PuzzleChick
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Because I am the FBI and I can.[Mo0:0]
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Post by PuzzleChick on Sept 25, 2011 12:23:18 GMT -8
^ The "sexy, sexy hell" picture IS the winnest thing ever! I kind of have a dream of trolling a fundie irl like that someday. *wistful*
I am back to snark some bad YGO/Twilight fic!
Time Lord brought this fic to my attention on the old forums. Until now, I haven't snarked any Yugioh fanfiction. Partly because I'm afraid to even look at the YGO section of ff.net and partly because Erin had kept me so busy.
This fic was quite short – only three chapters – and seemed to have been abandoned when I found it. Unfortunately, (or fortunately?) now it seems to have been deleted entirely, so I’ll only be able to repost the snarks of the first two chapters.
Right away I have issues. First of all, the author had uploaded each chapter as a separate story on her account. For some reason though, this one had all three chapters in the single fic, so I'm not sure what's going on there. This was also the only fic on her profile. Her profile itself...well, have some quotes:
Sounds like an okay gal, I guess. Personally, I adore GX and 5Ds too, but to each her own. I could go for an awesome, kick-ass story, sure.
And then...it all goes downhill from there.
;A; No. Not awesome. DOES NOT SOUND AWESOME. GET OUT OF MY FANDOM.
Your age definitely shows. This isn't necessarily bad though, I showed my age when I was 14, too. But the next lines...?
Emphasis mine. Well, there goes any faith I had in her. Or in how well-written anything she does will be.
Here is the fic summary:
So rather than make a self-insert Mary Sue, you create a LITERAL self-insert. Oh gods, is this going to be like those Choose Your Own Adventure books? Because I always failed at those. I always managed to choose the path that got you killed. I didn't realize you could actually die in them and was quite traumatized the first time I read one.
My second issue? The whole first chapter is a single block of text. PARAGRAPHS, MAN. USE THEM. I've separated them out for this snark because otherwise my head would split open like a dropped watermelon.
And how, pray tell, can a scent change a person's fate? If that's all it took, I'd have paid more attention to what kind of shampoo I bought during the rough times.
I could get mad about the tense issues, but I'll forgo that in favor of giggling over the Puzzleshippy subtext here.
Wait...I thought Yugi knew she was already there? He's approaching cautiously, that seems to indicate he KNOWS she's there. So why would he just now be sensing her presence?
Venom...hurts? That's new. Unless the writer is going for the "pain of hunger" or something.
Just so you know, most mortals don't walk around hissing. I mean, I did when I was a kid, but I wasn't what we call normal. u_u And speaking of normal, things are about to get really weird here.
WHAT'S probably in shock? I think she's saying Yugi is looking at her in shock, but why would he, considering that she's acting, by her own admission, like a mortal person? And the way it's written, it sounds like she's saying that she's probably smirking in shock. Which...people don't usually do. When I'm shocked I usually jump backwards and swear like a sailor. I don't smirk. This self insert thing isn't working very well.
So people look at you in shock because you're immortal? I guess that would make sense...IF YOU COULD PHYSICALLY TELL SOMEONE WAS IMMORTAL. And so far, she's made a big deal about looking normal and mortal so CLEARLY you can't distinguish them by looks alone!
THE WHY THE FUCK IS HE LOOKING AT HER IN SHOCK THEN?! ARRRRRAAAGH! Make up your mind! Do you want to be admired for being immortal or do you want to be mysterious? You can't be both. B|
*snorts* Canonically and head-canonically, this is just ridiculous. Because in canon, Yugi would have been admiring a pretty girl like your average teenage boy does by staring with a goofy grin, not staring in shock. And in head-canon, unless the pretty girl was Yami in a dress, Yugi wouldn't give a fuck.
By what? DETAILS, MAN. DETAILS.
Now that you mention it, Yugi's hair does kind of make him easily kidnappable. All those sprigs of it sticking out to grab onto and all.
Something tells me that if Yugi did randomly get grabbed by some psycho chick, he'd probably go, "WTF?! Let me go! What the hell is your problem?!" rather than whimpering. But that's just me.
Point. Yugi is rather special as far as humans go. And I suppose it's possible that a supernatural being could sense that his soul is on the unusual side. But I don't get why the vampire chick thinks that makes him non-killable. Humans are food to vampires. That's it. I can look down at a particularly tasty-looking cake and think, "My gods, this is one special cake," and still nom it up without the slightest bit of remorse. (In fact, I'll probably enjoy eating it that much more, I bet it's delicious.) If vampires spared as many people as modern writers seem to think they do, they'd all starve to death.
