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Post by Lady Phoenix on Oct 29, 2010 14:11:03 GMT -8
This is my big ass collection of riffs on Erin's twishit fan fics "Brewdening Love", "Twilight Bible", and her numerous Oneshots.
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Post by Lady Phoenix on Oct 29, 2010 14:11:11 GMT -8
So here are my counts, since I love to do counts when it comes to Erin's story:
Religous Freak (RF) = Where this bitch continues preaching PARAGRAPHS ofThe Book of Matthew to the point where even the most Christian of folks will want to go Atheist and anyone who is already Atheist will want to punch out her teeth.
Slut = Where her OC is just PINING for an orgasm that she carries an vibrator strapped to her leg just in case Edward bails out on her at the last minute. Isn't Lust suppose to be a Deadly Sin?
Attention Whore (AW) = "PLZ!!! I NEED UR ATTENTIN!!!!!" This is where Erin and her OC will be overly dramatic.
Stupid = Because every piece of "literature" related to Twilight (plus the books themselves) should ALWAYS have a count the number of times the characters or the author does something that would make Seltzerberg and MTV look like intellectual geniuses.
Egotistical (Ego) = Where she acts like she's better than anyone else. Isn't Pride suppose to be yet ANOTHER deadly Sin?
Bitch = Where she's being a cunt. 'Nuff said.
Schizophrenic (Schizo) = (This won't happen until later in the story, I think, I'll let you know) this is cases where some of the creepy things Erin says come off as Erin not being able to tell reality from fantasy... Trust me, she's a loony alright
Plot Hole = (Once again, this happens later, in the new revamped snarkings) Where I count the holes in Erin's strories ( witnesses, not taking care of wounds, nature doesn't work that way, asspulls, random character appearances, etc.)
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Post by Lady Phoenix on Oct 29, 2010 14:12:03 GMT -8
This is chapter 1, and yes this is an old one. Brewdening Love^^^First off, it’s “BROODING”. Already I can sense the failure if she can’t get the fucking title right! (Stupid +1) Chapter One: Genesis ^^^Woohoo. A first chapter cleverly named after the first part of the Bible. Isn’t that creative, folks?
No. Not really. Already I am getting the vibe over the religious air coming from this fan fiction. Seriously, not a lot of people enjoy blatantly religious stories that slap them upside their face and shove themselves down the readers' throats—especially since not everyone is a Christian or a very strong one. It only isolates your viewers. (RF +1) At least SOMEONE agrees with Bella being a bitch, but detracts it by saying what’d happen if SHE were Bella. In other words, this is a self-gratification fan shit with a Mary Sue insert being fucked by her dream man. And “tell moi?” Um, NEWFLASH: You’re not French and you’re not Miss Piggy, usually when people say “moi”, it usually connotates as them being an arrogant cunt. (Stupid +1, Ego +1, Bitch +1, Slut +1, AW +1, RF +1) First paragraph and already I can tell you the story sucks. In fact, the first SENTENCE already tells you the suckage of this story. “…Sitting by the corner of my class, sitting by the corner in a desk”. You JUST repeated the EXACT SAME THING in ONE SENTENCE. By god, my AP teacher from last year, Mr. Cook, would eat you alive for such a redundant sentence.
She basically sees Edward as a steaming hunk. Never mind the fact she tells us time and time again that she’s “a god lil’ Christian” girl. I ain’t buying it.
She’s not a good writer at all. You don’t put Author Notes in the middle of your story for a reason—it distracts the readers—no wait! This doesn’t JUST distract readers… this AN SCARES THEM AWAY! Already they think you’re a religious psycho bitch that they probably dropped this story and flamed your ass the moment they read this shit—it the AN didn’t do that first… or the title.
You also don’t put useless details that have no point to the story either. I don’t give a shit that Edward used to look like some guy that was handsome before he gained weight, nor do I care you become obsessed over another TV show. In fact, mentioning the fact that you hate an actor JUST because he gained weight and turned to another TV show just because of that makes you sound like a tremendous bitch who hates fat people. (Stupid +1, Bitch +2, RF +2, Slut +1) Because every suethor must describe how hot and beautiful they are. At least it’s just a paragraph and not the whole entire story. I seriously think she is a whore if she has to pile on so much eyeliner and mascara. As far as I can tell, she’s trying oh so hard—oh so TOO hard—to get her precious Eddie to notice her. Sorry, I don’t think men like very forward women.
And she goes ahead and insults Mary Magdalene, Jesus’ closest bf. According to Wikipedia, Mary was neither a slut nor a prostitute—only making this cunt’s assumptions of her quite false. She was Jesus’ best friend who was loyal to Jesus until the very, VERY end and became one of Jesus’ apostles. As far as I know, Mary could have been a prominent example of Feminist history. Nowhere in the New Testament claimed that she was a prostitute. She also now sounds like an arrogant “perfect” girl. “ I don’t dress like a slut, so that means I’m popular!” Nope. (Bitch +1, Ego +1, Stupid +1, Slut +1, AW +1) Too bad, God does NOT teach us to forgive others based off of looks. You’re sounding far LESS Christian and far MORE like a prostitute with every word you are saying.
And ONCE more, you must do the distracting AN that throws more Christian lessons into our throats than fastballs at the Little League Games. Once more, you are only proving you are a religious nutcase and distracting your viewers, distracting the already shitty quality of your story. (Slut +1, Stupid +2, RF +1) What’s that old adage that’s ringing in my brain? Oh yeah, “Pride goeth before the fallen.” It’s always ME, ME, ME. “I’m so fucking hot! Everyone loves me! Everyone tells me that I’m hot! I MUST be hot!” I think the only thing on these people’s minds will probably be this, honey:
And trust me, hon, that’s not good. That’s just people thinking you nothing more than a prostitute in the making.
Seriously, don’t announce “FORESHADOWING”. Not only did you spoil it for us, but you just made your story go down the drainer. And seriously, most of us have read Twilight or know enough of it to know Edward glares at people he “likes”. We don’t need YOU to tell us that. We aren’t babies. (Stupid +2, Ego +5, Slut +1, AW +1, Bitch +3) Flirting FAIL. And like Puzzle Girl said, stalker, much? I guess this girl learned a lot from Eddiekins. Why do I get the sneaking suspicion that it will be poor EDWARD we’ll be rooting for to dump the stalker? You heard it folks! She’s actually a HE! She’s a transvestite! LMAO And she sounds like the crazy bitch from the movie “Fatal Attractions” with Glen Close starring as said stalkeress. I can already imagine her saying “I won’t be ignored!” Men don’t like extremely forward girls—especially ones coming off as whoring, stalking nutcases. (Slut +1, Stupid +1, AW +1) Seriously, does Phoenix need to choke-a-freaky-religious-bitch?
