PuzzleChick
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Because I am the FBI and I can.[Mo0:0]
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Post by PuzzleChick on Dec 6, 2011 10:06:12 GMT -8
^ Why thank you! I shall wear it with pride. <3 And will look forward to the yelling at Ariana. =3= Ariana apparently got confused when uploading her chapters. In line on her journal are 16, 14, and 15-that-is-actually-17. Huh... Anyway, this is the one labeled "Fortyeen," so I'm going to go with that! Re-joining me today are Luce and Joseph. I've sent Reed and Alistair on a quest to find out why my printer isn't working. Due to how terribly I crashed and burned on their story, I think some time apart from them is best. Not that you've ever finished our story, either.Hey, I made it 49,000 words into yours. I made it 15,000 into theirs. And yours is actually okay in places. Don't complain. Oh, you're evil in a lot of ways, Ariana. But in writing suspenseful cliffhangers, you fail. What does "leevjing into aonto" even mean?WTF. This isn't a weekly prime time television show. We don't need a recap!Actually your dad threw you in the cellar. You can't even do a proper recap of a scene that doesn't even need recapping because obviously I remember it. ...That's the only recap we get? Why even bother?PLEASE STOP DOING THAT. That poor car!I seriously doubt that Ariana has actually smiled even once in this whole story. All she does is bitch and moan. When did she hold still long enough to smile for a photograph?This makes no sense. At no point in this story could such a picture have ever been taken!There there Joseph. It's okay. It's just a Suefic. Hot. Bronze. Waxy. Only one of those words could ever be used to describe tears, and under no circumstances should they ever be used together. I think he's trying to say here that maybe it's better HE gets the tests done, because maybe he might get someone sick. But this makes no sense. I thought he knew he was the Antichrist and that's why he was freaking out about being tested? Weren't you just telling me to stop making sense of Suefics?Without her cunt service...?...Ew. O.oGuys, I think he means "without her I can't survive." Oh. Well, that's way better.I think we're all about to cry tears of black gothic something if this narration goes on any longer. Is it normal for humans to carry newspapers around in their pants?No. Oh, hey, someone finally noticed that Neff is always calling him random nicknames! It's about time. Clearly he's feeling very emotional today. Lol?How badly do you have to fail in order to actually get cut in half in an elevator accident? Oh yeah. You're a dickwad all right. But for not feeling an ounce of sympathy for the guy who died, not for yelling at Ariana.I would suggest that as an Antichrist it would be okay for him to be a sociopath, but I don't wish to offend anyone in the room. Is there a hotline for abused cars? Because I'm going to call it and save the Thornmobile from this constant torment!See, sympathy. Antichrists have it.It's like Ariana said to herself, "This just needs something more. I know! Whippings! Whips and chains excite people, amiright!?" Angst. You're doing it wrong. Oh, yep, you're absolutely right. That outfit renders you incapable of escaping.Okay, Ariana wears pinafores so much that I finally had to go and Google what a pinafore is. It's...basically an apron. So she's pretty much always running around in an apron. WHY. So you got up that morning and said to yourself, "Just in case I get kidnapped today and need to be saved by my ex-boyfriend I should wear make-up."Is it magic make-up? With little GPSs in it or something?No, just regular make-up. ...What's the point again?Oh for fuck's sake. No. We are not going here. We are NOT... CRY MOAR. Ew.Very much ew.Well, seeing as technically she's yours now, feel free to begin pampering her anytime. Maybe she'll finally shut up. Bravo Ariana. You have successfully identified a hard on as a dick. ...Are you shipping what I'm shipping? Guy's got some serious masochistic tendencies.Do you really want us to answer that? I can think of a lot of reasons!This amuses me because I imagine Damien as an undercover agent named Agent X. You were in a car the last time we saw you... Oh, not anymore. I rescued their car and sent it away to a safe home....Hey, Luce, why is there a car in our living room?No reason.How did you even get that upstairs?!Dude. Seriously. You're on a rescue mission. Cry later, after the mission fails. Not now! ...Grief!sex anybody? Yes I realize Damien is like 16 and Neff is an adult. Whatever. I'll still ship it. Surrrrre he did. Sure... Is it just me or is this pretty much exactly what it sounds like?Nope. Nope, I'm pretty sure it is. I think if you really intend to go save her, you might actually get somewhere by getting up and, I don't know, GOING TO SAVE HER. Hey, we're finally going to get an answer! This is exciting! Are you excited for some answers? I am!I'm more excited about the new Coke cans, but sure, why not....What? That's it?Nobody gave me cute nicknames when I was told I was the Antichrist. =(THERE ARE ONLY TWO PEOPLE THERE. WHO IS THIS "EVERYONE"? I fail to understand where this is going. Knowing he's the Antichrist in no way invalidates his relationship, nor does it stop him from going to save Ariana. And what does destiny have to do with any of this?Yeah, it isn't like Ariana is on God's side or something that would actually cause conflict. She's a frigging vampire. She'd probably be cool with being with the Antichrist.You're on God's side technically speaking, and you're cool with dating an Antichrist. Dating What Daddy Hates. It's a trope for a reason, damn it.Ten bucks says the designated love interest somehow gets to enjoy both his love and his destiny for the sake of the Sue.
