Post by PuzzleChick on Oct 2, 2011 13:47:24 GMT -8
@ Rei: Aww, Mark is cute! A grown-up him with a rainbow trenchcoat would be fun to draw...
And Brian and Hugo are both wearing rainbow trenchcoats too. Right?
@ Talys: Yay, I'm not the only one who triple-checks! xD You have a good point. She probably used her Sue powers to get everyone else to pack for her.
Yeah, bubbly's a word! I'd say it suits his current state pretty well. When he was a full-powered Anti-Christ he was kind of a mix between arrogant and naive, but losing his magic and hanging out on Earth for awhile changed that.
(Seriously though, I legit wonder about cat fur, too. My cat fascinates me because a single piece of fur will be multiple colors. And each one grows just right so that when the fur lays down, they form perfect stripes. I'm just like: HOW DO YOU DO THAT? Comet: =| Shut up and pet me, slave. Me: ...*pets*)
Thanks for the info on Teddy, guys. My lack of Omen knowledge is starting to become a hindrance. ^^; I do wonder too though why poor Mark is the "villain" and Teddy doesn't seem to be. =(
Post by WolfBloodRei on Oct 2, 2011 15:49:32 GMT -8
You're welcome. I only know what I've looked up and been told by Syrah and others who know of it. Teddy does have a cameo a few chapters from now, but he's more or less a BigLippedAligator. Never mentioned again.
Aww, Mark is cute! A grown-up him with a rainbow trenchcoat would be fun to draw... And Brian and Hugo are both wearing rainbow trenchcoats too. Right?
Yes, I actually made Mark and Damien about 17 or 18 years old in Suepidemic, and yes Mark would look AWESOME in a rainbow trench.
And you know... That's funny, but I DID imagine Brian and Hugo next to him in rainbow trenchcoats, also >_> XD
Post by Talys Alankil on Oct 3, 2011 0:34:12 GMT -8
I second Chibi here. You know, best thing is that some races of cats (like two of mine ^^) have actually different color on the very same hair. That's awesome, in my opinion. If anyone draws Mark and Brugo in rainbow trenchcoats they'll have my eternal gratitude
Also, don't worry. Usually when Ariana rips off a Omen scene, it's pretty much a BLAM and the nonsense that is called the plot quickly dismisses it.
*is blushing like crazy* Awww, thank you for the vote of confidence, guys! I like to think my novels are maybe a third romance, and two-thirds plot/introspective stuff/etc. So it's wouldn't be entirely paranormal romance. I'm SO sick of the angsty lust crap that's being published and passed off as romance, so I'm trying to write nice plot-y stuff with fun characters and real love instead. (and it's all non-heteronormative. World needs more non-heteronormative books.) The one I'm writing for NaNo this year involves a zany character too. I love zany characters. x3 /self-centered chatter
@ Chibi: What Anya said! I would be so sad if I had bad cat allergies. D=
Sorry, no snark today guys. Gotta work the eight-hour shift. Hopefully a snark AND new Eden tomorrow to make up for it though. <3
Post by PuzzleChick on Oct 4, 2011 16:26:02 GMT -8
^ Huh? Oh no, I meant that as a good thing! I love plot. Plot and me are bros. I meant that even if I'm writing in the "paranormal romance" genre, romance wouldn't actually be the main purpose, the plot would be. So some people might not consider it paranormal romance, maybe they're label it paranormal or urban fantasy or something like that instead. Sorry, I was exhausted this morning when typing that, maybe I worded it wrong. xD I like there to be things happening. |3 Eden (and other long fanfics of mine) are pretty good indicators of how my original fiction works. Bits of romance building up over time, at least one over-arching plot/situation, at least a couple subplots hanging out, and at least one personal-character-past subplot.
*squeaks* Guys, guys, you're all too sweet! I seriously want to hug each one of you and bake you all cakes of gratitude now. Words cannot even say. *glomps* <333
So uh, are we gonna do a snark or what?
You two snark. I'm going to sit here and hug these three. <3
She wants us to snark on our own?
AN: Dis is chapar 4 of d stryo, please left good comments on it we're all here to strive to be the best riters we can bee.
