Tigeranne
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Post by Tigeranne on Apr 4, 2013 9:16:45 GMT -8
Creating the Risque Chapter 19: Coming towards the End
Author Note: This is the second last chapter of the story whereby we get ready for the sequel that will come up soon.
Yes, please! We want that sequel, Rosie!
Assef drove the car fastly down the road. Mr Lubeck the Enlish teacher: THERE IS NO SUCH WORD AS FASTLY! Rosie, you will report to my office for detention, and you will write a 5000 word essay on the effects of bad grammar on society, and why YOU are a part of the problem. This means that you can not attend Social Science class with Mr. Lombottomby today. It is your own fault that you're losing out on that interesting and empowering lesson! Now, get writing! Tomas was wailing every time he pushed on the brake and his little body lurched forwards, crying out in pain.
Poor Tomas! Be brave, they'll save you!
Assef turned round and handed him a Barney the Dinosaur plushie, stroking the back of his head and also some candies that he ate up.
"Thank you, Assef" Tomas responded in a terrified little voice; he doesn't want to make Assef mad at him because he knew that Assef was capable of everything even after what he did to Gary that one time.
Smart kid. Just keep your head cool, and everything will be OK!
"I know it's going to be tough for you to settle in, Tomas, but you do know that all any of us want is your happiness. Them uhh... maybe you could let him go home? I'm doing this because there are bad people in the world who want to take you away from me."
Hypocrite, much?
At this, Tomas begins to cry, which means that Assef must avoid crashing the car to stop from hitting a nearby tree. Up ahead, he sees a few deer crossing the road, and points them out. "See, darling? There are wildlife here. See? Everything is going to be okay?"
But suddenly one of the deer gets up on its hind legs and starts running towards the car. IS IT THE DEER LORD??? It jumped on the bonnet and tried smashing the glass. I THINK IT IS!!! That was when Assef relaise that this was no deer; it was in fact the police in deer costumes trying to trick them.
Bummer.
He took out the AK47 he had hidden in his coat pocket, He must have some deep pockets. pointed it directly at the man, and shot him upwards. The man blasted up in the sky, blood spraying the car as the widows shattered and Tomas went flying out of his car seat.
Run, Tomas! Run to the police officers! They'll help you!
"NOOOOOOO!" 25!!! Wali screamed as he dove forward to rescue his nephew, his foot kicking Assef in the back in the process. Ha ha ha! Assef lurches forward. He banks his head against the dash board and the car goes into a tree. Who cares. Tomas is already outside. Kamal just manages to get Tomas in on time Yeah, sure. Just drag a kid into a car that's about to crash. Very caring and brave. and they dove out of the car before he exploded into thin air.
"Our only car!" They lamented brokenly. Don't worry. You can just steal a new one. Then they see a hotel not unlike the one they first were in. Full circle! Assef is covered in blood from the sight of the hotel; That sounds like some sort of stigmata, brought on by his tortured conscience. Oh, but wait. He doesn't have any. he picks Tomas up and they start running.
They got to the hotel, checked in and the woman gave them his keys. Shouldn't she be concerned about the fact that none of them are over 18, and at least one is bleeding from his head? They started running up to the rom. ow Tomas was really frigtened. That's no surprise. Assef took out a handcuff and cuffed his wrists and ankels to the bed.
Great. Perfect parental guardian we got here.
"I don't want you getting any ideas and running away from me. Now, would you like to read a story?"
"I love reading and eating!" screamed Tomas at the top of his tiny lungs. Assef laughed pleasured by this fact. Eww? "Okay." He shit the curtains. EWWW!
"What'd ya do that for?" Kamal asked.
Assef: We were out of toilet paper.
"People might see in, Kammy. That's all. Now we all need to lay down for a while and hopefully this will all blow over. Yeah, very likely. Tomas' parents aren't just gonna give up, you know. I don't know if I should tell you this but (he dropped his voice so they can't hear him that well) before we left i put a bomb on the old man. THAT BASTARD!!! If he comes within fifteen feet of us, either you, me, Wal-Wal or Tomas, then he'll be blasted into the stratosphere, just like Johann or the Master Nun."
THAT BASTARD!!!
Traitor, you're pretty fond of suggesting fun and interesting methods of torture. What do you say we should do with Assef?
I do miss Johann. He could have saved him." said Assef, He could have, if YOU hadn't done a ridiculously stupid thing that got YOUR ass in the line of fire! as Tomas put himself on the older boy's lap. Wasn't he chained to the bed? Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, until it is there a very angry looking Edward Cullen.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! HIIIIIIIIIIIII Edward!!!!!!!1111!! Never been so happy to see YOU before!
He took out a large gun, probably a rifle or some thing like that, came flying into the room, and grabbed Assef around the waist. GO Edward! In da house! He pulls him away from his "loving family", which means that he starts screaming and thrashing.
"You walked away from me for the last time, Assef Luke! I am your father!" He roared at the top of his lungs, dragging Assef from the room.
Assef started crying Wimp! until Kamal roared and changed into the shape of a wolf. I bet that scares Edward SOOO much. Not. Why isn't Assef able to fight back, BTW? He's a vampire too, he should be as strong as Edward. He grabs Edward around the neck and starts flinging him around. That won't do any good. He's made of stone. You're only trashing the walls. Assef tried to undo the latch on Edward's shirt Ho yay? so as to save himself Uh? but unfortunately he cannot.
Kamal jumps on top of Edward and starts to run around with him in his mouth and Assef hanging on for dear life; there was a changelor hanging from the room, Assef hoops his legs around the chandelier and swings himself upward cause Edward and Kamal to fall backwards.
Little Tomas picked up the gun and blasted it. Look what you've done to that innocent child! He should be playing with his plastic zoo, not with guns! He went flying backwards and screamed as he fell out the window.
Isn't he a vampire too? In that case, this is probably a good thing!
"NOOOOOOOOO!" 26 said Assef, which tries to save him which is failing.
Until someone came flying back on a rope in orcer to save him, he grabs Tomas around the waist just before he smacked into the ground. It was Johann.
HIIIIIII JOHANN!
"Johann how are you here, I thought you blew up?" asked Assef.
"Well you see, when I pushed you out of the way, I was thrown upwards and came back a few hours later alive but I am actually dead Uh, ok? and am pretty sure my death was a wonderful night for the lover of old." Not really. He went into a funk and didn't shower for a week. He explained when he saw Kamal lying on the ground cover in blood.
Stupid Kamal, taking on a psycho vampire like that!
"And now I must go back to where came from. Bye bye." Then he goes away into the erotic night.
His spirit lives on.
Meanwhile, little do our heros know that the Old Man, Tomas parents and the police are waiting for them.
Whoo!
"I can't believe on that my dear son who I adopted and was going to make the new master nun once I died upon the end of my life Oh no! Then they'd have a Master who was even worse than the first one! and that I allowed your little boy to be kidnapped That happened before you knew them, George. Don't beat yourself up over that. and almost killed many a time with that monster, I do am so sorry." said the old man.
Tomas mom just looks at the Old Man to think the Old Man was crazy Sure he's crazy. But that doesn't mean he's not awesome! and she says, "It is not that we blame your for it, is it that you must now save our son and murder that rapist red eye." She explained herself, while her aroused husband stood tall.
Wasn't he dead from a heart attack? So he's a ghost dad? Sounds like a perfect parent for a vampire kid.
"I will murder Assef because he is no longer my son You don't have to murder him. Just hand him over to the police. even though I loved him with all my heart and that I have to rectfy myself in the situation" he explained. He sang a song to comfort his Tomas parents.
GEORGE! WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT RIGHT NOW!!!
Old Man
This is what I brought you, this you can keep
This is what I brought, you may forget me
I promise to depart, just promise one thing
Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep
This is what I brought you, this you can keep
This is what I brought, you may forget me
I promise you my heart, just promise to sing
Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep
Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep
This is what I thought, I thought you'd need me
This is what I thought so think me naive
I'd promise you a heart, you'd promise to keep
Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep
Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep
Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep
And for those who don't recognize the song (and I admit I didn't), this is Prelude 12/21 by AFI.
He seen Assef, Wali and Kamal getting into the car with an unconsious Timmy and started running towards them...
Oh no! They took Tim! Poor Tim. Why is Ariana and Rosie always so mean to him?
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Tigeranne
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Post by Tigeranne on Apr 4, 2013 10:00:01 GMT -8
Creating the Risque: Chapter 20; Defeating a Great Evil
Author's Note: Please enjoy this final installment in the next chapter. I will be working on a short sequel that will detail the heroic life of the old man, before and after he met Assef.
I knew it! I knew he's been a bad ass! Yes, please! We want prequel!
The last chapter, you guys!!!
Assef quickly did up his seatbelt as Wali carried Tomas into the carseat and did it up too. Stolen a new car already? Kamal took out a large match, and lit it. He tossed it in the direction of the motel where they were staying in. Suddenly, it burst into flames with lots of fire going everywhere.
Adding arson to their record as well. Very good career move!
Tomas whimpered in his sleep, and Kamal gently stroked the back of his nephew's head. Assef put the pedal to the metal and burst out the gates which were now on fire. Now the car was on fire, Congratulations, Einstein. and everyone was screaming. They sped down the road and through a nearby lake which means the car is not on fire any more.
No. Now the engine is drowned instead, geniuses.
Then little Tomas woke up. "Assef? Where are we? What happened? My head hurts!"
"It's okay, son. Promoted yourself to dad, have you? We are going to go somewhere really safe, and nobody will hurt us anymore." He reassured him, much as a wise old Indian man leads his tribe.
Many wize old Indian tribe leaders just took a lot of offense at being compared to Assef.
Tomas just nodded, on because he was too afraid to do anything. They drove quickly down the Ohio highway, and Tomas had something to drink. It was a beautiful, sunny day. The sun was shining and there were no clouds in the sky.
Suddenly, a huge cargo truck came into the middle the road and oil came pouring out.
"OH, SHITTTT!" Assef said, swerving the steering wheel to avoid the oil, but he was unlucky, and the car tipped on one side, and was heading right over the ravine. How did Assef get his driver's licence, again? It was now Assef wanted to be rescued by his father once again (the old man) *sigh* and certainly that would have been nice.
Then why did you run off? Why did you murder Luigi? Why did you try to rape Gary? Why did you kidnap Tomas? If you hadn't done any of those things, you and your adoptive fathers could have lived happily in the motel. But nooooooo, you had to be a selfish bastard all the effing time!
"I will have to go wolf!" said Kamal, and then he transformed into a wolf. He jumped out the car windown and Assef smashed the car into him and then the car stopped. Assef put his hand on his chest and clung to Wali, and they all cried for the life they had just saved.
You're still pretty lost without George, as the useless people you are.
Meanwhile, only about thirty minutes away, the Archdeacon was in the car, along with the old man and Tomas parents. There were a lot of police cars behind them with their sirens blaring at the top of their lungs.
Mrs Fenton-Strattler, the Biology teacher: Cars do not have LUNGS! Rosie, you will report to my office for detention, where you'll write a 5000 word essay about how science is the only remedy for the ignorance that is holding humanity back, and why YOU are a part of the problem!
Great. We'll never get that sequal now, with all the corrective essays Rosie has to write. BTW, shouldn't the police cars with their wailing sirens be driving in front?
"We are waisting valuable time" said the Old Man, punching the side of the car so hard he made a dent in it. Careful, Old Man. You're not the average senior citizen, remember. Speaking of which, is he the same person as "Senior", from Vampire Queen, I wonder. "We must go and save their son from that raper. Before a terrible fate befalls hiM" he was as old as he was wise.
10 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 years old.
Tomas father nodded, placing a hand on the old man's shoulder. "I agree. I think it is something we must do today, and also I must inform you that the police man just told me that it was Assef who killed Luigo, and who raped Gary, or at least, tried to."
Shouldn't they have informed Old Man George first, since Luigo was his hubby?
"noooo!" 27 said the old man, his entire world was falling apart. He had adopted Assef and now it was all his fault. No, this is all ASSEF's fault! He should have listened to Luigo.
That's true.
The old man taped the archdeacon on the shoulder. "I know where they are headed, now step on it!" he screamed in a high pitched tone.
The archdecon smacked his leg on the door frame, and the car took off, Rosie, cars do not like horses work. You've already got 10 000 words of essay to write. police cars speeding in hot pursuit, sirens blairing.
Assef turned around when she heard the sirens, and gestured for Kamal to get back in the car, which he did, but still in wolf.
"Tomas, have you got your seat belt on, babes? Okay. Let's go, people!" He turned the car up to the highest speed and set off.
They were swerving all over the road, and Assef could hear the old man screaming angrily at him. He wanted to tell him to fuck off, but he couldn't stop or control the car long enough to do so. So he's not hanging over the back seat while the car is speeding, for once? He drove through a big city and killed a long of people until then. *sigh* That bastard. I can't really muster up much more RAEG towards him. They were all screaming as the bodies flew over the windsheild, and everyone started screaming at the top of their lungs. "NOOO!" 28 said the young woman, as Assef smashed into her and she burst into flames. Looks like you stopped a suicide bomber there, Assef. Your Karma count just went from - 10 000 000 to -9 999 999. There was carnage everywhere, and a lot of people were dead.
Assef spotted a roof just outside the borders of a lake, and stopped the car.
What is it with characters in this story and their obsession with roofs?
"Wali! Kamal- cover me!" he said as he lifted Tomas out of the seat, and started running towards the stiars.
The Old Man sees them and the police are in hot pursuit.
Assef made it up to the roof with tomas in his arms but suddenly it was too late. They were cornered.
WHOOOOO!
"Step away from the child!" said the Police Chief. "Put your hands behind your head, turn around and kneel down on the ground. SLOWLY AND DON'T MAKE ANY SUDDEN MOVES!"
How strange. That sounds like something a police officer would actually say in such a situation.
Assef kept his arms around Tomas, as he packed away from the police, and closer to the edge of the roof. He turns, and smirks.
"I have a gun in my pants" said the policeman. "If you make any sudden movements I will shoot you, and the child."
OK, real police men try not to shoot the hostages. For a moment there I was worried that one of the 'verse's walls had broken, and that reality was getting caught in the carnage, but it was a false alarm.
Assef just rolled his eyes, and jumped off the roof with Tomas in his arms. It was too late to save them. Suddenly the old man swung by on a rope, GOOOOOO, OLD MAN! and caught Assef around the waist, putting little Tomas on his broad shoulders.
"What are you doing old man?" asks Tomas.
"Something I should have done a long time ago" the old man raplies, then looks Assef right in the eyes and says, "Sayonara, rapist."
HA HA HA HAAAAA HA HAAAAA HA HA HA HAAAA HA HA HAAAAA HAAAAA HAAAAA HAAAAA!
He let Assef go and Assef falls down, screaming as he landed with a splosh in the lake. He's not dead. The Old Man gives Tomas back to his parents...
Everyone now: AWWWWWWwwww! *sniff*
"Oh Tomas, you're okay!" They both roared delightedly.
Tomas father takes out a stereo and tries to press play but Kamal comes outta nowhere and tried to attack him.
"BATSHIT HELL NO!" said the police man, I LIKE that copper! and shot the wolf right in the chest with a bow and afrow.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" 29. Can we get one more? Can we make it to 30? said Wali as he tried to save his friend, but was arrested and put in the police car and taken to jail. Ha ha ha! The old man put on some music and everyone did a crazy, prideful dance.
Waka Waka by Shakira, just for the record.
Old Man
You're a good soldier Choosing your battles Pick yourself up And dust yourself off And back in the saddle
Tomas's Dad
You're on the frontline Everyone's watching You know it's serious We're getting closer This isntover
Tomas
The pressure is on You feel it But you've got it all Believe it
When you fall get up Oh oh... And if you fall get up Oh oh...
All
Tsamina mina Zangalewa Cuz this is Africa
Tsamina mina eh eh Waka Waka eh eh
Tsamina mina zangalewa Anawa aa This time for Africa-
Suddenly, Assef came out of the pond, BOOOOO!!! and dragged the Old Man in with him. He had a gun in his hand and he tried to shoot him.
The Old Man vicariously kicked Assef right in the face, screaming in pain as he felt his skull blow open and fall off his head. Ouch. That should have killed him, at least. The old man tried to get out of the lake but Assef held tight to him the gun behind his back.
"Father- let me live!" He begged suddenly.
How is he able to speak, with his brain missing?
But the old man just took a riffle out of his pocket and said, "THIS IS FOR JOHANNNNNNNNNN!" and let rip a might shot, which hit Assef right between those black eyes (not blue cause this is movie version mothas)
JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE!
Assef falls backwards, his body landing with a mightly plop in the car as it sank to the bottom of the ocean. HE WAS DEAD. YESS! YESSSHHH! OH FUCKING HELL, YESSSSSSS!!!!! PARTYYYYYY! DRINKS ON MEEEEEEE! and the world had been saved no thanks the old man.
I'd say it was VERY MUCH thanks to the old man!
THE END
And with that, the fic is finished. It had a proper ending, unlike about 99% of all other fics we snark here. And there is hope for a prequel, starring GEORGE! Well, as soon as Rosie is done with all her penalty essays, that is.
And now, TigerAnne will try snarking Perscitus Prep, and see if it's funny. But not today.
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Post by Talys Alankil on Apr 4, 2013 13:43:44 GMT -8
Oh, man, I had missed Rosie. (and snarks. I just realized we've gone a whole month without any and that makes me sad ) Anyway. We need to properly celebrate this. A fic that ends well? Awesome! No, I don't even really like this song. But I didn't want to go for the classic Kool and the Gang, so that was all I could think of.
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Tigeranne
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Post by Tigeranne on Apr 4, 2013 13:56:56 GMT -8
This is actually the second in a row that's ended well. Alex exploded, remember.
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Post by Talys Alankil on Apr 5, 2013 3:30:00 GMT -8
^Oh, right. That happened too x)
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Tigeranne
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Post by Tigeranne on Apr 5, 2013 8:11:43 GMT -8
Perscitus Prep, Ladies and Gentlemen!
disclaimer: I do not and never will own Twilight... or else i would be super rich and famous.
