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Post by Talys Alankil on Nov 26, 2012 14:13:27 GMT -8
…I don't even know what I was trying to say, but yes, it's a compliment x)
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Post by serkadios on Nov 26, 2012 15:08:03 GMT -8
Yay, you are back to snarking! I think this was the most boring chapter of this fic, seriously, nothing happened. And now whenever I play AC 2 I will always visualize Ezio as a caveman riding a dinosaur from the Flintstones. CURSE YOU!!!
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Tigeranne
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Post by Tigeranne on Nov 27, 2012 0:36:18 GMT -8
But won't you actually see Ezio on the screen while your playing? Although I'm very sorry (not) if you're going to see him as a caveman when he shows up in fanfics.
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Post by Talys Alankil on Nov 27, 2012 1:29:05 GMT -8
Assassin's Creed is a third-person game, so you actually see him pretty much all the time.
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Post by serkadios on Nov 27, 2012 7:41:40 GMT -8
But won't you actually see Ezio on the screen while your playing? Although I'm very sorry (not) if you're going to see him as a caveman when he shows up in fanfics. Well, a caveman sleeping with Alex is certainly an entertaining image ;D And thankfully, Connor isn't in this.
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Tigeranne
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Post by Tigeranne on Dec 15, 2012 8:51:19 GMT -8
Okay! Let's have another chapter of this masterpiece known as TAD!
AN Everyone says my last chapter sucks so I hope this one is better.
The last one was really pointless. At least in this one the "plot" progresses. In other words: It Got Worse.
chapter for teens of the assassins diaries: Alex Miles Goes To Hogwarts.
Will they stop Ron Weasley from growing a beard?
/\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ (AN I've changed the dividers these are like the Assassin symbol so I thought itd be cool)
The next day Alex and Derek and Damon and Jeremy and Tyler and Ezio went to the mansion (it was Elena's but now it's where Adriana Milena Chella and Savannah were living. They used the templars teleportation device to go to kings cross station and then ran through the pillar thingy (A/N like in the movie) to reach platform 9.75 I think only wizards are able to do that. It's blocked to Muggles, as far as I remember. And yes, you ARE Muggles! (I mean its kinda silly to say "nine and three quarters" we have decimal numbers now, I know thos stupid British keep their old system but in this story theyll use the international metric system like fucking EVERYONE ELSE on the planet)
Awww, but their stubbornly conservative eccentricity is such a great part of the British charm!
They were waiting on the tracks when they saw... EDWARD CULLEN AND BELLA SWAN! This is not good. They were a very cute couple but that was only because Edward's hotness made up for Bella being so fucken plain and ugly lol I guess opposites do attract or something.
I actually think Kristen Stewart is pretty. Does that make me a terrible person? I don't think she's a great actess, though.
Who thinks Bella's gonna die horribly lulzily? *Raises hand*
AnyWAY (A/N Geddit cuz they're on their way to Hogwarts) Could you suck any more at puns? they saw Alex and his band and came to say hi.
"Hi." They said. DUUH!
"Hey we're new here we just found out we were witches and wizards." Savannah said cuz she's smart so she can come up with good stories easily (AN Not that you're a liar or anything, but here's it's OK to not blow our cover).
If Savanna (it's spelled without "h") seems smart, that's only because the rest of the crew is so unbelievably stupid.
"Thats cool we're new too!" Bella whined preppily.
"Nice, wanna hang out?" Alex says because he finds Edward sooo hot (Edward is definitely <3) and hopes that maybe he and Bella are in a free relationship Actually, no. They are both really possessive and jealous. At least if they are in character. (AN But he doesn't want to have threesomes with Bella cuz he's not a depraved bisexual like that!) I mean like my father said to Derek we're in the 21st century WTF would people need to be faithful (he said that too on the phone to Derek)?
Poor Derek. Seriously. Alex, your dad is a shit!
Suddenly... The train was in Hogwarts Station! (Yeah I modernized it cuz I thought it was pretty stupid and dangerous to have the students miles away and have to cross a lake and stuff) Why don't you just change the location to New York? You obviously don't like the setting of Harry Potter anyway. They left the train and were in the great hall (haha thats an ironic echo to when they were in Elenas mansion)
Stop writing like a hipster! Nobody likes a hipster!
There an old man with a white bear Sven the Dachsbear! greeted them and said "Hi I'm Dumb Le Door That's probably THE most stupid misspelling of his name, EVER! i'm the director here so you will do as I say or I will send you to the forbidden forest where one of Voldemort's three thousand seven hundred and ninety six clones can kill you Oh no. Voldemort has gotten his hands on Calvin's duplicator! so BE NICE" (AN I mean seriously who does that? Why did he send the kids in the forst in the first book? He's not so nice after ale. I'M SURE HE KNEW SOMETHING AFTER ALL HIS PLAN WAS TO KILL HARRY ALL ALONG!!! Fuking old creeper!)
And suddenly the white bear spoke too! "I am Iorek Burnyosons SVEN and I will be your Defense Against Dark Arts teacher. Now we will sort you in the hat so you can have houses."
Into the hat you go! But you don't get your own HOSUE!
They did but because Alex used his powers on the hat they all ended up in griffondor since dats where good guys are. I think the Sorting Hat > Alex in magic. There they met three people their age two guys and a girl. The girl looked okay (but no homo) and was hermione the brainy bitch of griffondor. Character assassination is imminent. She led the girls to their dorm and then only the boys were left.
"Hi I'm Harry and this is Ron he's your prefect." A pretty boy with dark hair and green eyes said. Ron was an ugly fat fucking ginger. *STAB*
"What?" Alex said. "I'm not obeying such an ugly man." he said. And then he stabbed Ron fourteen times (A/N Geddit SYMBOLISM cause it's chapter fourteen!) and he died.
Well, that stopped him from growing the beard, at least. BTW; you suck at symbolism.
"OMG" Harry said. And then he clapped and hugged Alex "thanks man, I'm finally rid of that ugly fucker. He was always jealous of me anyway. You can be prefect in his place if you want."
Harry: I'm in one of those fics again, ain't I?
"OK." Alex says because it might help finding Dally. Then the other boys went to their dorm leaving Harry and Alex alone. "Thanks BTdubs" Alex said.
What? Not Dumbledore's Denny's?
"No problem." And then... He kissed Alex! Oh, shock and surprise. But he immediately pulled back, saying "Im sorry, its just that you make me think of that guy I have a crush on but I CANT TELL HIM?"