NO MORE TALKING ABOUT GOD! IT’S IRRITATING! And I’m actually CHRISTIAN (hence my real name, Kristen). When you talk so much about God—or just any ONE subject, you’re going to freak people out and scare them away. (RF +1, Stupid +1, AW +1)
CHAPTER/FINAL COUNT: Stupid = 10 Bitch = 7 Religious Freak = 6 Egotistical = 7 Attention Whore = 5 Slut = 6
Stay tuned folks, as I dish out chapter 2 and rip it a brand new asshole.
EDIT:Forgive me folks, but this motherfucking cunt has pissed me off far too much. I fear if I dare write anymore, my blood pressure will increase to the point that it'll explode! I'll be sad to say that I will NOT continue snarking this story, I will leave the story to be snarked by another and they will have full rights to use my counter system inspired by Ludicrum... and even add on to it (but please be sure to define the new Counts for everyone). I'm sorry ppl!
PS: Please also check my thread and poll over whether to change the Twilight Fan Fictions into an actual Directory or simply keep it as a Subforum. No really count on how many voters before I make a decision. Maybe about 50 or so will be enough?
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Post by Lady Phoenix on Oct 29, 2010 14:39:54 GMT -8
(Behold Chapter 2, which was done much later. This is the first appearance of Seto Kaiba being a co-snarker. He'll appear every once in awhile because I did go back and snarked chapters I did miss the first time around) So Kaiba and I have decided to go ahead and tackle some of the chapters I missed when I first snarked this load of dung.Kaiba: *tied to a chair… again* Great…Oh pipe down. This can’t be as bad as the time you were forced to watch Spiceworld with Pegasus.Chapter 2 – Adem and Ev^^^Wow, for a supposed Christian, I’m surprised she can’t spell one of the most famous Biblical figures known by all… especially when their names are only 3-4 words*sighs and pats his back* Kaiba, Kaiba, Kaiba. We’ve already pointed out the spelling flaws AGES ago. You’re really behind on the times. If this is old, then why the fuck are we reviewing this shit? Because I want to. Ugh… (Stupid +1) Funny, I don’t see “Thou shalt not flame” or “Thou shalt not criticize” anywhere in the 10 CommandmentsFor a girl who claims to “Choose love”, she’s not afraid to call the unsatisfied reader “sinnr bitch”. I guess she can’t go to Heathen (even though we don’t WANT to go there) I think it’s suppose to be “Heaven” Just go with it. … Hm, she keeps claiming her character is Joan, not Erin. How much do you want to bet she’s going to call her character “Erin” anyway? Don’t need to. She does this in the next chapter. And better yet, she mistakes herself as Bella a few times! (Stupid +1, Bitch +1, RF +1, AW +1) You know, I don't get this whole “pray and you’ll get whatever you want” bullshit even though 90% of these people don’t deserve it. Oh just pray to some guy in the sky and everything will be fairytale nonsenseLikewise. It sickens me as a Christian that these people basically treat God as some slave. You pray and then you expect God to give you whatever you want, and then have a fit when you don’t get anything like some spoiled brat. God is suppose to be the father. Your father doesn’t always give you what you want and is suppose to. He’s supposed to give you love and then guide your way into a happy, independent life. So yeah, asking God to get some random hot boy to fall in love with you and fuck you, all awhile this boy has no say to this… that doesn’t sound Christian all. No it does not. (RF +1, Slut +1) The Sue brigade has arrived. And Erin is masturbating to them as always. Does she really expect us to believe that by reading the Bible, she’s Christian. Anyone can read the Bible for entertainment and not be Christian. Just reading a Bible doesn’t prove your Christian, Erin. It’s actually DOING the stuff the Bible says (or most of it, it’s very contradictory] that is what makes you Christian (RF +1, Slut +1) *mockingly* “He would like me because I am hot and a Christian.” BLECH! Erin, you know Pride is a sin, right? Oh wait…You know, if he’s angry at you, then he obviously doesn’t like you. Actually, that’s what happened in Twilight too. … What is it with women wanting to be treated like crap? And what does having a certain religious affinity have to do with whether a guy likes you or not? This is Erin we’re talking about…Oh. (RF +1, Ego +1, Slut +1) Homophobic as always and using negative sterotypes…Name dropping random celebrities and stores…And, of course…Both: Worshipping Edward Cullen. (Stupid +2, Bitch +2, Slut +2) Growling is not supposed to be a good thing. What part of “Fuck off bitch” do you not understand? (Stupid +1) Wow, she’s quick to the point: all she wants to do is fuck Edward CullenAnd using bad language unnecessarily, not very Christian is you ask me… and neither is lusting and flirting with random boys. (Bitch +1, Slut +2) Edward doesn’t enjoy you being near him. HE DOES NOT LIKE YOU! HOW HARD IS IT TO UNDERSTAND?! And more homophobia! Don’t you know gay camps are a form of child abuse--and don't even work at all?! This bitch needs to be slapped. (Stupid +1, Bitch +1) Well, she finally got the message. Maybe the Christian propaganda scared him off. Or the fact the first word you say to him is “I like you fuckloads.” Oh yeah… (Stupid +1, AW +1) Ugh… the Mary Sueism starts to sink in. (AW +1, Slut +1) *looks at Phoenix* Why do I get the “Fatal Attractions” vibes from this Sue? You're not the only one. I got them too the first time I read this shit. Stalker much? *nods* Indeed. She's 100% stalker. (AW +1, Slut+ 1, Schizo +1) Hm… were there any DBZ characters in the shit? No.Shame… I would have loved to see them rip these pathetic excuses for “characters” apart. Likewise… So how was your first day?THAT WAS THE MOST AWFUL THING I EVER READ! This IS worse than the time I was forced to watch Spiceworld with Pegasus! I know… and it only gets worse. Just wait till we have to tackle the revenge chapters! (Stupid +1) Chapter Count: Stupid = 8 Bitch = 5 Religious Freak = 4 Egotistical = 1 Attention Whore = 4 Slut = 9 Schizophrenic = 1 Okay then. That’s it.