I know I am still working on The Demon Inside Someone ought to check that one out, too. but I couldn't help it! I hope you like this fanfic though! I know many people wrote fanfics like this but I just got inspired... To make a crazy-ass parody ok not really... I just felt like it. Please review! Sorry if it makes no sense for stuff, I have no life and don't really know anything like boarding schools and stuff. I make them up.
I think that will be fairly self evident soon enough.
On with the story
Chapter 1: Boarding School
After mom died and my dad remarried a bitch, my life has been a total wreck. It's not a Twilight fic if Bella isn't at least partially orphaned and abused. Brittany beats me up, but be's nice "Be's nice"? You can be glad it's not The FanFiction Critic doing this snark! in front of my dad for his money. And don't get me started on the nights my dad works late. She goes drinking and or comes back with a different idiot every night.
Every night? So she does it on those nights when he doesn't work late, as well? How come she doesn't get caught? how come you haven't thought of getting some photographic evidence after they pass out?
My dad is awesome, he gives me presents all the time. It's not a Twilight fic if Bella doesn't have cool stuff. He 's a police officer of Phoenix, where I live.
Charlie never lived in Phoenix, did he?
I'm Isabella Marie Swan, but I'd rather go as Bella. At least it's not Ariel, or something equalyy "special". Bitchany calls me Izzy so no one should never EVER call me that, Why not? You call her Bitchany. it brings a bad side of me. I get annoyed with anyone who says that name. Anyways, I'm about 5'4 with brown hair and chocolate brown eyes. At least she's got Bella's canonical appearance. I think I am very pale for someone who lives in sunny Phoenix.
Twilight Sues already pointed out, and I think it was in reference to this fic, that Arizona is not California. For most of the year it's so hot that people prefer to hide in the shade. You'll thus find quite a few pale people there. And if you haven't got the right sort of pigment, it doesn't matter if you live in the Sahara. You just won't get a tan. Canon Bella is probably one of those people.
Sadly to say, I'm very clumsy, A real Sue can't have any real flaws! That could make people less sympathetic to her! and that's what started the beating. Rule #5986 of Twilight Fanfic: Any and all physical violence delt on a Sue must always be completely undeserved, else people will not like the Sue. I kind of tumbled down the stairs when she was trying to hide a 'friend' from me. I told my dad, but he didn't believe me and you should know the rest.
OK, I'm a little confused here. Either 1: Bella, by virtue of being clumsy, fell down the stairs and accidentally caught Brittany in the act with some random douche. Or 2: Bella caught Brittany and Random Douche, and Brittany tossed her down the stairs as revenge.
Probably #1.
Ok presently I am thinking of going to boarding school, To become gothic? it will tear Charlie's heart, but I've got to get away from my demon of a stepmother.
There are hot-lines and stuff that can help you. And I'm sure your school has a counselor that you can talk to. By running away you're letting Bitchany win! But then again, a fic set in a boarding school is just a lot cooler.
"IZZY!" Brittany called from downstairs.
"Yes?" I fumed as I came downstairs. I hate that name.
"Where's my dinner?" she shouted.
Aren't you guys just glad that it's not a step-father she's got? I mean, we all know what would have been happening next if she did.
"Why can't you make it yourself? You are a woman right!" I spat.
1: The poor, abused Suebella can never talk back at her abuser. Because the abuse needs to be completely unprovoked. You just broke that rule a little.
2: I bet a lot of women are more enraged by the insinuation that women should naturally be able to cook, than by the overall quality of the chapter.
"WHY YOU!" she shouted before she grabbed my arm and dragged me to the basement. This is where it all happens. My dad never comes down here. He actually doesn't know about it...plus it's soundproof.
Just what any Bella-centric story needs: A torture room specially designed for our protagonist!
"You!" she slapped my cheek. "Will!" she slapped my other cheek. "Never!" she grabbed my neck. "Say!" she pushed me towards the wall. Oh boy. Here it comes. "That!" she started choking me and I started losing feeling. "Again!" she squeezed harder.
Hang on... Is this Brittany 6 foot tall and built like an average Olympic hammer thrower? Why aren't you fighting back, useless girl? You're almost an adult!
I would fight back but she would show the marks to my dad and get me in trouble. Why did I even ask. Of course, since this is a BellAbuse fic, logic doesn't apply. The only thing that matters is that Bella suffers a lot. I would tell him she started it and show my marks, but my dad still wouldn't believe me. So much for being the really good dad you initially described his as. I could call the police, but Charlie won't believe me, Charlie is the police, durr-hurrrrrrr. Brittany is good at hiding evidence and she says she will kill my dad if I tell. Another thing, friends is a no-no she says they could tell and she will kill them. Brittany is totally creepy, crazy and mental.
Get it on TAPE for goodness' snake!
I lost all feeling and I could hear anything. I usually do this when this happens, or when I have to listen to something boring. Totally valid comparison. I don't feel or hear anything, but can still move my body and see.
She can move, but not feel? Weird biology she's got going. And sight is usually lost long before hearing, when you're about to lose consciousness.
It's nice because I can think things though. About things that bother me or things that make me sad, anything.
So while your psychotic and violent step-mother punches the daylight out of you, you sit back and reflect over that cute boy in class who doesn't like you, or what colour you'd like to paint your toenails next?
I do feel the aftermath of the beatings though. That's pretty annoying...
Yeah. Cranial fractures and punctured lungs are a little inconvenient.
I see her push her heel into my ribcage and my head. When I said the above, I was actually joking. I should have known better, of course. (Yes, I'm snarking as I read.) She started to slap me all over.
I see that she leaves and I get my feeling back. I suddenly reach my hands to my neck. Ow Ow Ow. That hurts. I examine myself. My ribs have a large bruise but not too bad as last time where she broke them. That would have landed you in hospital. Why didn't you tell anyone there? I have a large headache but bearable. Headaches have sizes now? Intensity is another thing. That's like miles and pounds. I slowly get up, my breaths labored. I stagger for a bit and walk upstairs where Brittany, is making her own dinner. Are you serious?
She is a woman, isn't she?
I sighed frustratedly and get back to my room flopping on my bed. Cause that wouldn't hurt, with all the new owwies you just received? I start to wrap myself up in bandages. This reminds me of that Army-Bella fic! Oh how I wish that one was a troll. It was so funny. Only a few more days until I convince dad. He hasn't been home lately, so when he does, I'll beg.
It's been a week and my dad finally got home. I have scratches on my arm and marks on my neck while bruises cover my face, stomach and knees. I covered my face up with some makeup.
Don't let them see that you've got a face!
"Dad!" I shouted when he came back.
"Bells, how are you?" he smiled.
"Good! And going to be better. Can you plea-se let me go to boarding school?" I asked stretching the please.
"But kiddo..." his smile faltered.
Oh no. Rosie/Ariana's characters call people "kiddo".
"C'mon!" I begged.
"But honey, we don't want you to go," Brittany appeared pouting. Ha! You want to play that game huh?
I pouted too, tears in my eyes threatening to fall.
"Dad...I want to go..." I sniffled.
He looked panicked and said, "Ok, ok you can go!"
Hm. Strange. What caused that sudden turnabout?
"Yay!" I squealed and went to pack my stuff. I was decided that I would go during the weekends which would be the holidays in a few days.
What holidays, exactly? Sue-awareness Month?
The day finally came. Thank god! I have to hide my bruises to my roommates though...
You can't be a proper Sue if you blatantly want pity.
"Bye Bells," my dad sighed.
I felt guilty, but I seriously wanted to leave. "Bye dad, I'll call when I get there!" I smiled and literally ran off. I was so excited. I really did want to go to boarding school.
It took approximately a 1 hour to get there. Guess where it was? Los Angeles!
Although the trip didn't go across the entire North American continent this time, I still doubt you can get from Phoenix to LA in only one hour. The flight alone probably takes longer. (1.5 hours, according to the source i found.)
I finally got there and marveled at the humungous buildings. The was a big sign that said 'Perscitus Prep' in front. Wouldn't it say "Preparatory School", which is the official term? BTW, "Perscitus" supposedly means "very intelligent". How on Earth did this school accept Bella? There were separate buildings. That is known as a "campus", sweetie. From the left side was a large building that said 'Office' I think it would say "Administration", since a school has several different offices., next to it was other bigger buildings that were probably classes Or possibly class rooms?, the second biggest building was in the middle which was the cafeteria I'm guessing, after that a building that says 'girls dorms' and lastly on the right, it said 'boys dorms'. The dorms are probably the biggest buildings.
Bottom line, the place is pretty large. Who else thinks that this fic will soon portray the school as the private home of about ten students, kind of like Hogwarts in HP fic?
I took all my luggage which was only 2 bags to the front office. One with my clothes and one with the other stuff, laptop, pictures, etc.
I got inside and it looked extravagant. There was a huge plasma screen T.V on the left room with some chairs, which is probably the waiting room and there is a counter in front of me with a blonde woman behind. Next to the counter was a fish tank close to the waiting room with various fish. The counter is what you walk into Really? I thought that was the elevator? (Or "lift" if you speak "real" English.) and on the right, there was a door.
This description is a bit lacking in details, I think. Stephenie Meyer would at least have mentioned that there was also a floor and a ceiling!
I got to the counter and the woman was too busy to notice. Paper was all over the place and she was frantically trying to order them.
That sounds like the sort of situation you'd encounter at a public/state run high school. A super-wealthy elite school like this is likely to be more professional.
"Excuse me?" I asked.
She looked up. She had wrinkles on her face from age and brown eyes. Brown eyes cause wrinkles in this 'verse. Sucks to be Bella. Hurry up and vampify! She wore a t-shirt and a pair of jeans.
"Oh, I'm sorry. May I help you?" she smiled, but the smile didn't come to her eyes.
She's seen so many students come and go that she can recognize a Sue on her gait.
"Yes, I'm new here, my name's Isabella Swan." I smiled back.
"Oh yes, I'm terribly sorry," she typed something into the computer in front of her and printed papers out, "Here you go sweetie. There's a map of the school, your schedule and a key for your dorm. If you need any help please ask. School starts in two weeks."
Are boarding schools open as long as two weeks before the start of term?
"There should be no problem Mrs. Thank you." I turned around and got outside everyone was practically staring at me. What do you expect. As a Sue you're So Beautiful It's A Curse. I blushed from the attention and made a dash towards the girl's dorms opening the doors.
What I came into was awkward. There were chairs/couches and tables scattered around and another plasma T.V. The dorm has a common TV room. How is that awkward? It's a place to socialize. Don't you want admirers and little minions to fawn over you? What's with this place and ? That was not the awkward part though. On one of the couches, was a bronze haired guy and some strawberry blonde haired girl doing PDA. Oh no. This must be Edward and Tanya! Ew gross! Well, yeah. Why didn't they use her room? I looked away but saw another guy and girl doing the same thing. A honey blonde guy and a white blonde. Why is Jasper macking on Rosalie? She's supposed to be his biological sister, as far as people know! I turned and again another. A huge burly guy with dark brown hair and a girl with the almost same dark brown hair. Emmett and Alice? I actually like that pairing. I looked away and rushed to the elevator.
My room number was 305. I pressed in the number for my dorm floor and waited. Before the doors closed though, the bronze haired guy and the blonde bimbo broke apart and he smiled then winked at me. The others noticed and smiled at me. Definitely the playboys of the school.
Definitely your new harem.
The doors opened and revealed a corridor. The carpet was blue and the walls and ceiling was purple. Preppy. If you find a goth crying in a corner and giving you the finger, that's just Twilia. She's got a little crush on Edward, and is prone to suicide. I dragged my luggage past the doors. 301... 302... 303... 304... Yes! Room 305. I put my fumbled with my key lifted it to the door and before I could open it, a small girl jumped on to me and squealed, "Yaaay!" in my ear.
I was wrong before. THIS is Alice!
"Ok, ow. I'm guessing you're my roommate?" I asked while laughing.
"Yep!" she said popping the pillz and drinking blood from a coke bottle.
I looked down and saw that she had jet black hair with green eyes. Human! Unless she's a vegan vampire, like Rain... She looked small and petite, but looked beautiful in her own way.
Small and petite is no obstacle for beauty. Think fairies.
"Don't forget about me," a blonde girl smiled and came up to the door.
She was stunningly beautiful. She had pale blonde hair and icy blue eyes. What could I say? She could make a model's self esteem drop.
Rosalie. Whose only defining quality and talent is being pretty.
"Hi," I smiled.
"Hi my name's Rosalie Hale, but you can call me Rose," she said.
"And I'm Alice Cullen by the way!" Alice chirped in.
"I'm Isabella Swan, but you all can call me Bella," I grinned.
"Bella...it suits you," Rose complemented.
"Thanks..." I blushed. I didn't really think so. I was plain compared to them.
Noooo, you're the Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuue.
"Well let's get you inside!" Alice chimed breaking my thoughts.
I walked inside and again, a plasma screen T.V. "What's with this place and ?" I think FF Net is censoring something here. I wondered aloud. They both laughed and Alice said "I heard that they had extra money, so they bought each room , besides the classrooms of course."
A school never has "extra money". No matter how wealthy it is, there is no "left over" funds. Only money to be put aside for future needs. And seriously, why spend it on TVs. Build a nice modern gym and pool instead, so they can be active. There was no mention of that in the description she gave earlier.
And by the way. If the school is so stupidly rich, why do three people share a room?
I simply nodded. On the left was the living room, T.V couch and everything on the right was a kitchenette, separated by the living room by a counter. At the back were two rooms. One I'm assuming with two beds.
"The room on the left is mine and Rose's and one the right is yours," Alice bounced up and down.
Awwww, the Sue got her own bedroom. Alright, so the "rooms" are actually student flats. Why not let all three have a bedroom each, for privacy. It doesn't need to be large, since they've got a living room.
"We didn't really know what to do for your bedroom..." Rose started.
"So we painted the walls purple and got you a purple bedspread!" Alice finished.
Which... just happens to be Bella's favourite colour?
I walked into the room and instantly loved it. "Thanks guys!" I squealed and hugged them both. They laughed returning the hug.
I am definitely going to love this boarding school.
At least until those stupid goths keep getting transfered. OK, I see what twilight Sues meant by "boring". The chapters are really long (I'm a little over half way through this one.), and there are large chunks where nothing outragous happens. In other words, it's a little like NPFLH. (Yes, I did write it. Now, shut up!)
My room had the things like Alice mentioned. My bed was in the far right corner and next to it a desk and chair. On the left there were some drawers and two doors. One probably for the closet and one for the bathroom.
"Well let's get you settled in!" Alice squealed. She was so hyper.
Because that's Alice's defining trait. At least you haven't said "bouncy" yet. Or "pixie".
We got in and she and Rose took out all my clothes. They looked at me with a disapproving glance each time.
That's actually really rude.
"We definitely have to go shopping later." Alice said in a disgusted tone.
Not enought pink in her wardrobe?
I rolled my eyes and took out a photo of my mom. My real one. She was smiling while holding me in her arms and dad at the back.
After lots of comments about my taste of clothes, I finally got settled in.
"Let's go to McDonald's!" Alice said.
Healthy.
She dragged me out and we walked into the cafeteria, which wasn't really a cafeteria Because it was a McDonald's restaurant., they had all sort of restaurants and stuff and even a movie theatre!
All of this in the stupid cafeteria?
While I stared at the place, Alice dragged me to a table while Rose ordered.
She got us fries, burgers and three sundaes.
"You didn't have to buy it, I could of have," I stated.
"No, it's my pleasure. Consider it a house warming gift," she grinned.
"Tha..anks?" I said as something distracted them behind me. They were both staring wishfully and sighing. I turned around and spotted the playboys from before. Rose was staring at the big one and Alice was staring at the honey blonde. They were now with different girls. I looked between Alice and Rose and the boys.
"Um...earth to Alice and Rose?" I waved a hand in front of their faces. They didn't even see it.
No, wait. This isn't right. It's Bella who goes all spacey in the vicinity of her Objet du Crush.
"Oi!" I clapped my hands in front of them repeatedly.
They both shook their heads and smiled at me sheepishly.
"Who are they?" I asked.
"The playboys of the school," Alice confirmed.
"And our brothers," Rose said.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
"What?" I was stunned.
"No she means two of them are my brothers and one is hers." Alice said.
OK, they crush on each other's bros. OK. The family is still going to be a little inbred. You know, double-cousins are genetically as similar as siblings, since they share all the same grandparents. In Norway, this is the only context where first-cousin marriages are actually illegal.
"I'm guessing the blonde is Rose's not only brother, but twin and the rest are Alice's brothers," I smiled smugly.
By now the boys and the rest were on a table and ordering.
"How'd you know?" Alice's small face looked confused.
She's the main character in a Twilight fic. Don't you know she's got wonderous psychic abilities???
"It's written all over your faces that you like one of them. It would be weird to like you own brother. And secondly, that guy's the only blonde." I rolled my eyes.
"Right...but how did you know he was my twin?" Rose asked.
"You guys look alike." I shrugged.
"Yes! That's Edward and Emmett my brothers," Alice was back to being chirpy. She first pointed to the bronze haired guy and then the big brown haired guy.
"And my twin Jasper," Rose stated.
"And you," I pointed to Alice "like Jasper and you," I pointed to Rose "like Emmett," I smirked.
"Yeah..." they both said shyly.
Whoo! That leaves Eddikins for Bella!
"And why? They both are playboys," I raised an eyebrow.
"Well something about Jasper's power to me calm each time I see him is just...cool." Alice smiled with her hands in her chin.
Calm you, as in leaving you a drooling, braindead wreck with hearts where your irises oughtta be? And can he have that power as a human?
"Emmett is so child-like than all the other boys I've dated, they always just like my beauty and are too high strung around me." Rose smiled.
Rose is the resident pedo-cougar in making, I see.
"So do you like them or like like them?" I asked a grin forming on my face.
They looked at each other and both said simultaneously "Like like,"
They love them to death, but not to death-death, because that would be stupid.
"I knew it!" I smiled and clapped my hands.
"We have known them since we were kids, they weren't always like this you know...they used to be...fun," Alice sighed.
