a few hours at night, going on for a couple months. And the two of them grew to like each other. And Rapunzel managed to keep her secret friend from her mother. But after those few months, Gothel decided to give Rapunzel the company she wanted, and gave her a parrot.

That night, Eugene suggested that Rapunzel finally leave the tower. But Rapunzel said there was no way out. Eugene said she could cut off her hair and use that. But Rapunzel couldn't do that. On one level, she resisted because she thought it was all she really had. On another level, there was a part of her that trusted her mother and believed her words that cutting her hair was bad luck. After all, for all Gothel was, she was still Rapunzel's mother.

And really, when a witch tells you something is bad luck, you would think they know what they're talking about. Of course in this case Gothel lied, but you see the point.

Eugene then said that maybe he could have a rope ladder made that could stretch the length of the tower. Rapunzel was still frightened, for as much as she wanted out, being truly faced with the idea meant running from her mother and earning her fury.

Eugene was frustrated, but he let Rapunzel think it over for a few days. He needed time to estimate the height of the tower and make the ladder anyway. And Rapunzel was left to ponder her life.

To Rapunzel, her mother's actions were motivated by fear. And Rapunzel herself was still afraid to leave her home and disobey her mother, despite wanting out. And she realized, in a moment of philosophy, that fear was as great a prison as stone walls, iron bars, or any force of magic. And she decided to no longer let it get the best of her. She had grown to love Eugene, and she would leave the tower.

Now you may remember the parrot. And like many parrots in fiction, this one turned into a snitch one day while Gothel was visiting. Stupid parrots. Gothel was furious, but Rapunzel was firm in saying she was going to leave. Gothel flew into a rage.

In her screams of betrayal and anguish, Gothel ended up revealing to Rapunzel that she had been kidnapped. And she also cut off Rapunzel's long red braid. Then she transported Rapunzel from her room in the tower to a desert that occupied a lowland region next to the mountains, and left her there to rot, feeling betrayed by her baby.

As for Eugene, he came by with the ladder tucked into his bag. He saw the red braid come down, but he was greeted by Gothel. She snarled at him, and blinded him, tossing him out of the tower. In the show, I think she gouged his eyes out, or maybe she didn't. The bottom line is that he's blind.

He stumbles around in the forest for a while, along the mountain edge. Then he rolls down into the desert. Rapunzel, for her part, tried to cross the desert, only to stop and stay at an oasis, since the desert just seemed to go on and on. Once there, she found a strange shiny purple orb, which she kept.

Eventually Eugene runs into Rapunzel. She cradles his head in her lap, crying over him. Now in the show his eyesight is restored via a Random Magic Tear. I know Tangled worked with that well, but here's my version. That purple orb? It's a Darkness Bubble. This is not to be confused with a Dark Bubble, a blackish bubble with a pentagram that is used to cast spells dealing dark elemental damage. A Darkness Bubble is a purple bubble marked with an eye that can be used to [technically, hopefully] inflict the darkness status on someone, which reduces accuracy, or to cure darkness.

So essentially, it cures blindness. And since he's blind, it cures him. The two rejoice, and wander out of the desert together, and once they get out they run into one of the search parties that had been sent out to find Eugene. They go back to his palace, where they help Rapunzel find her real parents. And Gothel is later rounded up and imprisoned for kidnapping and forceful imprisonment.

And Rapunzel remained fearless. She wouldn't be bound by anything. She helped create systems to help with orphans, locating missing persons, and wrote really strict kidnapping laws. I felt like I wanted to add something else there, but I was at a loss.

What do you think?

[Penny Royals]

The way most stories have him fall blind is that there's a thicket around the tower. He falls and hits his eyes.

Either way, I really enjoyed Rapunzel's story (she's my favorite. /shot), and perhaps for more of it... I feel like she'd be a fan of education, at least a magic education. Since she got tricked.

[reynard]

I could go with education. Thanks.

Anyway, now onto the last of the Four Princesses, Sleeping Beauty, who I'll just call Briar Rose. This one is a bit weird. The story I've come up with is pretty much following the FTT episode almost exactly. I mean, I've seen the Disney film. I haven't watched it lately, but I have seen it and I've read lots of discussions on it. But I think I prefer the FTT version. I really suggest watching it.