Enough with the bees already, you're making Puzzle scream every time she sees that word. BEEEEEEEEEEEEEES! Not you too... I can see why she does it. It's fun. =D BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSS.
i hop u nejoy/ also dis chaper starts of wit aro taling to ewaod so know you know.
Shouldn't we be able to figure this out on our own as we read? My hopes are not high.
Chapter $ Visions
Ooh, this is going to be the money chapter! ...What's a money chapter? If it's anything like a money shot, that doesn't bode well for the rest of the fic.
In a distant castle on a hill aro king of the vampites was tacking to edword clunes. "Edward" he sed "only u are brav and powerful enuff 2 marriage my daughter ariana, princeso d vampies"
Because asking the girl who she wants to marry is just so modern. This isn't fuckin 1700. Women don't have to marry. My sisters say marriage is for losers and men are only useful as playthings because they die too fast. ...Have I ever told you that your sisters are terrifying?
"yes i no i am2" saed Edwierd. he wanted 2 marry ariana bcoz den he culd bcum the queen of vampites nd he new he culdnt do dat if she was alive
Wait. So if he marries her he becomes queen, but he can't become queen if she's alive. So if he going to marry her and then kill her? He wants to become the queen? That's actually entirely feasible here in South Beach. Or he could go to Key West. I ain't here to judge.
DUN DUN FUCKING DUN.
My thoughts exactly!
"i am counting on u 2 bring dat other boy to justice" sed arode
To justice? Did Damien commit a crime?
"u mmwwn sdwmaoin" edwaro esked.
Why does it look like she just banged her head into the keyboard here? Because that's probably what she did.
"yes i will" he wunked and high jumped out of the rume.
ARIANA'S POV LOLK
He jumped out of the room. How? Don't ask me. Aro must spend a lot on roof repairs.
i shat in sergent neff's char.
He is not going to be happy about that.
he was talking 2 me about wat i wuld do wile damiens eyes in class. i was whoring a black gothic dress with pink fishnets and bearts. damien was in mamalthicks class.
How do humans send only their eyes to school? I'll have to ask Jason. I highly doubt he'll be able to answer that.
"so arina," said segent niff (tho i call him danny)
Why are you calling him Danny?!
"i will send u 2 mrs alberto fincho" he kicked out of the room. i went 2 albert's class. she was very meen 2 me, she gave me a clap around de head for forgetting books i shouldnt eeeven have had. i cryed and cryed into Damien's shoudder wen i saw him a few hours later.
Wow. She really is a huge wimp, isn't she? A woman named Alberto? Yet another entirely common thing in South Beach. Wait. IS THAT WHERE THIS FIC IS SET? DDDDD= I don't want these weird people near us!
"OMG!" he sed wen he asaw me crying "wat fucking dick did that?"
"it's alrite" he sed beraley. "it doesnt mader"
Did he just read her mind to get the answer? More likely that second line is supposed to be Ariana talking.
damien kissed me sexilike. all of a sudden mark that dummy came ovar nd was all trying to talk to us.
Mark is here! Hi Mark!
"FUCK OFF MARK WHY THE FUCK ARE U ALLWAYS CUMMING OVAR WEN WE R KISSING CANT U C DAT I DONT LIKE U ND I JUST WANT TO FUCKING BE WITH HER" i yelled.
Ariana wants to be with her. And the plot thickens.
Mark suddenly brushed into trees. "Damien, can't you see how nasty ariana is to me"
YES. PREACH IT. FUCKING PREACH IT. Oh hi Puzzle, you're done hugging? Oh no. Still hugging. The volume of my rage was loud enough to reach you. Carry on.
"FUCK OFF U FUCKING HARBEETLE SHE'S BETTER THAN U WILL EVAR FUCKING BEE"
BEEEEES...and Damien's kind of a dick. You said it.
mark runned away crabbing suddenly.................... i fainted. damien cot me before i hurt the ground.
Thank goodness. The poor ground has more than enough to worry about besides you hurting it!
MESELF and meboyfrend damien weere at d icerink sudenly bill aterton cracked his egg and fell into te ice.