Also, I want to know, where is Yami during all this? He's had ample time to pop up and deliver a mind crush or two! Probably distracted playing racquetball in his soul room again. You gotta admit, his soul room would make for a kickass racquetball court.
Oh come on, you have got to be shitting me. Yugi is not some wussy crybaby, for heaven's sake. That's it, I'm kicking you out of the Yugioh fandom. Come back when you have a decent, non-cliche'd grasp on the characters.
I'd like to go on record stating that I have never caressed my food, no matter how special it was. Thank you.
Vampires don't breathe. Also, I don't get it. Is she nomming him or purposely trying to turn him into a vampire? I thought she wanted to eat him, now she's turning him or something. I'm getting a headache. The author should be the one who's saying sorry for sullying a series like Yugioh with shitty Twilight nonsense! >_>
You're outside. Generally, outside it's called the ground.
And I thought that I overdid it on the omniscient narrator thing...
Back to past tense again I see? I'm going to guess that she's purposely trying to make him be a vampire then. Which also makes no sense. The more vampires you create, the more competition for food sources. You'd think vampires would want to kill each other off, not make more.
I'll let the "agonising" thing slide, because the author is in the UK, where that's a valid way to spell the word.
Wait. What? Is this a flashback? She was turned into a vampire 200 years ago, why is she talking about her heart stopping in the present tense?! Is she turning into a vampire again? WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
I don't get it! Why are you telling us this?
...No shit. You told us that in the summary.
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PuzzleChick
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Post by PuzzleChick on Sept 25, 2011 12:59:40 GMT -8
Because I'm in the middle of an anxiety-driven breakdown and can barely bring myself to leave my room much less accomplish anything productive aside from worrying, I'm going to get the chapter 2 snark up now also, titled: Dance In the Dark 1 Transformation. I was in a cranky mood the first time I snarked this, and unfortunately I can't quite get all the irritation out of my answers. So this one might not be quite as fun to read. But don't worry, I'm going to pick a good lulzy one for the next fic to snark! I'm torn between another YGO/Twilight one, or maybe another Twilight cross-over with another series I like. There are quite a few to choose from on ff.net. (Emphasis was in the fic) Yes, I know. You stated that in the summary already. However, it bothers me a bit that I'm told nothing about who "I" am in this thing, except that apparently I'm a vampire with no sense of logic. This does not sit well with me, I'd rather be a vampire with tons of logic. Secondly, the vampire's personality doesn't suit me at all. Most of what she says and does is not stuff I would ever say or do. You WANTED to confuse your readers into thinking they were reading a third-person story when really you intended for it to be second-person all along?! In general, there shouldn't be an "annoying stuff" part of a story. Just saying. When I first read this, I thought, No. No way. She can't be. She's wouldn't. Maybe we're meant to fill in our stats here or something. That has to be it. I love how gullible I am. Cue Jaws music. Also, cue awkward tenses! No, I didn't. But...but I don't like heights. D= They're kind of fascinating, but they make me dizzy and freak me out. Also, calling the self insert a gargoyle is not exactly flattering. Geez, I know I'm homely, no need to rub it in... Uh, have you ever met me? I can't sit still longer than thirty seconds or so before having to move or mess with something. I'm kind of aggravating that way. Okay, seriously, you can quit with the oh-so-mysterious-killer thing. It has been done to death and is no longer impressive. (On the other hand, I will say, it's true I suppose that nobody would suspect I could kill. I'm a teeny 85-lb girl. Not really scary. So, point for that.) *grinds teeth* Maybe this is just my own personal quirk coming out, but this pisses me off. DON'T TELL ME THE FUCK WHAT I'M FEELING. I HATE THAT. LET ME DECIDE FOR MYSELF HOW I FEEL, DAMN IT. ...I made a creaking sound and then a door click noise? That's new. I'll be the first to admit that I have a love of fragmented sentences. But this is getting ridiculous! I KNOW I'M A VAMPIRE, MOVE ON WITH THE STORY PLZ. I'm getting sort of sick of all these animal-related noises. Although I personally love the words "snarled" "hissed" "growled" etc, I use them SPARINGLY. So when they are used, the reader knows the character in question means business. At this point, the word "hiss" is beginning to lose all meaning to me. Bitch, it's bad enough you fuck over Yugi and Yami, my two favorite characters, but if you decide to fuck Jounouchi's character over too, I really will snap your neck and gnaw on your vertebrae... I swear I'm having visions of two cats in a scuffle over territory at this point. That's not a compliment of the story, BTW. Whew. Okay, there's no way that's Jou, he'd never speak like that. Thank goodness for small favors. 