"Yeah...we would play pranks and everything. But they started to be distance during high school." Rose sighed.
I feel like I've known these girls my whole life now.
That's because you've got the emotional depth of a sheet of paper.
"Why don't you ask them out?" I raised my eyebrows.
"What?" Alice shrieked. "We can't do that! No no no! It's too embarrassing! What if we get denied? What if they only want us for their little games?"
Aren't they standing right behind you, close enough to hear you speak?
"Yes, we would like to date them if they want to do it because they care for us," Rose muttered. "We would be able to see it in their eyes,"
Sure. The power of Twu Wuw will alway reveal the truth, the full truth, and nothing but the truth.
"Ah." I understood.
"So do your parents know about this?" I asked.
"Yes," they whispered.
"Really?" I inquired.
"Yes, we've told them and they support us 100%!" Rose smiled.
A Sue's best friends must always have really cool and supportive parents (even in cases where it sends the wrong signals), so that the Sue looks more pityful in comparison.
"So, do you like anybody? Have you dated anyone? Do you have a boyfriend?" Alice asked quickly.
"No, no and no," I smiled.
"What!" Alice and Rose screeched.
But Alice and Rose... A Sue can't just date anyone. She need to find The One!
Everyone looked at us curiously. Not like they weren't before.
Yeah, because your lovelife is interesting to the whole school. You're like superstars, or something.
"That's outrageous!" Rose hissed.
"No it isn't!" I defended myself. I looked around and everyone was still staring.
"What?" I asked annoyed.
Everyone turned away except for the three boys now alone on the table. They started walking towards us. Great.
"Hey sis, who's you friend?" asked Jasper.
Alice started blushing like crazy and staring at him like he was the moon.
Rebecca?
"I'm Bella," I introduced myself.
"Well, Bella would you like to go out sometime?" Edward asked.
I made my face light up for fun. I'm pretty good at controlling my emotions because of my mother. If I'm anything but miserable, I get beaten.
Usually an abusive person is more likely to rough you up for daring to not look happy. But the real question is: Do you really expect me to believe that you - Bella - has to fake interest in Edward?
The three boys smirked and Alice and Rose looked at me confused.
"I would...not want to," I started with a bright tone at first then a lower on at the end.
You know, we could tell that from how it was written and punctuated. Show and not tell, mkay?
The three boys looked shocked and Alice and Rose giggled.
"Why not?" boomed Emmett.
"I don't feel like it?" I replied.
She's afraid she'll lose her specialness if she's happy. But no worries, darling. That doesn't apply as long as you're happy with The One.
"But we've never been denied..." Edward explained.
Edward: I have a chevy with a butterfly door, Bella. You could have everything you want!
"Really? Not even..." I looked around and pointed at a innocent looking girl with light brown hair and eyes with glasses. "by her?" I asked.
Poor nerdy girl. Would you like to be our sympathetic champion for this snark?
"Nope," smirked Jasper.
"W-o-w," I said. "So, I guess I should..." I pondered.
Yes, because the fact that he's slept with every other girl on campus, including the shy, geeky one, is definitely a sign of quality boyfriend material.
"Great!" boomed Emmett.
Doesn't Emmett ever speak normally?
"I never said I would," I rolled my eyes.
All the catty "I like you, but I don't actually like you, but actually I like you, but I don't" seem to be a fixture of these fics.
"What!" asked all of them shock all over their faces.
"I'm stuffed. Let's go Alice, Rose," I smiled.
They were trying to hold in their laughter on the faces of the boys. We left for our dorm.
"No one's ever done that," Rose laughed when we got on our couch.
"Well, I don't date playboys," I grinned.
You don't date, sweetie. Because your stepmother would kill him.
"Rose! You're forgetting!" Alice panicked after a second.
"What?" asked Rose and she stopped laughing.
"The reason why people don't deny them is because the sluts would make your life a living hell!" Alice was scared.
Why would you be scared of the sluts' opinion, of all people. They may act cool, and be popular with the boys and stuff, but nobody respects them.
"So?" I asked.
"So! They will hurt you! Emotionally and physically!" Alice practically screamed.
Is this were Brittany got her education? And really, I don't understand why "sluts" would be that enraged that other girl's refused to date some boy. More for them, eh?
My little 'gift' will take care of that.
The little "gift" that you couldn't use to defend yourself against your homicidal stepmother?
"And?" I probed.
"Didn't you hear me? During high school a girl didn't accept and she got sent to the hospital 3 days after!" Alice was screaming now.
So the same "sluts" have transfered to Mount st. Prepz to stalk Ed & Co? And aren't you guys still in high school? If this was a college, there would be no need to point out that it's a boarding school.
"How about you guys?" I raised an eyebrow. I got two broken arms and a broken leg once. And I didn't get sent to the hospital did I? Pay attention to this. She contradicts it later. I had to heal myself. Make my own casts and stuff, no one would help me, I have no friends, I can't get other people get beaten and threatened to be killed.
You can't be special and better than everyone else, unless your life really sucks. You don't think the teachers would react to you showing up at school with home-made casts? How did CHARLIE not notice? And how, may I ask, did you manage to mix plaster and put casts on yourself with both arms broken?
"We don't get asked out! They're our brothers," Rose interrupted. "Bella, you're not getting the point. You could get hurt and it's very painful for you and to us, painful to see you get hurt,"
Black Hole Sue, you think? Or Sympathetic Sue? Combination?
Aww. I know I live these guys! They'll be there for me!
You mean "love"?
"But, don't worry, Izzy, we'll help you out!" Alice beamed.
Oh no. Oh nonoNONONONO! You mustn't say that name!
IZZY? I saw red. I only heard the voice of Brittany. My dad's not here right? I won't get into trouble. I lunged for the person who said Izzy.
Yikes!
"Ahh! Stop!" Alice screamed while running towards the door.
I saw Brittany. I saw her scared face. I smiled and got her neck with my hands.
I asked for outrageous. Looks like we're getting it!
"St-stop!" Alice chocked out.
"Bella!" Rose said while trying to take my hands off Alice.
Bella...the word rang in my head. I blinked twice and saw what I did. I dropped Alice instantly. She fell on the floor coughing.
Wow. I think we may have a Jerk Sue.
"Alice...I-I'm so sorry! I...just...d-don't call me Izzy," I cringed at the name and rushed towards my bedroom locking the door.
Poor little Bella. How harrowing it must have been to be called "Izzy".
I hurt Alice, I can't be near people. I shouldn't. I won't. I won't endanger them. I sighed. I got into the shower. It was only 7pm.
I stripped from my clothes and looked at my injuries. My ribs now had an ugly bruise covering the left side That's where your spleen is. You may want to have that looked at. Else you may not need a vampire to bleed you out. and my head had a lump from where the heel connected to my head. My face was okay, with some makeup. So are most people's faces. My arms and knees have healed, but you could faintly see the marks on them. My neck still had marks, but I could cover it up with makeup also. My stomach was the only thing that was better. I sighed.
I got into the shower and hot water collided on my back. It was oddly soothing, rather than burning.
I got out put some pjs on and walked into the living room. Alice coward behind Rose on the couch I don'r really blame her for "cowarding" just now. and she just glared at me. Good enough. I got back inside and tied my wet hair into a ponytail. I got into my bed and started reading a book I brought. I slowly drifted off to a nightmare.
All good Sues have nightmares.
'I woke up, a hand was on my neck. I looked up, it was Brittany. She smiled an evil smile as she squeezed harder on my neck. I thrashed around, but she wouldn't let go. Alice and Rose came in, but Brittany went up to them and broke their arms.
'Stop!' I screamed. "They don't know anything!" I was now crying.
"It's good to be cautious isn't it?" she smiled as she put down a large heel to Alice's head. Alice smiled at me before her eyes went blank.
'No!' I screamed. And darkness engulfed me.
I think the correct way of phrasing it is "The cloak of darkness surrounded me like a cloak" or something to that effect.
I woke up with a scream. I was sweating and panting. I usually get hit for waking Brittany up.
I probably woke Alice and Rose up. I know I sleep talk. I won't ever let that happen. Rose and Alice cannot become part of my cruel world. One thought came when I woke up. Shit. My dad, I didn't call him. I hope he's not too worried.
Don't you think he's working late, as usual?
Thanks for reading! I hope you liked the start of the story! Please review! Love it? Hate it? Any question?
~Rose~ (I am not Rosalie =P)
AAAAHHHAAAAAGGGHH! NO! No, she can't be! She can't have that many clones active at the same time! And this isn't even her style. No, she can't be.
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Graceful Lament
Member
Come the war, come the averice. Come the war, come hell.
Posts: 395
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Post by Graceful Lament on Apr 5, 2013 10:04:31 GMT -8
Ah, it is so nice to be able to go online again! I have to say, I quite enjoyed this snark so far. I had no idea that you were the one who wrote NPFLH. Then again, I was not involved in the whole troll thing.
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Tigeranne
Member
I believe![Mo0:0]
Posts: 787
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Post by Tigeranne on Apr 5, 2013 12:02:22 GMT -8
I'm not *proud* of NPFLH exactly. It's more that I'm a little impressed that I managed to let myself loose enough to actually write out something that moronic. At the time we entered the troll-fic challenge, I had crippling writer's block, because I was so scared of writing badly. Guess I got cured of that... Glad to hear you're enjoying PP. This is a very long fic, so I'll be working on it for a while.
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Graceful Lament
Member
Come the war, come the averice. Come the war, come hell.
Posts: 395
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Post by Graceful Lament on Apr 5, 2013 13:09:14 GMT -8
I understand completely. I would never consider doing something like that. I would most likely grow bored of the thing rather quickly. So kudos to you for actually going through with it. I am indeed! I look forward to seeing more of your snark! ^_^
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Post by Talys Alankil on Apr 6, 2013 5:05:09 GMT -8
I don't think it's the same Rose as Rosie. But we can never be sure. If Assef and/or musicals ever show up, be on the lookout ^-^
But really, that's one psychotic Sue. You just use a different diminutive and she becomes either murderous or meek? How does that even work?
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Tigeranne
Member
I believe![Mo0:0]
Posts: 787
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Post by Tigeranne on Apr 7, 2013 10:07:28 GMT -8
No, it just can't be the same person! She wouldn't have time to do anything besides troll. Plus, it's really far from our Rosie's narrative style. She hardly ever uses first person PoV, and it's just generally too different.
But wow is this a crazy Sue!
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Tigeranne
Member
I believe![Mo0:0]
Posts: 787
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Post by Tigeranne on Apr 20, 2013 8:33:09 GMT -8
disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or I will be famous
Thanks for all those who read it... I would like if you review...
Anyways enjoy!
I do enjoy it, indeed. Ripping your masterpiece to shrivles with a spork is great anger management.
Chapter 2: The truth
I got my phone out and started to call dad. After the third ring, someone picked up.
"Hello?" a sick voice said.
Brittany must have caught a throat infection. Poor woman.
"Brittany," I breathed. "Where's Charlie?"
"Oh, Izzy. Heh. Dead if you ask me," she cackled. Riiiiiight. I was too worried to be mad.
You can be both at the same time. Or maybe not, if you're a Sue. They tend to be too shallow to keep more than one emotion going at the time.
"What?" I asked enraged. "What did you do to Charlie?"
"Let's just say my hand slipped when I was chopping the onions." Well, at least now you're a proper sympathetic Sue. Being orphan in kinda one of the requirements.
I could hear the smirk in her voice.
"You what!" I asked.
"I don't care about him, at least I have the money. Um, he was a cop. How much money could he have left? Don't worry, I'll let you still go to boarding school though," she smiled.
While I can sort of believe that you could hear a "smirk" as she was talking, I doubt you can hear her smiling.
"Y-you monster!" I scream whispered.
Oh, she's one of those. She must have read Brewdening Love or Lady of Sorrow, I guess.
"What are you going to do about it?" asked Brittany.
Call the police and tell them where to find one of their officers with a large kitchen knife embedded in his chest?
"I-," I was cut off.
"Sorry sweetie, my friend's here," the last thing I heard on the other line was a evil laugh.
I picture Brittany as a blond version of Maleficent. Mirror, poisonous apple and all.
Crap! What should I do? How about what i just suggested? I got two weeks to do something...hmm... Maybe that will be enough time to spark an idea. Except by that time, the case will probably have been solved. I highly doubt the pathologist's report will say "fell on a knife his wife was currently chopping onions with." I sat up in my bed to think of an idea. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. No one will know I did it, I'll just give her a visit. I was too enraged to think of a better idea.
You're going to kill Brittany? You know, with Charlie already offed, there is a good chance you'll be suspected for both murders. You wouldn't be the first teen to kill their parents right before leaving to go away somewhere.
I slowly got up and put on some black pants and a black hoodie. I got a bag and put in my phone, my passport You're fleeing the country? Or maybe you need it for domestic flights in the US, I don't really know. and some money. I got another bag and put in some clothes, just for appearances.
Who cares? You're sneaking away in the middle of the night!
I wrote a note and put it on my bed, in case Alice or Rose decided to come in. It said:
'Dear Rose and Alice,
Don't look for me, I didn't run away, I will come back later. Do not tell anyone and please cover for me. I'll tell you everything later.
-B'
That will probably not make them very suspicious of your motives...
I really hope they won't ask. If they did, I'll have to lie. I don't want them to know what I'm going to do. I opened my door and closed it quietly. I quickly walked out the door. I swiftly got to the elevator and closed it. In a few seconds I was walking out onto the campus. Hmm...The first day and I already snuck out. Not a good thing.
It's a school campus, not a youth detention centre. OK, it is a high school, so there may be a curfew. But I doubt it's enforced while school's out.
I walked to the airport. It wasn't that far away thank god. I don't have a car. I know how to drive though. I went to buy a ticket. The was a guy behind the counter.
That was a pretty good Smeyer imitation. *clap clap*
"I would like to go to Phoenix," I said.
"Yes, what's your name?" he asked.
"Bella Swan," I smiled.
It took a while, but I finally got my ticket.
"Your flight will leave in 30 minutes. Have a nice flight," he said.
"Thank you," I said and went to the waiting room.
The time of the flight finally arrived.
Boring. Erin, Dally and Ariana don't bother with details like that. This reminds me of Sammy.
I got in and they talked about safety and stuff. I tapped my fingers onto the hand rest and laid my head back. I sighed and impatiently waited for the plane to move. It finally did and I have calmed down a little. It was about 2am.
Time flied by slowly. A kid kicked me at the back of the chair, an old man snored on my left side and you can hear babies crying everywhere while their parents tried to shush them.
I was getting really annoyed.
Me too. Why don't you just write something like "I liberated from the school and took a plane to Phoenix. 'SAFETY BEEEEEEEEEELTS!' cried the flight attendant, who was a sexy werewolf. Then we flew off and I looked really beautiful." That's how you troll.
I closed my eyes and slept a bit.
I woke up with a jolt. The plane was landing and people were now moving. I got up and took my bag while going outside.
I got a taxi and told them my address. It was a long drive and I stared out the window. The familiar houses and shops past by. I smiled at the familiarity. Yeah, you've been away for about 12 hours. It must be really weird to see your old neighbourhood again. We finally got to my house and I paid the driver. Mistake. If you're going somewhere to assassinate someone, you don't get the Taxi to drop you off there. Unless you're in a film with Tom Cruise as the villain, I mean. You don't want anyone linking you to the scene of the crime. When he drove off, I went into the house. I got the spare key from under the welcome mat and opened the door.
I was going to creep up to her room. My clothes blended into the darkness. And your pale face like the full moon. I leaped up the creaking stairs. I got to her room and opened the door slowly. I snuck in front of her and quickly put a hand to her neck. She chocked and suddenly woke up.
Mistake #2. "Suddenly" is when you kill her.
She screamed.
With a hand around her throat? Alright, Bella's fingers are probably so weaksauce that she couldn't strangle a chicken.
"What are you doing you bitch!" she slapped me and my hand off her neck. I was right. I fell and heard a crack. That would be your scull. Or so we can hope. Oops, broke dad's phone. She sat up breathing unevenly. She was about to punch me in the stomach, From a sitting postiton, while you're lying on the floor? but I got her neck and push her against the wall.
"Where's my dad?" I asked.
"Not here!" she cackled.
She laughs in the face of danger. Either she's really deranged, brave but evil, or just very secure in the knowledge that Bella poses absolutely no threat.
"Where is he!" I squeezed her neck harder.
Hey, Britt? You've got both hands free. Why don't you choke her back? You're stronger than her.
Yes, I root for Brittany. She's cool!
"I won't answer that, but nice fact, he, like me, never loved you." she sneered.
It's vitally important for a Sue's proper development that she's never been loved. If someone cares about her, other than The One, she won't have the purity of suffering that's needed to form a Sue's soul. No matter how awesome she is, she will never amount to more than sidekick.
"Your lying!" I shouted.
"No, remember your little friend Lily and that car accident? Don't you want to know why they didn't send out the police to look for the person driving the car?" she smiled.
Yes, because that would totally not have gone to internal investigation. The victim's family would of course just have sat there and done nothing. Charlie would definitely not have been put on trial for tampering with the course of justice.
"No..." my eyes were of shock.
"Yes, your dad was the one who drove her over and stopped the search party." she smirked.
And for murder too! Even if Charlie is chief of police, he doesn't have unlimited powers. There are people above him in the hierarchy who would find it very suspicious that he refused to investigate a crime.
"He couldn't have," my hand loosened.
"Oh yes," she smiled. Someone closed the front door. "Just ask him,"
She was lying to get me mad. My dad is alive!
She pulled a prank on you, darling.
Just then she screamed. She didn't seem to be faking it either.
How do you fake a scream?
"Honey!" Dad called in alarm. He came in and saw me with my hand on her neck.
Stupid Bella. Now you look like the baddie.
"What did you do!" his eyes were filled with rage and he kicked me out of the way. His boot hit my ribs on my left side and made me cry out in pain.
Weeeeeeeeell? You were trying to kill his wife.
"T-Tell me you didn't run Lily over," I whispered.
"She told you, huh?" he smirked.