Did that make any sense to you? Not really. Who's Bill?
i woke up on d flour. damien was on top of me. "Ariana ur alrite u bitch i woz worried"
Not the flour! No! I was going to use that to make more cake! It's okay Luce. We'll get new flour. Nobody will want Sue-tainted cake.
"damien, did u no dat wen we go 2 d icerank bill anberntpn is gong 2 dye"
"oh noooo" he said sadly. "but don#t worry ariana i'll protect you,"
Or you could, you know, tell Bill not to come with you to the ice rink. Just a thought.
"i no," i sed simply. "i..." i possed. could i go troo with saying i love you?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but hasn't she already told him she loves him?
"i love you," Damien whispered. "I know dat it seems too short, but i no how i feel abot u, i just hop u fart d same way"
...Fart the same way. |D I hope they do, too. Maybe their flatulence will propel them away from us.
"oh, Damien, i do, of course i do, i love you too" i whipsred. he got off me and we made out but we didnt have sexy sex bcoz we are 2 yung 4 dat. (AN: is ariana sixteen or twelve plz comment nd tell meh)
...YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR OWN CHARACTER'S AGE. If she is twelve, isn't that too young to be making out in human years anyway? Generally. Unless you're a Meyerpire halfbreed, then at age seven it's A-okay. Maybe Ariana aged slightly differently from Renesmee. How do you know all this? I sell clothes to women. It's all some of them can talk about.
mark cum into the room agen but we yelped at him to fuck off, so he did.
"if he duesnt stop bodering us i swear to fucking god i will have him sectioned" Damien saed.
Or maybe Mark just wants to hang out with his friend/cousin/adopted brother/whatever the hell they are.
"ya and tell ur dad"
"ya dats a grape idea"
What exactly defines a grape idea? How can I tell if an idea is a grape or a mango idea?
we made out agen.
AN:- horray day love each udder isnt dat sweat? >:(
First of all, no. Second of all, you already told us that a few chapters ago. Third, what's with the angry face? Hi guys, I'm back. What did I miss? I'm having an apple idea! No wait. It's a peach idea. Definitely peach! >.> ...Okay?
Post by Talys Alankil on Oct 5, 2011 11:29:26 GMT -8
Aww, hugs ! *hugs back. And hugs Luce and Joseph too, 'cause they're awesome*
Don't worry, guys, it takes place in Chicago. I think it was mentioned in passing in the beginning, or maybe later ? I don't remember. As for the "flashback"… It was no flashback. I do wonder why Damien takes it so easily that Ariana apparently saw the future, though.
Post by PuzzleChick on Oct 5, 2011 11:38:02 GMT -8
^ Oh good. xD And really, that flashback was actually a flashforward. Not that it was handled very well as a plot device anyway. >.<
@ Chibi: Seriously, I'm confused. Are Ariana's vampires related to SMeyer's? They must be if Edward and Aro are involved. But she doesn't seem to be following any of SMeyer's canon. At the same time, I seem to recall her saying that she stopped growing. =| I'M CONFUSED.
Post by Talys Alankil on Oct 5, 2011 11:46:03 GMT -8
^Officially, she's exactly like Renesmee — a half vampire, the vampire father being Aro. And she stopped growing when she recently turned fifteen at the beginning of the fic. Which means the comment about her age in this chapter is a complete "fuck you" to the concept of continuity. Now, in truth, she really isn't. It's like Ariana forgets she's supposed to be anything but a damsel in distress.
Post by PuzzleChick on Oct 8, 2011 11:44:22 GMT -8
Here's chapter five! This fic...I don't know what to say about this fic anymore. It's boring and it's insane, at the same time. I don't even want to continue with it. But I struggle on! In spite of utterly unlikeable characters and a desire to spend my time at more interesting endeavors, like endlessly scrolling through tumblr or writing slash, I march ahead! I do not turn away at the signs of exhaustion or brain melting! I...and I'm out of steam.
*shovels more potato chips in my mouth* Ahh, empty calories, give me the strength to persevere.
On with the snarking.
AN) Alrite every1 dis is chaptar 5 of de stroyo, and still no revows! I'm really :( about dat alrite.
I'm really >D about it, myself. What are we revowing? Did we make vows earlier? I missed it!