1. Learn to use tenses properly. 2. Man, the change takes a lot less time in this verse vs. SMeyer's verse. 3. I'm hungry. I'm going to get some yogurt. It's funny because I used to really dislike yogurt, but I seem to be warming up to certain flavors. I hope we still have some banana left. ...Damn, we don't. Guess I'll have blueberry. Om nom nom. Okay, moving on. No, it's a cement truck. NO SHIT IT'S A NEWBORN. Oh hell no. I do not have a monotonic voice. Also, Fate didn't do a damn thing. The idiot MC CHOSE to make him a vampire. There's always a choice. Don't ever think there isn't. Claiming fate or having no other option is just you making an excuse for the choice you made. *whacks MC with her copy of Stalking Darkness* ...Holy shit. Mystery dude is actually Kaiba! D8 FFFFFFFFF PLOT TWIST. I never thought I'd say this, but I agree with Kaiba. If a vampire turns you, that's not fate, that's the vampire making a choice. Everything has its own purpose. I agree with this. Destiny I'm a bit up in the air on. But because I'm feeling contrary, I denounce pretty much anything my self insert says. Why are we suddenly using gratuitous Japanese? Are we in Japan? What's going on, Kaiba? Also, refer back to the start of the chapter with those stats. I figured they were just stats for you to fill out for fun and that the character's name would never be mentioned or something in the fic. Besides, at this point, considering how the MC-who-is-definitely-not-me is acting, if I WAS the MC I'd say something like, "None of your business." Bad fic writers must enjoy crushing my confidence in people. YOU. ARE. TOTALLY. SHITTING. ME. Oh. I guess it's not Kaiba after all. Huh. Considering all the snarling and hissing before, the fact that suddenly it's a pleasure to meet him is confusing. Uh, is the MC going to fall for him now, too? Vampires don't need to breathe. Why are you breathing at all?! HE DOESN'T NEED TO BREATHE EITHER. WHY DO I KNOW MORE ABOUT SMEYER'S VAMPIRES THAN YOU? That seems...I don't know, insensitive somehow. It's like if you were in remission for some disease, and you meet someone else in remission for the same disease, and without getting to know each other or even striking up a real conversation, asking the person how long they've been in remission. Yeah. The whole fic is like this. No new paragraphs for people speaking at all. ._. Just dialogue run together as so. Seriously? No, seriously?? This may be the most annoying way to do a self-insert fic I've ever seen. Even more annoying than Twilight or those Choose Your Own Adventure books. I'd rather be choosing the path that will unknowingly send me over a waterfall than reading this right now. And if there's one thing we know from Twilight, it's that everyone in a relationship is always jealous, all the time. B| No...no, I really don't hope we meet again. FOR FUCK'S SAKE. YUGI IS 16. 16 is not a 'young boy.' Treat him like his age for once, damn it! Who is heart? I don't know. WHO WAS PHONE? If I was a vampire, I'd seriously have better things to do than sit around and watch someone else turn into one. Really. I can think of at least twenty right now. I think the author was going for "sputter" there. I'm not impressed. I gave Yami red eyes in my AU chapter fic. Big deal. Certain canon art has his eyes being red anyway. So hey, does this mean Yami will be a vampire too now? Because I'ma itching to see a vampire mind crush. I bet that's awesome. Newbie anime fan alert... I remember when I used to use gratuitous Japanese and provide translations at the end, thinking I was oh so awesome. Thank goodness I got over that. Sadly, with the third chapter lost to the void, you won't get to hear me yammer about puzzleshipping next chapter. I know, you're all very disappointed. Coming up next, I decide on what I shall next snark! (I might do an Arianna one-shot while I decide on a new chapter fic, but I feel like everyone is snarking her.)
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Post by Anya the Purple on Sept 25, 2011 18:42:30 GMT -8
Ugh. Just... ow. Also, you've convinced me to watch Yu-Gi-Oh online. Which episode do I start with?