It's not a proper twilight fic if Charlie isn't a complete jerk.
I froze and my eyes were wide with shock and tears were about to fall.
"Y-you didn't," my breath caught in my mouth.
"Of course I did! You were a nuisance! Lily did this, she did that. Wasting my time," he huffed.
Yeah, but Charlie... Wouldn't it have been a better idea to kill Bella? You'd never hear of Lily again! I'm sure she was a really nice kid, poor girl.
I think we can conclude that Bella's partly to blame for Lily's death.
He leaned over Brittany checking her for injuries. Tears spilled from my eyes. I could call the police, but they wouldn't believe me since he is a police officer and Brittany is his wife. You could leave an anonymous tip. Lily's death would be on record, at least, even if it wasn't investigated. Cases can be reopened with new information. I ran out the door crying. Before I went outside, I went to the freezer. In times like this, one needs a popsicle. I don't know why, but he kept money in there. Because it's a really stupid place to keep money, and for that reason not the first place burglars will look? Also, things that are left in a freezer tend to get stuck together by a thick coating of ice, so running away with the money wouldn't be so easy. That was actually a smart idea Charlie had there. I took out a large bag of money. And a loin of pork, two kilos of sausages and half a moose that was stuck to it. She won't starve, at least. It's like emergency money. Brittany made her idiot friends give her money while they dated. Once I heard she got $10,000 out of a stupid guy. That's a real talent she's got. Why does she need Charlie to support her? She's already loaded. Maybe he's the one going after her for the money? I'd say the bag had about 2 million in it. Sweetie, unless those two millions were in $1000 bills, that would be a really heavy bag. Your puny arms wouldn't be able to carry it without all the frozen animal remains that are currently sticking to it. Da-Charlie A proper Bella must never call her Charlie DAD!!! won't mind. It's only 'emergency' money.
He will mind when he has an emergency! And I think he'll mind that you stole two million dollars! That's his pension, you bitch! He killed a person because hearing about her annoyed him, and you think this won't?
No common sense, this one.
I went outside and ran climbed up a tree in the front. Carrying that enormous bag of money ad all? You should join the army. I hear Sues get to do all sorts of cool stuff there, like going to Iran and Iraq. If you save the president, he'll let you do whatever you want for the rest of your life, and wearing uniform is totally optional. Luckily, it had low branches because I had stuff in my hands and if it did, I'd fall. If it did what, exactly? I'm usually good at climbing trees even though I'm clumsy sometimes. Her Sue-skill is climbing trees. That's almost as good as Alex, who can cut canvas.
Oh BTW... Alex is alive. He was necro'ed somehow. Currently he's in the city of boners, wherever that is. Our brave army of Disco Hippie Vikings must take action. I sat on a branch. One hand holding the trunk of the tree and the other holding my luggage and bags. The same hand that couldn't hold on to a sleeping woman's throat five minutes ago? A few seconds later, an ambulance came. I wonder which one of them snapped. That reminded me. Did I kill Brittany? Omg. I started to hyperventilate.
But you wanted to kill her! Alright, maybe not now, with Charlie as a witness.
"What happened?" a man asked.
"I don't know she just fainted." Charlie explained.
They started rushing her away in the the of the ambulance car truck thingy.
And it drove away like daaaa-dooooo-daaaaa-doooo.
I got down and had to run to the hospital. The army needs strong runners. Luckily I remembered where it was since I go there a lot.
Yes. Remember how she had to make her own casts, for both arms and a leg no less, because Brittany wouldn't let her have medical treatment? Seems we've got a slightly unreliable narrator here.
By the time I got there, they were somewhere inside. It felt like it's been hours. It probably was, since you had to go there on foot. I finally got there and I heard my dad shouting from in a open window and a doctor trying to calm him down.
"Brain tumor!" he shouted.
No, seriously.
"Yes, and because of that, she is now in a coma," the doctor sighed.
Poor Brittany. You had promise.
So I didn't kill her, but she has a brain tumor and is now in a coma. It's okay as long as I'm not a criminal. I snuck away and called a taxi. By now it was about 7am.
That IS several hours later than 2am. Telling time is not a Sue-power, I gather.
The taxi came in 3 minutes flat and I tiredly got in. I told the driver to go to the airport. As they drove, I thought.
Why me? Why did they want to get rid of me? Because you're a homicidal teenaged psycho? Why did I have to have this life? Why did mum have to die?
So that you can be a Sue and receive a happy ending with The One! Nobody else deserves that kiind of happiness, because they have never truly suffered like a Sue has. And knowing that they don't really deserve their happiness, the guilt will keep them from being truly blissful. As a Sue, that is guaranteed not to happen to you.
I was brought of of my musings as the taxi stopped. I paid the driver and got out. By the time I knew it, I was only the plane.
She WAS the plane. Now THAT is a useful power! The army NEEDS you!
What? No! I'm not hoping she'll be blown up by a bomb! Nothing like that! At all.
This time I stayed awake. Crying silently when I realized, I have no one. My mum's dead. Brittany is in a coma. And she hates your ass, so you don't really "have" her. Unless you're a really unreliable source of info (and you are), and Brittany is actually a good person. My roommates don't like me. They LOVE you! Maybe they're a little afraid of your psychotic tendencies, but they adore you. They're your sidekicks, they HAVE to! I have no friends. My dad hates and betrayed me...he betrayed my trust. I trusted him!
He seemed quite alright in the first chapter. Despite all the not noticing that your limbs where broken. But I don't really trust anything you say, so it doesn't matter. I think your dad's like Hugo, a great guy with a crazy offspring.
I stopped crying.
I can't trust anyone. No one can be trusted. I'm the only one I can trust.
As long as nobody calls you "Izzy" that is. Guess what I'm going to call you from now?
We finally got back and I walked on to the campus full of life. It's empty, Izzy. School's not starting in another two weeks. Most kids prefer to spend the summer with their old friends from home. And you know, some kids actually like their families. It was 8:42. I went towards the girl's dorms and into my room. The girls were there...and so were their brothers.
You mean that the stairs didn't detect their boyness it could boot them out? This school's got nothing on Hogwarts in the tech-department.
"Where is she?" Emmett boomed.
He's got no indoor voice, has he?
"We don't know!" Rose screeched.
"What do you want?" I asked as I walked inside.
I saw Alice go behind Rose and whimper. Rose started glaring at me again.
I dragged my stuff on the floor.
"Alice? What's wrong?" asked Jasper.
"Yeah, Rose, why are you glaring at Bella?" asked Emmett softly. It was actually surprising that he said it softly.
Izzy's Sympathetic Black Hole force field brought out his softer side, I guess. He'll be her faithful minion in ten, nine, eight...
"Well," Rose started, but I slammed my door when I got inside. I sighed as I stuffed the money at the far back of the closet. I took out my phone put it on my bed, put my passport in a draw and put my clothes back into the closet while stuffing my bags in there too.
I checked my phone. It was now 9:03. We don't really need to know what you do minute by minute. We don't even need to know if it's night or day. If you're going to troll, then make us laugh! Be funny! Be crazy! I put my phone on the desk and removed my note on my bed, throwing it into the bin before lying down on my bed. I covered my face with my hands and groaned into them.
I couldn't rest for even 5 seconds because there was a bang on my door.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Meyer would probably have written "BANG! BANG! BANG! it banged."
"Bella, why did you do that to Alice?" yelled Jasper.
Very valid question.
"Go away!" I moaned. I was too tired to argue.
"BELLA!-" Emmett boomed, but was cut off.
We can't have people making Bella have to face the consequences of being nasty. There must be no unpleasantness towards her apart from The Villain.
I walked towards the door and opened it. What I saw was disturbing. Emmett and Rose were kissing and Jasper was hugging Alice as she snuggled into his chest. The only person who noticed me opening the door was Edward.
Very disturbing. How dare they be affectionate in the privacy of their own flat?!
"Ugh," I made a disgusted face as I closed the door and locked it again.
"Bella!" Edward yelled. I haven't heard his voice up close before. Does it sound different from a distance? It sounded like velvet... Velvet is mute. No! I can't get distracted.
"Go away!" I mumbled as I went to take a shower.
The bruise on my ribs have gotten worse. I touched them and winced. It seriously hurt!
Darn it, kid! You've got tangible evidence right there that someone has been roughing you up! You're not in the abusive home any more. Go. To. The. Police! They can contact Charlie's superiors in Phoenix and have them deal with him. He's not immune to the law!
Not to mention you climbed a tree and ran for hours in that condition? Wow, you're real soldier material!
"Damn it!" I muttered under my breath.
How was I supposed to go to school like this? How was I supposed to take gym. 1: Go to the school doctor and get a proper supporting bandage on your ribs. 2: Get a note from the doctor that you need a month off from PE. 3: Go to the cops! 4: Tell your friends the truth! They'll understand better what's going on with you. And you'll get attenshun! I felt like I needed to hit something. But I held back the urge.
The soothing warm water ran down my back and my strawberry scented shampoo covered my hair.
Isn't it (real) Bella's blood that smells like strawberries, and not her shampoo?
After a while, I finally got out and wrapped my ribs in bandages. I got into a blue blouse, skinny jeans and a pair of sneakers. I was seriously hungry. I haven't ate anything since yesterday. I tied my hair back into a messy ponytail, got my phone and walked out. Aren't you going to get some sleep? Everyone was watching a movie. Emmett with Rosalie on his lap and Alice next to Jasper holding hands. So much for "can't ever hook up with the school Casanovas. They were all sitting on the couch and Edward probably went to find a girl of kiss. That reminds me, Edward be the centre of attention... Ok whatever.
But he IS! You = Bella (Izzy). He = Edward. You + him = twu wuw and babby mutant!
I started walking toward the door when someone grabbed my wrist.
"Why did you do that to Alice?" growled Emmett.
Ooops, your mind-control is slipping.
"None of your business," I snapped. I'm not in a good mood because I'm hungry.
I jerked out of his hand and was at the doorway when he grabbed my lower part of my chest where my ribs where. Izzy's ribs are located in the lower part of her chest. I wonder what the upper part looks like? That's some serious deformation. I let out a cry of pain and fell to the floor.
"Shit," I mumbled.
"I didn't grab that hard!" Emmett said.
But Emmett, you're a human grizzly bear. "Hard" for other people is probably what you concider a butterfly touch.
"Whatever," I rolled my eyes and dashed towards the elevator. Luckily, no one was following me.
Well, do they want their hair ripped out or something?
I got to the cafeteria and got 2 muffins and some coffee. I scarfed a muffin down and nibbled on the other. After a while, I finished and drank the now warm coffee. So you've got the power to heat things up with your hands? That could save you a lot of the electricity bill. There was nothing to do so I walked around campus. Under a tree I saw Edward and the brown haired girl before with Emmett. Ew! I turned around and looked around.
We don't really care what you do when nothing happens. What we're here for is the insane stuff. Bring on more of that! You may earn yourself a spot on a real Wiki if you put a crank on it. We can make you famous!!!!
I found a tall tree that looked climbable so I climbed it. I went up and up. I sat on a branch and used my hands to moves the other branches and leaves covering. How about using at least one hand to hold onto the tree? You're painted with enough tones of black and blue already. The view was cool. You could see the buildings and people walking around. Everyone laughing and having a good time. But why are they evern there? Don't they cherish their short months of freedom during the summer? The sound of the birds chirping was so peaceful.
I ended up sleeping there.
Sleeping in a tree without falling down is a very useful skill in the army.
I woke up and it suddenly Suddenly what? and had to steady myself. I checked my phone and it was 2pm. I slept for around 4 hours. I felt relaxed. The leaves in the tree made it soft to sleep on. You don't sleep on the leaves, moron! They can't support even your wimpy weight! I'm begining to suspect that this is all some sort of delirious dream you're having in your padded cell. I slowly climbed down and plucked the leaves that stuck in my hair.
I was walked into the cafeteria because I was hungry. I was walking and wondering what I should eat when something hit me on my stomach. I looked down and saw that it was mashed potatoes. I looked up and saw the white blonde snickering. Bring it on!
FOOOOOD FIIIIIIGHT!
I walked up to her and smashed her own tray into her face.
And she didn't see that coming at all? But then again, I guess the heroine of a Twilight fanfic can't have a smart enemy. Because then she's have to be even smarter to get the upper hand.
"Ahhhhhh! How dare you!" she screeched and stood up.
"Uhh...bye!" I laughed and ran towards the dorms.
Come on, Izzy! Don't be a wimp. Get up and fight like a real Army-Sue would!
"You won't get away with this, you hear me Swan!" she was livid.
I got to my place and Rose and Alice were awake watching something. I have a feeling they're going to spend a lot of this fic in front of that TV. Maybe it's some sort of indoctrination signal that the school is broadcasting. That would explain why the students don't leave at the end of term. The boys left and would probably come back later.
They stared at me as I walked and got to my room.
I changed into a plain yellow t-shirt and walked out. Hm... I'm not hungry anymore...
"Bella, I need to ask you something. Why did you attack Alice?" asked Rose as I sat on the arm rest of the couch.
They deserve an explaination in honest!
"No reason," I mumbled.
Noooo! A Sympathy Sue mustn't LIE!
"But, you said something about Izzy..." Alice muttered.
I saw red again. Oh but seriously! You get crazy just from hearing the name mentioned? I didn't know what I was doing. I remembered when Brittany beat me because she was drunk. I remembered when she pushed me down the stairs. I remembered everything...
Remembering or hallucinating, I wonder?
I got up and lunged for Alice as she stood up. Rose protected her and we both fell to the floor. I got fistfuls of her hair and started pulling at it. Again, I was only joking when I said that about them wanting to keep their hair. I really need to stop joking, because in this fic it all comes true. Alice screamed and tried to get me off by pulling on my arms. Rose clutched her hair with both hands.
Poke her in the upper chest, Alice! She's got no ribs there!
"S-stop it!" Alice screamed.
Suddenly the door burst open and three figures were in the doorway.
"Rose!" someone boomed.
Now, who could that possibly be....
Someone was trying to pull my arms off of Rose's hair. You mean your hands, right? Or were your entire arms tangled into it? Somewhere I heard Alice crying and Jasper trying to soothe her.
"Edward grab around her ribs!" Emmett called.
No, because that's cowardly.
He did just that and I cried in pain while letting go.
"Rose are you okay?" Emmett was asking.
"Ow." I mumbled, but I was still mad. I tried to get to Rose who had fear in her eyes, but Edward held me back touching my bruise harder.
"Bella!" he shouted and I stopped.
They US Army could have themselves a good little killing machine here. She comes pre-programmed with key words that activate and deativate her murderour rage.
Right. No making jokes.
I just noticed what I was doing. When someone calls me Izzy I can't help it. I think of them as Brittany and attack the first body I get into contact with. That's obviously some form of insanity. Clearly. It's weird. I don't do it to Brittany though.
Maybe she's the one who did the programming? I know, I can't help myself.
I looked around. Emmett and Jasper looked mad and the girls looked scared.
"Crap. I'm sorry," I muttered and stood up slowly. My breaths were labored and I stood up shakily. It hurt to breathe. Edward seriously put too much pressure on it!
I ran towards my room with everyone staring after me. I went and checked my bruise.
It looked bigger now. I found some ointment and put it on. I put on a new bandage and walked out.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Knocking on her door after she's just come out? They aren't the sharpest knives in the kitchen, are they?
"What now?" I sighed.
"Why'd you do that to Rose?" asked Emmett.
"It was an accident,"
"Why didn't you stop!"
"I couldn't!"
"What do you mean!"
"Nothing,"
I don't get why they haven't called campus security on her. She's hardly safe to have roaming about.
I looked at the time. It was 4pm. What should I do now? Hm...I guess I'll read a book.
WE DON'T CARE WHAT NORMAL BORING ACTIVITIES YOU DO! SKIP TO THE CRAZY!
I wonder if I should skip to the crazy. It's not as if we'd lose much of the context anyway. Her reading, eating muffins and sleeping in trees can't possibly add anything to any plot.
I went to the table and got out Wuthering Heights.
"Bella that's not an answer," Jasper said.
"Who cares..." I mumbled.
"Tell us!" Emmett commanded.
I ignored them and started reading.
That's what pretty much happened for the next week and few days. I wake up, go outside and eat. Hang around in the tree and come back, shower and then Emmett tries to get information out of me, I ignore him and read a book until I sleep.
Now it's the first day of school. I woke up at 8: 10.
At least now stuff will start happening, I guess.
Class starts at 9. I got up brushed my teeth and took a shower. I put on a white button down shirt and a black cardigan on top. I put on a pair of jeans and sneakers.
If you're going to describe every single outfit you wear, at least make them a little outrageous.
It was now 8:49 and I finally looked at my schedule. WE DON'T CARE!!!!!!!!!!!
1st Period: Ap English - rm 257
2nd Period: Government - rm 439
3rd Period: Trigonometry - rm 103
4th Period: Spanish - rm 374
Lunch
5th Period: Biology - 164
6th Period: PE - Gym
I got into the kitchen to get some breakfast with my bag slung over my shoulder.
Alice and Rose were on the couch watching T.V and when they saw me, they shrank back into the couch.
I sighed and walked over to the fridge. I got out some cereal and orange juice. That's what was for breakfast a couple of time in our Rosie's fics too. In 5 minutes I finished and the girls had left for class.
I put the dishes in the sink and started walking outside. Can't someone help the new girl? I groaned.
You think that's strange? Since they don't know what it is that sends you on a rampage, they don't know how to avoid it. So instead they avoid you around sharp kitchen utensils!
I walked around and found the building in 2 minutes. I got inside and the class was filled. There was the two blonde chicks; the strawberry and white glaring at me. This is going to be an interesting class. I had to sit in the front because there were no more seats.
The teacher came in after a few minutes.
"Good morning class, my name is Mr O'Neil." he said.
Please be a batshit lunatic, please!
"Good morning Mr O'Neil." everyone mumbled.
"Okay, I'm going to take the roll," he said.
Ariana: This is my favourite part! BREAKFAST ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLL!
I found out that the two girls behind me were called Lauren and Tanya.