I revuw ur stuff dont i?
Actually no, you don't. Which is totally fine with me. What vows should I make? I don't want mine to be copies of everybody else's. D=
show me the same curtesey alrite. anyway last chapar ariana had a terrible visune about bill aderdon dyeing. so wat will hapen nedt? read to find out!
You don't want my reviews. Trust me. I hope Bill's gonna be okay.
I finished brushing my hair and tied in a bum. I was wearing a black corset and no tights but mave uggbots.
Honestly I'm surprised she even knows what mauve is. Why is she saying her boots are ugly? No, Luce, that's a brandname. Oh. I'll ask Seph about it. *prances away* Speaking of Joseph, where is he, anyway? *lying on the couch with headphones on* Seeeeeph. We're snarking! And what are Uggboots? *turning up the volume on his mp3 player* "Shh. I'm in my happy place." *returns* He's listening to Pink Floyd. We'd might as well snark without him, then. He'll be enveloped in lyrical awe for the rest of the day.
I had lots of wite power and blak mascara wit brite red lipsick.
You look like a clown in my imagination now. That's scary.
I put away my make up box and put on sum ribbons in my hare. I smoothed down the coveres of my bard.
She has her very own bard? Then why is her writing so terrible? Damn good question.
"Hey, sexy" It was Damien. He came over and kissed me passiuntely. we felt onto the bed in a passoioneate affere. it started kissing my neck repetedly. i moaned punctualey. i rolled ovar ontopofhim. he cried out.
Ladies and gentlemen, we present to you the baffled silence that occurs when two aces stare at the screen wordlessly after they are presented with a terribly written near-sex scene.
Back to your regularly scheduled snarking.
"Alrite gays, no need for mastercourse," said Sergeant Neff, cuming in to check up on us kids.
Was he...watching them this whole time? Creeper alert!
he pated damien on the shoulder and said, "u horny kids" he produced from his pocket a picture of two concert tickets. "evansca are having a concert 2nite and i managed 2 secrure sum tikets for u 2. as a reward for"
As a reward for nothing! This is the most truthful suefic I've ever read. Most of them would create a contrived reason of some sort. I admire Ariana for telling it like it is.
"OH MY FUCKING GOD I FUCKING LOVE EVASNECNEN THANK U SERGENT FUCKING NEFF" Damien muttered humbly.
How do you mutter in all caps? I get the feeling Ariana threw a handful of adjectives, verbs and adverbs into a hat and she just picks them at random.
I nodded and kissed him. "thank u darling"
Did she kiss Damien or the Sergeant? Do we really care? Not really.
we both hurriedly got redy for the concert.
It's really too bad Joseph decided to sit this chapter out. I think he would enjoy a music chapter. Seph! They're going to a concert! All in all it's just a...nother brick in the wall. ...Got it. We'll just leave you alone then.
everyone in the hole school was going. well............................................... almost everyone.
Why is it that I find the idea of an entire military academy being excited about Evanescence terribly amusing?
Mark was sitting alone in his room. crying. his mascara was running. he wasn't aloud go to the concart becuse he was still grounded from a prick.
This is actually really sad. D= I want to give Mark a hug! I'll give him one! *hugs him*
he was so anger that he decided to write to Amy Lee and requested a song.
I...I don't think concerts work that way.
Amy was singing on the stage. she sang all her songs like bring me to life, bleed, imagine, breathe again on last time, and going under.
I'm not what I could call an Evanescence fan, but I do rather enjoy some of its music, and feel very bad for the band for being portrayed in this fic.
then anasatacia sung burn me everytime. we began to moose along. damien grabbed me behind and squeezed me tite. i turned around.
When Seph and I went to a nightclub to dance, there were no mooses there. Is that normal?
"u look so beuatiful agents the dark nite" he saed.