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Chibithulhu
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None can resist cuteness.[Mo0:10]
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Post by Chibithulhu on Sept 25, 2011 18:58:50 GMT -8
Vampire mindcrush? ... AWESOME CONCEPT! If I ever actually finished the first series, I might be tempted to use that idea.
But I see I spoke too soon with the OTP thing.
And AUGH, that's a STUPID way to do a self-insert! Particularly eye color. I mean, HELLO! You've got a vampire drinking some random kid's blood. No choice in the matter, they'll be RED eyes according to canon! And it's a three-day transformation! I read those books ONCE, returned them to the library and skimmed things over sometimes because I couldn't stand the prose, but even I picked up on that! If you're a fan, GET CANON RIGHT. And couldn't she have put in "You tell him your name" or something? I'm pretty sure that's how it happened in the CYOA Goosebumps books! Eugh. Badbadbad.
Have a cookie. *Hands Puzzle cookie* Hope you feel better about the anxiety breakdown thing. I know just how it goes.
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Post by Talys Alankil on Sept 26, 2011 1:14:31 GMT -8
Am I a bad person if I find your fangirl!rage quite amusing ? Hehe Still, poor Puzzle. I can only imagine what this fic must have done to you.
Yes, snark Ariana, and join our hug army ! Do it ! We already enrolled Brugo and Klaine, and we could use another slash pairing or five hundred ;D
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PuzzleChick
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Because I am the FBI and I can.[Mo0:0]
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Post by PuzzleChick on Sept 26, 2011 5:17:11 GMT -8
@ Anya: I believe you can find all the episodes subbed here: www.animecrazy.net/yugioh-duel-monsters-episode-list/ #1 is at the bottom of the page. (Yugioh is unfortunately known for having bad subs, so I'm not sure at how well done the subs will be on these, but I watched a bit of the first episode and it's not too horrible.) There's also the dub, of course, but it's...very campy. xD I love it, but it's campy. And if you're interested in the original story, in all its dark, sadistic glory, there's also the manga, but I can't seem to find a complete scanlation of it. >.< I DID find the first seven volumes though, which are basically what we call Series 0 in the fandom, because Takahashi drew/wrote them before settling on the storyline that the anime starts with. But it might be better to read those after getting a handle on the anime. ALSO WARNING YOU NOW. IF YOU MAKE IT ALL THE WAY THROUGH THE SERIES TO EPISODE 224, IT WILL RIP YOUR HEART OUT AND STOMP ON IT JUST LIKE NO. 6 DID. ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE A PUZZLESHIPPER. (And frankly everyone is, it's practically canon...) BEWARE. @ Chibi: Yeah, you spoke too soon. ^^; Puzzleshipping is my OTP for life, but had this fic continued it would have obviously ended up with Yugi and the Self Insert together. Probably best that it ended, or you would have heard me self-implode at that point. Thank you for the cookie and sympathy. I appreciate it. <3 @ Talys: Haha, I'm sure Yami and Yugi would enjoy snarking some more...is there any particular fic of hers that you would suggest I start with? I don't know anything about Glee so I'm probably not qualified to snark any of her Glee fics.
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Post by Talys Alankil on Sept 26, 2011 5:36:35 GMT -8
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Post by Anya the Purple on Sept 26, 2011 16:20:52 GMT -8
It will? FUCK. Oh well. I'll watch it when I have time. Also, can I place a special reservation on the Midsummer Night's Dream one? Cuz that's srsly like a quarter of my childhood. Maybe a third, actually.
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PuzzleChick
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Post by PuzzleChick on Sept 26, 2011 16:39:07 GMT -8
^ IT WILL. AND IT DOES SO WITHOUT MERCY. (Okay so there's all this philosophical, deep symbolism and discussion that the end is supposed to provoke and it does that well, BUT I STILL CRIED A RIVER. NAMED THE RIVER DENIAL. BUILT A HOUSE IN IT AND THERE I LIVE.)
I might go for the birthday fic, I think.
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Post by Anya the Purple on Sept 26, 2011 18:51:53 GMT -8
I must admit, after the first episode, I'm rather confused.
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Chibithulhu
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Post by Chibithulhu on Sept 26, 2011 22:02:56 GMT -8
I read the first manga dub. It's kinda weird after seeing a lot of the 4kids dub to suddenly see the pre-character development, pre-Duel Monsters Yami.