In the Disney film, the animators had way too much fun with the fairies and Maleficent, and left the development of the actual main characters lacking, and that's a real flaw. It's still a good movie, but still, not exactly the best material to work with. I still used a few elements from the movie though.

Sleeping Beauty
Out of all the princesses, Sleeping Beauty is by far the oldest, for she is over 100 years old. A long time ago, there were a king and queen that were struggling to have a child. A fairy helped them finally have a baby, a daughter, who they called Briar Rose. They had a huge celebration and invited every member of the local Good Fairy Guild. And for each fairy they set out a gold plate and utensils encrusted with rubies and other gems. All in all, they invited seven fairies.

Each fairy presented a gift for the princess, a magical blessing. The first granted surpassing beauty, an oldie but a goodie. The second granted grace so she would dance divinely. The third offered wit and intelligence (the original says "Wit of an angel" which always confused me since I never got the idea that angels were especially known for wit out of everything else).

The fourth offered the voice of a nightingale. The fifth and sixth laughed amongst themselves, for they had been discussing their own gifts. The fifth offered the gift of bravery. The king wasn't so sure about that idea, since this was a girl, but the fairy assured him that bravery was great, man or woman (this is one of the little affectionate pokes FTT takes at the story).

And the sixth fairy offered a heart of compassion so the princess would always be kind and generous. For as the fairy said, the world needed more people who were compassionate and empathetic to others.

But then, Maleficent appeared. She was enraged that she hadn't been invited to such a large and important gathering, and even angrier that there wasn't a golden plate set for her.

She had sort of been intentionally missed. Maleficent used to be a member of the guild. While she was an expert at magic, and a fairy, she failed at the "good" concept, and was pretty close to being kicked out. When the Fairy Superior helped make the invite list, she intentionally left her out. Besides, Maleficent never liked these things anyway.

So Maleficent offered her own gift. She cursed the girl so that one day she would prick her finger on a spindle and die. The queen began to cry, and the king screamed he would banish spindles from the kingdom. But Maleficent didn't even give his order any thought.

But then the seventh fairy, one named Carol, spoke up. She was the youngest of them all, a new apprentice, all dressed in pink. She'd been out of the room for the last few minutes, but had heard Maleficent's curse. And while she couldn't even begin to undo the curse of someone like Maleficent, she could weaken it. So her gift was that the princess would merely sleep for a time, and then a prince would come, and his kiss would revive her just as she had been when she fell asleep, in all her youth. Maleficent still scoffed at the pink amateur before leaving with one final laugh.

The princess grew up at home, and she never knew the curse. Her parents wanted to spare her that. After all, can you imagine how that would go?

Briar Rose: Tell me a bedtime story Daddy.

King: Well sweetie, when you were born we had all the fairies come and give you gifts. But we forgot one and she cursed you so that you're going to die when you prick your finger on a spindle. But now you won't die, you'll just sleep for a long time while everything around you withers and dies. Well, goodnight sweetie. Don't let the bedbugs bite!

Briar Rose: *Looking wide-eyed at her dark ceiling* ...I'll never sleep again...

For 20 years, Briar Rose grew up into a wonderful young woman, with all her gifts. The most prominent, and the one I wanted to focus on, was the heart of compassion (my own phrase). In the FTT version, she was always kind and gentle and thinking of others first and herself second, making food for the poor and the like. And I wanted to focus on that quality as the major part of her personality.

This is the princess who went down every day among the people, to the point that her presence didn't even bother anybody anymore. She helped the poor any way she could, giving away money, possessions, presents, anything to help others. To those that struggled to walk, she gave her shoulder to lean on. To those who cried, she gave her council and her ears to listen.

She also tried to cook for the poor once. That...didn't go well. There was a fire. Everyone was okay, and she paid to fix the building...but for all those gifts, cooking was not one of them.

Eventually the king and queen tried to marry her off, once she was the right age. Arranged marriages were still a thing back then. And after consulting with the Good Fairies, they thought that there was a slight chance that Maleficent's curse might not hold beyond the kingdom. So one day, the king invited a neighboring king to talk and meet his daughter.