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Post by Lady Phoenix on Oct 29, 2010 15:02:09 GMT -8
(I actually did snark this story previously, but for some reason it got deleted. Huh… Aw well, this will be the first story I will snark here so Kaiba will appear again) Chapter 3: Collisions^^^Huh, I think this is the first time I ever saw Erin spell out her title correctly. Actually . . . What? According to Black Sun, this was actually suppose to be named after the "Book of Colossians". Since I'm not a huge Bible reader, I kinda missed it. Oh. So she gets a stupid point then?Yes she does. (Stupid +1, RF +1) Hey Erin, you are not exactly going to get any love if you yourself act like a complete bitch. Actually follow YOUR preaching first before you tell others to do so, bitch. This girl is a fucking hypocrite! She’s supposedly “Christian” and she cusses like a sailor and treats everyone like shit for not liking her story when it’s poorly written, racist, homophobic, and just insulting. WHO WOULD LIKE THIS STORY?!?! And what the hell is with FF not liking ~ or “luv hearts”?! It has to do with a feature on FanFiction.net that allows people to separate parts of their story with a long line. If Erin was the LEAST bit intelligent, she would have known FF.net has its very own word processor which has a feature that allows you to separate your story with said line. So in short, Erin is an idiot? What else is new? (Stupid +2, Bitch +1, RF +1) … What? *shakes head* Don’t ask. (Stupid +1) Oh yes, so long as your stalking victim is not in class, it isn’t important. Just don’t pay attention to that class because it will no way have any importance to you in the nearby future. All you need is a man, who cares about something like “education”? … Man these morals are fucked up. (Stupid +1, Slut +1) Hey Erin, instead of just telling us all this in an author’s note… why don’t you actually SHOW US you were in Forks longer than Bella Sue? I mean, this stuff might as well be pointless and disruptive, since in no way this fact is EVER MENTIONED AGAIN. (Stupid +1) Strange, the last time I recall, Amy Lee had black hair who wore dark clothing and practiced Christianity. So besides the religion, she looks absolutely nothing like this Jenny person.… Aw fuck, is this her attempt to jab at rock music and claim gothic music is inherently evil?! Erin, this is the year 2010, that bullshit flew out of the window AGES AGO. Rock Music is not evil and does not turn people into Satanists--everyone knows that! Kindly pull that head of yours out of your ass and GET WITH THE TIMES!!! I could go on a huge rant as to why rock music is not evil, but Linkara did that for me when he reviewed “Batman: Fortunate Son”. So instead of ranting about this idiotic notion, I’ll have Linkara and his guest at the end of the video do it for me: thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/linkara/at4w/10629-batmanfort(Stupid +2, Bitch +1) Hm… don’t words like “hot” and “erotically” usually have to do with sexuality? Yup. These girls are pining for men, like good Christian girls…. *gag* (Slut +2) Girl, we saw in the last 2 chapters that Edward has abosultely ZERO interest in you. With that, and the fact Jenny mentioned how the whole family is “mysterious”, what the fuck makes you think she’ll have ANY knowledge about the Cullens that will allow you to get close to Edward?! Mysterious = Unknown, Erin. (Stupid +2) Wait, what WHAT?! What the hell, Erin, there was absolutely NO transition to this scene. She starts talking about Edward being in the mountain and then suddenly points Edward being at the end of the hall. No Erin, you need transitions, or else your audience will be confused. (Stupid +1) Note to whore, here’s a dictionary definition for you
These are signs of when a person is uncomfortable and does not like something. In short, Edward is not comfortable around you. If “loved” him, like you were spouting about in the last 2 chapters up until now, then you would actually follow his wishes and from him. What Kaiba is saying is this, Erin: EDWARD DOESN’T LIKE YOU!!! (Stupid +1, Slut +1) Wow, Erin, you just talk about how sexually attractive he is, even though he doesn’t like you. This is considered “sexual harassment” and that means it is illegal, and you are a whore. Hey, I thought according to these trash novels that these vamp—Meyerpires. Fine… Meyerpires sparkle in direct sunlight. We’re snarking a story about a Christian fanactic who has a obsessive, schizophrenic lust for Edward Cullen and a hatred for anyone who is not Christian, a Twitard, and/or heterosexual… Continuity failure is just a few rat pellets compared to the massive shitstorm this fan fiction truly is. Good point. (Stupid +2, Slut +1, AW +1) We will say this again… Both: EDWARD DOESN’T LIKE YOU, YOU STALKING BITCH (Stupid +1, AW +1) HOORAY! Now run her over and turn her into a rotting piece of—She survives. … What?! … She doesn’t get hit by the bus. ……… *goes off in an inaudible rage*… Yeah, we’ll be right back folks. But seriously, Erin completely ruins her little cliff hanger by first saying the SOUND of a bus, only to reveal it is a bus. It’s almost a direct copy+paste of the exact same sentence. In short, Erin just failed at suspense. (Stupid +2) So after the shit she gave us, she expect us to review it nicely like a bunch of dumbasses? Yup. Screw that. Here’s my review! *draws Blue Eyes* Blue Eyes! WHITE LIGHTNING!!! Blue Eyes: *Destroys This Chapter* Yes, yes! Myah ha ha ha! Destroy it! Destroy it all! … We still got over 30 chapters to go… …DAMN IT!!!!(Stupid +2, RF +1, Schizo +1) Chapter Count: Stupid = 19 Bitch = 2 Religious Freak = 3 Egotistical = 0 Attention Whore = 4 Slut = 5 Schizophrenic = 1 Ok, I have a very special gift for my fellow snarkers… A CLIP OF LITTLEKURIBOH!!! *crowd cheers* Didn’t you go to Otakon and meet him?Yes I did. In fact, my profile picture of my facebook is me with him! Crazy fangirl…BEHOLD! Later folks!
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Lyra
Persistent Member
Professional Goatback Rider
Posts: 3,119
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Post by Lyra on Nov 1, 2010 21:10:13 GMT -8
She's still gone... I wonder if she'll ever come back- will she pop up when the coast is clear in a few months, or has she actually matured finally?
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Post by Darth Sariah on Nov 3, 2010 9:55:14 GMT -8
I had my own snark going but this one is much better.
I'd also like to quickly point out that chapter three is referencing another Bible book, specifically "Book of Colossians". Both a misspelling and a shift to the New Testament where the first two were the Old Testament.
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Post by firegirl26 on Nov 8, 2010 10:21:27 GMT -8
more please i love this snarking
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Post by Lady Phoenix on Dec 4, 2010 12:43:25 GMT -8
Ok, I haven't updated my snarks yet, but I DO have a special.
A few months ago, I requested the Fan Fiction Critic to review some of Erin's fan fics. Sadly, this was around the same time Erin got banned so most of her shit got deleted.
Luckily, her deviantart account has her stories:
Enjoy
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Fyra [AiLH]
Member
And they're turnin' us into monsters... turnin' us into fire...[Mo0:1]
Posts: 557
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Post by Fyra [AiLH] on Dec 4, 2010 13:05:58 GMT -8
Oh that was sweet. xD
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Sassley
Member
You're under arrest for mopery with intent to creep.[Mo0:0]
Posts: 646
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Post by Sassley on Dec 4, 2010 13:34:17 GMT -8
You know, I almost wonder if Erin is a troll. Nobody can be that stupid, right?
...
right?
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Post by vampirekites on Dec 4, 2010 14:23:53 GMT -8
Or perhaps a bad knock-off of that Ebony Darkness fanfiction story.
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Post by SkeksisGirl on Dec 4, 2010 20:36:06 GMT -8
DUDE! SHE ADDED SHIT TO HER TWILIGHT WORLD ON DA! SHE'S BACK!!!