"Why not?"
"Because hes my rival Drago Malefoy who is totally homophobic, because he's basically a Nazi, also I had to pretend dating that idiot Ginny because Ron forced me too, I think he hoped we might invite him for sex that fucking creeper."
Harry: This reminds me of something, but I can't quite put my finger on it. There was a baby, a vampire girl and a pregnant boy. Or maybe I'm confusing stuff...
Alex almost wanted to puke at the idea of sex with two fucking gingers. THAT'S RACIST! "You should tell him. He's dead, twitbrains! OK, you probably meant Draco. YOU KNOW WHAT ILL HELP YOU!!!"
"Thanks thatd be great." Harry said.
Then they both went to the dorm...
/\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\
Just because I'm evil, I'll provide the soundtrack to the missing scenes.
AN Sooo tell moi what you think! I hope its better nao.
Let's sum it up, shall we? You killed Ron, insulted Hermione and Ginny, warped Harry, introduced Twilight characters, and all this in a chapter where FtS meets Hoggy Edward. No, it's definitely worse.
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Tigeranne
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Post by Tigeranne on Dec 15, 2012 9:33:30 GMT -8
Did I say "missing scenes"? Ha ha ha ha ha ha... Thank goodness this chapter is short, because it contains the grosses sex scenes since... since... I don't even know!AN This chapter leaf right where the otter finished.The assassins diaries Fifteen Shades of MilesPromising./\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ ...They went to the dorm... ......And Alex saw that all his friends were already naked! Is there anything new about that?"OMG you dint even wait for me thats not cool!" "Sorry Alex come on quickly we'll make up for lost time!" Derek says and he grabs Alex into bed and starts fucking him. Alex: Owwww! No lube! Quickly Damon comes from behind to also fuck Alex, That's not even physically possible. and both of them at the same time feels like magical (even more than last time I mentioned it cuz they have more EXP). Feels like the Crucatius Curse.BUT IT DIDNT FEEL ENOUGH!!! Someone is a masochist.Luckily Ezio was there so Alex grabbed him and started to suck him (AN hes longer than Derek but not as long as Damon so about 25 inches) and deepthroat him. That's very deep indeed. Like all the way down his esophagus. Next to them on the bed Jeremy and TYler were busy together as usual (their pretty much a separate couple now even though sometimes they still join). Alex saw that on the other side of the room Harry was looking and had his hands in his panties Harry wears panties? I always thought boxers would be more his style. but he understood that he wanted to save himself for Draco or some shit like that. Chastity is SO not 21rst century!But then Edward was there too and he looked confused. Edward: What the HELL? I thought I was in a Harry Potter fic, not a Late Night Special!"Come one" Alex said through telepathy (of course he doesnt know Edward can read minds, it's just on of his powers and his mouth is kinda full right now). THANKS FOR REMINDING US! "Join us." "OK" Edward said a little reluctant. "But don't fuck me please." I guess Edward values the functionality of his anus. So they only jerked him off because that was his first time and they didn't want to scare him or anything, Because he would totally not be scared by all the 25-30 inch dicks that are in action all around him? I'm gonna need so much brain bleach it is not even funny. plus they were all kinda busy so it was easier that way. Soon he started to be less and less reluctant so Derek offered him to take his place for fucking Alex and he did while Derek was fingering him. Then he smoothly replaced his finger with his hidden blade (not the literal one of course) and Edward didn't complain so he kept going. Edward didn't notice any difference between a finger and a two-foot schlong? Being a vampire has its drawbacks. No wonder they get the Canada Disease.They had sex like that for hours and hours, orgasming once in a while, which was super sexy and the bed was now dripping on the floor. We schedule a little break here, while TigerAnne is busy vomiting. Here is a cute little video of kittens.But it still wasnt good enough for Alex, who telepathically asked Damon what more they could do. Alex is going to need diapers after this."What could we do?" he telepathed. "We should try something... more." Damon telegraphed back. Telegraping? Don't they have cell phones to text each other on?And then Alex read his mind and understood what he was talking about. Like he did in chapter 7 he made stuff appear: there were chains and gags and whips and leather outfits thingies that you could wear and still be naked. Alex sais to the guys "You should dominate me." Alex is a sick, sick man.They bound him to the dripping bed *BRAIN BLEACH! GLUG!!!!* and started whipping and smacking and gaggin Alex (but not just with the gags if you know what I mean) Unfortunately we do know. until he begged for mercy then fucked him a little before starting again. At least now we know Goatse's true identity. After a while the pain was completely gone and every whiplash was pure pleasure and it was so good Alex orgasmed after each of them. Shortest refraction times since Hiei. After an hour Alex was completely exhausted and they fell asleep completely exhausted in a hot pile of sexyass naked bodies. And TigerAnne will now go and get plastered drunk. Fuck you, Alex. Fuck you in the ass.
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Post by Traitor on Dec 15, 2012 9:46:13 GMT -8
On the sex scenes: To quote Kyle Kallgren, "Stop that! You'll go blind! I'll go blind!"
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Post by Talys Alankil on Dec 15, 2012 16:22:09 GMT -8
And TigerAnne will now go and get plastered drunk. Fuck you, Alex. Fuck you in the ass. That would only please him. Oh, you meant the author. Nevermind, then. (and thanks for those kittens )
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Post by serkadios on Dec 16, 2012 12:35:50 GMT -8
Oh yeah! TAD snark commencing again! Still going with Perscitus Prep after that?
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Post by Traitor on Dec 16, 2012 16:31:45 GMT -8
Tigeranne, if you need hugs after all that, I'm here. If, if we hold each other, then the bad things go away. If we hug, we can be safe...
I'm scared for both of us.
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Tigeranne
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Post by Tigeranne on Dec 16, 2012 16:52:34 GMT -8
I'm scared too, Traitor! *hug* Still going with Perscitus Prep after that? Let's see. According to Twilight Sues PP is actually really boring. But then we're not looking for plot, just for proper suckage. And after finishing off Alex, I need to snark the updates to CtR. Rosie is planning a sequel, so if that happens first, Perscitus Prep will have to be put on the backburner. It's always nice to have a fic in storage in case of troll-draught. BTW, I found a horrible, terrible legit Mega-Sue that might be right up your street.