The other king was absolutely astounded by her, and declared he would return. Briar asked her father was that was about, because she just thought she was entertaining a guest. Her father told her it was a prince for her to marry.

Now this is taken directly from one of my favorite scenes from the episode. When her father tells her that, she says she hasn't even met the guy. And he assures her that he asked some pretty hard questions, and he looks great. And she'll be out of the kingdom and safe, uh, he means happy, yeah, happy.

And then she starts asking questions. Is he kind? Is he gentle? Is brave? Is he charitable? And the king answers each, but his voice sounds so weak you know it's killing him to lie to her, especially when he has no idea. He tells her, "I'm sure they don't make kinder", "like a breeze", "fearless", "can't keep an arm in his pocket".

And then Sleeping Beauty sees his pained expression and she must think he's hurt that she would doubt him. So she apologizes sincerely, saying that whatever he's done must be wonderful, and she'll prepare for the wedding. And I'm sure the king feels like kicking himself right then.

Two scenes later is another favorite from the episode, which is also how this version goes because it's just so good. Briar Rose is in her room with her maids, getting ready, and she says out loud that "I hope the prince like me for father's sake, this seems so important to him." Just listen to that. She hopes the prince likes her for her father's sake because it seemed important to him. She's not even thinking of herself at all.

Then the other king and his son arrive to the cheers and confetti of the common crowd. They are so used to the warmth of their princess. Briar looks out the window to see the prince, remarking that he is indeed quite handsome.

But he is not kind, for he reprimands the peasants for dirtying his royal clothes with confetti, calling them maggots. And then there's this guy in the crowd who is walking on a crutch. He's not doing anything. But when the prince turns to look at him, he kicks the crutch out from under him and sends him to the ground.

"I can't allow the rabble such familiarity, where would it end?"

His father tells him to mind his manners, as the princess is watching. The prince looks up and tips his hat, saying "as she should. I have come to let her bask in the reflected glory of my royal self, lucky wench."

As her parents greet the two, Briar is uneasy. She says, rather uneasily I might add, "Well...maybe he's brave?"

But then a little dog in the courtyard starts barking at the prince, and he yells "get it away, get it away!" and he hops into his father's arms like Scooby Doo. And after that, Briar Rose is gone from the window. She sneaks out of her room while the maids are gone.

Even selflessness has limits. And she's seen enough. No matter how important it is to her father, she won't marry that awful, sniveling excuse for a man. She looks for a place to hide, finally finding a room in a tower that she's never been in. Inside is an old woman working a machine she's never seen.

The woman says she's spinning, and Briar wants to try. But Briar pricks her finger. The woman is Maleficent, who had been waiting for a chance to strike. Within the hour Briar is found and taken to her room, and soon after, Carol the good fairy shows up, hearing the bad news.

Carol tells the king and queen that the sleeping period will still last a century before a prince could wake her. Maleficent's power was that strong. As the royal couple point out, by then everyone Briar knows, her whole kingdom, will be dust.

But Carol has only grown in 20 years, and offers to freeze the whole kingdom in time and let them all sleep together, waking with the princess. And so with a wave of her hand, she does just that. But Maleficent shows up. Carol says she should just stop, they've done all they can. But Maleficent just causes a wall of thorny vines to encase the whole kingdom, strong as steel, and just as sharp. No one will get through that.

And that's where the story of Briar Rose stops for now. Curse me and my semi-literary style, this was too long and I need a break.

EDIT: Okay, I'm back. So once the story of Briar Rose semi-concluded, we jump 100 years ahead to our other lead, Prince Phillip. In the show, he's a very noble figure, caring a great deal about charity and giving to the poor. The same is true in this story.

But I added to the character, just based on his general impression. Phillip here not only cares about giving to the poor, but he cares about his people in general, with an attitude rather uncommon among nobles. To take a quote from a character of Fullmetal Alchemist, Phillip holds strongly to the belief that a king is nothing without his people.