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Post by Lady Phoenix on Dec 4, 2010 21:10:09 GMT -8
DUDE! SHE ADDED SHIT TO HER TWILIGHT WORLD ON DA! SHE'S BACK!!! I guess we have to edit TV tropes on the part of Dead Fic
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Post by Alkonost Storm on Dec 5, 2010 4:45:10 GMT -8
^She also posted a journal entry saying she was gonna make a new chapter...Of course, she didn't say which fic. Typical Erin is typical
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Fyra [AiLH]
Member
And they're turnin' us into monsters... turnin' us into fire...[Mo0:1]
Posts: 557
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Post by Fyra [AiLH] on Dec 5, 2010 5:51:14 GMT -8
She's BACK? ... Heheh. Awesome.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2010 7:25:41 GMT -8
The lulz have returned! Anyone mind if I snark Twilight World?
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Post by Lady Phoenix on Dec 5, 2010 9:58:47 GMT -8
(New snark, which means Kaiba appears again) Well it looks like Erin is updating her stories, so I guess I have to update my snarks. I’m still not sure whether I’m gonna snark the whole series or just sporadically, but for now I will snark Chapter 4 (and then upload my old snarks that followed).
4 – Savoir Hey Kaiba -- ! No. Ahhh, come on man . . . No. But she’s going to update the story and -- ! What part of “no” did you NOT comprehend?! I’m done, I’m not doing this shit anymore. I’m going out this door and calling the cops on you and -- *Gets hit by a dart in the neck and falls over* ALWAYS have to do it the hard way, don’t we? *drags him away*
*Bound to a chair* If you didn’t “bag” Amy Lee, then why did you describe your friend Jenny as “Amy Lee but Christian”? And isn’t wrath a deadly sin, including the fact that revenge isn’t the answer? You know? “Turn the other cheek”? That whole “eye for an eye” crap was made by MESOPOTAMIANS, who were WAY before Christianity was ever conceived. And if Joan is supposedly NOT Erin, why did she refer to herself as Erin in the 2nd Chapter? Because Joan is a Mary Sue self-insert of Erin, what else? (Stupid +3, Bitch +1, RF +1, AW +1)
If you didn’t know Joan was going to die, then you are a fucking moron. Didn’t this happen in Twilight? That Bella loser almost getting hit by a vehicle only to be rescued by Edward? Yup. Afterall, this is Twilight, only Joan is the new Mary Sue because Bella is a bitch. But we all know Erin and Joan are worse Oh hell yes they are. Although I’m still guessing exactly why a BUS is speeding towards Joan. Busses are not allowed speed around school parking lots. No, let me rephrase that, no vehicle of ANY type is allowed to speed around school parking lots. There’s a huge reason WHY, THERE ARE KIDS WALKING AROUND. This scene should not happened, AT ALL – in the original source AND here. (Stupid +2)
Um . . . what about the students in the bus? Nope? Nothing? This is why you don’t use a BUS, Erin, because it digs up even greater plotholes. And what’s this about “Oh, I probably didn’t here Jenny”. You either heard what Jenny was saying or you didn’t. (Stupid +2)
Wait, you don’t even go to the hospital? The driver doesn’t need medical attention? What about the students? This plot hole is getting larger, Erin. (Stupid +1)
STOP BRINGING IN THE BIBLE!!! It’s awkward in the paragraph, it’s pointless nonsense that don’t help the story, and you basically isolated anyone who ISN’T Christian as your fanbase. And what’s this bullshit about not telling your father that YOU WERE ALMOST ROADKILL?! Wouldn’t your father have already received a phonecall from the school at least about this incident? Do we have to start a PLOT HOLE count? We’ve counted at least TWO plotholes, Erin, and we can count a lot more in that goddamn accident too. This is why using a bus, of all vehicles, as a plot device to bring you and your dream boyfriend together is a very STUPID idea! (Stupid +1, RF +1)
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Post by Lady Phoenix on Dec 5, 2010 10:25:59 GMT -8
(Old Snark time!) Chapter 5: Confesson ^^^This is the part where Edward admits to Joan/Erin/Mary Sue that he’s a meyerpire. What an interesting and creative title! Ain’t that cute… BUT IT’S WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!!!!Seriously, that’s one of the most stupid, clichéd titles in the history of Titles! It even tops Yusuke’s rant about his own show’s Episode titles being unoriginal and idiotic:
And that’s saying something, considering the first episode was renamed in the English dub as “Surprised to be Dead”. (And this is coming from a huge YYH fan) Girl, you epically FAIL at writing suspense, whatsoever. (Stupid +1) Too bad you don’t have any good fucking stupid readers out there to actually praise your story.
As far as I know, no one wants to read your story because of the following: 1. You’re a religious nutcase and everyone hates super religious insanies 2. Your story is yet another clichéd Twilight story that has spammed FF.net’s vaults by the tank full (Self insert Mary Sue takes place of Bella, falls in love with Edward, go through the Twilight saga as them). I think most fangirls have gotten tired of seeing some random slut fucking their own “precious husband”—or people realize that’s just getting old REALLY fast. 3. The flames scared them off 4. Your treatment of people who don’t like your story as well as people that are not Christian, anorexic, or homosexual. Yeah, way to scare off your readers And yet you are so fucking stupid to NOT realize why you are being flamed? I even sent you a note saying all the things you’ve done wrong and you replied like the immature, racist cunt you are. You basically rival Bambi666, Tara Gisbelle (or however the fuck her last name was spelled), and Stephanie Meyer as one of the most blockheaded fucktards out there. You all can’t get the hint as to why your stories SUCK and BAWWWWWWWWW about it. (Stupid +2, Bitch +1, Ego +1) If you actually have a brain, you’d know that the ff.net document editor thing has it’s own divider you can use. And seriously, that’s not how you’d divide a section. THIS is how you divide it: ooooooo Blah blah blah ooooooo And once more, your abuse of the bible shows how much of a fucking hypocrite you are. The meaning is not how you deal with mean people but how you are forced to deal with the bad things when the guilt only drives itself deeper and deeper. I actually had to look that phrase up and now know you are FAR from a Christian. (Stupid +2, RF +1, Bitch +2, Ego +1) Um… didn’t Edward actually own a Volvo and was known for driving that around school? Yeah, where were you when he was in the parking lot? But then again, I don’t think you can drive most vehicles (ESPECIALLY expensive ones like the Volvo) through rugged forest terrain. You could have just had Eddie say “I can’t drive you because my car can’t get through this kind of terrain” And “small montanny hill”? First off, mountains are not small, they are BIG. This is coming from someone who has visited Maine, New Hampshire, Tennessee, Virginia, Pennsylvania, and Alaska. I’ve seen mountains and they are definitely NOT small. You could have said “a large hill” or “a cliff”, but a “small mountainy hill” is NOT what you say. (Stupid +2) Once more, I question your Mary Sue’s “good Christian girl” act: 1. She’s cursing at something trivial (People tend to use WTF for something bad) 2. “I asked sexually” makes her sound like a whore, especially when in the context of “some fun or something” (Bitch +1, Slut +1) I dunno about you… but I think she is making cryptic obvious subliminal messages about hypocrisy and religion. “SomeTHONG” and “HYMN”? She’s either trying so hard to convert people or she’s just fucking stupid [or maybeDEFINITELY both]. (Stupid +1, RF +1, Slut +1) Now you drop the sexy act. Hm… really makes you sound like an absolute whore when you’ve been trying to seduce Edward during the whole entire hike through the forst. (Stupid +1, Slut +1) I believe I said in one of my flames that the word is “BROODING”.