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Post by WolfBloodRei on Dec 6, 2011 11:36:56 GMT -8
This amuses me because I imagine Damien as an undercover agent named Agent X. ... Hm. You just gave me an idea! Hooray for new snarkings! ^_^ Prepare for fandom rape. Lots and lots of fandom rape...
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Hlessi-Roo
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Post by Hlessi-Roo on Dec 6, 2011 11:38:30 GMT -8
So many pinafores... *Sigh* It's like being back in primary school again... Also, can I just say how awesome your characters are? Luce especially is completely adorable.
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Post by Talys Alankil on Dec 6, 2011 13:01:34 GMT -8
I definitely ship what you ship there =D There's a reason I call Mark my slash fodder ^_^
And hi again, Luce and Seph ! It's so sweet of you to take care of the Thornmobile while Damien is under the Sue's influence !
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Chibithulhu
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None can resist cuteness.[Mo0:10]
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Post by Chibithulhu on Dec 6, 2011 19:14:25 GMT -8
Yes, but see, not ALL Antichrists are adorable and awesome like Luce and Adam Young and this version of Damien Thorn! Canon Damien's apparently evil.
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PuzzleChick
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Because I am the FBI and I can.[Mo0:0]
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Post by PuzzleChick on Dec 7, 2011 6:18:59 GMT -8
Thanks guys! I appreciate your warnings of whatever is to come. MY BODY IS READY.
It's sad to think that canon Damien is an evil jerk. I've gotten so used to thinking of him as an awkward geek caught in the grips of a ruthless evil Sue in my headcanon.
Hello snarky people! It's nice to be back. *polishing the Thornmobile*
Seriously, how did you get that in here? And why is it parked on top of the couch?
I thought it would like to rest.
That's my couch. I sleep on that!
You can sleep in my room, the Thornmobile needs it more.
...
Seph?
I'm okay with this.
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Post by WolfBloodRei on Dec 7, 2011 11:31:51 GMT -8
Oh, Luce. You and Lucas would get along SO well. >_> Especially since I finally started snarking with the kid.
... My head still hurts.
It will for awhile. But it'll fade with more sporking.
Rei, I swear if my brother becomes a sociopathic serial killer because of this, I'm ripping out your throat.
It was partially YOUR idea to bring him in for sporking to begin with.
... So?
Anyway, "canon" Damien isn't as bad before finding out who he is in the actual series. He doesn't even realize until later that the deaths were his fault. And he genuinely cared for his cousin up until the end. THEN he became an Evil Jerkass.
Fortunately, for the rest of us, MY canon Damien will not.
Screw destiny, I have rainbow trenchcoat.
Mark gave you a trenchcoat? Why didn't he give me one?
You're too short for one.
Curses!
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Post by Talys Alankil on Dec 7, 2011 15:11:18 GMT -8
^That's just silly ! No one's unfit for a rainbow trenchcoat !
And yeah, I never watched the Omen, so obviously only the headcanon version exists in my mind. That's how quantum physics work ! More or less. Rather less than more. Oh well.
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PuzzleChick
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Because I am the FBI and I can.[Mo0:0]
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Post by PuzzleChick on Dec 7, 2011 16:38:47 GMT -8
Well...I guess the point of the Omen movie was to make the Antichrist a bad guy, not a sympathetic hero with unfortunate parentage. So I suppose it's not a surprise canon!Damien is a jerkass in the end. =/
I've never seen the Omen either, and never intend to. I'd like to keep my headcanon of Damien instead. u_u
And what is this nonsense about being too short for rainbow trenchcoats! That's what sewing machines are for!