He believes that those who hold a noble title should act like they are worthy of the title, act like a leader, act like someone of honor and integrity. And like the show version, he had a vision one night of a young woman, an image of kindness an charity. It was someone he wanted to know. He has these visions several more nights, and after that, he couldn't ignore them. He had to find this person. He had to know who they were. It had to be a sign.

So he set out on a quest for love with his squire, meeting every noble girl he could find. But right from the start, he found himself being tricked. These girls hadn't one shred of empathy for those below their station. And they didn't care for Phillip as a person. All they saw was the exterior.

After all, Phillip was the classic prince, tall, dark, and handsome, very muscular and a skilled fighter, with a sizable kingdom to boot (Not to mention he was played by none other than Superman . So he decided to pretend to be his squire, and his squire would pretend to be him. That way he could get a more objective opinion.

But he was still disappointed. Then, the pair ran into a woodsman. The woodsman told him the legend of the Sleeping Beauty, and how many, many noble sons had already been impaled on the thorns trying to get to her. As Phillip heard more and more about her, about her deeds, he knew she sounded like the one he had been looking for. So he rushed off in her direction, since it wasn't too far off from there, ignoring the shouts of his squire and the woodsman.

When Phillip got the the barrier, he tried every weapon he had. But none of them even scratched the vines. He was almost ready to give up, when someone new approached him. It was Carol, the good fairy, just as she was a century ago.

For you see, after Maleficent left, Carol still had a few tricks. She knew any prince would need help beating Maleficent. So she put herself somewhere safe, and cast the spell of sleep upon herself, tailing it so she would wake naturally some time before the century was through. This would allow her to prepare.

It was she who was responsible for Phillip's visions. She knew he was not only the sort of prince who was brave enough to take on Maleficent, who by now had taken the grandiose title of Mistress of All Evil, but someone Briar Rose would love to meet. So she gave Phillip some gifts to help him through. She gave him the Sword of Truth and the Shield of Virtue, weapons crafted with holy magic to battle Maleficent. (I took these from the Disney movie because they sounded awesome). Then the fairy went on her way, wishing Phillip luck.

Phillip tested the sword on the vines, and it cut through them effortlessly, the pieces withering at the touch. He cut through the barrier, and headed into the kingdom. He reached the courtyard, where he found Maleficent.

Maleficent turned into a dragon an blasted Phillip, but the shield repelled her dark magical fire. She swung her claws at them, but Phillip just managed to cut one off. She swung her tail, and Phillip jumped out of the way. Phillip finally killed her by throwing his sword at where he knew a dragon's weakspot was, a small spot on the stomach that wasn't covered by scales. He picked up the sword, and headed into the palace.

The guards were slumped against the walls, covered in dust and cobwebs. Everyone and everything was frozen in mid motion. He found Sleeping Beauty in the tower, and revived her. The whole kingdom celebrated, and the two of them got along very well before they eventually married.

And even when the kingdoms unified, Sleeping Beauty continued to work for others. She personally ordered the construction of several hospitals, as well as orphanages. She also outlawed arranged marriages, since she still didn't like the idea, even if her father's intentions were good. And she held yearly charity events to help those less fortunate in the kingdom.

What do you think?

[reynard]

Well, I'm back. Sorry for double posting. Anyway, besides these background tales, I've run into a few issues that have kept me from writing the story.

First of all: Alessa. I mentioned her before in the plot summary. Basically there's this group called the Wicked Witch Guild. They used to have a guild in every town. Most of them were burned at the stake by the princesses and the only guild left is the one in Darkville. The Witch Superior (who I named Morgan Moonstar) is the one that sends you on the quests to get the ingredients for the force field breaking potion.

Morgan has one daughter, a girl named Alessa. She becomes a playable character and joins the party when you have to get the pea from the Pea Princess, but I'll get to her later. Alessa basically looks just like her mother. They have the same model, with Alessa's clothes being purple instead of black.

And that was it to her character. But then I had this idea. See, after you get Snow White's apple, Morgan asks how we did it. She didn't think we would be able to do it. And I made a joke about her confidence in us, when "us" included her own daughter.