"oh ur not a bad looker urself" i pooped.
suddenly, amy lee sad "we are going to pray an ew song, this is requested by mark thorn 4 damiel thorn, it's called everybody's fool"
I really really ship them right now. Ooh, Seph likes this song! I'm going to tell him it's playing! *distantly* SHE'S WHAT?! Oh, here comes the rage bus. THIS CHICK IS SERIOUSLY EXPLOITING EVANESCENCE? WHY DOES EVERY FUCKING WANNABE-EDGY WRITER ON THE INTERNET DO THIS. WHY? FUCKING HYPOCRITES PROBABLY CAN'T NAME A SINGLE NON-RADIO-PLAY SONG THEY HAVE. And that's why Seph threw my computer out the window.
perfect by nature, icons of self indulgene" she sang. when she sang "look here she cums now" she grabbed me and pulled me up on stage.
(AN_ I dont own da lyrics to dat song)
I will kill you and your unborn children, Ariana. Does nobody besides me find this kind of awesome? Ariana is being told off by Amy Lee in front of the whole school. I think it's awesome!
every1 was in raw of the scene, except Damien. He looked like he was about to knock a motherfucker down.
he ran off.
Okay, the concert scene is over. *duct-taping headphones over his ears* Return to my happy place, return to my happy place...Music seems to help the pain...
i ran 2 marks rum and burst all over the door. "mark wtf man wat was dat about"
Isn't it obvious?
2 have changed with her around u dont love me anymore" he whined.
I really, really, really want to give him a hug. And ship them. At the same time.
damien lunged and him and we started fiting, their lasors huming each other. they were on the floor fiting.
Lasers humming each other? Why does that sound dirty?
"Damien stop it!" i yelled. ariana was standing by the door, crying. i got up and ram to her.
Damien is yelling at himself. People do that a lot in suefics that are always changing POV.
"whats wrong baby" i asked.
"u left me at the concert, i had to stand there all alone with the rest of the school, she cried"
Okay, a miniscule point to Ariana. She did just have a very public (and very well-deserved, but still) prank played on her. I can see why she'd be upset to find herself left alone after that.
instantly, all my fiting was forgotten, i raped my arms around her and kissed her fourheads.
She has four heads. =| I don't know what to say either.
"im so sorry, baby, i didnt fucking ,mean to"
"i know" she wimpered. "just, dont leave me agen"
"i fucking wont"
anyway *sheepish whistling*
Wait, what? What does the whistling have to do with anything? I'm so confused! So am I!
I SPOTTED MARK WALLING DAMIEN DOWN THE HALL.
Lolwut. They're walking down the hall? As friends? SO WAIT, ARE THEY ACTUALLY PLOTTING AGAINST ARIANA TOGETHER AFTER ALL? Because that would be awesome.
i was so angry. that bitch had taken my cusineaway from me damien was my brotha.
What I find so odd is that she clearly is able to write Mark as a sympathetic character. Obviously he's lonely and upset to lose his family and friend. But how can Ariana write it like that and still claim Mark is the bad guy? What kind of disconnect does that take in the brain?
siuddenly i saw 2 men. "hello mark my name is Aro, King of the Vampires"
"wtf" i bowed. "why are you here"
How do you bow a wtf? Please stop asking questions I can't answer.
"i am here because of my daughter, her royal highness, princess ariana erehaha silverdove seagull"
Hey Aro, can I just ask you a question real fast? WHO THE FUCK NAMES THEIR KID THAT?
"I AM EDWARD CULLEN" the other man yelled. they were both wearing black cloaks.
He's very happy about being Edward Cullen. Poor guy doesn't know what he's getting into, being that role.
"if u help us u can get ur revenge on damien" aro told me.
i walked out with the vampires.
HEY WAIT A MINUTE. BILL WASN'T EVEN IN THIS CHAPTER. Why doesn't she just go warn him not to go skating? I don't even know.
AN MARK IS SO MEEN WAT DID WE EVER DO TO HIM? :*
I can think of a lot of things. You ignore and belittle him constantly. You brainwashed his friend and family into hating him. You get angry and yell at him when he hasn't done anything wrong. You brainwashed your family into grounding him from his own birthday party. D= Seph, anything you want to add? There is no pain, you are receding. A distant ship, smoke on the horizon... And on that note, back to writing Eden. /o/
Post by Talys Alankil on Oct 8, 2011 15:24:45 GMT -8
Heh, I had my own rant about how Amy Lee was actually mocking Ariana, so I agree with you. And yes, Mark and Damien, fighting on the ground, "lasers humming at each other" ? Sounds dirty to me too. Oh, you got it. Mark and Damien are plotting in secret against the Sue. I dig that theory.