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Post by Traitor on Dec 16, 2012 17:06:48 GMT -8
*hugs the Tiger a whole lot, shaking gently*
FTS is the first fic I've ever snarked properly. I have no idea what each chapter will bring; that's why I'm doing it. And, and it h-hurts to read it... I'm sorry, I'm dumping a bunch of noob problems on you. I shouldn't be. But I think I need to cry on someone's shoulder for a while.
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Post by serkadios on Dec 16, 2012 17:37:38 GMT -8
Tigeranne: It definitely has that suckage, but when you try to "enjoy" it as a normal fic its just boring and bad. And I kinda miss Ariana/Rosie. Btw. Who is that Sue you are speaking of? I found a bunch of horrible ones on FF net, plus one Naruto Sue on DA.
Traitor: "hands brain bleach" there, that should make it better.
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Post by Traitor on Dec 17, 2012 2:21:08 GMT -8
*necks five times own weight in Brain Bleach* Thanks... er... who are you? Who am I? What am I doing here?
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Post by Talys Alankil on Dec 18, 2012 7:02:14 GMT -8
I'm kind of excited about that new Sue you speak of. Excited and terrified. But I also want to read more of Rosie's work, and I'm afraid to read the unsnarked version ^^ Traitor : Don't worry. You'll get used to it. Not that that's necessarily a good thing.
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Tigeranne
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Post by Tigeranne on Dec 18, 2012 11:19:56 GMT -8
Only a few more chapters to go of this ever trollier fic of pestilence and plague. Have the vomit bags at the ready, just in case.assadiaries sexteenThe main character definitely qualifies as a "sex teen" indeed. He's that guy who gets all the STDs in sex-ed films./\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ Alex wakes up the next day in his bed and all the others are alredy gone. They dumped him! And remembering the condition that bed was in after their nightly activity, I hope he showered before going anywhere. He sees Harry also in bed and asks where the others are. "Where the others are?" FaceDesk!"They are eating breakfast, they have an early class that we don't." he explanationed. I'm about 99% sure that in Hogwarts the rule is that you have classes at the same time as your year and house. But that's trivialities in a fic like this."Oh that's cool." Alex says. "Do you know if Draco has that class?" Doesn't Gryffindor share most of their classes with Slytherin?"No he doesn't." Harry answers knowkinkly Oh, he knows about your kinks for sure. because he's spied on Draco's schedule (A/N But that's not stalking because he loves him like Edward and Bella!) Checking out a crush's time table may not be stalking. But breaking into their house to watch them sleep sure is!"Cool lets go talk to him then!" "What? Wait no I don't want to I'm not ready..." But Alex is already dragging him out of bed. However he realizes they're both naked so he first takes them to the bathroom where they have a quick shower AND THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT! (and seeing Harry naked made Alex a bit horny so he also does a little bit more ) Aren't you going to tell us what "little bit more" he did, Alex? You seem so fond of treating us to all the horny details. and then get dressed and go to the Slytherin tower. Slytherin has an underground cavern as their house. Maybe it's like an inverted tower?...BUT THEY NEED THE PASSWORD! Try "pureblood pride"."Do you know the password?" Alex asks askingly. "No." "OK I'll try using my powers than." And he tries and hears the voice of the portrait guarding the tower So hearing is one of his special powers. (A/N the movies never showed how you got in the Slytherin tower so I assume it's like in Gryffidnor OK?). Except instead of a portrait they have a decapitated head like the one in the PoA movie?"WTF your not in this house." The portrait says. You know, Dumbledore puts up with quite a lot of creepy or straight out offensive stuff from Slytherin House, but I think he'd draw the line at a cussing portrait."Yeah well let me in or I'll cut you into so many shred that no one will ever can fix you." Alex threatens casually. Secret Assassin Power #2: The ability to cut canvas with a knife."OK" The portrait glees (AN Like Glee which is a stupid show like this portrait there's not even any sex scene! ) and opens. Alexandra... If everything that doesn't have explicit sex in it is stupid, then why are you a fan of HP and Twilight? And I doubt that "to glee" is a cromulent verb.There they meet four pretty girls (no homo) It's not "homo" to think of other girls as pretty. Us ladies need to tell if the opposition has an advantage over us, so we must be able to recognize beauty in other females. one with black hair and topaz eyes and the other with grey hair and wrinkles. "Hi I'm Twila Beatiful Psyco Topaz but call me Twila" the first moe said. Twila is a moe?"And I'm Milena." the other one said. The old lady is apparently Milena."I'm Atlantiana Rebeckah Loren but call me Tiana or Tiaa." Tiaba emoes. Oh no. Not her!!! I hope she didn't bring along Jasper, Vincent and Snoofles to join the party!"And I'm Queen Ariana Erehaha Celestia Twilight Sparkle Heffalump Chives SilverDove Seagull, but you can just call me Ariana!" Ariana screamed at the top of her lungs. That's actually very in character for Ariana."OMG you're bad guys if you're in slytherin." Harry screams. So why have you gone to flirt up a Slytherin, then?"Nooooo!" Milean sauys. "Thats just cuz where metal." "Oh ok then metal is cool." Alex says. Alex: Metal is what my hidden blade is made of! No, not that one. That one is made of plutonium! "You know where Draco is?" "Yeah he's being tortured by the meanies over there as usual because hes gay." And why are none of you super-hero ladies helping him? Milena is supposed to be able to save all of Europe from Communism and Disco by her own lonesome.She was pointing to the back of the tower where two bitchy slutty girls were beating (magically) a hot blonde guys. Doesn't Draco have enough magical abilities to fight back? How much of a wuss is he? He gets clobbered by girls in canon as well!"WHos that" Alex says." "Thats Joan and Helena their religious fanatics." Granted, they are. But more than that, they are dangerous, manipulative egomaniacs. I can definitely see Helena as a Slytherin, and I guess the same goes for Joan."OMG thats evil and templary and stuff." "Let's stop them!" Alex yells. Harry Milena Tiana Ariana Twila all too their wands out and shot the whores and Alex ran and tried to stab them but.. THEN TELEPORTED AWAY! Dude, this is Darkness we're talking about. She is such a Sue that time and space can't hold her."What thats so random." Ariana says. "Thats because their our new recruits!" An evil laugh says. It was... TIGERANNE !!! <----That's me, he he!/\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ AN Yoko Ono! Not her again! She keeps ruining my beautiful story MUAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAHAAAAHAAAAA!!!!