But then that made me think, why not use something like that? Why not make Morgan extremely overprotective of her daughter, to the point that she refuses to personally train Alessa in magic, and doesn't really realize what Alessa is truly capable of. I mean Alessa is the the best spell caster in the game. With her best gear, she has the largest number of weapon and armor slots for bubbles, which means she can use the greatest variety of spells. And her DP (power in this game is measured in Dream Points) is the highest of anybody by far.

So Alessa, who at the time of the story is 16, would be traveling around as a way to prove to her mother and herself that she's not a child, and she's just as capable a witch as anybody. That makes for a good character and a good story, right?

Well, then I had another idea, and it...complicated things. I started to wonder about Alessa's father. He's never mentioned. Then I thought, why not make Jack Alessa's father?

What I had in mind was that Jack and Morgan were seeing each other way back when. As a game character, Jack is good with magic too, and he made himself appear human to be around Morgan. My original plan was that Jack was about 18, and Morgan about 16, when Jack was made the king of the now united Halloween Kingdom.

Jack himself had been active in a political movement to unite the Halloween creatures together. But when he took up his position, Morgan was pregnant. The whole thing was kept quiet. It would have caused a scandal. And Morgan herself was supposed to take over the job of Witch Superior from her own mother, who was furious at the situation.

Morgan had to fight to prove to her fellow witches she was capable of being in charge, and she never told Alessa who her father was.

Now here's where I get stuck. In the beginning of the game, when Alan first meets Jack, Jack seems to know all about Alan. There's no "who are you?", it's more like he was expecting Alan. Now when you first meet the witches, Morgan says she and her guild predicted Alan's arrival years ago, but they could never pinpoint exactly when he would show up.

Now, consider this: Since Jack is the king, and Morgan is in charge of the last branch of the most powerful magic users they have, it wouldn't be hard to imagine that Jack would frequently consult the guild, right?

If he had consulted them before the start of the game, it would explain why he would be so accepting of Alan's presence and why he immediately goes on about how Alan has a mission. But if he had met with the guild before this, he would know that Morgan is now in charge and he would also know that Morgan has a daughter.

But on the other hand, maybe Jack hasn't actually talked to the guild until now. The guild lost lots of members fighting Geppetto before the gate closed, and now they are confined to one very northern and small place. In that case, Jack wouldn't know about Alessa, and it would lead to some emotional moments. But if he hasn't talked to them, it changes his first conversation with Alan.

See my problem? Both are interesting and possible. But I wasn't sure which one would lead to the better story.

Another thing that's been bothering me was the timeline. So far I have down that the Drowsy Gate was locked five years before the present. The Princesses have been evil for seven years. The Sleeping Kingdom was unified two years after the Halloween Kingdom, and the princesses ruled it peacefully for another seven years.

Do those sound like reasonable numbers? I suppose what's bothering me is the idea of the characters aging and growing old, you know? I've rather grown to like the versions of the four princesses I wrote up.

Could someone please give me some feedback and advice? Please?

[Penny Royals]

Alright, the tale of Sleeping Beauty: I like your take on it. The thing about Prince Phillip being basically made for her and coming a century later reminds me of one take I read when I was eleven, though that one didn't end as happily (he was a Buddhist, and she was the 'portrait of relaxation'...). My only question is what happened to the prince and king she was going to marry?

Morgan Moonstar... the name instantly made me think of Scooby Doo on Zombie Island xDDD The timeline seems okay, but I'm... having trouble following you for the two ideas with Jack, Alessa, and Morgan.

[reynard]

Thanks. As for the other prince, I just presumed he was asked to leave after Briar fell into her magic coma.

And on a side note, I'd like to say that when Phillip was later abducted by Geppetto, he didn't have those weapons. And they were given to Prince Charming. Prince Charming was a "Holy Prince" of sorts, and he had a move called Holy Sword that hit everybody for massive holy damage. Seriously, it hurt. And let me tell you, if you had told me before that the sword he was holding was the same one that slew Maleficent, Mistress of All Evil, I'd believe it.

And I actually thought of the Zombie Island movie, but then I remembered that was Moonscar.