Also, I loved the little tabletop RPG game they play with Bakura. They're just so CUTE.
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PuzzleChick
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Post by PuzzleChick on Sept 27, 2011 5:41:16 GMT -8
^ Yeah, the tabletop RPG arc was so cool. x3 They're all cute little figures, and there's puzzleshipping. I am exceedingly okay with all of this.
@ Anya: Bad subs, or just confusing? Because it's supposed to be kind of confusing, I think. xD (it all makes sense in retrospect.) But this show has some of the worst subs. OTL There's a whole tumblr dedicated to making fun of them. Anyway, if it's not your thing I won't think any less of you for not watching it.
Sorry I haven't got the snark up yet. I've been spending my snarking time writing more Eden chapters instead. Hopefully that's a consolation? =3=
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PuzzleChick
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Because I am the FBI and I can.[Mo0:0]
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Post by PuzzleChick on Sept 27, 2011 8:55:03 GMT -8
All right, taking a break from angsty backstories and blatant fanservice to try my hand at an Ariana snark. I chose this birthday one because it doesn't seem to be a cross-over. I've never read any of Ariana's stuff before, so I'm going into this rather blind. Let's see what happens!
*grabs a gong* "Okay, I've got mine. What next?
So wait, is Fight For This Love the title of the fic? Or is My Birthday the title? (I can only assume you're referring to Sheryl Crow.)
Who gets up at 6:00 am on a Saturday willingly?
Um...yes, I know. Ariana herself just told me.
Because if you were ugly, they wouldn't give you any presents.
Who is Ann? A friend? Relative? Stalker?
I don't understand this continuous misspelling of "hug." The 'a' and the 'u' are nowhere near each other on the keyboard. >_>
Who is Richard?! Who is Mark? SOMEONE EXPLAIN. Also I like Mark. Anyone the Sue MC doesn't like must be a decent fellow.
And thus we are left to assume that Mark is naked, or possibly wearing a badass rainbow trenchcoat. Hey, it doesn't say he ISN'T.
You changed right there in front of all your friends/family/stalkers/house robbers/whoever these people are?
WHO THE FUCK IS RICHARD. If he's family, then its just creepy that he's calling her sexy. If he's a love interest I guess it makes more sense, but still...kind of creepy.
I instantly believe you and your sexah hypnosis.
Wait, does he live with them too?!
Aw, thank you for waiting for him to wish me happy birthday, Ariana. But don't be sad, my birthday isn't for another four months. I wouldn't expect to be wished anything now.
I've heard of people saying "I can't be arsed." Is this the opposite?
One sentence in and this Damien guy has already made the Sue cry. I like him too. Hey, Damien, are you wearing a badass rainbow trenchcoat? Because if you are, you can hang out with me and Mark.
WHOA WHOA STOP. Richard is Damien's father? AND HE WAS CALLING ARIANA SEXY? CREEPER ALERT.
Hurray!
Okay, so she's at Damien's house, then. Why? Why isn't she at her own house?
WHAT MOVIE? I'M VERY CONFUSED RIGHT NOW.
I wouldn't be upset about going to Italy. Just saying. I'd love to go to Italy.
Well, this just took a turn for the nauseating.
Wait, what? You're being abducted and you want to look pretty?
YOU'RE ALREADY IN THE CAR. I can't even...
Well, technically extreme shock could cause that...
Who slaps someone with a knife? I would just stab her.
Debatable fiend. I'm sorry, DEBATABLE FIEND. That is the best insult ever. I'm going to have to find an excuse to use that.
Annnd another turn for the WTF-wierd.
I don't know about you, but I walk meticulously into gardening sheds too, because of all the bugs I'm convinced are waiting to come out and crawl up my legs.
I don't even know what to say to this next part.
Either he's saying ASH Wednesday, and he's mad because he's not religious or is perhaps just very allergic to ash, or it's ASS Wednesday and they're getting ass on their heads. Which...I mean, it wouldn't be my kind of thing, but I bet there are a lot of people who would be okay with that...
Well Damien, even if you are a Sue's pet, I have to give you credit for knowing who you make bread for. Joan wasn't able to figure that out yet.
Please tell me you mean the ones on your face. X___x
Isn't that kind of pointless? If he's dead, who needs a cage?