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Post by WolfBloodRei on Dec 7, 2011 16:53:40 GMT -8
^ I haven't seen it either, but I've read sites explaining it in summary. Damien kills Mark because he refuses to work with him in world domination. I shall NEVER accept this as my canon. Never.
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PuzzleChick
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Because I am the FBI and I can.[Mo0:0]
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Post by PuzzleChick on Dec 7, 2011 17:12:22 GMT -8
... That's...that's terrible! I refuse to accept this canon! D=
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Chibithulhu
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None can resist cuteness.[Mo0:10]
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Post by Chibithulhu on Dec 7, 2011 19:48:26 GMT -8
Least not for this fic. It's not like this is the ACTUAL Omen-verse we're talking about here, anyway.
And yeah, I personally prefer Human Incarnate Antichrists as opposed to necessarily evil ones. 'Cause really, if we're going by who/what their father was, shouldn't they be angels? Unless you've got the character explicitly raised to be evil, that doesn't make sense.
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Post by WolfBloodRei on Dec 7, 2011 23:02:06 GMT -8
^ Exactly. That's why Damien, Jagger and Lucas aren't really evil. Damien's anti-social as all hell, but that's because he's desensitized to death, reaps souls for a living, can't get into- and is secretly afraid to get into- any relationships for that very reason, has lived longer, and has dealt with his father's controlling nature a lot longer than Jagger and Lucas have.
You can't be born good or evil. And if you spent the majority of your life in the human world, not knowing Lucifer's your father, then evil wouldn't even be natural for you.
Hence Damien Thorn's "Screw Destiny" persona.
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Post by Anya the Purple on Dec 8, 2011 21:28:37 GMT -8
^I DON'T CARE HOW MANY OMEN FANS I PISS OFF, THAT SHALL NEVER BE CANON FOR ME.
^THAT SHALL.
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PuzzleChick
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Because I am the FBI and I can.[Mo0:0]
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Post by PuzzleChick on Jan 18, 2012 15:40:52 GMT -8
Since I'm participating in the Tumblr blackout, I cannot scroll and reblog my evening away as usual. What is a Puzzle to do? Besides finish that drawing, hang up those posters, write Edenverse, catch up with Zexal, read, or take a shower.
SNARK, OF COURSE. But I'm still not doing the sue war thing, because eight and a half hours of retail saps away whatever creativity one has left, leaving only the bitterness behind.
I apologize in advance if my...dislike...of South Park is insulting to anyone. I don't dislike fans of it. I have friends who dig it and that's cool. But I can't really snark this chapter and not want to bang my head against the wall at the fact that Ariana had to make my experience worse by crossing her horrible fic over with a show I can't stand. OTL
And...already Puzzle is feeling irritated! YAY! No Luce. That's not a yay. Remember what she did to us the last time she got irritated. ...Oh.
Uh. I'm not going to bother scrolling back through her journal entries to try to find the notes for this, so lets just assume that they weren't funny and move on with our lives.
*stares at title bar* Okay, so you can spell 'chapter' correctly after all, but if you do you can't get the chapter number right. Okay. Sure.
Hey, I have a plan of an attic too! We don't have an attic. Yes, I know, that's why I PLAN to have one.
PIOV. Perpetual Investigations Of Volkswagens. Yes?
Hey, don't be anti-Crist! He was kind of a decent governor of Florida.
Normal teenager I would buy, but normal little boy? "Little boy?" This kid swears like a sailor and apparently has sex all the time. How old is he again? I truly cannot remember. 16 I think?
Raise your hand if, by Ariana's standards, this sentence is actually impressive.
You can't become an anti-Christ! You're either born one or your not! Yeah, I can attest to that. My sisters would have loved to become one.
Who's Travis? I have no idea, unless he's talking about Travis Tritt. You television-deficient supernatural beings are going to be very confused later in this snark...
What? They're just imprinting 666 on foreheads now? Man, being the anti-Christ has gotten a lot more boring since I was one. Yeah, at least you got a cool scar out of the deal.
DO I CARE? Nope. Not really. And of all the times to fuck up quotation marks...right when you're bragging about them.
I was going to say that shouldn't bother an anti-Christ, seeing as hell is their home, so it isn't like they're going there to be tormented, but then I decided to give Ariana a prop here. I can see a person who thought they were normal worrying about this at first, because humans are so preconditioned to thinking hell is bad.