The issue with Alessa, Morgan, and Jack is this:

1. Making Morgan very overprotective was a good idea for a character.

2. Making Jack Alessa's father was also a good idea for emotional scenes.

But the question remains, does Jack know that Alessa is his? It doesn't take too long in the game before you go up to Darkville to meet Morgan for the first time. And you are traveling with Jack. Alessa is also in the room, but at first she will just direct you to her mother. A little while later, Alessa joins the party.

Now imagine this. If Jack sees Alessa, is he simply surprised to see that Morgan had a kid. Or does he already know that Alessa is his daughter before the story mentions Alessa?

If he knows where Alessa came from, that means he would have had contact with Morgan before the present quest of the game. It's possible, since Morgan is in charge of the last Wicked Witch Guild around. He might come to her for advice.

Or maybe Jack hasn't talked to Morgan in a long time. Maybe he hasn't seen her since he was dating her. That is equally possible. The Wicked Witches were said to have once had a guild in every town, and most of them were burned at the stake. That might make them isolated and cloistered.

Whether or not he had contact with Morgan alters how the beginning of the story goes. When you first meet Morgan, she admits that she and her guild predicted Alan's arrival years ago, but they just couldn't pinpoint exactly when he would literally drop in. If Jack had been talking to Morgan before present time, you would think that the leader of the Wicked Witch Guild, the "most powerful sorcerers in the world" would mention that to the king.

When Alan first meets Jack, the first thing Jack says is, and I quote: "Good day to you, stalwart hero. You have been brought before me because you have an important mission to accomplish. A vital mission for our miserable and lost world. Well…no more chatting! I bet you don’t even know where you are right now!"

It's like he was expecting him. There's no "Who are you? Why are you in my castle? Why are you dressed as a skeleton? And why is your head a pincushion?"

No, it's like he was reading the script before and he's all like "Oh hi main protagonist!"

I wasn't sure which one made for the better story. Lately I've been thinking that it would be better if Jack hasn't met Morgan in a long time, doesn't know who Alan is initially, and doesn't know about Alessa. What do you think?

Another thing that's been bothering me lately is the idea of Dream Bubbles and where they come from. The game has them sold in stores along with being in chests, cabinets, and holes in the ground. But since this is a story, there are places where game logic and story logic split.

If Geppetto is ruling a kingdom, why would he allow people to still sell the Dream Bubbles? That would be dangerous. And why can't he just use those things to take over the rest of the world? And how are they still made? That's what I was asking myself.

My current working idea is that while the originals were made by ancient mages, it's the two magic guilds that know the secrets to making new ones, secrets they take great lengths to keep.

Dream Bubbles are like perpetual energy sources. Once the energy is captured, it doesn't run out like a battery. But using them to their full extent requires skill and training. So people like Hook and Big Bad Wolf can use some of them, but not as effectively as Jack or Alessa. For Alan it's a bit easier because he's a mortal child from earth, and so he's closer to the energy than other people. The energy to make the bubbles is gathered indirectly through the earth, drawing it up from the fabric of the world.

And while Dream Bubbles are still made, they aren't made in large quantities in the present. With only one witch guild left, and with them being so shut in, they aren't making all that many of them, which explains the why that area of the world only sells low level bubbles.

As for the Sleeping Kingdom, Dream Bubbles aren't sold in the stores at all, at least as far as the story goes. Sure, they are sold in the game, but not here. The Four Princesses rounded up most of them and used them to enhance their own forces, breaking them to create more elemental dwarves, enhancing their guards, etc. The only ones around are those hidden in chests and holes and so on.

The one exception is the Dwarven Village. They gathered up their own huge stock of bubbles, and help use those to defend their home. I made a joke that they kept all the level 3 comet bubbles, the most powerful spell in the game (area of effect fire spell that can cause a target to burn, which takes of 5% of max health per turn) and that's why no one ever gets into the village, even when enemies start attacking you in cities everywhere else.

Really, the dwarves are awesome. Here they are, sitting in enemy territory, and the walls of their village aren't made of stone. They're made of logs, like a fort in the old time western frontier. And yet they still sit there, and no enemies get in, ever, especially since these guys make the best armor and weapons.