Hey! I've got original characters named Lauren and Tanya! They're "twin" sisters. I'd like to pretend that they have teleported into the 'verse to restrain Izzy, but I'm scared for what could happen to them.
Lauren: But you put me in FarmVille, as a serf to Annie and Lady Poacher!
Only to fulfill your dream of being a country girl, dear. OK, what's happening in the class?
"Ok, today class..." he droned on and I was lost in thought. I didn't hear or feel anything.
Kind of like when Brittany beats you up, eh?
Should I trust people? Should I have friends again? Should I-
This will be a very boring fic if you don't. You're the designated Sue of the story. Now you need to assert your dominance and conquer the forces of reality so they don't hold you back.
I saw a spitball fall on my desk and it broke my train of thought. I got my feeling and hearing back. I felt spitballs going down my back and heard them flying around.
This teacher is about as perceptive as Mr Churchward from Lady of Sorrow.
I turned around and a spitball hit me in the face.
Bwahahaha!
Lauren and Tanya started snickering.
"Aww, that look is good on you Izzy," Tanya smiled.
Dun dun...
"Yeah, you should wear that all the time Izzy," Lauren sneered.
UND!
IZZY? She called me Izzy! They called me Izzy. I saw red and stood up suddenly. The teacher turned around right when Lauren and Tanya were smiling smugly and I was about to knock them out cold.
Hope you liked it! It was mostly boring. You need more insanity, more unleashed vileness. Please review or alert or whatever snark . You could write some suggestions for the story because I need ideas. =] I've dropped you several!
Like it? Hate it? Ok? Boring? Parts of it, yes. Review! (Ok I don't really want people to write down negative comments)
Not even constructive ones? But how will you learn?
~Rose~
30 chapter of this? What is it I've taken on? WAAAAAH!!!
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Post by Talys Alankil on Apr 20, 2013 15:30:42 GMT -8
I'm starting to doubt that this is a troll as well. I mean, on one hand you've got the homicidal protagonist. On the other… you've got way too much boring stuff.
You know, if it doesn't get better, you can always quit. I'm sure nobody would mind ^^
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Tigeranne
Member
I believe![Mo0:0]
Posts: 787
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Post by Tigeranne on Apr 21, 2013 3:28:52 GMT -8
It's no Ariana or Milena, that's for sure. But I checked out some of her other fics, and none of them are as loopy as this one. I think she did go for a little more madness with this. My greatest problem with it is that each chapter is so long, and there are 26 of them. The whole fic is over 82 000 words! I'll do chapter 3 (which I've sneak peeked) and 4, and then I'll let you guys vote. The alternative snark is Bloody Moon.
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Post by Talys Alankil on Apr 22, 2013 0:42:53 GMT -8
^Oh dear. Now that's a troll. Only enoby showing up could amp up the goffikness.
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Tigeranne
Member
I believe![Mo0:0]
Posts: 787
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Post by Tigeranne on Apr 22, 2013 10:05:34 GMT -8
I'm sorely tempted to just jump onto Bloody Moon. But I'll let the audience decide. PP has got a fair share of suckage of its own. Here is chapter 3:Yay! Reviews! I'm very happy now XD! Uh, well... You didn't read this particular "review". You guys are awesome! Anyways, hope you like this chappie!
Chapter 3: SuspendedI lunged for them and gave them both a black eye. They screamed for their lives. I think maybe they screamed in pain? And I doubt bruises become black after only seconds. Not outside old Popeye the Sailor cartoons, at least."Stop it!" Mr O'Neil yelled. And I stopped. But Mr O'Neil didn't say the magic "B" word! I looked at what I was doing, I stopped? Hm...I guess when I did it to Alice and Rose it helped. There is something so very wrong with that sentiment, but why do I even bother?"Miss Swan to the principle's office now!" Mr O'Neil was enraged. I guess that's the office that decides the school's ethical code?"That girl is crazy!" yelled Tanya when I walked out. TRUTH! Hm...I got in trouble on the first day...might as well have fun with it! Army-Bella made lots of trouble on her first day, including busting down a door and tossing a smoke bomb into the faculty lounge. If you had been in the army, you'd gotten away with this!I walked towards the principle's office and came in. "Ah, Miss Swan, nice of you to be here," said Mrs Parks. Mrs Parks must be Keeper of Principles and Morals."I know it's nice to be here," I smiled like I was doing an interview. Careful, Izzy! You don't want to be expelled and shipped back to Bitchany and Charlie, do you?"Well, what happened?" she arched an eyebrow. "I gave two of my classmates a black eye," I grinned. "And you are proud of this?" she gasped. But of course! She's the protagonist of a fanfic! And as such she has the right to commit a few random acts of violence to assert her awesomeness as a self-insert!"No not really, unless you want me to, do you wanted me to Milly?" I asked with her first name. Bella: How do I used tense? I don't know how to English."It's Mrs Parks to you young lady! And you have a week of suspension," she said. Mrs Parks, you're a woman of very admirable principles indeed!"Ok bye, no class for me right?" I ran out the door. No. Instead you'll help the janitor all week. Or you would, if I was "principle" of your school."Mrs Swan! No, that would be Brittany. I am not done yet! You are not to-" before she finished I slammed the door. The brat got away with it? Seriously, Mrs Parks?Mrs Parks: Can't... move... gravity... too... strong.Oh drats! The Sue gravity force! I forgot about that.No classes for a week...I grinned. I ran outside and sat on the tree I usually go to. I lied back and put my hands behind my head. In a few minutes, everyone came out to get to next class. Tanya was walking with Tanya She has multiplicated! and holding him and touching him and...ew... I see! Tanya has made a male clone of herself, so she can finally have a boyfriend who truly understands her. I shivered. They came towards me and started making out under the tree. I flipped upside down on a branch With lots of broken ribs? I somehow doubt it. and muttered, "Ew, go under another tree, this one is mine," They both jumped up four feet in the air. Well, yeah. Finding you in a tree is probably about as pleasant a surprise as finding a Jaguar up there.Tanya screamed. "Hi," I smiled and I swung back and forth while holding my shirt from going down. So you're dangling from one arm, like a monkey or something? Darling, your arms aren't even strong enough to hold down a sleeping woman!"You, you crazy bitch! You're the one who did this to me!" Tanya screeched and pointed to her left eye. We know who it was who did it, Tanya. No need to state the obvious."Can't you just cover it up with make up?" I whined. "No! I will get you back!" she swung her fist at me, but I got back on to the tree. This girl's tree-climbing abilities are super-human. I started down and Edward was just standing there, staring. Get used to that. He'll soon spend the entire night like that."Wanna get me back? Come and get me!" I teased and climbed up higher in the tree. "I can't climb in this!" she shouted. She was wearing a tank top too tight that shows cleavage and a very short skirt with high heels. Pfffff! A real Sue dresses in high heels to go to battle!"Not my problem!" I shouted. She actually tried getting up and fell on the ground. "Eddie, can you please get her for me?" she whined while she clung on his arm. "He can't hit a girl!" I yelled Edward: Mine Ye Olde Morals doth telleth me that it would be most brutish and ungentlemanly to smack a bitch. and the bell rung. "And your late for class!" "Aren't you?" yelled Edward. "No I got suspended," I replied. They left and I relaxed. I fell asleep there again. I think she must have some sort of retractable tail that she can curl around the branches to keep her from falling.The next time I woke up was from someone calling me. "Bella! Bella! BELLA!" Edward yelled. "Woah!" I shouted and almost, I said almost, fell down. Bummer."Ow," I bumped my head on a branch. "I could of fell down! What do you want!" I shouted. "Do you want to go out?" he asked. I mean... screw the fact that this is the most insane girl he's ever met, who has ferociously beaten his sister an girlfriend. Never mind that he can get any other girl he wants, by virtue of being Edward. This is a Twilight fic, and he must obsess over Bella."No! Is that it?" I inquired. "Why don't you want to go out with me?" he questioned. Edward, the real question is why do you want to go out with her?"Cuz, I don't date players!" I answered. "Alright I just wanted to ask why you attacked Alice, Rose, Tanya and Jessica," he stated. It was Lauren, not Jessica."I thought Emmett was the one who interrogated me..." I mumbled. "He's doing something with Rose," Edward started climbing up. "Oh, ew." I said. Yeeeah, TMI there, Lion Boy."You didn't answer my question," he sat next to me. I stared at him. He looked good up close Meaning that he looks ugly from a distance? and he smelled good too. His bronze hair looked messy, but it suited him. I just wanted to run my hands through his hair...No! Stop getting distracted. Oh no! It's Edward's Stu-Gravity Field!"They called me Izzy," I muttered. Good girl! Now you have to punch yourself hard in the face! "What does that have to do with anything?" he asked. "Try calling me Izzy," I smiled devilishly. Don't do it, Edward."Izzy," he repeated. I saw red. The word Izzy coursed through my mind... I pounced towards him, pushing him towards the trunk of the tree. Paging the Old Man. Paging Daddy Old. Your rope-swinging talent is urgently needed in Los Angeles."Woah! Stop!" he shouted. I stopped, but it wasn't because he said stop. When my hand touched his neck, I felt electricity spark. I jerked my hand away. I got out of my daze and grinned. I thought it was All Human?"See, that's what it does," I smiled. "That reminds me. What happened when I grabbed your chest?" he asked curiously. "Nothing," I mumbled. "It looked like it hurt," he stated. Suddenly someone called. "Edward!" Emmett boomed. You know, when you constantly describe Emmett as "booming", I keep imagining him as this 3 meter tall monster with amplifiers mounted on his shoulders. Don't know what 80s cartoon that's from, but it's my headcanon for Emmett in this."I've got to go, but remember, I'm going to get you to go out with me one day," he winked and climbed down. I rolled my eyes and checked my phone. It was around 1pm. I climbed down for some lunch. Oh how interesting. Join up with Sammy, why don't you? The two of you can write intriguing fics about sandwiches and tea.I went to the cafeteria and decided to get some pizza. I ordered cheese and started nibbling on it. You know, the only pizza I've ever seen that didn't have cheese on it was the one my mom made once. She kinda forgot to add the cheese. Soon after I finished it, I was going to grab another slice, but someone 'accidentally' spilt coke all over it. "Woops," laughed the nasally voice of Lauren. Tanya and the other brown haired girl was behind them. "Hey that cost five bucks!" I whined. Five bucks for one slice of pizza in a school cafeteria? Seriously? That's Norwegian prices!"What are you going to do about it?" she taunted. I thought about it. Hm...she was holding a handbag. There should be a purse inside and she could pay me back! I reached out and took her handbag. And Lauren didn't try to hold it back? Oh yes, I remember. We can't let the protagonist have smart enemies."Hey! Give that back!" she shouted while I ran around the whole cafeteria. She and her friends started chasing me. Everyone watched us like a movie. Some people even had popcorn. Ariana: This is the point where we usually break out in a musical act!I searched through her handbag. While running around in a full cafeteria? Aha! her purse! I threw her handbag backwards and she caught it...I think. I fumbled with her purse and found a picture of Edward, Emmett and Jasper. Ew. I unzipped a pocket and found five bucks. I took it and stuffed it in my pocket. And she's doing all this while running? Despite being canonically clumsy and ready to trip over her feet, or someone else's feet, at any moment? Alex is going to recruit her to his Assassin crew soon."Okay, I don't need this anymore," I threw it backwards. I turned around and a very angry Lauren was behind me. She was holding a sauce covered handbag and a wet purse. "Look what you did!" she screeched. Um, yeah. You'd better use those five bucks to pay for someone else's lunch which you spoiled. Oh, I forgot... Sues don't have to. Right."Well, I think Emmett and Jasper should be thankful, seriously, who keeps a picture of them in their purse?" I said. All the girls in school? Because everyone likes them, and Lauren & Tanya (for some unfathomable reason) beats up everyone who don't date the same boys as them?She blushed red as a tomato and I heard a chair screech as Rose stood up, she looked mega angry, like about to kill someone angry. "Well, I gotta go," I fled before Rose came over to shouted at Lauren. Bella: I still don't understood how to uses tense. It are so difficult.I got back to my dorm and plopped on to my bed. Well this was a productive day. I decided to take a shower. I checked my marks. The one on my face was gone, the one on my neck too and the lump on my head was gone. The only thing that was still there was the bruise on my stomach. I went to the shower washed all the grime from my hair and put on my favourite strawberry scented shampoo. I also used my freesia scented body wash. I don't think those scents go well together.I got out and wrapped myself again. I put on a tank top and sweatpants long pink ballgown with sequins and pearls, high spiked bootz with flashing disco-lights along the sole and a purple ermin cape (but not reel fur cuz that's MURDER!!!!) and gloves of gold lace with unicorn jewels on them. I wore a chandelier on my head of straight raven-black golden curlz. I went outside to look for a snack. I got my phone and it was 2pm. Hm...what to do...I got some popcorn with butter and a soda. I got to the couch and flicked through shows. I stopped when I saw Mirror Mirror Daz nightmare B4 Xmas was on. I started watching intently, sipping my soda and crunching on the popcorn. Popcorn doesn't make much of a sound. I think you accidentally bought chips. Eventually, Alice, Rose and their boyfriends came back. "Why are you here?" Emmett asked. "I live here, duh." I rolled my eyes. "But how did you come back so fast?" Jasper asked. "Oh, I got suspended." I smiled at them. "For what?" Rose raised an eyebrow. "For giving Tanya and Lauren a black eye." I explained. Ok, so they aren't in the same class. That's unusual for fanfic."What? You did give Jessica one?" Alice asked. "Oh, so that's that girl's name..." I mused. When exactly did we even see Jessica?"Yeah! What you did in the cafeteria was so cool! I just hate those sluts now," Emmett said. For what reason? The one who's been acting like an unlikable douche here is Bella."Yeah, I bet they've done it with half the boys in the school," I grinned. "Actually, more than half," chirped Alice. OK, maths lesson: Let's say the school has 1000 students. That's the smallest number I can accept judging by the size of the cafeteria. That means Lauren, Jessie and Tanya has done 250 boys between them."Seriously?" I laughed. Certain Casanovas ought to go check themselves for STDs.Just then my phone rang. "Hello?" I asked, "What did you do to Brittany?" a man asked. IT was.................... Dumbledore!"Who are you?" I asked. "My name is Aro and I was Brittany's last boyfriend," Aro said. FACE!!!!!SMACK"What do you want?" I asked. Something that involves all the kitchen equipement of a Japanese restaurant?"What happened to Brittany?" he snarled. "She's in a coma," I whispered looking at the faces staring at me. "Who's that? Who's in a coma?" Emmett boomed. "Shhh!" I hissed covering the phone and walking into my room. "She what!" Aro shouted. So Aro's reaction took until she had walked across the room? He must have been really shocked."Ok, ow. Is that it? Wait, how do you know my phone number?" I narrowed my eyes. "No and Brittany told me." Aro responded. "What else do you want?" I asked. "Come here or else I kill your friends," he sneered. Greeeeeaaaaat. Now it's turning into BL."Um...I don't have any friends," I explained. "Ok, I'll kill your roommates." he rephrased. "-Gasp- How dare you?" I mocked. You're not taking this very seriously, are you?"I'm telling the truth," he said seriously. "Ok, ok, why do you want to kill me?" I laughed. She's not."She always complained on how you always got in between her and her husband. I just want her to be happy," he said. Hurrrrrrrrrp??? Durrrrrrrrrrrrpp!!!!"Wow. You know she has a husband and yet you still go out with her," I rolled my eyes. Isn't that how she makes her money?"Are you coming or not?" he asked. "Why would I just go to my own death? Wait roommates got it. Ok where to? I got suspended for a week." I smiled. This reminds me of a Sims-story I read on the Exchange. It went something like this:
(A girl is chatting online) Boy: Who are you? Where do you live? Girl: *Gives full name and address* Boy: OK, I'm coming to kill you now. Girl: Oh no! Ok. Door: *Knock-knock!* Girl: *Opens* Oh, are you the one who has come to kill me? Boy: Yes. AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is why you neverrrr tell anyone on the net who you are!!! They'll KILL YOU!!!
It was a better story than this.
"Volterra, Italy," he said. "Ok, well see you! There! Wait, how will I know who you are?" I asked. "Well, I'll bring in a man in a black suit," Aro said. OK, so Aro is the guy next to the guy in a black suit."Yay! I've always want one to escort me," I grinned. I think she has some sort of mental deficiency."You know, you're a strange girl, not afraid of her own death," he mused. "I know, but not like anyone would cry for me, my mom's dead, my dad hates me, Brittany, well you know, I have no friends and I just gave my classmates black eyes!" I laughed. I think she's lost it. Most Sues are at least depressed as they go to kill themselves."Really? Well your coming right?" he asked. "Yup! I'll be on my way now!" I confirmed. "See you there," he said. "Bye, bye!" I smiled. This is a weird, weird story.I felt like I needed to open the door and I did. I opened it and I heard five bangs. I looked outside and look who it is. Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Rose and Edward. "Well, well, eavesdroppers." I arched an eyebrow. Yes of course. They'll want to hear what the school's most violent sociopath is talking about."Who was that?" asked Emmett. "My...uncle," I lied. "Your lying," Jasper said. "How'd you know?" I asked. Um, all the talk about killing her? Although, that's not uncommon for Bella's family in fics."Your eye twitched," Jasper said. "Whatever! I'm leaving!" I rolled my eyes and closed the door, but Edward's arm stopped it. "Where are you going?" he asked. "A place, duh," I rolled my eyes and tried to close the door again, but his arm stopped it again. "Ugh!" I moaned and started packing. I got five t-shirts, three blouses, two pairs of jeans, two sweatpants and some money, passport and other stuff. Why? Aro's gonna kill you as soon as you arrive."Leave, I've gotta change." I stared at them. "No," Edward stood his ground. "Fine," I sighed and just walked out like that. "Where are you going asked Rose. "Stop being so nosey," I mumbled. Edward came up to me and touched my bruise. That wasn't gentlemanly."Ow..." I said. He pushed me onto a wall. And now we have some Forbidden Fruit as well."Emmett hold her legs, Jasper her arms," Edward commanded. Edward: Lovely lady, I must hath thee! Thou art ye Fairy Queen of my heart!They looked at each other and shrugged. They came for me while I struggled in Edward's grip. They eventually got to me and did as told. Edward flipped up my tank top and saw the bandage. "What's that?" asked Jasper. "Nothing! Now let me go!" I demanded. Edward just ripped it off. There was that big large bruise showing. Along with your boobs, I assume?Alice and Rose gasped and the boys were speechless. As long as they aren't dry sobbing, which is the common response to Bella getting as much as a blister in this kinds of fics...I sighed. "Let." I kicked my legs and got free, "Me." I broke free of Emmett's hold. "Go!" I broke out of Edward's. "Well, bye!" I rushed towards the airport. I got a flight to Volterra. The good news is that there was no boring description of taxi rides and stuff. But just accepting that she ran out, half undressed no less, faster than the three guys had a chance to stop her... No, that's just too much disbelief to suspend. It would take 13 hours...Great. I eventually got there and saw the man. "Hi!" I waved and got to him. The man in a black suit? Is it Jack Skelleton?"Are you Bella?" he asked. "Yep! You are?" "Demetri," Yay... Prepare for love triangle, I guess.Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it! Let me ask, should I make this all humans or should they slowly turn to vampires? I'll put up a poll! If no one does it, I'll do what I wanted. Review!