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Post by serkadios on Dec 29, 2012 9:39:14 GMT -8
Don't worry, you are almost there, just three more chapters if I am right.
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Tigeranne
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Post by Tigeranne on Feb 5, 2013 8:45:42 GMT -8
Alright, then I was back to ripping new ones on the unfortunate fanficcers' labours of love.
It also seems as if my slightly psychotic alter-ego has hurt the feelings of someone else's slightly psychotic alter-ego by accusing them of being evil. I'm very, very sorry on my alter ego's behalf. She gets a little carried away some times.
And Alex has a message for us:AN: I KNOW YOUR SCARED THAT I FOUND THE TRUTH THATS WHY YOUR FLAMING ME AND NOW YOU'RE ALL GOING TO DIE! Guys? Has she assassinated any of you yet?tad17 the quest ends!!! (part on)/\ /\ /\ /\ /\ The evil templars were all in the slytherin tower! There was Tigeranne, TalysAlankil, AnyaThePurple and her lesbo pony, WolfBloodRei, Leslie, Amelia, Alessandra, Elena and Bonnie! And we looked SO cool and badass!"AHAHAHAHAHAIHLADBIALBDJHLDBHJKSBASKABSYRUKBRJBEJHZB" Tigeranne laughs. That wasn't me laughing. It was the secret weapon starting up. It's a little difficult to describe what it sounds like, really. "We have revived our fallen comrades (AN geddit like commies say all the time?) Oh yay. We have another one who sees communists everywhere. and we have new ones!" She say pointing at Joan and Helena and another guy who was a really ugly robot named Morgrim55555. Serk was in some sort of hich tech armour that could levitate and shoot rockets from the boots, so he probably looked a little like a robot."NOOO LEAF US ALONE!!!!" Tiana says. Hi there, Tiana! I don't envy the things Traitor is probably going to do to you when she's read all of your own story."Yeah you just hate us cuz Satan made us too pretty!" Twila sadfaces and cuts herself (thats what she does cuz shes goff but its her custom and who am I to judge?). Twila is such a copycat of Ebony she's even stealing her lines now. And that's not why we hate you. That has more to do with 1: You exist and 2: You're helping our enemy."So what?" Elena says bitchically. "We will enslave the world with our feminine wiles and your on our way!" "SO FUCK OFF SINNARS!!!!!" Joan says. Nice try, Joan. But I don't think that hurt their feelings very much."OMG you're a Christian too?" Alessandra exciteds. "I wanna join you!" "Ok I lost my best friends to satanism anyway now they're dykes and I don't like them even if I'm evil." Joan says But Joan doesn't think she's evil! YOU CAN'T WRITE THE CHARACTERS OUT OF CHARACTER, ALEX! ZOMGEE THAT'S WRONG!!! (AN that's a reference to Adriana's meanie friends but I didn't want it to happen in the story too so instead it happens to Joan because shes a FUCKEN BITCH.) She may be a bitch, but she was helping the right side for once."WTF We can kill you again anyway." Alex shouts. Oh yeah. Since it stopped us from resurrecting everyone before, we're definitely not going to do THAT again. And definitely not in even more powerful and awesome incarnations, fuled by the power of Snark."HAHAHA LOL we can revive each other anyway. And well find Dally and she will kill you faggots!" Was that me saying that? Because I just said that. I really wish I would listen to what I just said some times. Unless it was someone else who said it. Because then it was them who didn't listen to me. Except they said if first anyway, since this is in the past. Is that my brain running away on that bicycle?"NOOOOOOOOOOO" everyone shouted. "OMG Whatre you doing here?" a voice say. IT Was... Chella! And she was MAAAAAD. "Ill report you to the principal dumbledore!" And he's probably got a suggestion for what their punishment should be."No you wont" the templars said. "This is out tower... ONLY ALEX AND HARRY NEED TO BE REPORTEd!" What about Damon & CO?"OMG your right..." Chella said. "Maybe he is the real evil and I was wrong! I have seen the light now please take me with you!" Come to the dark side, we've got cookie flavoured brain bleach."OF COURSE!" WolfBloodRei says. "You'll be my new GF. HAHAHJBDKDBAJOFBEJHBF HJKRB>HJKFJKEBFJKFHBKEHJFbrgjkhb" And they templared away! OK, one is safe. Plenty to go."You saved my life" Draco says. "I... Ive always loved you Harry Potter." Harry actually did nothing at all, as far as I remember. And only Rei and Chella left. The rest of us are still standing there with our weapons pointing right at you."Really? ME TOO!!!!!!" Harry says. They started making out in front of the other. "Kawai!" Twila Japanesed. "OMG SO CUTE!" Tiana says. "This is so wrong" Milena metalled. WUT? Milena, are you homophobic?"But so hot " Alex says starting to get a little hard. Dally: That masturbator, ha ha!He grabbed the two of them and they went to the boys dorm... "Whatre you doing?" Draco asked." "I'll teach you two everything I know." Alex says. "What? But I'd like to be alone with Harry for my first time." What a preposterous preposition! You can't have sex without Alex!"Me too." Harry says. Mr Lombottomby: I'm disgusted with you two! Monogamy is sick and wrong! You need to write a 5000 word essay about all the harmful effects it has on society, and then report to my office for detention! You may bring Alex...Oh boy... Creep Alert!"Thats stupid you won't know what to do. Let me show you it'll be more fun that way." Yeah, let mister I-was-a-virgin-last-week, here tell you all about not using condoms or lubrication.He used his hidden blade (the real one) to tear off Harry and Draco's clothes That's rude. They're going to get in trouble with McGonagal for not having their uniforms. and showed them how to do everything, doing it himself first then letting them do it. So he raped them? Where is Dally and the buoys? They need to KTRA. (Use your CSI detective hats to figure out that acronym.) It took them most of the day but its OK cause they had no classes anyway. /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ AN Next time they find Dally! SO EXCITED! Me too! I seem to remember she was pretty outrageous, what little there was of her!
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Post by serkadios on Feb 5, 2013 9:07:54 GMT -8
Please... no.
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Tigeranne
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Post by Tigeranne on Feb 5, 2013 9:37:58 GMT -8
Chapter 18, ladies and gentlemen. It starts with the grandma of all Author's Notes:
AN FUCK YOU ALL YOU SAY MY STORY IS LAME WELL FUCK YOU ILL SHOW U LAME ILL WRITE MORE OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!