Does this sound good?

[Penny Royals]

I'd so go with your idea- I mean, perhaps later on in the story there COULD be some exposition to TELL Jack that Alessa is his?

As for the dream bubbles and store thing... well, would there be anyone in the sleeping kingdom who are kinda like... 'rebels' I guess? Or people who are a bit more conniving underneath the surface- because you could handwave that while dream bubbles are sold there, they're in a 'black market' type thing.

[reynard]

Yeah, that works too. Thank you.

Moving on in the list of current issues, I come to another character, the Pea Princess. Oh boy, the Pea Princess. This one is a little weird.

Like I mentioned at the start, you need to make a potion to break the magic force field, and ingredient #2, according to Morgan is "a pea that has slept with a real princess for at least 100 years."

She says only the Pea Princess has one, and that her "jailhouse is to the east in the Sleeping Kingdom. Morgan goes on to say "She is a very shy girl. She has been living in exile in that house for 500 years, waiting for her Prince Charming, but since she never opens the door to men...Well, let's just say she's a "peculiar" girl."

This is why Alessa tags along. And if you try to go into the Pea Princesses house with her, the princess just says "I won't open the door, is that clear? Go away you ugly men!"

When I read that "peculiar line", I wasn't sure whether that was an implication of her orientation or something, or just calling her a ditz. And then there's the age thing. Notice that she's been in "exile" for 500 years.

And yet, when you enter her house (which is off the main road, has a nice garden with lots of flowers and a fountain), she looks so young. She looks like a young woman, no gray streaks or wrinkles or anything. And she hasn't been in a magic, youth preserving coma, she's just been living there.

It made me really wonder if everybody was immortal here. It was especially confusing when the farmers at the Darkville Farms said they were descended from a "noble dynasty of farmers" (try and figure that out). And yet if those three brothers are running the farms, and they are descendants of a line, why aren't their parents running it if they live forever? It implies their parents died. Eventually I just tossed out the immortality thing because it was giving me a major headache.

The actual interior is rather spartan, at least for what you consider "princess-like" There are some tables, some chairs, a wardrobe, a stove, a sink, a fireplace, a desk. The walls are gray with no decoration whatsoever, and the only unique thing is the large pink four poster bed sitting there in this one room building. And standing next to it is the princess, who I named Liza.

Liza is dressed all in pink, though in a different style than the other princesses. Her dress doesn't have that hole in the chest that reminds me of Powergirl, so I suppose it was meant to distinguish her from the evil princesses. Her tiara is silver, with some sort of gold piece at the middle, and some sort of red X on that.

When you first talk to her, this is the actual dialogue:

Pea Princess: Hi nice guy...Did you come to save me? Are you my Prince Charming?

Alan: Well...actually...I'm not...

Pea Princess: You're not him? Who are you then? How did you find me? They told me that he would find me and take me to safety in his castle, loving and respecting me till death do us part.

Alan: I am really sorry, Miss Princess on the Pea, but I'm not a Prince Charming. I'm just here to take your pea.

Pea Princess: What?? My pea?? You come here, you don't save me, and you even want to take my pea? I admit it's a bit worn out since I have since I have been sleeping on it for so long, but it's the only company I have!

Alan: But I need it to save your world...

Pea Princess: I don't care...I want a pea! Got it? I could give it to you, but only if you bring me a brand-new one in exchange! Otherwise, you'll have to take it over my dead body!

And you actually have the choice of fighting her. But it's not worth it. If you refuse and talk to her again and ask her where to look, she says that she heard of a greengrocer in Sleeping City that sells great peas.

After you give her a new one, she says:

Pea Princess: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh...Thank you...A brand new pea! All mine! Here take this...but handle it with great care, it has been with me for many years!

Alan: Thank you, Princess. You are very kind.

Pea Princess: Kind? Me? ......... Do you know how many years have passed since a man has given me a compliment?

Alan: ehm...

Pea Princess: At least 200! You're so nice! I'm tempted to help you against those bad princesses.