And I am still really confused. Ariana, you're such a debatable fiend.
Come on Mark, let's go. I'll buy you a drink.
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Post by Talys Alankil on Sept 27, 2011 9:26:51 GMT -8
^And you just got your first exposure to Ariana. Good luck, it only gets worse. We're regretting Erin because of that girl. Aw, well, this apparently follows with Vampire Queen, and is thus a The Omen crossover. Which is why you didn't know the characters ^^' Infodump time : Ann and Richard are Mark's parents and Damien's uncle and aunt (and adoptive parents). That's for the canon part. For the non-canon, they also adopt Ariana who immediately loves Damien, hates Mark for absolutely no reason and tries to put the two cousins together. So you are definitely right when you see Mark as sympathetic. Damien is, sort of, because the Sue abuses him as well and he just "luvs" her.
Yes, I would definitely see Mark in a badass rainbow trenchcoat. Especially since he's my slash fuel in Ariana's fics. So much Ho Yay going for him, even with Edward Cullen of all people ;D
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PuzzleChick
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Post by PuzzleChick on Sept 27, 2011 10:34:46 GMT -8
^ Ooh, okay. Thank you for the backstory, I was extremely confused. ^^; I've never watched The Omen, but I know the basic plot. That must be the movie she was referring to.
Ho yay FTW! I really like Mark now. xD
I don't know if I'll get super involved snarking Ariana...I feel like she tries too hard and isn't very funny. It's tough to make jokes aside from asking questions. Or maybe I just miss Erin and am taking my disappointment out on her.
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Post by Talys Alankil on Sept 27, 2011 10:42:59 GMT -8
^Yeah, I understand what you mean. Ariana's not really a good troll. Well, she has her lulzy fics, but there's a lot of purely bad stuff. You don't have to feel forced to snark her if you don't feel like it Well, I haven't seen the Omen either, I learned all I told you with her other fics and my personal research about it ^^
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Post by WolfBloodRei on Sept 27, 2011 13:20:07 GMT -8
Basically what Talys said. There's a little extra on it that he didn't cover.
Mark's uncle, Robert, adopted Damien. He died while trying to kill him and Damien goes to live with them. He's actually the Anti-Christ.
Poor Mark is such a Woobie with Ariana. Poor guy gets tormented in pretty much 99% of her fics.
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Chibithulhu
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Post by Chibithulhu on Sept 27, 2011 14:36:13 GMT -8
... Okay, Rainbow Trenchcoat Mark is going to have to show up in the SED someday.
Because that is AWESOME.
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PuzzleChick
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Because I am the FBI and I can.[Mo0:0]
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Post by PuzzleChick on Sept 27, 2011 16:20:05 GMT -8
^ Yay, I have inadvertently created something cool! xD
Anti-Christ, huh? Darn, if only I had known sooner. I should have recruited Luce, the Anti-Christ from my own novel, to help snark. Perhaps I will do so with another of her fics. Hmmn...
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Post by Anya the Purple on Sept 27, 2011 16:24:09 GMT -8
Just confused, I think. But I'll keep watching it. Also, I agree, Ariana's not the best troll. I'm thinking of giving up on her, actually. My Companion Cube is too wrapped up in Chibi's Companion Cube to care about revenge any more. But I'm definitely gonna do the Midsummer Night's Dream one first.
@chibi: YES PL0X.
@rei: I will give you a million cookies and worship you forever if you give Mark a rainbow trenchcoat in Suepidemic...
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Chibithulhu
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Post by Chibithulhu on Sept 27, 2011 17:29:40 GMT -8
Aww, Companion Cube romance! Sweet.
Yeah, that one is BAD. My inner Shakespeare nerd (okay, it's more an OUTER Shakespeare nerd, but whatever) raged at that thing.
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Post by WolfBloodRei on Sept 27, 2011 18:59:38 GMT -8
^ Yay, I have inadvertently created something cool! xD Anti-Christ, huh? Darn, if only I had known sooner. I should have recruited Luce, the Anti-Christ from my own novel, to help snark. Perhaps I will do so with another of her fics. Hmmn... I had one of my own Anti-Christs, Jagger (who is also the head vampire), snark "Vampire Queen" with me. Run away, mate! Don't look back!>_> ... Don't listen to Jagger. Poor guy went crazy. Jagger's doing Brewdening Love with me, also XD @rei: I will give you a million cookies and worship you forever if you give Mark a rainbow trenchcoat in Suepidemic.................... It shall be done.