Nicely done Ariana. A prop for you. Only one though. You will never be Glen Coco.
Yes, by all means, don't dye. I had ink on my hands for weeks after an ill-fated attempt at tye-dying.
Did they really think they needed to clarify that?
Note to self: Always use crude words to describe a person who I trust in. Boom done.
He sat on his keys? *winces* I would cry too.
I knew their names! There was-- No. Wait. That was from Brewdening Love. My bad.
Oh no.
NO. Oh gods, it's always when you think it can't get worse... Uh, should we be concerned? You should be glad you don't have a TV. Oh, are these people from a show? Yes. A horrible one. My hate for South Park runs deep. Well, at least you're not going to go into a rage over Ariana ruining it, then. I thought we were about to witness a reenactment of the Yugioh fiasco. ...Huh, that's a good point.
Maybe this won't be so bad after all.
I'm going to take a wild guess and say that this line is extremely out of character for anybody on SP. Yes? No?
I suppose this is a reasonable response.
These guys seem okay so far. More OOCness, I'm pretty sure.
MOODSWING OF DOOM.
Okay. Sure, why not.
THE JACKETS TALK?
...Huhwhat. But it's pronounced like Joe, right?
Why is Puzzle banging her head against the wall and sobbing about the death of intelligent humor? I think her eyes are starting to bleed, too. >.> Keep the blood away from the Thornmobile!
I was willing to buy Neff helping him out, but total stangers appearing to save your relationship? HELLO PLOT DEVICES.
Ironically, I assume.
Dude, Ariana, only one day has passed. WTF. Also nobody heals that quickly unless this has to do with being a vampire again, although that's never actually been plot relevant before.
Are you asking if it's okay? Is no an option?
But you don't even know this guy! Why do you care!
Yes, okay, sure, save Ariana. At least then I can stop listening to her bitch about her endless days in her jail cell.
WARNING. WARNING. Damien is planning to steal all the money in your bank account, Eric! Don't give him your PIN! IT'S A TRAP.
Mine are South Florida slash pines. (I'm not making these up, there seriously are slash pines. No better pine for me than a slash one!) What are yours?
Wow, that's so well-thought-out. That's like saying your plan for war is "Don't die and win so that we can enjoy the spoils of our enemies."
Of course it sounds wonderful, but you have no way to execute it! Why do you want them to kill the plan? Wrong 'execute.'
...No. Uh, is this ragefit going to be Yugioh-calibre? *shields the Thornmobile* Possibly. We'll find out next time... *ominous music*
I'm glad you included that question mark, Ariana. It allowed me to read that line in a very sarcastic voice inside my head. Thank you for that.
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Post by WolfBloodRei on Jan 18, 2012 21:26:48 GMT -8
Yay, new snark! =D
I'm afraid that this is where shit just gets thrown around at complete random. It just gets worse from this one on. More raging. More mindfuckery. More OOCness (if that's even possible at this point).
Believe me, you will rage, but keep trucking because you are almost to the end of this.
-Gives more brain bleach-
And no worries about the Sue War.
And as much as I, myself, like SP, I can certainly see why someone wouldn't. So no need to apologize for not liking it. XD
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Post by Talys Alankil on Jan 19, 2012 6:56:45 GMT -8
New snark ! Yay ! ^-^
If you're not ready to face Harry Potter being horribly deformed by Ariana then don't snark on. 'Cause it's awful. You have been warned.
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Hlessi-Roo
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Post by Hlessi-Roo on Jan 19, 2012 9:57:31 GMT -8
I think I threw up a little bit in my mouth when I got to the Harry Potter stage of this. It is bad. REALLY bad. Keep some kittens on standby or something. On a happier note, yay update! Puzzlesnarks make me happy.
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PuzzleChick
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Because I am the FBI and I can.[Mo0:0]
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Post by PuzzleChick on Jan 19, 2012 17:40:15 GMT -8
Oh gods, it's THAT bad? D=
But...maybe that's good. Honestly, the reason it took me so long to do chapter 15, is because I'm just bored with this fic. It's not lulzy anymore. It's not really rage-causing either. It's just...boring. I want a failfic I can really rage at! But this...I just want to go to sleep when reading it. So if it at least became rage-causing that would be better than nothing...