And that's it for her dialogue. She's a rather good fighter, being balanced like Alan, but where he leans a bit more towards melee, she leans a bit more towards magic, having so many bubble slots and a DP level so high that I first considered her to be a magic-focused character over Jack.

She's also carrying a pair of pistols. That's right, the Pea Princess is packing a pair of powerful pistols. I dare you to say that ten times fast and not knot your tongue. The starters are called Derringers, small pistols favored by assassins and the type of weapon that killed Lincoln. Although the icon looks like a revolver...

I just wasn't sure what to do with her. I was never sure if her exile was self-imposed or if someone tricked her into it. Her dialogue about waiting for her prince to take her away sort of gives an impression that someone, possibly even the four princesses, duped her into exile.

That still doesn’t explain why she still doesn’t open the door to men though. But considering her only company seems to have been a pea she sleeps with like a teddy bear, she may not be playing with a full deck at this point.

One of things I did want to stick with is that she isn’t the princess from her fairy tale. Her situation didn’t mesh well with The Princess and the Pea, so I made it that she’s the daughter of the original main characters, which explains why she has that pea (whose icon looks like a pea pod but whatever). The pea was supposed to have been kept around as a heirloom in a museum in the original tale. And she’s about 22 in present time.

Any thoughts?

[makoeyes]

I like what you're doing. Though I think it's cool to darken the classic fairy tales, I share your sentiment that it's stupid to turn the heroes into complete monsters and put the bad people into leather pants.

I like that you made the Pea Princess into the daughter of the original pea princess. As for why she doesn't want to open the door to men, I agree that she's probably had her sanity deteriorate at this point. Maybe the princesses got the charming Prince to use his good looks to trap her? That's Imo, a good reason for being distrustful of men.

[Penny Royals]

I like the Pea Princess. Like... a lot. But I feel, by the way she's designed and the way she acts and all that, like she may appear a bit younger than 22. Like... if the other princesses were 16-20, she'd be 10-14.

And yeah, I'd assume something... I dunno. Maybe somewhat tragic or traumatic happened.

...That or she just believes boys have cooties still BUT YOU KNOW

[makoeyes]

Feb 23, 2013 12:26:48 GMT -8 Penny Royals said:

I like the Pea Princess. Like... a lot. But I feel, by the way she's designed and the way she acts and all that, like she may appear a bit younger than 22. Like... if the other princesses were 16-20, she'd be 10-14.

And yeah, I'd assume something... I dunno. Maybe somewhat tragic or traumatic happened.

...That or she just believes boys have cooties still BUT YOU KNOW

Now that you mention it does sound like she's 10 to tweenish. In that case maybe she is just scared of cooties, lol.

[reynard]

I like the idea that the princesses had Prince Charming trick her into self-isolation. And I'm thinking that in this universe, her parents were murdered by Geppetto's forces.

As for her age, I get where you two are coming from. She DOES sound like a ditz, and that's why that "peculiar" line confused me at first. I didn't know if they meant she claimed she was looking for "Prince Charming" but wasn't interested in men, or if she just wasn't all that bright.

But I don't know about 10-14. She doesn't seem that young to me. Since it's a flash game, I couldn't really get still photos to show you guys, but thankfully I found something just as good.



This is an actual trailer for the game. If you go to 2:49, it begins to show a group shot of various characters, both main characters and some generic models, slowly moving to the right. The pirate you see is Hook, to the right of him is Jack, followed by Alessa (in purple), Alan, Big Bad Wolf, and the blonde in pink is the Pea Princess.

Also of note, the blond in the blue and yellow behind Jack is Prince Charming (the Blindly Loyal), the big tree with apples is the Red Apple Tree, the wooden thing with the tall red hat is a basic Pinocchio Clone, and the bush monster thing is called a Were-Bush. Yes, I'm serious, a Were-Bush.

At 2:54 the thing is all the way to the right, and in the background, the redhead in green is Rapunzel. The blonde in blue to her right is Cinderella. The brunette in red to the right of her is Sleeping Beauty, and to the right of her is Snow White. The soldier with the Gatling gun is a Lead General, a top tier Lead Soldier, and the big huge thing in the background is Vincent the Terrible.