Post by Hlessi-Roo on Oct 10, 2011 12:58:30 GMT -8
You know what Puzzle? I'm going to draw a plushie Mark in a rainbow trenchcoat, get it onto my computer somehow, and put it up for you guys. Just because you're all awesome. It may be a low-quality picture and not very well drawn, but I'll do it.
Last Edit: Oct 10, 2011 13:04:14 GMT -8 by Hlessi-Roo
Post by PuzzleChick on Oct 11, 2011 7:57:23 GMT -8
Time to snark chapter whatever-the-hell this one is! I guess chapter six.
I'm snarking with some new partners today. NaNoWriMo officially starts in 20 days and I need to start getting into character for it. So joining me today are Reed and Alistair. (Both pieces of art were commissioned during the Help Japan fandom auction.) You might remember Reed as being the one who whacked Joan in the head with a crowbar in the Brewdening Love meme.
Feel free to introduce yourselves, guys.
Hi internet people! I'm Reed.
And I'm Alistair. You can call me Al.
I am home from stealing cars and I am looking so fabulous and also I am wearing a padlock as a necklace because it's ironic.
I'm not playing along with your silly internet memes.
You're no fun.
AN= OKAY SO DIES IS CHAPA SEZX.
This chapter is sexy? Yay! ...Did she EVER go to school?
TANX 2 ALL OF DOSE WHO RED, EVAN IF U DIDNT REVOIEW. I HOPE U SHOW ME DA NXT CHAPART. NJOY!
Why does she want us to show her the next chapter? She should be writing that herself. I don't want there to be a next chapter.
After a week and a half of serching, no1 cunt fine Mark.
Why should we be concerned about this? We shouldn't be. Mark is awesome and doesn't afraid of anything. He's probably someplace happy and Sue-free where everyone wears rainbow trenchcoats. I WANT A RAINBOW TRENCHCOAT.
Niether Damien nor myself tho, were vary sad abot it tho.
You're both jerks. WE know that Mark is safe, but you guys should legitimately be concerned about him!
we knew that he was gong to liv a long life, but he would not longer bother us.
That doesn't even make any sense. RAINBOW TRENCHCOAT. I WANT. NOW.
sergent neff came and giv us all 2 charity.
I'm sorry, but no charity in the world would actually want those two.
we all packed it up in2 boxes and sold it away. it felt gud to being dong something 4 d 3rd world. (See, Ariaana is kong)
I WANT A-- Wait a second. Ariana is Kong?! No she's not, she's just an idiot.
nyway, 2day was day 2 go 2 de ice rink. richard and ann corrected us and drove us ovar 2 dere summer home in prago.
I wish someone would correct this girl a little more often. Al, put down the red pen, I'll be very upset if you get ink all over my laptop. But...but...THE ERRORS. Must...fix...!
we all got in2 or wintar cloths. i was waring a blue skert and red jumpa wit ytellow hat nad yellow sunglasses. i will post da pic sune.
I'm sorry, not even I could pull off a color combination like that. Thank goodness she never posted the picture. Her art is hideous enough without ugly clothes.
damien was wearing what he wears in the omen movie. (google da pic)
No thank you. Google Images gave my computer a virus twice.
we all got 2geder nd Richard went thru da rules of da road.
Why are they going over the rules of the road? They're going skating, not driving!
i saw charles warren and john hart making out. damioon moaned.
Oh, have we reached the sexy part of the chapter? It sounds like it! I approve.
he wanted to skart.
Skart? A combination of skate and fart? Sounds more like he's saying he wants a skirt. You would assume that, wouldn't you.
we all were skating along de ice. paul bure had put a penalty on the cone at the edge of the perferation.
I've been skating before. NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY FUCKING SENSE. I think she means that there was a crack in the ice and there was a warning cone over it. How did you figure that out?! I speak troll. >) All of this ignoring, of course, the fact that if the ice is cracked NOBODY SHOULD BE SKATING IN THE FIRST PLACE.
i knew that someone would accently brake dat law.