~Rose~The upside to this story is that it's oddly snarkable. I don't have to spend many seconds coming up with snide remarks to almost anything that's said. The next chapter made me raeg a little, but not for the usual reasons. Since chapter 4 is very long, I'll probably do it tomorrow, as I've got the day off work.
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Post by Talys Alankil on Apr 23, 2013 5:52:37 GMT -8
Hmmm, it is getting more insane now. I don't know, it might still have potential. I mean, the girl who cheerfully goes to her death does deserve mention.
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Tigeranne
Member
I believe![Mo0:0]
Posts: 787
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Post by Tigeranne on Apr 23, 2013 11:19:39 GMT -8
This chapter is longer than the collected works of Charles Dickens.
Hey! Thanks for all the reviews! Love you guys. XD. Not in the thingy way. Anyways, since lots of people want it as humans, I'll keep it humans! Yay! I forgot to do the disclaimer for the last chapter...woops. So I'll put it here!
disclaimer for last chapter and this chapter: I DO NOT own Twilight, or everyone would love me =w=.
Chapter 4: Training and First Fight
"Ok, hi Demetri! I just need to grab my bag," I smiled.
She's still putting on the brave face. For all she knows, this guy is an assassin that Aro sent to off her.
Oh, and speaking of assassins... Alex is obviously reading my snark. And she loves this version of Bella so much that she's claimed her as her own. Guess what I'll snark next!
Sometime later we got it and we got to a limo.
"A limo? Seriously?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Master Aro wants you to be comfortable," Demetri shrugged.
Alright, maybe Aro's not going to murder her. Maybe he wants her to kill Brittany as revenge for something? For stealing lots of his money, perhaps.
"Ok..." I said and got into the back seat.
We drove off and I looked out the tinted window. Wow. This place is cool.
Of course it's cool! It's Volterra, the goffickest place there is.
I was too busy looking out the window to notice that we had pulled up to some giant palace.
"Cool...you guys must be rich," I stared in awe.
If Aro could give Brittany $ 10 000 just like that, he would probably be rich, yes.
"Yes," Demetri simply answered as he opened the door.
"Oh, yeah, Demetri, why are you being nice to me? Aren't I going to die anyways?" I gave him a questioning look.
He shrugged his shoulders. Ok...
I think the answer is "of course not". Because we already know there are 22 more chapters after this.
We got out and into the front where there was a reception and a nice woman in front. GIANNA!!! I went towards an elevator and came to a giant room with three thrones. Ok...it seems like royalty.
Isn't that what they are. The Volturi got a solid promotion during the series. In the first book they were the police, and by the third they were the Royal Family. Maybe Charlie has gotten promoted to King as well, and that's why he's got so much money.
One was occupied a guy with jet black hair, another with white and another with black.
That was lazy grammar.
"Wow, you guys look old, why did Brittany date one of you?" I blabbered.
FacePalm!!! 1: They are vampires, they don't age. 2: Isn't Aro stuck at about 30, and the other two in their 20s? 3: She doesn't really seem to mind getting killed, does she?
The guy with white hair got mad and shouted at me, "SILENCE!"
"Touchy touchy," I mocked.
I guess we must excuse the poor, ignorant child for not having learned any manners, with only Brittany and a mostly absent father to raise her.
"You must be Bella," the guy with jet black hair said. I remember that voice.
"And you, must be Aro," I smiled.
"Yes, and this is Marcus and Caius," he introduced, pointing to each one.
"Well, Caius has a temper," I smiled.
"You-," Caius got cut off.
"She is a strange girl," Marcus said.
Ive been saying that for three chapters.
"Yes," Aro nodded in agreement.
"So, am I going to die? Or can I go home because I have school in like six days," I said. "Why did you date Brittany anyways?"
I suppose you've been brought there to do something. As for who Aro dates, that's not really any of your business.
"Well we were going to use her as a assassin Oh no! She'll join Alex! as she easily was able to manipulate people and didn't feel anything for them," Aro explained.
That's kind of the impression I've got of Brittany as well. But then again, I've only seen her through the eyes of an ever so slightly mad teenager.
"Ah, I know, she could of been great like seriously she beat me good without feeling guilty, and and she once got $10,000 out a guy," I remembered.
OK, so that wasn't from Aro then?
"Yes, and we were thinking that if you were good enough, we will use you, but if you are not useful, you shall die," he said seriously.
I think Bella will be better than Brittany. After all, she's got all those nifty army-skillz that we've noted in previous chapters.
"I thought you said you would kill me because you wanted to make her happy?," I cocked my head to the side.
"That was a lie," Aro muttered.
"Ohhh, ok," I smiled.
Because if they had simply asked her to come and be their secret hitwoman, she might have said no. So it was of course a lot smarter to pretend they were going to kill her, because then she wouldn't refuse.
"You mom used to be crazy if you turned out like this," Caius muttered.
That sentence no sense makes.
"What did you say?" I was angry now.
"I said that your mother was crazy," he smiled smugly.
But she must have inherited it from somewhere.
Oh, no he didn't. I saw red. I knew what was going to happen and I didn't stop it.
But he didn't say "Izzy". You can't just attack without having heard the magic word!
I ran up to him swiftly and got his neck, why do I always go for the neck?
Because that's where the jugular is, durr hurrr.
I chocked him with one hand, while I punched him with the other.
And he didn't defend himself?
"Hey, stop you little impudent little brat!" Caius shouted.
Nope. Aparently he's not as strong and menacing as Brittany.
I felt two arms pry me off him.
"Apologize!" I screeched as I tried to get him again.
"What!" he asked.
"I said APOLOGIZE!" I shouted.
I think he's not the only one who should.
"Just do it," someone murmured from behind me.
"Fine, I apologize," he said sincerely.
"Ok," I stopped and smiled innocently.
"Hm...she could be useful," Marcus said.
Aro released me from his grip.
"Yes, she isn't afraid of death and is strong," he pondered.
STRONG? PFFFFHAHAHAHAHAHA!
"This used to only happen when someone called me Izzy," I mused.
"Really?" Aro asked.
"Yup, I go for the person who called me that, but if someone goes in front of them, I beat that person up," I grinned.
"And why is that?" asked Marcus curiously.
"Like I said before, Brittany used to beat me up. She called me Izzy and yeah, I think of that person as her. It's weird. I never did it to Brittany though. But I can stop myself unlike when I got mad," I smiled.
"Can I try?" asked Marcus.
Marcus is like that one kid in your class who ended up in the ER because he just HAD to try if he really would get electrocuted from putting a piece of wire into the electrical socket. Or if you really died from drinking acid...
"Yup, but Aro, hold me down," I said.
Aro held my waist and Marcus said, "Izzy,"
Here we go again. I saw red and I lunged for him. Aro did hold me back though and I stopped in a few seconds.
"See?" I smiled.
"Yes, she can be very useful with training," Marcus confirmed.
"Yes, we can use that name to command her," Aro agreed.
I said so in chapter two. It's almost as if this fic predicts my jokes!
"Yay! But you go a week. And and who am I suppose to kill and why?" I asked.
Don't you just love how she doesn't feel any kind of reluctance or remorse about having to kill someone?
"We'll explain later. Right now we have to train you to move quickly and quietly, teach you to track, teach you how to use any weapon to win every battle and lastly to control your anger and using that name for our advantage." Aro explained.
In one week?
"Ok..." I said.
"Show her to her room," Aro commanded Demetri who was still there, I didn't notice.
I followed Demetri and after a lot of twists and turns, we finally got there.
"Here you are. I will come to collect you later," he said and left.
My room was plain. A bed, a table and chair with two doors.
Ariana: Awwwwww! It's my old bedroom!
I put my bag down, and got to my fell on to my lumpy bed. This will be a fascinating week.
I put on a hoodie and sat there. After a while, Demetri came with some food.
I scarfed down the chicken parmigiana with garlic bread and peas. They have a good chef. I glugged down my orange juice and left it on the table.
I checked my phone. It was 7: 39. I had 23 text messages and 15 missed calls. All from Rose, Alice, Jasper, Emmett or Edward. Wow. I wonder how they got my phone number?
Sue-fic Rule #590685: Everyone must worry about the Sue, even if she's been nothing but horrid to them.
Just then, Demetri came back with a woman in about her 20's.
"Bella, Jane here will show you to the training room," he said.
No, Jane is 12.
"Okay," I smiled and stuffed the phone back into my pocket.
I followed her, down stairs, through rooms, down the elevator...I couldn't keep track!
"We're here," she said.
I followed her inside and saw people going around and fighting and yeah. Stuff...
"Who's this?" a red headed woman came up to us.
"This is Bella Swan, she's a new one, train her." she said and left.
"Follow me Bella Swan," she said and stopped in front of a light haired guy.
She whispered something while I looked around.
At this point, a normal person would have been relatively nervous.
Everyone had stopped to look at me.
There were about 6 people.
The were all older than me.
"Why am I the youngest?" I asked aloud.
Because secret assassins are usually older than 15?
"We do not know, I assumed Master Aro had told you what we should do?" asked the woman.
"Yeah, what's you names?" I asked.
"I'm Victoria, this is James and that," A man yelled, "Get back to work!" "is Laurent," she informed me.
"Ahh, who are we fighting?" I asked.
They are fighting REBECCA SWANSON! Or so we can hope.
This chapter is just TOO long to do in one sitting. That means, I'll do it in three! It becomes much less daunting that way.
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Post by Talys Alankil on Apr 23, 2013 12:46:32 GMT -8
Oh, you wish Rebecca Swansin was involved in this.
But yeah, this Sue is a complete sociopath. "Kill someone for us." "Okay!" You'd think the Volturi would at least try to find someone she'd want dead too for her first mission.
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Tigeranne
Member
I believe![Mo0:0]
Posts: 787
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Post by Tigeranne on Apr 24, 2013 10:21:55 GMT -8
Alright, part 2 of chapter 4 of Perscitus Prep. This chunk is a little more than a third of the chapter, so hopefully I should be able to finish it tomorrow. Then we'll vote."Ahh, who are we fighting?" I asked. "Our enemies right now. You know, I kind of figured it would be your enemies. But who are they? We are called the Volturi and the others are called the Quileute Tribe, Great... Here comes Evil Jacob, with or without a wet mushroom. they have ten people, but four stay at their base" she explained. "Okay, why do we have to fight them?" I asked. "They have been trying to gain our riches and they murders, killing and stealing," she said. Jane: Ariana teached me grammarz when she liveded here before. She be's very good at verbing."Okay. Well, Aro said and I quote 'Right now we have to train you to move quickly and quietly, teach you to track, teach you how to use any weapon to win every battle and lastly to control your anger and using that name for our advantage'." I smiled. "What does he mean control your anger and using that name for our advantage," she raised an eyebrow. "Oh when I get mad, I feel like killing that person so I think he mean control my anger so I don't kill allies and if you call me Izzy, I do the same thing, but I can stop myself," I smiled. She hasn't been able to so far."Ok, well, I'll teach you to move quickly and quietly, James will teach you to track, But wasn't that a special gift James had. I don't think he can teach that to anyone else. Or maybe the Volturi aren't vampires either. Dunno. When was James ever one of their members, anyway? Laurent will teach you to use weapons and for your anger and that name, you will have to ask one of our students here," she explained. I wonder who that mysterious student is."Ok!" I said enthusiastically. "Well, we'll start to make you run much quicker," she said. Jane: We're installing a rocket engine in your bum.That's how my week went. Victoria taught me how to run fast, humanly impossible fast, Which you can't really learn, because then it wouldn't be superhuman. I think she did get a butt-rocket after all. and quietly and lightly. I'm not clumsy anymore! With the correct shoes, you can't even hear a thing from me. I can also walk very lightly. In sand, you can't even see a footprint. This is one of the fics where everything would make more sense if there were vampires.[/color] James taught me how to track and conceal myself at the same time. He also taught me to know when someone is following me. It was cool. I tracked James while concealing myself and scared the shit out of him! James: I just pretended to be scared. Obviously. He also taught me how to lie perfectly. That's really nothing to be proud of.Laurent taught me how to use my body as a weapon, daggers, swords, guns and other stuff... And all that was in your body? Wow, you're like the clones of MacGyver in NPFLH.Savanna: Read my story, plz! It's Harry Potter!The other students did help me. Now I could use that stuff to my advantage. I could control it too. They were nice. I especially like Heidi. Alexandra: NO HOMOOOOOO!!!!111! Platonic loveheart! <3 <3 <3She is very nice to me, like the sister I never had. She taught me how to use herbs to heal myself. Cool. Did you teach her how to make casts for her own broken bones?Chelsea is like a sister too, she seriously likes shopping and takes me whenever she can. Hellooooooo, Alice-expy! She bought me lots of black stuff since we mostly do our work at night, but some stuff like dresses for parties and normal things like shirts, blouses,etc. Hey, Izzy? You are the rich one. Why don't you buy her some gifts?Renata and Corin are also like my sisters. Afton is like my brother, not only because he is Chelsea's boyfriend, but also because he acts like one, over protective, nice, funny. Obama: EVERYONE MUST LOVE BELLA. IT'S NOW INTERNATIONAL LAW!Santiago is like my brother too. This is such an ecclectic collection of names that I suspect these are the author's real friends.Aro is more like my father. Ariana: We can be sisters!!!! I miss having a sister, I only ever had guy friends! Now I can borrow your clothes and stuff, and we can watch The Corpse Bride and cry a lot! But I have to call him Master like everyone else. I also have to call Marcus and Caius Master too, they both are like uncles and the rest of the group are like other siblings. They are just servants to Aro and used in emergencies. Or the wives of Aro, Cauis and Marcus. I always wonder about the author's family life when I read passages like that. It wouldn't shock me if Milena calls her dad "Master".Anyways, Jane taught me how to use my 'feminine charm'. She said it would work someday. Oh BUUUUUUUUUURN! She used it to manipulate the enemy for information once. You talk in this voice, you blink your eyes like this, you use your body like this Soliciting? and stuff. I already got the pout down though. That doesn't surprise me.I also learnt to use my gift better. Instead of losing feeling and my sense or hearing, Your sense or your hearing? I guess hearing is more useful, since you lost your sense a long time before the first chapter. I can use it separately, I can only lose hearing or only use feeling. The week past quickly and now it was Sunday. I eventually turned out to be the best assassin there. Sue-Detector: BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!AAAAAGHH! I had forgotten about that thing. My ears!"Bye, Master Aro! This was fun!" I smiled. I carried three bags, two full of clothes and the other one with things like weapons. You've got the same idea of "travelling lightly" as our "favourite" assassin."It was nice working with you, Bella. Remember, we will call you when needed." he said sternly. "Yes, yes, whatever. Now let's go Demetri!" I hollered. "Bye everyone!" I shouted and was answered with choruses of 'bye' and 'see you soon'. Demetri came out and took we to the plane. *In the voice of The Fanfic Critic* "Don't you mean took US" We were going by private plane now, since the of weapons. Since is not interchangable with because, is it? That there looks very wrong to me, at least.We got in and I looked at my phone. It was now 7:32pm. I had 112 missed texts and 53 missed phone calls. Wow. I wonder why? Because the President of the United States of America just made it law that everyone must love you and worry about you. That's how much of a Sue you are. Sasha's Bella only got a car.I looked at a text. 'Bella,
Where are you? We are very worried. Are you okay? Are you coming back? Why do you have a bruise? Where are you?
-Rose'My mouth hung open. This was from the girl who was glaring at me the whole time... You only tried to rip her hair off, and strangled her best friend.I texted back. 'Rose,
I'm okay geez relax. Why do you care anyways? I'm coming home now, see you in a bit!
-B'Since she's watching TV all the time, she obviously knows about the new law.I stuffed it back into my pocket and looked at the view outside. Eventually I fell asleep. I was woken up by a shake. "Bella, we're here, time to get up," said Demetri. I groggily got up. "Mmh, thanks for the ride!" I grinned. "No problem," he smiled. "See you!" I hugged him and got off. I just know some of the readers are giggling immaturely at that phrase.I heard him mumble 'bye'. I can't believe I did that in a week. It was so fast. I looked around and we were in the airport. Haaaaaaaang on. Can a plane full to the rim of assault weapons just land at a state airport like that? Not to mention that you can't just bring your weapons with you out of an airport that easily, either. The security is there more to stop terrorists and illegal weapons from entering US territory than to stop them leaving. I walked towards the entrance and got out. I walked towards the school Carrying the heavy bags full of weapons? Wow, you're stronger than Alex. He needed a bike. and walked towards the dorms. I wouldn't look out of place since I could of went home for the weekend right? I could assume that Perscitus Prep doesn't have metal detectors installed, but I've suspended so much disbelief already that I ran out of string. Then I tried with spaghetti, but it only slips.I got to my dorm and Rose, Alice, Emmett, Jasper and Edward were there. I walked pass the passed out people and got into my room. I locked the door and put my clothes in. I put my weapons under my bed and stuff the bags into my closet. Because there are never room inspections. I flopped on to my bed. It's nice to be back on to a comfortable bed. I opened my phone. It was now around 1am. I missed a text. 'Bella,
Tell us when you get home, we're waiting.