And really, “I felt even sadder and kind of bad at the same time” is kinda redeundent. Just say “I was sad”. Or does your Sue feel bad because she’s taking pleasure in watching her dream boy cry? Or that she feels bad for acting like a huge slut? (Stupid +2) That’s just the dumbest response ever when some guy is mourning and telling you something important. Can you be anymore insensitive? (Stupid +1, Bitch +1) DON’T PUTTING EMOTIONCONS IN THE FUCKING STORY!!!! (Stupid +1) At least she got THAT right. (Stupid –1Oh wait!, Slut +1, Ego +1) ... *eye twitch* *eyetwitch* *eye twitch*…!!!!!!!!!! *Goes into a seizure in which she punches herself multiple time*
Rage… Rage… RAGE…
THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE!!! There is NO such thing as a Christian Vampire, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!! YOU ARE THE STUPIDEST, MOST IDIOTIC PERSON IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!!
A Christian vampire is an oxymoron all on its own. Why? Because most of them sold their souls to the devil or had forsaken God’s will to BECOME A VAMPIRE, YOU STUPID GIRL!!! They have broken God’s law of dying so that they can enter heaven [or in the Cullen’s case, Hell] and drinking the blood of humans is NOT Christian (And don’t any of you give me that “Vegetarian Vampire” BULLSHIT after reading this next part). (Stupid +10, RF +5) Devouring the blood of a human being is NOT Christian, you damn fool! Do you realize how wants to eat you?
Eat = Kill You + Devour Your Body/Devour Your Bodily Fluids Until You’re a Dry Husk
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING?!?!?! That only shows the signs that you should RUN AWAY, not fucking DATE him! That is NOT a reason that he is your “Twu Luv”! That is a reason why he is a MONSTER that should be AVOIDED. But you’re just an idiotic slut thinking only about how hot he is—just because he’s hot means that he is a nice guy. Ted Bundy was hot, but he was a serial killer well known for rape and necrophilia. Not very Christian, don’t you think? (Slut +5, Stupid +10) This cunt is completely nuts! You don’t LOVE him. You only LUST for him. Isn’t lust considered one of the 7 deadly sins? (Stupid +1, Slut +1) No, you don’t love him, you LUST for him. And HOW is he a vampire? You never explained that, you only gave a paradoxical, asinine response as to how a Christian and a Vampire can come together, which I immediately pointed out how flawed it is.
And you complained how Joan is NOT you… and yet you admitted it RIGHT here that “I can love him”. Honey, your character is a mary sue of YOU. (And must I bring up how Joan referred to herself as Erin in Chapter 2?)
It’s funny how a religious nutcase like her can easily be called out by a person who is not as dedicated to her Christian faith and by people WHO AREN’T EVEN CHRiSTIANS. So when even non-Christians can see the bullshit in her stories, what does that make her? I give you three guesses.
If you picked “What is a hypocrite?” Then CONGRATULATIONS, you’ve won the grand prize of logic and a batch of e-cookies:
(Stupid +5, Slut +5, Ego +1, Bitch +1) CHAPTER COUNT: Stupid = 39 Bitch = 6 Religious Freak = 7 Egotistical = 3 Attention Whore = 0 Slut = 15 I dunno about you... but I'm seriously in the mood to choke a bitch after reading his steaming piece of cowshit. Maybe I should start calling myself the "Angry Fan Fiction Nerd"? I can already picture the theme song:
And yes, I actually did an "AVGN" joke. I'm just about as pissed as him when it comes to this atrocity. I can already picture myself wear a white shirt with a pocket protector, downing Mountain Dew JUST to keep myself sane enough to read through this piece of monkey ball dog shit, and shrieking crude remark and f-bombs with about as much ferocity as the A-bombs.
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Post by firegirl26 on Dec 5, 2010 11:38:09 GMT -8
do you need drink *gives phoenix some sake*
she is one scary religious freak, god help us
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Post by Lady Phoenix on Dec 5, 2010 11:43:18 GMT -8
(This is an old snark with some edits, this was also where the Schizophrenic count made its FIRST appearance [Hence why my other old snarks before 6 don’t have them, only the new snarks]) Chapter 6: SunShine!^^^Um… HELLO!!! The book is called “Twilight” as in NIGHTTIME, as in THE SUN IS NOT PRESENT. I can already tell this will be the part where Edward shows his girlyness by sparkling in the sun instead of bursting in into flames (or getting extremely weak, some versions differ). God… another part of the vampire lore ripped open and left for dead. (Stupid +1) Not only do we get a dumb blog about her life (save that crap on myspace/facebook/livejournal, hon, or just keep it short to why you can/can’t update), but she STILL ignores our flames and calls us “evil sinners” for dissing her story. Puh-lease bitch *snap*, we’ve proven time and time again that YOU’RE the evil, hateful sinner—not us. (Stupid +2, Bitch +2, Ego +1, RF +1) And yet more ripping off of the Bible and using the Lord’s Word in vain. Allow me to fill you guys in on the REST of the quote using the People’s New Testament: As in this applies to loving JESUS and GOD—not your girly, sparkly, and castrated disgrace of a vampire (who are AGAINST God, btw). The Christian Vampire bullshit has been discredited by me last chapter, and sparklepires are FAR more unholy then regular vampires (if that were possible). Once again, your hypocrisy does not amuse us and you have broken one of God’s 10 Commandments: “Thou shalt not use the Lord’s name in vain.” I think this also applies for using the Bible in the wrong context. (Stupid +1, Bitch +1, Slut +1, RF +1) This is Erin masturbating to herself, nothing more. Seriously, you keep telling us how much you love Edward, but what do we actually see? We see some dumbass little whore who immediately finds a hot guy and masturbates over him night and day. We don’t see her giving any consideration over his personality or flaws. She even makes fun of him when he’s crying in the last chapter because he has some dark secret that seperates him from normal men! Like I said, this girl only cares about Edward on the outside, she only wants him for sex and money, nothing more. She’s not in love, she’s in lust. (Slut +5) Once again, she has to used the Author Notes in the middle of the story. And we don’t give 2 flying fucks if YOU, the AUTHOR, dyed your hair red because it has nothing to do with the story. And NO, it is not YOU in the story but your Mary Sue, Joan. This only proves how delusional you are into thinking you are actually asking him out on a date. No, YOU are not in this story, YOU will never have this man as you bf/hubbie—THIS IS FICTION!!! (Stupid +1, Slut +1, Ego +1, Schizo +1) I’m seriously not gonna bother with this too much. Twilight has already proven it to be a dead horse. 1. Edward does the infamous “Stay away! I’m dangerous!” Contradiction bullshit. 2. Author Notes once more (Stupid +2) More author notes that we don’t need. You could of written it as a sentence… and once more, I question your actual sanity when you speak about YOU, the author, cannot trust Edward. You are NOT in the story. I think this might be taking the word “escapism” going too far (which is called “schizophrenia”, honey). Would you like me to call the men in the white coats to take you away?