She kept that promise. Not really the "write more" part, since this is the second to last chapter, but the "show you lame" part in spades.
tad18 the quest ends (part three)
Where is part two, then? The previous chapter was part one.
/\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\
The next day Alex and Harry and Draco joind with all the others for Defense Againt the Dark Arts class, which was Yorek Burnison's Sven's class. Since hes a dachsbear however he couldnt do magic so he had a very different way of teaching.
Why wouldn't the awesome dachsbears be able to do magic? How do you think they hunt their food, with those short, stubby legs of theirs? Huh?
"Yeah if a dark wizard attacks you bro you just beat him up. Works everytime with my awesome armor."
Because there is no such thing as a dark armour-dissolving spell?
"But what about thos of us who don't have armors?" That bitch hermione says raising her hand like a stupid student.
You just toss Alex at them and run off while they're distracted.
"SHUTUP HERMONE." Alex whispers at the top of his lungs.
"Hahaha you dont have armos then you suck." Yorek Sven says. "Let's demonstrate, Alex youll attack her and shell defend herself."
Please kill him, Hermione.
Sven: WHY AM I IN THIS FIC? I WANT TO GO BACK TO THE NORTH POLE! I MISS MY CAVE AND SANTA CLAUS!
"What? I cant" Hermione says. Hermione: It feels wrong to pulverize him like that. He's got no experience. But all the students push her on the stage and Alex climbs there too. He jumps hermione and since she has no armor he can stab her and she dies. Everyone cheered.
Hermione: I'm casting a blood illusion to get out of the fic. We need to find the real Dumbledore and have him seal off the fic-verse.
Hurry, please!
"That was amazing Alex you should teach in my place" Iorak says.
Alex: I can not believe this… it is such a hammer!
He accepted the medal and went to clash to teach. Since he was an assassin he knew the most about magic.
"No I think you shud im jst a girl" I sed not wantin 2 be suspicius r nuttin.
HI THERE, ALEXANDRA! Not like you've been imagining yourself in Alex' place for the entire fic, or anything...
"Ok then but maybe I can do a faovr for you?"
(Yeh have you heard of Dally Darkblood."
"Yes of course shes a crappy student whore who lives in Hagrids house but now its hers and its a crackhouse."
I can actually believe that! I wonder if she's still got parental custody!
"OK Ill go there." He says.
After the class the group walked through the park to a lone house that was surrounded by a smoke of all the pot that that fucker Dally smoked.
Pot is not crack. But she may be smoking it when she runs out of the stronger stuff.
"Okay gays I suppose they have the proper privileges to call themselves that. lets recap whos on our team for the audience!" Alex says breaking the third wall again. (Hes so smart.)
ALEX!!!! WE JUST MENDED THAT WALL YOU FUCKER!!!
"We have me, Damon, Derek, Jeremy, Tyler, Ezio, Edward, Harry, Draco, Adriana, me, Twila, Tiana, Ariana, Savanna, Milena, and me."
"Yeh but those templars are many too." Alex objected. "They have TigerAnne, WolfBloodRei, me, TalysAlankil, Morgrim555555555, AnyaThePurple, Elena, Leslie, Adriana, Alessandra, Joan and Helena. And that bitch Chella too now."
"OMG thats horrible." Bella says (she had sneaked with them too see Edward.
Yeah, OK. In this 'verse she's not faking death, so she's allowed to let them see her.
"Bella wtf are u doing here I'm the one supposed to follow you around!" Edward infuriates. At least he admits that he's doing it. "I'm SICK OF YOU STALKING ME! Pot, kettle, Edward? You suck and I'm breaking up with you 'cause I'm gay now!"
Jacob: YEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS!
"What nooooooooooooooooooo" Bella whaled. "you cant do that I IS PREGNANT!" she cries.
Bella: You KISSED me! I told you you can get pregnant even if you don't use TONGUE!
NOOOOOOOO!" Alex says. "Dont be manipulated by the evil slutty hetero sex!"
Heterophobia is not even supposed to be a thing, Alex. But then again, there are people who are scared of cucumbers, which are a lot less scary than certain heterosexuals.
"I HATE YOU BELLA!!!!!" Edward roars and he bites Bella in the neck and starts drinking her blood. But shes not dead yet shes still fighting back to Damon comes to help drain her faster. Suddenly they killed her. After that Alex cuts her into pieces and feeds her to Derek and Tyler in wolf form to leave no evidence evidenzence (thats one of the rules of the assassins.) bbut theres still a puddle of blood on the ground.
"Oh whatever" Draco says. "People will just think the grass changed color because of some prep."
Errrrr.... Logic Error #362736. Access to sense denied. Try connecting to a different brain.
"OK cool." And they were oof!
Suddenly they were att..... DaLlY's HoUsE! She didn't spell it "hosue"? You know, ho-sue? Like Dally! BTW, am I the only one who pictured the house having a big, colourful sign over the door, saying that? (That's what I meant by the comment on spelling.) They broke down the door but......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... THE TEMPLARS WERE ALREADY THAR!
Muahahaha! Helloooooooo Alex! *grinds axe*
/\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\
AN HAHHAAHHAHAH CLIFFHANGER BECAUSE YOU SUCK.
We feel very offended by that opinion. Suck-shaming is BAD!