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Post by Anya the Purple on Sept 27, 2011 19:43:38 GMT -8
^YES. *Hands over 100 cookies* Consider that a down payment. The rest shall be awarded upon the rainbow trenchcoat's appearance.
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Post by Talys Alankil on Sept 28, 2011 0:15:44 GMT -8
^Yay for rainbow trenchcoats ! Lol. You'll get cookies from me too, if you manage to pull it off ;D
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PuzzleChick
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Post by PuzzleChick on Sept 28, 2011 5:20:02 GMT -8
^ Okay, well now I'm going to HAVE to read this Suepidemic fic. Where is it? (OH WAIT. I found the link in your sig Rei, never mind.)
Luce: What? What's this about running?
Nothing, Luce. Nothing at all. There will be no need for running...
Joseph: Heh, this'll be good.
You're coming too.
Joseph: >_> Damn.
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PuzzleChick
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Because I am the FBI and I can.[Mo0:0]
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Post by PuzzleChick on Sept 28, 2011 13:51:38 GMT -8
I've been skimming some of Ariana's devART and you know what, I think I WILL snark Vampire Queen. It's nowhere near Erin quality, of course, but I think there's a decent amount of humor I can leech from it. (Besides, now that I've read Suepidemic, I want to read the source material. x3) I'll bring Joseph and Luce along too. They're feeling a bit neglected. I do hope their occasional flirting won't bother anybody.
So yeah. Gonna get on that, maybe get the first chapter up tonight. x3 I desperately need a distraction.
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Post by WolfBloodRei on Sept 28, 2011 14:04:52 GMT -8
^ I inspired you to snark Vampire Queen? Sweet!
-Looks at Joseph and Luce- Get out, mates. Get out while you still can.
Don't listen to him, guys. He's old and senile ^_^ See? His hair is all white!
It's NATURALLY white you psychotic mortal!
I shall patiently await your Vampire Queen snarks. Until then, time to snark BD chapter 4! Come on Jagger, Yukaru!
-Hisses at me- When your time comes, I will throw you into the fiery depths of Hell. But, Jagger. That means you'd see me everyday. ... Dammit. Let's go~ -Drags them- Oh, come on, not another one... T_T
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Post by Talys Alankil on Sept 28, 2011 14:15:16 GMT -8
Yay for Vampire Queen ! It's the only one of her "long" fics — along with Dalton Vampire, maybe — where she's actually trying to be a decent troll, so there's that ^^
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PuzzleChick
Persistent Member
Because I am the FBI and I can.[Mo0:0]
Posts: 2,890
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Post by PuzzleChick on Sept 28, 2011 17:06:08 GMT -8
^ Yeah, I looked through her fics and her latest ones are complete trash. VQ actually seems somewhat lulzy in comparison. Joseph: *eyes Jagger* Maybe we should listen to your alternate universe archtype, Luce. He sounds like he knows what he's talking about.Luce: But your hair is already practically white, there's nothing to worry about!Joseph: You completely missed the point, didn't you?Because this is my first time doing a snark with my own characters, I will introduce them: First up is Luce, Anti-Christ and weapon of Hell. He'll be speaking in green. Second is Joseph, Son of Light and second recurrence of the Christ. He'll be speaking in gray, and BTW I really wish the color drop down box actually offered gray as an option. Just saying. >_> They currently reside above a music store in South Beach. Saved the world once. Convinced an alien race that mosquitoes were an endangered spec-- oh, wait, no, they stopped the Apocalypse. My bad. I suppose you're going to offer cookies to anybody who gets that reference, aren't you?Yep. Let the snarking commence! Bear in the...big blue house...there are bears in houses!?It's a TV show. Don't have a TV. Don't want a TV. Not enough music on the TV. *folds arms and sulks*And cue the brattiness. Who the hell has a cupboard in their bedroom anyway? Isn't that usually called a closet? I wish I had a computer. Seph threw mine out the window.No, I didn't know. Frankly, we didn't care.What's an Erehaha? >.