-Rose'They waited for me? Aw...I'm so touched. Yeah, right. I bet they wanted to interrogate me. I typed a text. 'Rose,
I'm in my room sleepyhead.
-B'Because just going outside the door and gently wake them up would be too much trouble.I sent it and there was a beep from Rose's phone. I heard everyone on the couch jolt and silently laughed. I closed my phone and put it into my pocket. I heard footsteps and a knocking on my door. I got up and opened it to see five curious faces. "What's up?" I raised an eyebrow. "What's up?" asked Rose. "What's up is where have you been?" "Italy. It was so cool!" I squealed. "Why were you at Italy?" asked Alice. Something tells me the author may be ESL."I...um...," my phone buzzed. "Wait, got a text," I smiled. I took my phone out and checked it. 'Tonight meet at 7pm. A.P. D is picking you up.
-A'Hm...a text from Aro. Tonight I'm getting a ride at 7pm from the airport. Demetri is picking me up. "Who's D? And who's A?" asked Alice. Izzy, a good assassin don't let people read their secret text messages over their shoulders. Alex would not have been impressed."Where's A.P?" asked Emmett. Everyone was now behind me. "Guys, haven't you heard of privacy?" I rolled my eyes and stuffed my phone into my pocket. I turned around. See, these convoluted messages make people curious. That's why real spies uses code names, to make the message appear mundane. It should have said something like "Wanna go see a movie? The 7pm show is supposed to be good. I'll pick you up at that park where people feed the birds." Or something even less suspicious."Where are you going tonight?" asked Edward. "Nowhere," I sighed. "Of course you're going somewhere," Jasper said. "Ok, so I'm going to... a party at 7pm." I lied. "She's not lying..." Jasper narrowed his eyes and I smiled innocently. Oh yes, she learned to lie perfectly. Now they must all believe everything she says."Can I come?" Emmett jumped up and down. "No," I said bluntly. "Why nottt," he whined. "Cuz, you weren't invited," I said. And you might be killed. That's the kind of thing you DON'T say. Mkay, I don't think she actually said it out loud."But-," he started. "Ah, ah, ah, no buts, I need to sleep," I yawned. "Wait, don't change the subject," Rose said. "Why were you in Italy?" I walked behind them and walked forward. Herding them out. They were outside my room and I was about to close the door, when Edward held it open. "You didn't answer," he said seriously. I leaned in toward him and I felt him tense. I internally laughed. I almost read that as "infernally laughed". "I don't have to," I purred into his ear. No, and you don't have to be polite to your fellow humans, but it makes life a lot more pleasant if you do.He froze and I took this chance to get his arm off my door and closed it shut while locking it. Wow, seriously? I just spoke into his ear and her froze...this is going to be fun. I got out of the blue plain button down shirt with jean shorts that go mid thigh and uggs that Chelsea bought me. I put on a tank top and sweatpants and jumped onto my bed. I fell asleep in a deep dreamless slumber. I kinda miss the fics where the Sue described in detail what her outfits looked like, or even provided us with a link.I woke up the next morning at 7:48. I had six hours of sleep. I was used to it because I usually had to wake up early to train and stay up late. I found out I don't sleep talk anymore like I used to. Izzy: Zzzzzzzzzz... Edward.... your perfect face..... zzZzz... your alabaster skin... your amber eyes.... zzzznorrrrp.... your glorious teeth.... zzzzzZZZZZzzz....I went to the bathroom and did what I needed. Thank goodness it's not an Ariana-fic, or we'd have gotten all the details of that. I changed into a black shirt, a pair of skinny jeans and sneakers. I brushed my hair and left it hanging. I went out and rummaged through the fridge and got out some cold pizza. Yeerch! I heated it up in the microwave. That makes the crust all soggy. Still not nom. While I waited, I walked past Alice's and Rose's bedroom. It was open and no one was there, huh I wonder where everyone went... CLASS?I ate my pizza and got some orange juice. I finished and it was now 8:09. Hm...what to do... I checked my phone and no messages. I call Heidi. She picked up on the fourth ring. "Hello?" "Hi Heidi," "Oh, hello, how are you?" "I'm great! So, what's up?" "Well, a spy told us that the Quileute Tribe would attack tonight," "Yes, I've heard. Who's the spy anyways?" "Demetri," "Ah..." "So, when's school?" "At nine," "Where are your friends?" "My roommates must be at their boyfriend's place," "You should get friends," "What if I die?" "Good point," "Where's the Quileute's Tribe hideout?" "Fork S, Washington," "What, they couldn't find a place at Spoons?" Or Spatulas."-giggle- There's no place like that silly!" "I know, I kid, anyways why don't we just infiltrate them?" Because it's very hard to fake Native American (or other ethnic group that you're not) for any significant amount of time? Or maybe not, since this is Sue-fic."They have the advantage. They know the place like the back of their hands and they could of set traps," "Oh, than why do they infiltrate us?" "Because, they want our money and our place, they don't need it. They could run away whenever they want to get a hostage. Same at Forks," Not sure what Heidi is actually saying here. But if it's known that the Quileute tribe HAS infiltrated the Volturi, then anybody could be a traitor. Even Heidi."Oh, so tonight do we kill them or..." So much empathy in this one. She and Assef would have made a cute couple."Yes, we try to, but every time we try we lose," Losers."Ah," "I'm sorry, I have to go. Bye!" That's encouraging! "Yeah, we're going to fight the enemy tonight, and we always lose! Did I mention that they are murderers?""See you around," I hung up. I checked the time. It was now 8:35. I decided to go out to class. I started walking out and was getting to class when a foot was placed in front of mine. I would of dodged it, but a normal non assassin wouldn't be able to. I tripped over it. Ow. But couldn't you at least have used your assassin skills to land safely? I looked up and look who it is. Lauren and Jessica; two of the school sluts. Hiiiiiii Lauren and Jessica! Our favourite antagonists! BTW, we don't believe that you really did over 250 guys."Walk much Bella?" Lauren snickered. I rolled my eyes and got up. "Where's Tanya? Stuffing her bra?" I mocked. Adriana: SHE HAS NO BOOBZ!"No! FYI she is w-i-t-h with Edward Cullen," she said matter-of-factly. Oh, and from what I've seen of the coming chapters, spelling out random words is a habit Lauren's got. I don't know if that's a "thing" that certain groups of teenagers do in the US, but I've never seen Lauren do it in fics before."Wow, I never knew you could spell, good girl! Want a biscuit?" I smiled. "Ugh!" Lauren flipped her hair. "So, both of you not good enough for Eddie?" I taunted. "No! Tanya had dibs," Lauren said. I rolled my eyes and looked at Jessica. They make Edward sound like an object. Dead meat."Can't you talk?" I asked her. "Of course I can!" she hissed. "So, why aren't I in the hospital yet?" I asked. "Alice told me on girl went there in 3 days," "We're getting there," Jessica replied. "You better watch your back Swan," Lauren sneered. They both flipped their hair simultaneously How preppy. and stomped off, their high heels clicking on the floor. If you "stomp" in high heels, the heels might break. Just saying.Creepy how they flip their hair like that. I walked towards my class and on my way, saw Tanya and Edward making out. Ew. Looked the other way and made my way to class. I was early and sat down on a chair at the back. I was taking all the things I needed for the day when someone stopped before my desk. "Hello baby, my name's Mike Newton, wanna go out?" he smiled. He had pale blue eyes, blond hair and a baby face. And hellooooooo standard OOC bastard-Mike!I rolled my eyes. I do that a lot now. You did it a lot before as well. "No," I said bluntly. "C'mon, it'll be fun," he grinned. "I said no!" I growled. "Feisty, I like that," he smirked. I sighed. "Where have you been all my life?" he asked. Why is it always Mike who gets this treatment? What part of "puppy dog" is it they read to mean "pushy, assertive and douchebaggish"? Maybe the only puppies they ever owned were pitbulls?"Let me guess, in your dreams?" I asked and looked at him curiously. He blushed, he actually blushed! "I knew it," I mumbled. I started doodling in my book and sat next to me. Oh noes. She's multiplied herself as well."Can you sit at the front?" I asked not looking up. "Will you go out with me then?" he grinned. "Maybe," I smiled at him. I think she's lying again, though.He actually went and sit at the front. This guy's dumb. I said maybe. After a while, the room started getting filled with students. Tanya and Lauren sat at the front and the teacher came. Cheap joke opportunity."Ah, Bella Swan, nice of you to join us again. I hope your time by yourself has helped you revise about your behavior last week." Mr O'Neil said. "Yeah, yeah," I mumbled. "Ok, today class..." he said. I thought I would of missed out of stuff, but I actually learnt it already. Derek: Assassins already know everything, so they don't NEED school. Duh! During class, I got a note. It read: 'Stay away from Edward. He's ours you do not own him.' Because Edward is a slab of meat that can be owned? Didn't Tanya have first right to him? Besides, Izzy's not even once showed any interest in the dude. And besides, the "sluts" are supposed to beat up girls for NOT liking him.I looked up to see Tanya and Lauren glaring at me. I scrunched up the paper, threw it behind me and stuck my tongue out. They turned around and put their hands folded in front of their chest at the same time. Seriously! How do they do that! They are secret assassins too, hurpadurp! That's what happened for English and I was going to walk to Government until Mike grabbed my wrist. "Yes?" I arched and eyebrow. "So, when do you wanna go out?" he smiled. "Never," I said. "Now let go," "But you said-," I cut him off. "I said 'maybe' not yes, now let go," I said pointing at my wrist. I let go and stood there looking stunned. Izzy is Mike. That explains a few things, like 1: She's mental. 2: She's resorted to making up persistant suitors to make the other girls jelly. 3: Probably a lot of other things, but my head already hurts.Government passed by quickly, I had Jasper and Emmett in there. Cheap joke oportunity. Emmett put a whoopee cushion on the teacher chair and got detention. Trig was boring, Alice, Lauren and Edward were there. It was annoying how they were touching and kissing during class. Everyone looked normal though. I guess it was usual. The teacher didn't even do anything about it! Mr Churchward, the teacher: I'm used to it. There have been many worse incidents at the other schools I've worked at in my long career. Strangely enough they all involved guys named "Edward" who looked pretty much the same.In spanish I had Rose, Jessica and Tanya. Alexandra: EWWWWWWW that's so GROSS!!!!!!! It was quite interesting. Rose and Tanya were arguing. "Stop kicking me!" shouted Rose. "You started it!" Tanya sneered. "Did not!" "Did too!" "Silencio!" the teacher shouted interbopted. "Spanish only!" "Fine! Eres feo*," Tanya said to Rose. She calls her ugly, I think."Qué hizo usted diga mudo rubio*?" Rose shouted. Something along the lines of "What did you (polite "you" like "vous" in French) just say, Blondie?" And this is the pot calling the kettle "blonde".The funny thing was that the teacher seemed cool as long as it was in spanish. It was time for lunch and I sat by myself. Or I wanted to. I just finished my lunch when... "Hey babe, what's up?" Mike asked sitting in front of me. He's a bit like a boy-Joan."I'm leaving," I stood up and walked and put my stuff in the bin. "Hey, wait up!" he said and followed me. "Where're you going?" he asked. "Somewhere you aren't," I kept on walking. I looked around and Jessica and Edward were making out underneath my tree. I walked around them and started climbing up. "Hey, come back!" Mike said and Jessica and Edward looked to see what was happening. I sat on a branch and dangled my feet. "Go away!" I groaned. "Not until you go with a date with me," he said. Hey, Edward? This is where you "grrrr" and get territorial."Fine-," he cut me off. "Great! Where to?" he asked. "You didn't let me finish! Fine, I'll have to do this!" I said annoyed. I kicked my foot into his face. Oouch."Ah! my face!" he whined. "Now go away...please," I smiled sweetly. He looked at me once before running, yes I did say running, towards the infirmary. If you got suspended for a week for punching another student (or two), I don't think kicking them in the face is permitted either."Ugh! You are such a bitch!" shouted Jessica. You speak truth, Jessie."What did you say something?" I mumbled, pretending to be fascinated with my nails. Then I spotted something and smiled. "Are you deaf?" she asked. "Nope," I said as I got closer to the fat caterpillar. No! No! That's a baby butterfly! Don't hurt it!"Then you must an idiot," she flicked her hair. "Nope," I said as I picked the caterpillar up. "Then you must-" I cut her off. "Look out below!" I called. I dropped the caterpillar into Jessica's hair. "Yes! Bullseye!" I clapped. Poor little baby!Jessica saw it Eyes on top of her head? and started screaming, "Get it out! Get it out!" she ruffled her hair trying to get it out and ran in a random direction. "Are you or am I going to tell her it just fell out?" I asked Edward. He chuckled. "I believe she will find out sooner or later," he smiled up to me. "So you aren't mad I ruined your make out session?" I teased. "Not at all," he said. "We need to get to class anyways," Actually, Edward is acting more than a bit "slutty" himself. He's only slurping on Tanya and the other two because Bella won't let him."Right..." I said and jumped down. "What do you have?" I asked. "Biology, you?" he tilted his head. "Same!" I beamed. "I'll show you the way," he offered. Edward: Lovely maiden, would thou perchance desire to meander to the upcoming class alongside myself?We got there just in time before the bell rang. It turns out Edward doesn't sit with anyone, so I could sit with him. So he doesn't have a spare squeeze in every class? Not much of a Casanova.The teacher gave us a lecture, but I was too busy trying not to touch Edward to notice. This is more the Bella we know. Or maybe it's Joan. Or Helena. By the end of it, I practically bolted out the door to gym. I got to the change rooms and Tanya, Lauren and Jessica were doing something sneaky. This could get good. Bring the popcorn, guys."What are you doing?" I asked. "Nothing," the said innocently. I narrowed my eyes at them as girls started to come in. We all had to were WEAR! the same uniform for gym. It was a t-shirt and shorts. I walked outside before Tanya and the rest. Alice, Rose, Emmett, Jasper and Edward were here too. That's a really small class for gym.We played dodge ball. Alice and the rest were in my team against Tanya, Lauren and Jessica. I ended up being the last person with Tanya. Bitchdown!She threw the ball and I jumped over it. Yeeeeah. I threw another ball and it hit her stomach so hard that she fell on the ground. Yeeeeeeah. Right.I smiled smugly. The whistle blew. "Okay! That's all for today! Team A wins!" Coach Clapp shouted. But, but... isn't he at Forks High? He must have transfered along with all the other pests to make Bella's life hell, because he voted for Romney.The gym broke out to shouts of 'yeah!'. I went into the girl's change room and my clothes were gone. Huh. I walked outside and saw that Tanya was holding it. Go on, Tanya! Burn them!"You want it? Come get it!" she taunted. I walked towards her and suddenly was soaked with water. I saw Lauren and Jessica laughing and holding water balloons. My gym clothes turned see-through. And that is why you always wear underwear! What the heck? Everyone could see my black bra and panties. Ah phew, she does. Black's not so bad, though. It's like seeing her in a bikini. The boys were drooling all over me. Of course! So this is what Tanya and her friends were doing... "What is the meaning of this?" Coach Clapp asked and raised his eyebrows. What? Isn't he going to be a pervy pedo-teacher?"They stole my clothes and switched my gym clothes," I said. "Is this true?" he asked Tanya. I could see him checking my out in the corner of my eye. Ew. What a perv. I guess that was a very stupid question."No, coach, these are my clothes," Tanya purred. I almost threw up. "What? That's-" I was cut off. "I'll let you go this time, but next time you will have detention young lady! What do you think you will gain with this!" he masked his lust with outrage. I shivered. And then he used his muscular arms to rip off her skimpy leather top. Sorry... Wrong story."It was not my fault," I mumbled. "Go change!" he said in a this-is-final voice. Why isn't she just using her assassin training to make him believe her? Or does that only workk when she's lying?Oh it is on! I groaned as I passed Tanya and her smug smile while snatching my clothes. The boys from the gym followed me out. (Besides Emmett and Jasper) I just walked seven steps out of the gym when some wrapped their jacket around me. It was Edward. "Thanks," I muttered. It went mid thigh so it was okay. I walked towards my dorm with Edward trailing behind me. I saw lust in his eyes too. Because he's never seen a girl in underwear before. But it's not pervy if it's Edward, remember.I got into my room and changed while Edward left somewhere. He had to go "study".I came out and found Edwards with my gym clothes. "Thanks," I beamed and he grabbed the wet ones. "No problem," his voice was husky and his eyes were darker than usual. Edward is horny."Right..." I laughed awkwardly and walked backwards into my room and locked it. I checked my phone, it was now 3:18. 42 more minutes and 3 hours left... I decided to text Jane.[/font] OOOOKAY! That's about 75% of the chapter snarked. I think I may break all the long chapters up into more digestable pieces. Not only is it easier for me to snark, it's also easier on the readers. Usually, with long fics, chapters tend to get shorter after a while.
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Post by Talys Alankil on Apr 25, 2013 6:11:37 GMT -8
^I hope it gets shorter with the later chapters.
And I am as puzzled as you. Why did she acquire those assassin skills at all if she won't even use them? I mean, she's an established psycho, you'd think she would have no qualms against it.
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Tigeranne
Member
I believe![Mo0:0]
Posts: 787
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Post by Tigeranne on Apr 26, 2013 5:13:18 GMT -8
Ooookay, Perscitus Prep, Chapter Four, Part Three!
I decided to text Jane.
'Hey what's up? Can I kill three girls?
-B'
Yes, Talys. I do believe our protaginist IS a bit psychopathic.
I got a reply almost instantly.
'Ha! What did they do?
Nothing really's up. Master Aro just called a meeting. You're going to be attacking the leader Jacob.
-J'
Hm...I wonder what Jacob looks like.
Prediction: He's tall, hot and tanned with long black hair and rippling muscles. When you see his hotness, you'll want not to kill him.