I really hope I can find a super funny fic to snark after this though. Ariana has lost her funny touch. :<
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Post by Anya the Purple on Jan 19, 2012 21:03:25 GMT -8
You have SLASH PINES? Dude. Give me your trees. I am jealous of your trees.
But yeah, it gets BAD after this. Like, almost FTS bad.
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Chibithulhu
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None can resist cuteness.[Mo0:10]
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Post by Chibithulhu on Jan 20, 2012 14:00:35 GMT -8
At least FTS's pairings made more sense than the one in this! I mean, beyond being a horrendous Sue...
Fortunately, though, this has rageworthy moments that aren't quite as sanity-destroying.
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PuzzleChick
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Because I am the FBI and I can.[Mo0:0]
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Post by PuzzleChick on Feb 11, 2012 16:09:29 GMT -8
The sooner I finish this Ariana fic the sooner we can find an actual funny fic to snark, right? Right!If you must.I'm actually tempted to snark the first fanfic I ever wrote, except I only have a printed copy, not a digital, and I'm not typing it back up, so it would be the "overview with a quote here and there" style of snark. Which can be quite funny too. But I wonder if the fic needs to have Twilight in it to be allowed to be posted here. ...So are we going to do this or not? They're playing a Led Zepplin block on the radio.Fine. But someday, mark my words, someday I will snark something that is actually funny again! I'm sorry for the long wait too, and I can actually spell my apology. u_u NO. I don't. Ariana has a son?!NO, NOT OKAY. You're just trying to give the shortest answers possible to get this over with, aren't you?...No. >.> You just spent ten minutes playing with a puzzle ring instead of typing.No that that isn't something that, y'know, Puzzles should do.It wasn't ten minutes. YOUR COMPUTER WENT INTO SLEEP MODE.*holds out Comet* I found something hairy! Can I be excused? *meep*Comet says he's furry, not hairy.How do you know that's what he said? I can talk to cats....SINCE WHEN?!Yeah I'm pretty sure that train's only there a couple times a year. Unless you somehow magically were there on the day school started... Wait. Wait, this is about Harry Potter? The book?You just now figured that out? This is not a good time to be sarcastic with him...WHAT?!Oh fuck.THAT'S NOT CANON AT ALL. DUMBLEDORE ISN'T EVEN ON THE TRAIN AT THE START OF SCHOOL--I guess I won't need to rage after all. Nobody, not even the anti-Christ, gets to bastardize Harry Potter! NOBODY.I love seeing you get mad.That isn't canon either! On the other hand, I'd say that to her too if I was Hagrid...Damien is a demon. Not a ninja.True, there is a difference. Logic says at this point the more capable adults nearby would have gone after them. After all, these could be evil wizards trying to hurt their kids. Logic says it wants nothing to do with this fic.The train started moving and you all got severe whiplast because you were all too stupid to sit down? How about I give you a derp and you go jump into the digital sea? Seriously, as if saving the wizarding world wasn't enough of a job for him.If I was Harry right now I'd seriously be like Why on Earth do you need baby chickens for this?That's right Luce, keep being naive and we can all hopefully get past her misogyny without any raging... Seriously, this is a reasonable question. I think truancy is punished in human schools.Um, no, actually. They don't have to do anything. You're the ones who barged in on their train. You think you're here?You might want to get behind a shield.Why? *sees floating black spots appearing* Uh, I thought I wrote Luce's powers out of the story? Snarking technically exists outside of canon. You really should have thought about that before bringing him into a chapter where a book he likes is being canon-raped.NOT OKAY. NOT. OKAY.Um, no, once again, these people don't even know you, and you haven't played a children's card game with them yet. You're not friends. *explodes Ariana's house and her rome and her pinafores*Are you planning to stop him anytime soon? Are you kidding? This is ridiculously sexy. I could watch him blow up Ariana's stuff all day.Is this plot relevant? NO. You have got to be fucking kidding me. *explodes Ariana's head*Oh Luce, if only it was that easy. I feel kind of bad for Sergeant Neff now. Sure thing man, I'll give you a hug. I don't know. I don't care. It's taken me a half hour just to get this far through this snark. YAYY, QUOTATION MARKS. You're in a fucking dungeon and you have a settee? Seriously?Okay just a chapter ago you were going on about how Damien wouldn't save you. Make up your