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Tigeranne
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Post by Tigeranne on Feb 5, 2013 9:41:15 GMT -8
But Alex could do with the extra credit, since he's likely to fail a lot of classes. ;Dthad 20 THE EVIL GLEE CLUB /\ /\ /\ /\ APOV (AN Im going to write from his pov now because its better that way ok?) Since you keep confusing him with yourself, I think that may be a good idea. Just don't change POV every five paragraphs. There are too many characters for that. Not that it matters, because you haven't updated in ages, and... wait and see what happens.The TEMPLARS were here to kill me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And you, and you, and you, and yo momma, and you, and you, and your dog, and you, and you, and you..."Oh no!" I said. But I knew we wouldn't give up without a fight! But then... DALLY CAME OUT OF THE CRAKCWHOREHOUSE! She must have taken a leaf out of Bella's book and set up a lucrative little business for herself. Crack isn't cheap, after all. She must have lost her child support when she lost custody, and I doubt Mystique is too generous with her allowance."Stand back!" she said. "I have Harry Potter's best friend and GF as hostages!" she said pointing a gun at Ron and Ginny Weasley. Hermione: Oh, Ronnnnnn! *sigh* They were supposed to think you were dead already!"Like we care about those gingers." Damon said. THAT'S RACIST!"Yeah plus I broke up with Ginny I'm gay and in love with Drago now!" Harry said. "YOUR JUST BLUFFING" Dally cried in the brik of despair. Then she killed Ron to prove she was joking! Dally: J/K you guys! He's just pretending. See, he needs to get the real Dumbledore, because our one is not so good after a few ale."Lol whatever." everyone said. ATTACK!!" said Tigeranne and the templars charged us. They were so many and so lesbiany that I feared they might bill us. Yeah, dude! You still owe us about $ 293793272938723974293472397492347. But we'll accept payment in Euro or £ as well. And of course gold and jewels.We fought and fought and fought but no templar was died! Well, you sort of just stood there waving around some plastic swords, like children in an elementary school performance of Narnia. (Or in the old BBC series!) But at least none of the good guys were either so it was OK. We weren't there to kill you, just to have you sanctioned.Then Dally shouted "STOP IT OR ILL KILL JENNY" but Harry said "NOOOOOOOOOO!" "AAHAHAHA I KNEW WE FOUND YOUR WEAKNESS" Tigeranne screamed pathetically. "NOOO I MEAN I WANT TO KILL HER FIRDT! AVADA KEDAVRA!" Harry said pointing his wand at Jenna. I HATE ALEX' HOUSE!!! She died, it was very beautiful and comforting at the same time, knowing that she wouldn't be able to bring new gingers to the world. "My betaful plan FAILED!" Tigeranne said. "General Morgrim! Give me a plan B NOW!" "Ok" he said. "Since gays like musicals so much then we'll beat them with their own music by STAGING A GLEE CLUB!" Except without all the stereotypes, because we didn't have enough Americans on the team to find one of each. (AN Because Glee is an evil show trying to make you think gays are all wusses like that Kurt bitch instead of sexy manly men and that lesbians and bis are OK) See previous comment on stereotypes.They started singing an awful song! TigeranneI hop your happy I was so sure it was "hope"!I hop your happy now I hop your happy how you hurt your cause forever I hop you think your clever Morgrim55I hop your happy I hop your happy too I hop your proud how you would grovel in submission (AN Because their templars so thats what they do!)To feed you're own ambition AnyaThePurple&TalysAlankil (AN remember they broke up because Talys was a trannie)So though I cant imagine how I hope your happy right now WolfBloodReiDally, listen to me (AN she loves Dally cause shes a stupid emo who looks like the singer from Within Temptation!)Just say your sorry You can still be with the templars What you've worked and waited for You can have all you ever wanted Poor, poor Rei! DallyI know, but I don't want it No, I can't want it anymore ElenaSomething has changed within me Something is not the same (AN she realized she was a dyke too and loved Bonnie) LeslieI'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game AmeliaToo late for second guessing Too late to go back to sleep ChellaIt's time to trust my instincts Close my eyes and leave JoanIts time to try defying gravity (AN isn't it so deep? Thats an allegory of how she uses a fake god to reach power herself)I think I'll try defying gravity So deep I can't even see any connection. She didn't really want power, though. She only wanted Edward. TigeranneAnd you can't pull ME down ( AN she insists cuz shes an egomaniac whore)You slut-shaming me, fucker? HelenaCan't I make you understand? You're having delusions of grandeur! (AN cuz shes a mormon and she truly believes in her god unlike all the others, she's just THAT stupid) AnyaThePurpleI'm through accepting limits Cuz someone says theyre so WolfBloodReiSomethings I can not change But til I try Ill never no! Leslie&Elena&TalysAlankilToo long I've been afraid of Losing love I guess I'd lost AnyaThePurple&WolfBloodRei&Morgrim5555Well if thats love It comes at much too high a cost! JoanI'd sooner buy defying gravity Kiss me goodbye (but no homo) I'm defying gravity TigeranneAnd you can't pull ME down! (AN same AN as before) (Same reply as before.) TalysAlankilAnya, come with me Think of what we could do, together! (AN EWWW I DONT WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT YOU PERV) I'm sure they don't want to either, since they are friends and platonic love-heart. AnyaThePurpleI'm limited (AN yeah, in your brain, if a pony is smarter than you) WolfBloodRei&TalysAlankilTogether wear unlimited AnyaThePurple&DallyTogether we'll be the greatest team there's ever been TalysAlankilAnya That's his entire line? "Anya"? Morgrim555555Dream the way we plan them TigeranneIf we work in tandem (AN Morgrim is trying to seduce Tigeranne even though she's a lesbian and hes a man) 1: I'm actually not. 2: He would still be straight, so the point is moot. Also, platonic love-hearts. Tigeranne&AnyaThePurple&Dally&TalysAlankil&Morgrim55555&WolfBloodReiThere's no fight we cannot win! Just you and I JoanDefying gravity! IS THIS SONG OVER YET? I'M REALLY TIRED OF BOLDING ALL THE NAMES! Leslie&Elena (ANwho decided to console each other in the meantime)With you and I JoanDefying gravity! All templars togetherThey'll never bring us down JoanWell, are you coming ? (AN shes talking to Helena those two have feelings for each otter but cant admit it) ROSIE? YOU READING THIS? Please not so many songs in the prequel, please. Or at least give them bigger chunks to sing. I really hate the bolding!HelenaI hope your happy Now that you've chosen this Joan You too TigeranneI hope it brings you bliss MorgrimI really hope you get it DallyAnd don't live to regret it TalysAlankil&AnyaThePurple&WolfBloodRei&DallyI hope you're hapy in the end I hope you're happy, my friend Morgrim55555555 shoots Helena for betraying them and the others cheer because they're evil like that. No, that was just payback for all the times she killed the Doctor and her dad. ChellaSo if you care to find me AmeliaLook to the western sky Chella&AmeliaAs someone told me lately everyone deserves a chance to fly JoanAnd if I'm flying solo At least I'm flying free Morgrim5To those who ground me Take a message back from me JoanTell them how I am defying gravity I'm flying high, defying gravity TigeranneAnd soon I'll match them in renown! This is soooooooo boring! DallyAnd nobody in all of Oz ( AN shes high from all the crack thats why shes random like that) TigeranneNo Alex that there is or was Is ever gonna bring MEEEEEE DOWN (AN same AN as before) (Same comment as before and a great big "fuck you"!) Helena (dying)I hope you're happy The AssassinsLet's kill them, they're wicked, GET EM TigeranneBriiiiiiiiiiiing MEEEEEEEEE dooooooooooown (AN same AN as before) (Same comment, just an even bigger one at the end.) The AssassinsNo one cares bout these dykes So we're gonna kill that bitch! ......................THE ASSASSINS HAD BEEN DRAGGED INTO THE MUSICAL NUMBER AGAINST THEIR WILL! Oh, boo hoo. They are scarred for life.AND IT WAS SO HORRIBLE THAT ALEX EXPLODED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "Don't worry," said TigerAnne. "That was just Alex."//////////\ That's it? He exploded and is dead? It's over?