And the Mary Sue is going to stupidly follow the sparklephile… when he specifically told her to STAY AWAY. *facepalm* (Stupid +2, Shizo +1) For the love of—DON’T USE EMOTIONCONS!!! Didn’t I complain about this in the last chapter? Write really emotion down, bring up suspense! Don’t take the lazy way out and tell us we’re suppose to be surprised, because we won’t. (Stupid +1, Slut +1) You do NOT shorten an adult’s name to MC after JUST meeting her. It’s Mrs. Cullen to you, a complete stranger to her home. And what a bitch, brushing away Edward’s parents as “boring”! If I was Esme, I’d already throw her out if she for being a disrespectful little snot! (Bitch +2) Did somebody say “fanservice?”
More idolizing of a false idol, can we call her Super Whore now? (Slut +5) And you’re telling me that she’s a “Christian” after reading this? And once more, we find it very creepy that you mention you had your bra on… Good god, I think you’re fapping to your own fan fic right now. EW! Seriously, that’s fucking creepy, girl. Stop it! That’s really gross! PS: The whole “sleeping” thing was not funny at all, and vampires DO have to sleep. That’s why they’re called “Creatures of the Night” (AKA: “Nocturnal”). They sleep during the day. (Stupid +1, Slut +5, Schizo +2) COCKBLOCK!!! If you didn’t want sex, why the fuck were you leading him on then?! From the start you’ve been making dramatic soliloquies over how fucking hot this douchebag is and kept on making sexual references during the whole fucking fan fiction. Yeah, Mary Sue has turned from Super Whore to Mega Bitch in one swift motion. A rule to dating: YOU DO NOT TEASE THE MAN WITH SEX!!! (Bitch +10) COCKBLOCK AGAIN!!! I’m getting the snarking suspicion that she only wants to marry him JUST because he’s hot and wants to have sex with him 24/7. Trust me hon, those kind of marriages NEVER last long. And those kind of marriages are very unchristian, in my opinion, since they are not based on love but LUST. (Slut +1, Bitch +2) You know what? I’m not even gonna bother. We already know she’s a religious nut, no need to point it out now. And the last line sounds like something STRAIGHT from those clichéd Disney Princess Films with a mix of those corny “Be Absinthe” films straight from Catholic School. (Slut +1, RF +5) Wasn’t he a fireman in chapter 4? When did he suddenly become an elected official? Do I really have to make a Plot Hole count now? (Stupid +1) Doesn’t it say in the 10 Commandments to “Honor thy father?” What a bratty cunt! She calls her dad an asshole because he didn’t like the sound of her dating Edward Cullen. Aren’t fathers/parents usually wary of their teenage girls dating guys they don’t know or credited as not so nice boys? There’s a reason why Edward told you to “Stay Away” at the start of the chapter, and the father is only proving it more. Stop being a goddamn brat, Erin! (Bitch +5) That was an epic failure. You just told us RIGHT there a vampire was coming after you. YOU DIDN’T EVEN GIVE HIM A DRAMATIC EVIL ENTRANCE!!! You know? The “Swoop into the window with a cloak and go “MWAH HA HA HA HA!!!”” You fucking suck at writing. THIS is how you do a dramatic villain entrance, hon:
Honey, you’ve got SERVED!!! BY TEAM ROCKET!!! (Stupid +5) Seriously, you’re not a good writer. DON’T SPOIL THE DAMN STORY YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!! Way to lose your readers right there (if the rest of this pile of monkey balls hasn’t yet). (Bitch +1, Stupid +1, RF +1) CHAPTER COUNT: Stupid = 18 Bitch = 23 Religious Freak = 8 Egotistical = 2 Attention Whore = 0 Slut = 20 Schizo = 4 I’m sorry if it’s not as funny as the last one, but there was really not a single thing I could joke at that has not been done. I feel as I have been beating around a dead horse.
Sure it’s fun for a while, but then you lose interest after 10 seconds. The last one had a ton of different material I could poke fun at and even create my own… this is just sad and makes me an angry bitch.
In the meantime, let us end this snarking with episode 2 of Yu Yu Hakusho The Abridged Series (Because I’m sure most of you completely watched through episode one after reading my last snark, might as well show you another eppie):
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EarthDragon88
Member
What tests your relationship is not when things are going well, but when things go badly[Mo0:14]
Posts: 478
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Post by EarthDragon88 on Dec 5, 2010 12:38:57 GMT -8
I couldn't read it.
Really, I couldn't, I got a paragraph in and I wanted to kill someone. Don't worry though, I made do with blowing up Templars with Leo's tank on Brotherhood instead.
If anyone considers this girl a Christian, consider me an Umbran Witch, because at least they're honest about who they are.
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Post by Alkonost Storm on Dec 9, 2010 7:43:46 GMT -8
^Of the war machines that's my favorite mission so far. Now if only Leo had covered the tank with metal plating XP
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Post by Anya the Purple on Dec 9, 2010 21:04:33 GMT -8
This is one of those things that makes me want to RAEG about gay marriage and how stupid people are when trying to ban it. I'll put my rant in a spoiler so y'all don't have to read it unless you want to.
I don't get it. People think marriages like THIS (we all know it's gonna happen, even me, who's never read this fic before and usually can't detect obvious stuff) are perfectly fine, but marriages between two people of the same sex aren't? IDIOTS. Don't give me any shit about the "sanctity of marriage," stuff like this (and the fact that, what, 36% of all marriages in the U.S. end up in divorce? Don't quote me on that number, though. And not to mention all those drunk vegas weddings with people you don't even know where there are supposedly fake Elvises) just goes to prove that marriage DOESN'T EFFING HAVE ANY SANCTITY ANY MORE. Well maybe I shouldn't say that. Some marriages have sanctity, I hope. But letting gay people marry sure as hell ain't gonna take that away if all this shit hasn't. RAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...Well, I don't feel much better, but oh well.
