Alastor snarks ErinOfTheCullenClan

[Alastor]

Finally got a laptop sooooooooo...
Chap. 30:

SPOILER: Click to show

30 -A NEW EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111

Welcome to the Writer's Underworld's Snark Court! I'm Overlord Snarker Mao-Key, Your crime is quite a long one... My job is to punish you for writing this.

Erin: This is a new chapper about the evil peephole and how Ward and all the Vampires and Jacob and me fight them away.

Joy! More Prinnies!

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SHOOP DA WOOP cannon!

Me anD ward and Al and Jacob and Jenny and Becca and Rosse and Em were all at my house one day when these peeple came into town. They were vampires but not nice vampires like my vampire famely but meen bloodstucking ones that kulled peepe and ate them, like Joms and Victor. They were actually deemons.

Was Laharl with them? Or Etna? Or Adell and Rozelen? Hell, even Mid-Boss would work...

They were coming at me. I new there names. There was on named skegs and one names firebird and one was halohead and another one was named pussle and one was Coger Mcloud and another one Antispectacles.

*Humming Saturday Morning Watchmen tune* John can give you cancer, and he'll turn into a car!

They were anger at me becase they were jeelous of my hot boyfriend and friends and my pact with God. They warshipped santa and wanned all good christens deed.

LOLWUT. Mcsparkles is your goddamn problem, Hell, I believe He's what happens when Lamington lets a fairy mate with a vampire....

"Joan, you cannot be a Christina, The dxevil is all powderful." Skegs said and pointed her evil mangy finger at me. She had bad hare that was uglah and fizzy and she looked jewwash but she was a devil warshipper.

Racist.

"The satan will beet yor god and pound him into doust." Said pussle. She had big low fangs that were dipping with blood and uglah spikey hare that was uglah.

Puzzle, you is teh awesomes.

"we will kull you and your christen frends, and satan will rule the world." Mcloud said in a meen uglah vouce that was scarry and she had dirty ripped cloths that made her look uba uglah.

THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!!! What? I had put in a Highlander reference.

Halohead and Antispectacles had guns and knifes and they were passing them arond there groop. Halohead was laghning meenly and was wearing an ugly hemet and had an uglah bodi and locked like a satan warshipper and Antispectacle had big teeh and long fingernales that needed to be cut and was not cleen.

OHSHI- He's a deadite! Awesome!

"We hat you and eward and all you peeple becase you are hot and we are uglah deemons" said antispectacles jealously.

...What is Erin smoking?

"You will die and Santa will rule! And there will be no hot peeple becase it will all be deemons on the world." Said halohead yelling yellingly.

Santa Claus is godly apparently...

Firebird came from the bac of the groop and walled up to me. She had bad breeth and she was looking all durty and loose with lots of winkles and she was flappy.

So she's a Strong Deadite? Where is Ash?!?

"JOAN YOU WILL SECUM TO SANTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111" Firebird creamed and hit me in the faces.

Never get Mr. Claus angry, he has the Ex Mortis. Ash needs to save X-Mas. Again.

Ward jumed ford and stared to fight firebird. Gthe rest were shouting their guns at us. Em and Rose and Al And Jap and Jenny and Becca all fighted too. But the evil vamflyers had Santa on there side so they were stonger.

And John watched, awaiting Roshruch and Ash to Beat the crap out of the winner.

Then a car appeered out of no were. It was back and was big. Out of the car came the pope and Jesus!

OH GOD, RAPTURE. MORE PRINNIES.

"we are hear to halp the god christrines." The Pope said and pulled out his popestick. Skegs ran at the pope witha swear and they stared fighting, there sticks hiting eachotter.

Dude, if I'm not mistaken, the pope is Catholic, a small branch, not all of Christianity.

Jesus was fighting firebird. He was using something like magic (Erin: But it wasn't magic becase magic isn't reel.)
and he catched firebird in a gold clage. The gold clage bunt firebird.

And McSparkles is? Where are the Skulls and Mages when I need them...

The pope hit Skegs with his popestick and she was raped up and then Jappter took of haloheads hemt and reveled a defromed head with funny eye. Al and Em raped Mcloud and antispectacles up at the same time.

D':
Your so going to Hell.

Ross got Pussle and raped her in rope too. Then te put the evil vamfires in the middle of the room and raped them all together. The Jesus came and cast a spell on them so they cont cume bac and then the pope whacked his popestick and all the meen uglah deemons were sent back to Santa. And then Jesus did a mega cuntpunch so they cold neva come back

They Will, with Prinnies. So Yeah, They'll have exploding penguins.

"There will be no SINNAR devil warshippers here!" Jesus anoned and we all claped happi ass.

Shouldn't they be worried that Jesus has had a 2nd coming? And that they aren't in heaven?