IT'S OVER!!!! ALEX HAS EXPLODED! DING DONG! THE STU IS DEAD! HOOOOOOOOORAYYYYYYY!!!!!AN YOU FUCKING TEMPLARS LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE! No need to shout, I can't hear you over the party going on!The song isnt mind its from that sick musical Wicked thats about two lesbians and I dont like musicals cuz their for pussies I just no about it from Dallys story FaCe ThE StRaNgE or something Whatever. We have defeated a great evil, and can now go home and have supper. Next snark (hopefully soon) will be the last few chapters of Creating the Risque. They are glorious. And while waiting for Rosie to write the prequel/sequel, I will once again attempt to sic Rain on Rebecca. ;D
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Post by serkadios on Feb 5, 2013 9:57:28 GMT -8
But Alex could do with the extra credit, since he's likely to fail a lot of classes. ;D Yeah, but still... just no. Please, think of the Death Eaters. I am not sure even Voldemort himself deserves Alex. Isn't this from some Ariana-fic? I can't tell which one though. Vampire Queen maybe? You know, I kinda started shipping them after I saw the Eclipse movie, particulary that steamy scene in the tent.
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Post by Traitor on Feb 5, 2013 10:32:47 GMT -8
Yay! I made an appearamanance! Oh, and you're probably right about Atlantiana. I've only finished Chapter Two and already what I wish to do to her involves fifteen beehives and the contents of a garden centre.
Say, d'you want to put the last chapter in a GoogleDoc and live-snark it together tomorrow?
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Tigeranne
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Post by Tigeranne on Feb 5, 2013 10:36:32 GMT -8
Traitor: This was the last chapter, (un)fortunately.
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Post by Talys Alankil on Feb 5, 2013 17:05:14 GMT -8
Isn't this from some Ariana-fic? I can't tell which one though. Vampire Queen maybe? It's actually from Dalton Vampire. I think it's actual copy-paste. You know, I kinda started shipping them after I saw the Eclipse movie, particulary that steamy scene in the tent. Same here. Sad thing, when there's more chemistry between the two male leads than between either of them and their canon love interest. Then again, much better works than Twilight fell for that one…
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Post by Traitor on Feb 6, 2013 3:17:51 GMT -8
Traitor: This was the last chapter, (un)fortunately. [INSERT TRAITOR'S SADFACE HERE] On a more serious note, I really think it'd be cool if the entire cast of snarkers got together to do a Mega Crossover Snark of something particularly dreadful.
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Post by Talys Alankil on Feb 6, 2013 6:25:19 GMT -8
^The problem, of course, is that that would be fairly difficult to organize, what with timezone differences. Also, we'd need to agree on what to snark, and how we do this, because if everyone starts keymashing at the fic… it might be cause for some problems.
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Post by Traitor on Feb 6, 2013 11:32:04 GMT -8
Skype conversation on voice to discuss live editing. Boom.
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Tigeranne
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Post by Tigeranne on Apr 4, 2013 8:06:35 GMT -8
This place is so deserted! Let's do something about that. For example, TigerAnne could snark the last chapters of Creating the Risque.
Since it's been a while, and I did TaD in the mean time, let's recap what has happened. Johann was killed in an explosion, and The Old Man had just recently recovered from the loss. He had met a Spaniard named Luigi, fallen in love, and married him. But Assef got jealous of Luigi, who in return didn't trust Assef. When Luigi went on Google, he discovered that Tomas was a missing child, and that his parents were still looking for him. On his way to confront The Old Man with this, he was surprised by Assef, who threw him down the stairs to his death. The Old Man was crushed, but believed Assef's version of the events.
And with that, we start chapter 18!Creating the Risque, Chapter 18: Running Away
Author Note: I do apologise for the late update. I hit a snag of writers block, and this means that I don't know what direction I want to take this story, but now I'm willing to make a change. It was a sunny day in the time of Ohio , Pennsylvania. Assef, Wali and Kamal were waiting patiently on a garden swing for the old man to come and fetch them. Each were wearing a pair of trouser pants As in "not underwear-pants"? in anticipation of the big yet sad day, which is the memorial service of dear Luigo, who has in fact been murdered by Assef. That bastard! The old man was having a tough time getting over the death of yet another lover. Why does an old man have to suffer so much? What has he ever done to the world other than being awesome? It's not fair! Did it mean that he was doomed to fail in true love forever? But he had to be strong for himself and his boys. Tomas was wearing a pair of bright orange dungarees, The colour of mourning, in Pennsylvania's Ohio district. and he picked his arms up to dear that bastard Assef. "Assef can you hold me?" "Of course my dear boy" Assef responded, holding Tomas on his hip. He's 6 years old, isn't he a little too heavy to hold like that?The old man came hobbling out, in his arms were the urns of the Luigo. He came over and patted Assef on the shoulder as if to say to him it was time to go. They ran to the car and nosedived inside. That was very dignified, wasn't it? the old man drove the car right up to where the Archdeacon sat waiting for them along with the Pope. The Pope, no less! I'm assuming it's just the one from BL, and not Francis. The Pope took off his hat and put it on the head of Luigo's dead ashes. Isn't that hat holy? I don't know much about Catholicism, being a heretic Lutheran, and all that. I just guess that the clothes that mark the Pope as God's man on Earth would have some religious value in themselves. Not sure what I'm trying to say here, really. "It is that LUIGO has to go to be with the spirit, as is Johann and the Master Nun, but we will remember them in my heart and know that they will never leave. Never until they are forgotten which I shall forbid as the pope. And as I depart in my car, please recall their memory in song." The Pope's car is actually called a Pope-mobil, it turns out!They did just that.. Shall we see if their tribute to Luigo is as inappropriate offensive touching as the one they gave Johann?AssefOh, oh, oh, come fill my glass up a little more We 'bout to get up, and burn this floor You know we getting hotter, and hotter Sexy and hotter, let's shut it down Yep, it's one of those.WaliYo, what I gotta do to show these girls that I own them Some call me nicki, and some call me roman And it's Nicki Minaj again. Of course!Skeeza, pleeza, I'm in Ibiza (whoa) Giuseppe Zannotti my own sneaker Being materialistic is a very good value to teach your young audience.Sexy, sexy that's all I do KamalIf you need a bad bitch Let me call a few Pumps on and them little mini skirts is out I see some good girls, I'mma turn 'em out Ok bottle, sip, bottle, guzzle So in other words, Kamal has started a new career as a pimp.TomasI'm a bad bitch, no muzzle, hey? Bottle, sip, bottle, guzzle I'm a bad bitch, no muzzle, let's go.