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Post by Lady Phoenix on Dec 11, 2010 22:53:34 GMT -8
(New snark, which means Kaiba comes back again!)Chapter 7 - Family Tyes ^^^Misspelled title is misspelled Because poor literacy is – ! No, we can’t use that joke, because the misspelling isn’t used on purpose to make it “cool”, this is Erin being a goddamn idiot. (Stupid +1) I believe Phoenix said something about all 20 of those reviews you previous had at that time being nothing but flames, Erin. Itake it you never heard about the phrase “quality over quanity”. And how dare I doubt you faith? Well I dare that you aren’t a Christian because you do not follow the Lord’s teachings and basically twist the things he has said to fuel your selfish desires. Also, you are praying for some sparkly douchbag to be your sex slave JUST because he’s “sexah”. How’s THAT for not Christian? It’s funny Erin, how you’re doing the things you tell US not to do. Isolating yourself from an actual Christian and being “bitchee.” Shouldn’t you be following your own advice? I just take everything she says worth a grain of salt now. She’s an unchristian troll, nothing else. (Stupid +3, Bitch +2, RF +5, Ego +3, AW +1) Too bad you don’t actually do that, Erin. Ripping off more Bible quotes and not following them, I think I’ve made my point. (RF +1) So Joan now has the power to break the Fourth Wall? Does she even care anymore? You know, I believe somewhere in the Bible, there was something known as “The 10 Commandments”, you know, the basic guidelines Christians were supposed to live by. I believe one of them was . . . “Honor thy father”. It was basically that you were suppose to treat your parents with respect. So tell me, Erin, for a supposed “good Christian” like you claimed in your Author Notes, why do you treat your father with so much contempt? You claim he’s an arse and he’s a drunkard, but we never see it. I think you’re just like Bella, a bitch whose head is so far up her ass that she can’t see past her bullshit, and treats people who care for her like nuisances because they are not “sexah” sparklepires. (Stupid +1, Bitch +1) Too bad we never actually seen him drinking before. (Bitch +1) If it’s so hard for Edward to get over the bloodlust, why the hell are you dating him? You’re basically just flaunting your scent all over and making it harder on him. Because he’s “sexah”, Seto. And we both know she never truly cares about what Eddy wants, it’s all about “me, me, me”. She wants a fuck toy, not a boyfriend. Selfish whore. Indeed. (Stupid +1, Bitch +1, Slut +1) . . . You are a 2-faced, selfish, whiny little BITCH! You’re not Christian at all, you’re a fucking fraud. You treat everyone that truly cares about your wellbeing like shit and you’re suppose to make us believe your good? Fuck no, you cunt, please kindly burn in hell where you BELONG! It’s funny, she keeps claiming her dad will keep drinking . . . and we don’t see him drink. Maybe he knows what alcohol does and doesn’t drink just so he can love his little “princess”. In short, he does love his daughter very much. Erin is the really she-devil, isn’t she? Oh HELL yes. (Bitch +10) Hey, wasn’t Rosalie opposed to Bella and Edward being together? This is a mary sue fix, Kaiba, no one opposes the true love unless they’re jealous. That, and the rest of Cullens don’t really appear long enough to actually be considered characters . . . except for the boys, who become fuck toys themselves. I hate this goddamn book. People complain when WE objectify women, but if women when start portraying us as boy toys that follow their every whim, no one cries foul? Sexism is a 2 way street, sadly people think it’s only populated by guys because of the long, history of patriarchy. (AW +1) Um, askingly isn’t a word . . . and it’s kinda a redundant one after you just said “asked Alice” (Stupid +1) “My new boyfriend wants to eat me like a sirloin steak, but I think that’s a turn on AND a compliment at the same time!” If you’re reading this, Erin, I was being sarcastic. You are an IDIOT. (Stupid +1, Ego +1) Are you serious? This whole entire PARAGRAPH is nothing but redundancy! First off, why is Emmet talking to you seriously when you have ALREADY stated the mood is already serious? Second, he says, “We need to be careful around you” TWICE! TWICE! Have you never heard the words “proofread”, you idiotic bimbo! (Stupid +2) So even though Edward told you he wants to eat you and Emmet has already warned you – twice, I might add – about being careful around you . . . You hook up your best friend with a MEYERPIRE?! Seeing how these 2 girls get in a shaky relationship quite a few times in the later chapters, I don’t know whether this is just a secret way to spite her best friend by hooking her up with someone who can easily kill her, or if Erin is just that dumb. Either way, she’s getting the points. (Stupid +10, Bitch +5, Slut +1, Schizo +1) More costume porn. Notice how she will write explicit details over what SHE is wearing, but when it comes to her friends, Erin just goes “Oh, they’re wearing nice stuff too.” EGO much? Isn’t vanity a deadly sin? Yes, Kaiba, it most certainly IS! And by the way, unless you have a white blouse underneath, you should NEVER wear a white sweater. Why? BECAUSE WHITE IS SEE-THROUGH! (Ego +1, AW +1, Slut +1) Erin, no matter what you type, you can NOT make a cliffhanger – AT ALL! Why? Because a cliffhanger requires BUILD UP -- it requires SUSPENSE. It needs to have substance to it to make your readers drool for more. A jump scare is NOT a cliff hanger. Why? Because it is random and comes right the fuck out of nowhere, leaving the readers confused and thinking you pulled this shit right out of your ass (which you did). In short, Erin, YOU’RE A TERRIBLE WRITER!!! (Stupid +1, AW+1) Once again, your cliffhanger is utterly pointless. Why? Because you spoiled exactly what’s going to happen. Good lord, Erin, you’re just plain PUTRID. Everything you write turns to vomit that I can’t seem to clean out of my carpet. Creative Scenarios? HA! I’m more likely to lose against that mutt, Joey Wheeler, compared to you having actual, 100% creativity. Nothing in your story is creative or interesting, but just idiotic dribbled plagiarized straight from that Twilight trash made by some horny housewife. And here’s a continuity failure, you claimed Jenny was dating JASPER, not Emmet. And really, you didn’t set up for them to date. Why, because neither Emmet nor Jasper ARE REAL FUCKING CHARACTERS!!! It’s is FICTION!!! Fiction means NOT REAL! No, there is no Edweird Creepen to rape you every night Erin. There is no Jasper or Emmet to kill your friend. You are an insane WHORE that needs to get a real life outside of your shitty Twilight wetdream and the raping of the Bible, NOW. Please, seek professional HELP! (Stupid +2, Slut +1, Schizo +1)
HOW MUCH LONGER IS THIS STORY?!?!?! . No clue, as of now it’s 37 chapters but . . . . “BUT?!” . But Erin has updated her journal, claiming that she’ll be writing even MORE chapters –. MAKE IT STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!! *pulls out a gun and aims it at his head*. Wait stop! *wrestling the gun out of his hands*. I can’t do this! I can’t do this anymore! . Alright, alright, fine. So long asyou don’t bring up any charges, you’re free to go. . *is out the door*. *sighs* Now I need a new person to snark this shit with me . . . *To the audience* Suggestions, good people? Chapter Count: Stupid = 23 Bitch = 20 Religious Freak = 6 Egotistical = 5 Attention Whore = 4 Slut = 4 Schizophrenic = 2 Have a happy holiday! Until then, have some Yu Yu hakusho Abridged!
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Post by Anya the Purple on Dec 11, 2010 23:51:57 GMT -8
Oh great snarkingness... oh, great failure... incidentally, I checked out Erin's DA-I think even I draw better. And that's saying something (but I'm improving!).