mind....Is she trying to sing? No, seriously, is she?! Obviously you don't have any punctuation marks. I don't even want to think about how many songs she just bastardized....You're playing with that ring again.Go away. You're supposed to be snarking.This fic isn't funny anymore, I can't snark it! I have literally nothing to say about it, and no funny gifs-- Oh wait, it just got funny again. xDDD ...Ew.When did you get back? Where have you even been?Nowhere. But I brought back snacks!At least he's not creating anti-matter bombs out of nothingness again. Yes, but leaving me here alone with nobody but you, who's cranky and easily distracted, isn't exactly cool. =/Excuse me? I'm sorry. *nuzzles*...All is forgiven....Get Luce out of here. GET LUCE OUT OF HERE NOW. Oh, hey, want to take the Thornmobile to the park?Okay! =DDid she really just do what I think she did? Whoa. Whoa, no, Chey wants nothing to do with this fic. NOTHING. No...bodar...? Wait, is he saying "no bother?" Even in British that's kind of an awkward answer. Well, hey, no harm in looking. But seriously dude, there's admiring the scenery and then there's creeping. You're doing the latter. Well, you should be feeling sorry about being a creeper, but I'll take what I can get. WHY ARE THEY BEING SORTED INTO HOUSES? WHY? The...santa...christ? And Slytherins aren't evil by default, just...oh, forget it. Damien can see the future! /o/ How useful. What's useful?Oh hi guys. How was the park? It was great! The Thornmobile had fun throwing bread to the ducks. =DHow does a...you know what, I'm not going to ask. I surely did neho. No idea what it means, but if it means nearly fell asleep out of boredom, then yep, I did.
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Post by Anya the Purple on Feb 11, 2012 20:23:02 GMT -8
*Siiiigh* Well, at least Luce and Joseph are interesting.
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Post by Talys Alankil on Feb 12, 2012 6:43:09 GMT -8
Ohai Puzzle ! Good to see you back to snarking ^_^
Now, now. You're almost there. Like, 80% through or something. Does that help ? Though you should keep Luce away if you don't want him to destroy the universe or something.
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PiedPiperPluto
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do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior daenerys targaryen
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Post by PiedPiperPluto on Feb 12, 2012 12:43:34 GMT -8
...Ohgod, one of Damien's many middle names is my real name. In other news, I commend your ability to snark this without destroying your computer, Puzzle. This fic has gone from funny-bad to just... bad.
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Post by Talys Alankil on Feb 12, 2012 14:26:40 GMT -8
^Well, there are so many middle names that there was statistically quite a high chance of that.
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Chibithulhu
Persistent Member
None can resist cuteness.[Mo0:10]
Posts: 2,236
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Post by Chibithulhu on Feb 19, 2012 13:35:29 GMT -8
Pretty much. Still, OUCH. I know how it feels.
That Yugi pic is glorious in his adorable not-fuck-giving.
Now I want a plushie.
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PuzzleChick
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Because I am the FBI and I can.[Mo0:0]
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Post by PuzzleChick on Mar 7, 2012 11:21:25 GMT -8
I'm back! And slightly less exhausted than I have been for the last month, so it's finally time to tackle Ariana again. I'll be doing this chapter solo, as I decided for the good of the universe to keep Luce away. That whole uh...still having his powers thing...kind of took me by surprise. You'd think someone might have mentioned earlier that snarking wasn't bound by canon laws... Well, I thought it was funny.Yeah, yeah, go enjoy playing at the beach with your boyfriend. And for the love of your father, please make sure he stays happy. Is Ariana going to have a baby? Because I do not want this. I really do not want this. Anything but the baby plot device, ANYTHING. Oh hey my cheesy bread is done. =D Back. Y'know I was reading some of my old snarks the other day and considering the amount of times I mention eating food or being hungry or going to get food, I wonder how I'm not 500 pounds. Does the shocking secret have anything to do with a baby? No, really, the baby thing is just a random guess. No real reasons why I chose it. Unless the beetle is a headlight beetle, I don't want to be anywhere near it. Queue training montage! Possibly set to I'll Make a Man out of You. I realize I'm beating a probably thrice-reincarnated horse by now, but why is he wasting all this time on training at Hogwarts? It isn't like they're going to war, he just wants