It's not a law so much as a warning, but whatever.
Out of the coroner of my eye, I saw Bill Atherton playing with Damien sexily.
Earlier he was being a voyeur and getting off on watching two guys make out. Now he's playing with Bill. This really is a sexy chapter.
i contemplated ovar weder to tell him dat he was gong 2 dye but den i realized i had alredy dun my good deed for 2day in giving marks stuff away 2 charity.
...Wut. Bill is going to die? Yeah, she had a vision of him dying at the ice rink. THEN WHY DOESN'T SHE TELL HIM? Because she's already done her one good deed for the day, of course. So she's willfully withholding information that would save a life. That's not sexy at all.
i nude that it was wong to interefere in sum1s destiny.
It doesn't have to be Bill's destiny to die! D=
A cow starting to cawk on the tree. A sudden rush of pain. A creamie.
She...she got off on pain and the fact that Bill will die? THIS IS THE MOST UNSEXY CHAPTER EVER.
it was time for Bill Atherton to dye. In he fucking went.
I have no words. Me either. I have too many to know which one to say first.
"AAHHHHAHAAAAAA!" he said in stitches.
I'm guessing it would be more like 'in terror.'
"Who is dat Mr Abererton!" sum1 asked.
"Quickly." shouted Richard. He disapared under the water.
Richard disappeared under the water? How did he end up under the water?
I can answer that! Please don't.
"He's hear!" damien yelled nd we all went down on our knees and started 2 pleasurise the ice.
They're...pleasuring...the ice. Have I mentioned how extremely not-sexy this chapter has been yet?
we were banging on the ice. but to no aveil. bill was cut in the corrent climate. he surfaced a tree.
Current?! Are they skating on a river?! On second thought these people are all idiots and deserve to drown. Darwinism at work.
"hold on we'll get u"
"nooooooooooooooooooooo" Damien yelled. "DAD!"
every1 locked. da ice started 2 shig. down bill went.
NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE. This is the worst-written action scene ever.
"ARIANA'S DREME CAME TRU!" HE YELLED. I WAS SHOCKED. WE ALL WENT 2 DA WARMING TENTS. BILL ATHERTON GAV US SOM COCO.
HOLD THE FUCK UP. Bill is dead. Why is he serving cocoa? I suspect they all died when the ice cracked and are now in the afterlife. Or maybe they're all in comas.
I wrapped my arms around Damien and cried sexily and gothikaly into his chess. he sroked my buck.
Oh ho, stroked your buck, huh? ;D
"dont feel 2 bad" he sad.
"no u prancing fucker" said Paul. "u need 2 fac ur fucking destiny like bill fuckerton"
Where did Paul come from?! Who even is Paul? I give up trying to make any sense of this.
"yes, sin" sad Ann pittng him on his shudder. he had terrors of his eyes. i was crying bcoz i new dat one day he would dye. like bill before him. it was foreshadowing.
Actually Bill was in fine health. He only died because you let him go skating and let him fall through the ice. If you're dumb enough to stay with a girl who knows when people will die but doesn't try to protect them, maybe you deserve it.
i was drunk off my cooca. so was Damien1234.
That must be some pretty epic cocoa. Either that or they're mixing something else in with it.
I lay down on Bill's Body and blessed him with the vampire dance.
Necrophilia too?! This really IS an unsexy chapter!
Damien was in the toilet because he needed to go. (EW not dat way u sickos)
I suspect most people go to the bathroom for similar reasons. It's not sick, it's just biology.
i was finished. then i shat everywere. nobody needed to see that.
YOU ARE QUITE CORRECT ABOUT THAT.
i thought abot it, everythang was vray abornmal but what could u acpect when u were de queen/princess of all vampires dating a normal human boy?
You can't be a queen and a princess at the same time. She sure is a show-off, the way she waves that title around. She's a Sue. It's her MO.
AN_ I hop unejyoned.
IHOP unenjoyed? That's good, I'd be sad if IHOP had endorsed this monstrosity.
>.> This fic gets worse with every single chapter, I swear. Erinnnn, come back and bring us some truly good lulz, I'll make it all up to you!