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Post by firegirl26 on Dec 12, 2010 10:52:41 GMT -8
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Post by Lady Phoenix on Dec 12, 2010 19:21:02 GMT -8
Maybe. I'll wait for a few others submissions first before I rely on him (He's kinda hard to find)
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Post by Lady Phoenix on Dec 14, 2010 10:21:13 GMT -8
(New snark PLUS the introduction to a NEW count) Chapter 8 – Music ^^^Holy shit! Erin spelled a title right! But . . . wait a minute! I thought there was a fight scene coming up, so why is this title called “Music”. Hm . . . well, I guess she doesn’t get any stupid points right now. Since the odd title is canceled out by the fact she actually spells it right. Woooooooooow. Just, WOW! You actually spelled your OWN NAME WRONG! That’s just . . . FAIL! Epic fail of all proportions. You get bonus points for that one! (Stupid +5, RF +3) This is the whole quote: I believe it means fighting with a religious cause. Anyways, I don’t care if she used a quote correctly or not, she still used it out of context and it’s used in her sinful piece of fan SHIT. You can copy+paste the bible from the internet with ease, but it’s how you FOLLOW it that counts. (RF +1) Damn, we were so close to ending this torture sooner! Sucky fight scene is sucky. Seriously, it feels like I’m that awful “Wolf Moon” shit written by SonicFan2010. There’s too much confusing shit going on that isn’t explained and all of it it is poorply misspelled. What kind of Christian girls call someone a “fucka”. What? Are you a ghetto bitch now? Oh wait, that’s your spelling. Then there’s you getting aroused by Edward TRYING TO BEAT A COMPLETE STRANGER TO DEATH! I know the gu is trying to kill you and all, but isn’t “Thou shalt not kill” a Commandment. Why the fuck are you thinking Edward is hot?! (Stupid +5, Bitch +1, Slut +1) Now rip out Edward’s vocal cords and then rip off Erin’s head after -- *looks at the audience* Hey, anything that is trying to kill this slut is awesome in my book. Question: Why exactly did James attack Erin in the middle of the day, IN A SCHOOL CAFETERIA! I mean, aren’t vampires trying not to be caught by the populace. I mean, in the books, James brings Bella to an abandoned dance studio to drink her blood. Why attack a place where a kid can easily dial 911 for security? I mean, if the authorities found out about these Meyerpires, wouldn’t they have National Security be on them like flies to stink? I doubt they can survive heavy fire. So yeah, Erin’s “Creative Scenario” is STUPID!!! (Stupid +1) Um . . . wouldn’t you be bleeding profusely after getting your arm bitten by a fucking meyerpire? WHY AREN’T YOU DIALING 911?!?!?! (Stupid +1) Wait, what? THAT’S IT?! That’s all we get for a fight scene?! NO! Why the hell is Edward walking out of the battle? Did he make SURE James was dead before coming to Slutty Sue’s beck and call? Did he?! No, I’m not accepting this. After promising an epic fight and even ripping off the bible about battles, you give us this half-assed piece of shit? FUCK YOU ERIN! (Stupid +10) So you’re not going to get that arm looked after? It’s probably bleeding very heavily . . . might require stitches, Something to keep it from infecting, and amputation, something to get rid of the vampire venom . . . Do I really, REALLY have to make a plot hole count now? Seriously?! Fine, I will. From now on folks, I will count the Plot Holes (PH) in this story. And we will start with 1 point for James attacking Erin IN THE MIDDLE OF A POPULATED AREA, another for not calling 911 after escorting Erin out of the building, and one RIGHT NOW for not taking care of Erin’s arm wound. (Stupid +10, PH +3) How do you know James is dead? Did you see him die? (PH +1) Ohhhhhhhhhhh . . . So THIS is why Erin titled this story “Music”. . . . What a load of BULLSHIT!!! Youn leave off on a cliff hanger, brag about an epic fight scene, and then suddenly we’re reading music porn. MUSIC PORN! Another reason why this fails, FAN FICTIONS CAN’T PLAY MUSIC!!! Unless you made this a video on youtube and had music playing behind it, we’re not gonna know OR CARE what the fuck Edward is playing! For all we know, Edward could be playing THIS:
In other words: YOU FAIL! (Stupid +10) See? See what happens when don’t make sure the work is done? Edward Cullen, YOU. ARE. AN. IDIOT!!! (Stupid +1) Where the hell did the other Cullens comes from? Where were they? This is an asspull Erin! Oh, and you taking pleasure in seeing some guy get killed, ummmmm . . . that’s not Christian at all! (Bitch +1, PH +1) “And I’m not gonna bother checking to see James is dead, again, so we can start this ALL over again for the next 10 chapters!” (Stupid +1) If you were “upset” by all the fighting, why did you use this emoticon >:3 like you were smiling like a little devil? Once again, more bullshit. (Stupid +1) “Did you tell my dad about how I was almost murdered today, TWICE, and that I still might need medical attention for my arm?” “No.” “You’re such a sweetie!” (Stupid +1, PH+ 1) HAH! And I have 2 heads, four feet, and 8 arms (although having multiple arms wouldn’t be too bad . . . ) (Stupid +1, Ego +1) Awwww . . . this would have been so sweet and romantic . . . If it weren’t for the fact that the spelling and grammar is horrible, and that you keep mentioning how sexy Edward Cullen is. In a better story, we’d be d’awww’ing over the scene like watching a cuddly newborn kitten playing. In this story, we’re just shaking at our heads over your pointless, maturbation filler. (Slut +1) If only that was actually canon. *sighs sadly* Whose scent is in your nostrils? Jame’s? Edward’s? If it is James, then I will once again state Edward is a total dumbass and should have made sure HIMSELF that James was dead. If it is Edward, then he raped you while you slept. Either way, more stupid points (Stupid +3) Here’s a thought, how about a kickass OC that actually stakes the Cullens and gives you the proper bitch slap before booting your ass to hell? Oh wait, but Erin/Joan is black hole sue so EVERYTHING must revolve around HER. BLECH!
So anyways, yeah. Lot more stupid points in this chapter, huh? Well since this is the chapter where Erin asks for a new character, so will I. I need another character for snarking, after Kaiba almost blasted his brain out and I had to let him go. The rule is the characters have to be badasses or buttmonkies, I refuse to break cuties (that includes Kurama). And it has to be from a show I have seen and know pretty well (no Power Rangers or Doctor Who)
Who I have right now: Hiei (Yu Yu Hakusho) Marik (Yu-gi-oh!) Yami Bakura (Yu-gi-oh!) Chapter Count: Stupid = 50 Bitch = 2 Religious Freak = 4 Egotistical = 1 Attention Whore = 0 Slut = 2 Schizophrenic = 0 Plot Hole = 6 Until then, ciao! Watch some more Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged!
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Post by Anya the Purple on Dec 15, 2010 6:17:16 GMT -8
Oooh, I've herd about the Nighthorse!
...Did anyone find it somewhat disturbing that she said Edward was a great "penist?" Or am I just a pervert?
As for characters... I don't know anything about anime or manga, so I can't help you.
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