>I don't know, but it sounds vulgar, so I'm not even going to ask. Wow, a dad who would actually step down to save his kid. Who knew those existed?This is a snark thread, Joseph, not a place for you to air your daddy issues. Hooray for being raised human! Humans are quite fascinating, aren't they, Ariana Bruhaha Seadove or whatever your name is?Luce, don't bother. The Sue doesn't want to be your friend. And you don't want to be her friend. Trust me. BITCH ALERT. Red and blue? Wouldn't that make her eyes purple? Oh crap, Puzzle has a weakness for purple eyes.Don't worry guys. I survived The Brewdening. This Sue can't infect me. What do you mean, ew? Dancing is fun! >(Unicorns dancing with elves? What the everloving fuck?They dance loudly? Sounds like the unicorns know how to have a good rave. Can we hang out with them instead?I never had a real mommy.My real mommy died in childbirth.Okay, we're not here to talk about your mommy issues either. Will someone please explain the breakfast roll thing to me? I seriously don't get it. A breakfast roll is usually a pastry or bread--I know that. What I don't know is why her mother shouted it in the car. =| Perhaps because eating is one of the most glorious of human past times? =DYes, we know. You told us.Why was her dad already at the airport?Who knows, probably to get away from her. The house was bigger than ever? HOUSES CAN GROW?Miss Sue, please stop confusing Luce, now I'm going to be awake all night while he obsessively measures the house once an hour.Quick everyone, join Mark's side! There are badass rainbow trenchcoats in it for you! Oh boy! *pounces on Mark**follows jealously*Mark seems like a nice guy. I'm glad I figured out right away that he was cool. Can I just punch her? Once? Really hard? Because she's obnoxious.I'm pretty sure there's a waiting line. I don't blame him, I'd shake her hand with extreme caution too. I wouldn't shake her hand at all.I'm getting bored. Is anything interesting going to happen?No! Damien! Run away! Don't fall under her spell! You mean people actually get choices? What is this, a hotel? She should be grateful she's got a roof over her head at all!Poor Mark.Aaaand we have lift-off on the designated love interest. Luce, would you like to weigh in? I think he fell asleep.It's smaller and yet bigger at the same time. Wut. ._. Great, now Luce is really going to be convinced that rooms can grow...And now the tablecloth is dancing. Why am I not surprised by this.Perhaps Ariana has been dipping into Joan's LSD stash. Pleeeeeease can I punch her now? Please?Well, she was just a complete bitch about the room he'd spent setting up for her. I'd be sad too. It's okay Mark, you're too good for her. BEEE? THERE ARE BEEEEEEES IN THIS FIC? OBLIGATORY DESIGNATED BEEEEEEEEE CAP. AH HA!Aragh! I thought you were asleep!See, Seph, only princesses arrange books in order. u_uI fail to see your point.All I'm saying is that you're not a princess and thus don't need to arrange my books while I'm at work.And all I'M saying is that if they were arrange properly, I'd be able to find the ones I'm looking for.Girls, girls, you're both pretty. Can we move on now? She's going to stay with the ENTIRE military academy? What is this, a porn film? (Admit it, you know one with that premise exists someplace.) How exactly do angels "dalll?" Would you guys like to explain it? Never heard of it.Me either.Maybe if Luce kept his books in order I could look it up...We could also look it up if you hadn't thrown my computer out the window.I regret nothing.SHE THREW OUT FOOD? DDDDDDD=Oh shit.How horrible! Someone else could have eaten that! It could have been saved for leftovers! Or perhaps heated up if she wanted it hot! I no longer want to be Ariana Sparklegullhaha whatever-the-fuck Dove's friend anymore. >|You're so cute when you're pissed off. <3Good idea. I think I need to take one too. My brain feels drained just from this. Hooray, now while Puzzle sleeps, we can get out of here--Yay!Actually, no, you can't. I've built a magical barrier around the area. You're stuck in here snarking with me until I get bored. Crap....Are you bored yet?Until next time. /o/
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Post by WolfBloodRei on Sept 28, 2011 17:26:38 GMT -8
Ah, the Breakfast Roll thing is a bit of a meme with her. It's said a lot but you never understand its meaning.
I told you guys to get out while you still could. It only gets worse from here on out. Worse. The canon rape is just... It even made ME sob.
-Pats his shoulder- It's okay Jagger. It'll all be okay.
No, it won't. You're making me snark Brewdening Love...
Awesome snark, I can't wait for more. As someone who finished Vampire Queen, here's some stuff for you...
-Hands you a supply of brain bleach and a Mark plushie- If you'd like anything else, just ask.
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