to save his Mary Sue from his human cousin. (Further proof that Mark is made out of pure concentrated badassery.) I mean yeah, they've got Aro and Edward Cullen on their side, but this guy is a fucking Antichrist. Surely he could beat up a few sparklepires without needing a full on training montage. ...Yeah, I think he's just scared of Mark. Or possibly is hoping that if he waits long enough they'll just kill Ariana and he'll be free. This is just a friendly suggestion, but MAYBE the reason why Voldemort knows all about dark lords is...well...BECAUSE HE WAS ONE. (Also what do dark lords have to do with anything? They're going to fight vampires and a guy with a badass trenchcoat and an unfortunately-painted car. No dark lords here!) Uh oh guys, I think Erin showed up at some point here. Then again, she didn't spell it "sexah" so maybe it wasn't her. Wait, lovers?! WHAT LOVERS?! Oh god no, please tell me she didn't pair up Dumbledore and Voldemort, PLEASE. As You Know, Bob... Lord?! What lord?! Oh, do you mean Lucifer? Is Sergent Neff working for him? Look everybody, Voldemort has been beeted! Ariana, seriously, I just ate. I do not want to hear about creaming slimily. Please.That wasn't what you were wearing when they brought you there! Are they giving you new clothes to wear? Martin?! You leave LittleKuriboh out of this! Ah ha, there's the chagrin! Every good Twilight fic needs one. YOUR STOMACH DID WHAT?! Yes, please, by all means explain... Um. So I'm guessing some sort of portal opened and they fell through it? Is that what's going on here? I could point out that people usually choose one spelling of their name and stick with it, but instead I'd like to just say: This voice is pronouncing the name, not spelling it. Since they're pronounced the same, the spelling issue doesn't even need to be pointed out.I think you would recognize Damien's voice. IS THIS THE SURPRISE? OH MY GOD. I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING. WHO SAW THIS COMING. Uh. Weren't Edward and Mark raping you? ...Wait, you were serious? No, really, you were serious?! But I thought her father was Aro. Oh. Wait, she was talking about it being the grandchild on Damien's side. Well at least she cottons on quickly. ...I guess this sort of makes sense? A vampire would probably handle an Antichrist better than a regular human. Dude seriously are you kidding me? That's not...this doesn't... I'm trying really hard not to say something extremely inappropriate here because I'm pretty sure everything I'm about to say is offensive. But this is a castle, no? So it probably has a good long staircase someplace, right? Yeah, I'm going to hell. But it IS Ariana we're talking about, so maybe that could at least get me an upgrade to a room in hell with a jacuzzi tub? THE FUCK KIND OF OUTFIT IS THAT? Mark, you have more fashion sense than this, I know it! This guy's clothes just suddenly somehow made him know what to do. I mean what. ...AMUSEMENT'S GONE. B|First Yugioh and now Forrest Gump? Ariana do you enjoy destroying everything that is beautiful and good in this world? DO YOU? Mark, Edward, please. Victory sexytiems can wait. D]KFNAKHFAE[NV'K;BVUAYHEFINFAI;GVJND'FUE98TRADJF;KDNV;ZKDH Can I ask why he's sleeping on a table? (Probably because the floor was lava, I guess.) Wut. The kid is grown up and walking and talking?! Or is he dreaming this? Please tell me he's dreaming this. Okay, if at any point you spell this demonspawn's name like my middle name I will either rage or cry. You're getting dangerously close. Yugi must have realized he was being mind controlled and got the fuck out. YOU'RE GOING TO SHAVE YOUR OWN KID? ...I need to go stare at pictures of kittens or something for awhile now. (The good news is I think this fic is nearly over! Yay! What to snark next...)
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Post by WolfBloodRei on Mar 7, 2012 11:47:59 GMT -8
YAY NEW SNARK! I love you forever!
Yeah, I cried in this chapter. The only thing redeemable about Delia is the fact that she's actually a canon character from the Omen series, so technically she's being canon-raped just as much as Damien and Mark are. Still... Coming out of Ariana... Why, God, why?! T_T
And yeah you're about done. I think there's the next chapter and then the epilogue. As for what to snark next..? Hm. -Goes into thought-
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Post by Talys Alankil on Mar 7, 2012 12:35:10 GMT -8
Yay new Puzzle snark !
Aww, you gotta bring Luce back to destroy Ariana. Pretty please ?
And oh, you don't want to know who she pairs Voldemort with. Actually, I'll spoil it for you 'cause I think she only cements it in the sequel and I don't think you'll snark it. So… she ships Voldemort and Harry. Also all the Hogwarts students are gay in the Arianaverse. I'm just saying.
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