Me and ward kissed and hagged becase we were happi that the meen deemons had gone back to santa and that we cold be happi christains for the rest of our lives without them tyring to make us devil warshippers.

Santa Claus: NEXT TIME MARY-SUE! NEXT TIME!!!

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SHOOP DA WOOP cannon!

GO AWAY MEEN SINNARS THAT NO BODI LOVES, YOU ARE ALL UGLAH DEEMONS THAT WILL NEVER HAVE A HOT BOYFRIEND LIKE EDWARD KRULLEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111111 AND YOU ARE JUST JEELOUS OF ME BECASE I AM WITH EDWARD AND YOU ARINT.

LOLWUT. I'm guy, straight, and Edward isn't real.

Chap.31:

SPOILER: Click to show

31 – Suplieses.

I like Slurpees to.

A/N: STOP IT NOW YOU MEAN SINNARS THAT KEPT SENTING ME NESTY NOTES SAYING MEEN THINGS ABOUT MY STORI AND ME. YOU JUT HAT ME BECASE YOU WISH MY STORI WAS URS. FUK OF SINNARS.

LOLWAT.
1) You sin more then the normal human.
2) I haven't but a Prinny nest on your page yet. So shut up.
3) No, I write comedy, which are far better then... This... Thing.
4) Happy Funkymas to you too.

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ABUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Edward turned a coner and we went into a differant street that dint go to the jail.

*Joan's Dad: Where is my daughter and her rich boyfriend? I'll go to AA meetings every night...)
Poor man...

"Wear are we going?" I assed askingly.

What have they fed you to do that?

Ward just guggled and dint say anything. I was staring to get warriored. All these evil foughts pooped into my heed about were Wady was talling me.

This explains so much, and yet, so little.

Mabe he dint love me anymore and was going to (S)k(r)ull me.

I feel so bad for the Skrull that has to replace you...

But then we wen into a new town that had lots of shops and houses.

Damn, your fricking godly fast.

We parted in the carpart and Ward tolled my hand. He led me alone the street and took me into a shop. It (was a resturunt. We were setted at a table.

(Ed: That'll be $200 dollars.
Joan: But Ward, I thoght where BF & GF!
Ed: Look, I'm getting paid or I'm going back to FaCe ThE StRaNgE.
Joan: Fain! *Pays 200 bucks*)
This the lesser then two evils apparently.

"Oder something to ate." Wadd talled me and I pucked up the menu.

(Waiter: Oh god, you stink.)
Do the bathe?!?

"I will have the low-fat spagetti." I said to the weighter.

(Scale: YOU FAT.)
Wait I'm doing the Snarking not you!
(Scale: GTFO.)
No.

(Erin: Becase I dont want to ate to many calorgies.)

(Scale and Overlord Mao-Key: FILLER ALL NIGHT!!)
OK, I can get use to this.

Ward got us some drinks of collar. But Wad dint dsrink it becase he was a vampier. My fod came and I ate it eatingly. I was so hunger that I dint care weather the spagetti was low fat or now. Ward watched me Sexahily as I ate seductively. He smelled eroctically at me and I feltngood.

(Officer Barbarity: Nothing to snark here, move along.)

"so why did u brin me to this expansive resturunt?" I assed him happy.

(Scale: God, What d-)
Already made the joke.
(Scale: Frak You)

"Becase you are sexah and i love you." Ward said smilingly.

(Scale: MARY SUE. KILL IT.)
I like this Scale, I'll name it Bill.
(Bill: WHERE IS CHUCK NORRIS WHEN YOU NEED HIM.)
I really like this one.

Ward paid the money and we walked to the beech sexah like. We were halding hands and everthing.

And then John showed up and destroyed this fic.
(Bill: *holding gun* Snark.)
OK, OK. Just put the gun away.

The waves were pounding the sand and it was rumantic like. The sky was starry and sexah and Ward looked gegoress. I wanned to caddle him heeps.

(Random Guy: Hey, look, I falling star)
(Kamen Rider V3: RIDER KICK!!!! *Hits Joan*)

We stod on some rocks and ward raped arond me from behind. He breathed on me and it smelt good, like rarsberrys. He snuffled in my hair and said

(Bill: It's a Sparkles hunting...)
No, Bill this is normal.

"You smel reelly good." Then he went in fount of me and bent down on one nee and he had my box in his hands.

(Bill: No, she smells like horse crap. How does he not notice this.)
Mary-Sue.
(Bill: Oh yes....)

"Will you marriage me?" He assed in a sexah vouce.

(Bill and Overlord Mao-Key: In horrible fanfiction, Marriage is You!)

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ABUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Modded a bit; I plan on re snarking quite a few of her works as I'm not exactly proud of 'em. They're not bad but I'd like to try again, ya know?