Music, makes me, highThe wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round All across the city!Old ManOh, oh, oh, come fill my glass up a little more No. You've got alcohol problems, remember?We 'bout to get up, and burn this floor That was a few chapters ago, actually.You know we getting hotter, and hotter Sexy and hotter, let's shut it down Pound the alarm! Pound the alarm! That's not going to help. As usual, it's you who have to rescue them.Archdeacon/WaliI wanna do it for the night, night So get me now, and knock this over I wanna do it like you like, like Come get me, baby, we're not getting younger I just want you tonight, night Baby, we won't do it for life, life OK, Archdeacon. It's fine that you want to get "in" with the teenage crowd. But you're kinda in danger of facilitating the negative images of the Catholic Church right now.AssefMusic, makes me, high Oh, oh, oh, come fill my glass up a little more We 'bout to get up, and burn this floor You know we getting hotter, and hotter Sexy and hotter, let's shut it down Pound the alarm! Pound the alarm! KamalAlarm! Alarm! Alarm! Alarm! Oh, oh, oh, come fill my glass up a little more We 'bout to get up, and burn this floor You know we getting hotter, and hotter Sexy and hotter, let's shut it down TomasPound the alarm! Pound the alarm! Pound the alarm! Tomas: I hope Fireman Sam comes! He's my hero! I watch him on DVD eeeevery day!They could see the pope rocking out to the song in his car. He he. I can actually almost see the new Pope do that, but not to the tones of Nicki Minaj. It was like a land rover only a lot holier because it was the Pope. Land Rover? That's one serious downgrade from the Batmobile, but OK then.They knew that Luigo would never leave them so long as they could see his spirit watching them and rocking out in the sky. Assef felt remorseful until he realises he must return to his grave. Hang on. When did he die? Or did you mean Luigo? He put his arms around the old man and starts to sob from deep sadness. "I am sure that Luigo is guiding you with the heart he has given you and touching your deepness so hard that he must never be forgotten. I am so sorry that you had to suffer the loss of two fathers. But know they are forever in your hearts. You are so special, Assef, An unusually psychotic boy, like no one else. just so perfect. You are my only son who I love. WHAT ABOUT TOMAS? Or Kamal and Wali? I will devote my life to keeping you safe. Nothing new there. Before you came into my life, Assef, it was a void of shit and currypowder. PFFFFFFfffffffffffffffhahahahaha! Now I am whole, because your are my baby, my son, my angel." And he's also the cause of about half of the shit and currypowder that's happened in your entire life. Or more.Assef felt hot tears slide down his face as he embraces the old man. Suddenly, he spots something up ahead that makes his blood boil. Assef: AAAAAMIIIIRRRRRRRR!!! Two people who bring out the fear in the Assef, Like I thought. Assef is an entity in his own right. two people which make him want to stop breakdancing and attacking people. Tomas mommy and daddy. BWAHAHAAHAAAHAAAAAAAA!"OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Assef screamed, Oh, that's true. I'm counting the "NOOOO"s. But what is the count on, and is this one really a "NOOOO"? picking dear Tomas up and hurrying toward the car. "WALI! KAMAL! COME WITH ME!" He roared which means his voice is very high and loud. Thank yuo for tha lezzyn in Englandish. Tomas burries his face in his brother's arms as Assef places him in the car seat. You're not getting away, Assef! You're busted!"Assy, where are we going?" He asked innocently. "Don't worry baby. Some bad people are in here trying to take you away from me. Brain control strikes again! They think your not my brother but you are and i wont let anyone else take you from me. Okay? We have to go somewhere safe and lay low for a while. I love you and you'll always be safe. Okay? can you be a good boy and shut the fuck up for a while?" Such a good Big Bro!"Assef.. WHAT?" says the Old Man. He tries to run after the car but falls down and hears the painful sound of his back shattering. Poor Old Man! How much more does he have to suffer in the presence of Assef?"Our baby!" Comes a voice. It is Tomas mommy. She came running over until she sees Assef punching her son to shut him up. THAT BASTARD! He started crying and fell to his knees. "Who are you?" asks the Old Man. "We are that little boys parents he was kidnapped a few months ago and we are looking for him but we find him now. Who is that red eyed boy with my dear baby tomas?" And Assef is a cannibal. Why am I not shocked?"That is Assef my baby. He is my son." Why doesn't he react to them saying they are Tomas' parents? He's supposedly Tomas' father too."Well your son stole our son and is now running off with him or just taking him in your car. The first one is correct. And I suspect that he is also a rapist. That is also correct. Somehow or not, but he's going to kill him." The old man was in shock. He went running after the car and just managed to jump on the roof How awesome is George? VERY AWESOME! when Assef pulled a handgun out and shot up. That bastard! After all the times Old George saved his life!!! it hits the old man in an unpleasant place OUCH! blasting him off. Poor, poor Old George-Man. How much does he HAVE to suffer? Tomas started to cry and was running away in his heart. Hooray! The bastard-spell is breaking!!!"Baby, dont cry, you are loved, you are loved, please, shh. It's okay. Old Man wants to take you away to take you away from me and uncle kammy and wali. Shh, you don't want that, do you? Please be quiet." You're losing this one, Assef. Your dirty game is exposed."Kaykay." said Tomas. The old man's jaw let rip a terrible roar. He's got a jaw bone from a lion. In his life of saving other people's asses, he's taken a few hits. He grabbed a rope. "That's no longer my son." Everybody join in now: YEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!
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