'They stole my gym clothes and replaced them with ones that are see-through when they are wet. They stole my normal clothes, went outside, I tried to follow the girl, they got me wet and the rest is history.
What's Jacob look like?
-B'
I guess there is at least one legit reason for her wanting to know. She needs to kill the right person. Not so much because she cares if she murders innocent bystanders, but she needs to be sure the target is eliminated.
There was a knock on the door.
"Wait," I called.
'Maybe you could get them back instead, freak them out or do something to their appearance.
We'll show you what he looks like when you get there
-J'
When Jane is less bloodthirsty than Bella, you know you're reading a badfic.
The knock was louder now.
"I said wait!" I yelled.
'Alright, ok. Gotta go bye. =]
-B'
I closed my phone and opened my door. There stood 5 curious faces.
Where were the rest of their bodies?
"Are you okay?" asked Rose.
"Yeah, yeah..." I wasn't really listening because I was thinking of how to get Tanya, Lauren and Jessica back.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.
"Yeah, yeah..." I said blankly.
They stared at me and I snapped out of my daze.
"Huh? Uh...Wait...What?...no?" I said.
Every Insert suggestions here. cocked their head to the side.
"No..." I said.
"Well then, me and Rose were thinking of choosing your dress and doing your makeup for the party," Alice squealed.
"No," I said.
Going to a party will ruin her Sympathetic Sue cred, because SympaSues can't have fun. And she's gotta kill Jacob.
"Come on, it'll be fun!" Alice whined.
She can't have fun, Alice. That's thoe whole point!
"No," I repeated.
"Come onnnn," she whined.
"No,"
She pouted.
"Belllllaaaa,"
I pouted.
"Aliiiiiiice,"
Everyone looked flabbergasted.
Alice gasped.
"Only I can can do the pout," she mumbled.
"Not only you honey," I smiled.
She learned to pout from the assassins! That's a killer pout!
I slammed the door in their faces.
Alice & Co: OWWWWWWWWWW! OUR FACES!
I decided to have a shower before I leave. I put on the usual shampoo and body wash and got out with a towel wrapped around me.
Despite knowing that seeing you in a state even aproaching undress melts the boys' brains?
I looked around for something to wear.
K, she's in her own bedroom.
I got a black tank top and jacket with black jeans and a black beanie. Darling, they're going to think you've gone to rob a bank. You know, as opposed to just murder. I got black gloves and brown elk hide moccasins for my feet. I know black might not be the best, but camo doesn't work with me.
The army-look is the new Goff. These guys are the PREPS, so of course they don't wear it.
I put in daggers, a knife and a gun on my desk to get later.
I stuck my head out of my door and everyone was watching a movie, even Lauren.
Excuse me, but do they ever do anything other than watching TV? And why have they invited Lauren in? They don't like her.
Great...I checked my watch. It was 5: 06. I didn't know what to do so I looked for an escape route. I looked out my window. It was about a 6 meter drop. I could jump that. Yeah, that's not high at all. Nobody has ever died or broken their neck from landing badly after a 6 meter fall. *Looks out own bedroom window, picturing Izzy jumping the distance into the garden.* I put my towel into my bathroom to dry.
I decided to have a nap first. I set an alarm of my phone for 6:30pm. I fell asleep after a while into a dreamless sleep.
I woke up and my alarm was ringing. Okay. I sat up groggily and shook myself awake. I put my ear to the door and heard something disturbing. There was a moan of a very pleasured Alice and the muffled sound of her screaming 'Jasper'.
And that's why Alice should also had her own room!
I almost vomited right there and then. Izzy: I totally agree with Alex. Hetero sex is EWWWWW, and all assassins know that! I just remembered I was supposed to go. I got my weapons and I quietly snuck towards the window and jumped down. The wind blew my hair upwards.
If I was a physics-geek, I'd have bothered to explain what was wrong with that sentence.
I ran in the shadows and eventually got to the airport. I was early 12 minutes, but the plane was already there.
OK, so they have a private plane. Doesn't she still have to go through metal detectors? Don't people on secret, highly illegally secret, missions usually land at private airstrips? I'm sure the filthy rich Volturi could easily have built some around the world.
"Hi Demetri!" I smiled.
He nodded and we got into the plane.
Six hours later, we were in Italy.
Didn't she say that the last flight to Italy took 18 hours or something. I don't know much about aircrafts, but this private jet they've got must be as fast as a fighter plane.
Why are they going to Italy to kill someone who lives in America, anyway?
We went got into a car and drove towards the palace where I met everyone. Master Aro with Heidi, Chelsea, Renata, Corin, Afton and Santiago.
"Hello Bella," Aro smiled,
I got on one knee and said, "Master Aro,"
"Here, put this earpiece and mic on," he commanded and gave me an earpiece and a mic. I stood up, put the mic on the collar of my jacket and the earpiece in my ear.
"Now, they will be coming from all directions, so everyone guard an entrance, Bella stay here," Aro commanded.
OK, so the werewolves (I've read ahead a bit, they ARE werewolves) have come to Volterra to pick a fight?
"Yes, Master," everyone said.
I crouched to the side of the entrance, in the shadows.
We waited for a while.
"Any movement?" - Aro
"No," - everyone
"Wait, I see something," - me
Just because they are talking into microphones, it doesn't mean you can't write it like ordinary dialogue.
"Any movement?" Aro whispered into the mic.
"No," came the reply from everyone else, but something had caught my eye.
"Wait, I see something."
There was soft footsteps and the sound of breathing. Then someone shouted, "Go!"
"Watch out!" - me.
A guy came out with a dagger in his hand. He had dark russet skin, dark eyes and black hair. He had a weird tattoo on his right shoulder. It must be the tribe thing. He wore nothing but black pants.
Werewolves are not allowed to wear shirts. That's a serious breech of uniform.
Before he got to the door, I intervened.
Our daggers clinked together.
"Who are you?" the guy asked.
"Bella, you must be Jacob," I smiled.
I don't know much about assassination, but I don't think a formal introduction is really necessary.
I took out another dagger from my jacket and tried to stab him, but he took another out too.
"Yeah, so you new?" he asked.
You know, I think a more realitic battle dialogue would be more along the lines of "Hiss! Growl!Unh!"
I tried to kick his stomach, but he jumped back.
"Yep," I smiled.
I ran up to him and nicked his arm.
"You're pretty good," he grinned.
"Thanks," I smiled.
This is not a game, you guys! You're trying to kill each other. Can we please take it a little seriously?
We circled each other.
"Your hot too," he smirked.
Milena: THAT'S SEXXXXIST YOU ASSHOLE!!!
I rolled my eyes. "Whatever," I replied.
I put my dagger back and took out my gun. I shot, but he dodged it. I shot 4 times, but he dodged all of them. This is not working... You're not saying... I put my gun back and took my dagger out again. I tried to jab him, but he dodged, took out a gun and scraped my leg with a bullet.
I clutched my leg and used my gift to not feel pain. I ran up to him and used my dagger to unhand him of the gun.
I pointed my dagger to his neck, but he had hidden daggers Alex: Wanna see mine, Jacob? *wink wink* and our daggers clinked again. Alex: EWWWWW! Izzy's got one too! LESBIAN! He put a lot of force and I lost my grip on both.
"Ready to die?" he smiled and thrust both daggers towards me, one to my neck and one to my stomach.
Alex: Is he going to kill her or have hetero sex with her? Because that's AWFUL!
I used my hands to stop the daggers and it ripped through my gloves now my hands were bleeding.
Duuuuuuuh.
I smiled as I threw them away, She threw away her bleeding hands... got my gun out and tried, unsuccessfully to shoot him in the heart. I got his stomach instead.
That would still be fatal, if you hit his liver, for example.
"Shit," he muttered.
Mariel: Don't worry, Jacob. You took much worse than this on my mission. We'll bring you to Hogwarts, and MacGonagal will set you right with a flick of the wand.
'Help!" - Chelsea
I was about to finished him off, but a boy got behind me and was going to stab me, but I moved out of the way. Creating enough time for him to grab Jacob and run away.
"He got away," - me
"Same," - Afton, Santiago, Corin, Renata.
Yeps, they always lose.
"I'm still fighting with a guy named Paul," - Heidi
I ran towards the medical room at the base. I found Chelsea gasping for air.
"What happened?" I asked.
"She got shot in the abdomen," Afton said.
"We need Heidi," Corin sighed.
"I know what you need. She taught me," I smiled.
"What do we need!" Afton shook me like crazy.
Izzy: YOU NEED THE POWER OF THE GOD-MODE SUUUUUUUUE! *Flash of lightning and billowing of cape*
"Ok, ok, chill, we need three herbs that have a blue stem and spiky purple leaves, mixed with salt, vinegar and eucalyptus oil*," I said.
That sounds more like a salad dressing than a healing remedy, but whatevz.
Everyone quickly scrambled to get everything to make it. After what seemed like hours, we finished and bandaged her up.
She'd have been dead after that much time.
"I'm back," called a very messed up Heidi.
"What happened to you?" I arched an eyebrow.
"Well Paul was a good fighter," she huffed. "It was fun,"
Their idea of "fun" is about as healthy as Dally's.
"Did he get away?" I asked.
"Yeah...he got called back," she smiled.
You guys lost again, as usual! What reason is that to smile and be proud of yourself? And really,, wouldn't it have been more badass if Izzy had been trained by Jacob & Co? Then she's be on the winning team!
"Yes, so what happened with their leader, Jacob?" Aro asked.
"I shot him in the stomach," I smiled.
"He is wounded?" Aro smiled.
"Yeah...but I don't think he'll die," I sighed.
McGonagal: No, it's just a graze.
"That's good enough," Aro patted my head.
"Well, I need to patch myself up," I said.
"I'll help!" Heidi beamed.
She made me some medicine and put it on my wounds and wrapped it up. I got my feeling back because it isn't too good to leave it on too long or else it I wouldn't be able to move for a while.
..........? She's moved around just fine so far.
It hurt a bit when I moved my hands and leg, but it was bearable.
"Well, I need to get home," I said. I checked my phone and it was 4:17.
"Felix," Aro called.
"Yes, Master?" he answered.
"Take Bella home." he commanded.
"Yes, sir," he nodded.
"Where's Demetri?" I asked.
"He's working," Aro said.
"Alright..." I said and I followed Felix to the plane.
I got in and Felix started it up. Eventually we got there, I thanked him and got to the window on my dorm...
Because tricking the door to open is outside of your skill not assassin enough!
Hm...I have to climb up.
I put my shoes on the bricks and my hands on the ones on top. I climbed until I got to my window.
Need I point out that a brick wall does not give you enough foothold to climb it?
My hands really hurt now. It was 6:47. Felix drives fast...I took my gloves and beanie off. I switched my jeans with sweatpants and got to bed.
After two hours of sleep I wasn't tired at all. I wore a purple button down and a skirt with a belt. I also wore a pair of blue leather gloves to hide my bandages. I put on my pair of uggs and went out for some breakfast.
And now the costume porn is becoming more detailed. It's as if I can just make a wish in jest, and the fic delivers.
DRAGONS! I WANT DRAGONS IN THE NEXT CHAPTER! If that's what you guys vote for, that is. (And I haven't checked the next chapter, I've just read the ending.
I got heated up some lasagna and scarfed it down with milk. Don't know about you, but I've always thought that milk with any sort of pasta dish is a bit icky. It was now 8:51 and I ran to class.
I got in time and sat in the back. Everyone was already coming to class.
"Alright class, we've got a new transfer student," Mr O'Neil said.
"Please welcome," he said and a figure came into class, "Jacob Black."
Jacob: I'm touring America with my Wolf-Metal band MeGaTroN.
Jacob smiled and winked at me.
Oh boy.
And here follows the translations of the gratuitious Spanish in Part 2:
*you are ugly
I got that one right.
*What did you say dumb blonde?
That one, too.
I used google translate for that so sorry if it's wrong.
*That was random, I made it up.
Well, yeah... Blue herbs with purple leaves don't grow on Earth.
Thanks for reading! I apologize if the fight scene wasn't very good, I can't really think of much. This is my longest chapter yet! No joking. I hope you liked it! I'm sorry if there are mistakes, I didn't get time to correct them since I wanted to update at soon as possible!
~Rose~
And now, we vote. Should I continue this snark, at least until chapter 10? Is it funny? Or should I post a (reasonably) short summary of the rest of the fic and just jump onto Bloody Moon?
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Post by Talys Alankil on Apr 26, 2013 8:54:15 GMT -8
Hmm… Though choice, I'll admit. It is getting better. I would personally like to see you snark more of it, but if you really hate it, I won't blame you for quitting.
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Tigeranne
Member
I believe![Mo0:0]
Posts: 787
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Post by Tigeranne on Apr 26, 2013 11:58:54 GMT -8
Well, no. I don't hate it, exactly. But I have no interest in doing a snark that potential readers find boring. Snarking is all about entertainment value!
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Tigeranne
Member
I believe![Mo0:0]
Posts: 787
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Post by Tigeranne on Apr 27, 2013 6:21:12 GMT -8
Crap. Double post! Please disregard, ehehehehee...
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Tigeranne
Member
I believe![Mo0:0]
Posts: 787
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Post by Tigeranne on Apr 27, 2013 6:24:54 GMT -8
Chapter five, dear audience! And as some of you know, my new laptop has a wimply keyboard, and the N & B keys are already a little stuck because a piece of sprinkles fell into it. So there may be more typos than usual.Yay! This story has more viewers than the rest of mine! So I'm going to focus on this story more! Sorry to those who read the other stuff... And I'm sorry if there's not much romance, but we're getting there...Anyways! Here!-
disclaimer: I do not own twilight or else I could have whatever I want.
Chapter 5: The Quileute Tribe
I sat there dumbly, staring at Jacob with my mouth agape. I think that's a fairly reasoable reaction."He's totally h-o-t, hot," Tanya smiled. Right, so it's not only Lauren who's got that habit."He's totally my type," Lauren swooned. "He's definitely going to fall for us," Jessica grinned. They are willing to share him. How sweet!Wow. They sound...confident, and stupid. Hopefully he won't kill us all. But that's were you come in, darling Sue! It just sucks that you were trained by the side that always loses, that's all.I looked around. The girls stared at him longingly while the boys either glared or looked at him admirably. Wait. How did he know I went to this school? I hope he's not a stalker... Not a stalker, just an assassin. Accoring to Alex, only one of those is creepy.His voice broke me out of my musings. "Hello, I'm Jacob Black, I moved here from Forks, pleased to make your acquaintance," he smirked. I think a girl fainted in front. Oh come on. He's not Justin Bieber. (And I'll admit I don't see why that little squirt is so swoon worthy either.)"Well, there are two spare seats. One next to Tanya Denali and one next to Isabella Swan," the teacher pointed out. Please pick Tanya, please pick Tanya...but fate must really hate me. He sat next to me and it earned glares from all the girls in class. Jacob: Hiya, Izzy! Wanna come see our gig tonight? Remus Lupin is holding a public appeal for werewolf equality!When class started, I saw Jacob give me a note from the corner of my eye. 'Glad to see me?' I wrote back in my messy writing: Look! She's not a Sue! If she was, her writing would look like graceful swirls of satin ribbon.'No! Why are you here?' 'I just missed you' 'Yeah right! I bet you came to kill everyone' 'That hurts Bells' He put a hand on his heart in mock pain. Speaking of pain, doesn't he still have a bullet lodged in his internal organs from last night? I guess he's been healed by the same phenomenon as Lucas did on Spooks.I rolled my eyes. 'It's Bella. How's that wound I gave you?' He read it and I smiled smugly. 'It's better now that I'm near you' I rolled my eyes again. While we did this, I was writing down notes. Look, Alex. Good assassins DO pay attetion in class!A cough at the back of us brought us back to attention. "I see you were getting to know each other, Mr. Black, Miss Swan, but we shall leave introduction to lunch," Mr O'Neil said and held a hand out for the paper. "The punishment is that I shall read it in front of the whole class," he said sternly. HA HA HA HA OH CRAP!I kicked Jacob's leg and he yelped in pain. "Is there a problem Mr. Black?" Mr O'Neil asked. I mouthed 'do something!' when he turned to glare at me. Izzy: Don't let Mr O'Neil find out that you're here to kill me!"Well I was feeling a slight pain in my ankle this morning..." he distracted him while I switched the paper and put my notes in it's place. I stuffed the other note in the back pocket of my skirt. "...and I told the nurse I'll bear with it," he finished. "Well be careful, now the note Miss Swan?" he looked at me expectantly. I gave him the note and his brow furrowed. Everyone in the class looked interested, hoping for gossip I'm guessing. "Is there a problem Mr O'Neil?" I asked innocently. "We were just taking turns writing notes," And they both have the same identical handwriting? You'd think a teacher would notice something like that, especially if they've been teaching from before the computer age."Why didn't you take your own notes?" he raised an eyebrow. "Well, Jacob wanted me to write him some notes since he needs to focus and can't remember a lot of information at a time. LOL, she's discrediting him well. But I thought it wasn't fair for me, so I suggested we take turns," I smiled sweetly. "Well, alright then, I'll-," he got cut off. "Teach, she stuffed the note in her pocket and replaced it with those notes." Lauren's nasally voice rang out. Or "her voice rang nasally out." And I guess "HA HA HA CRAP!" still stands.He looked at me. "Is this true?" he asked. "Why of course not," made a confused face. "Well let me see," he searched in the side pockets of my skirt. Whut? But everyone mus believe her when she lies!"I can call this sexual harassment sir," I smiled. You know, I have a problem with girls like you. Using the "harassment" card left, right and center is like crying "wolf" too often.He blushed. "Why I-," he cut off with the shout of the principal. "What are you doing!" Milly shouted. "Sexually harassing a student! That's unlike you, Mr O'Neil!" she looked flustered. Why is Principle Milly suddenly in the class room? Can she teleport? And wouldn't she know of several very good reasons to search a student's pockets?I smiled and whispered. "I told you," "No, I-" I cut Mr O' Neil off. "Don't listen to him! He just came over to me and-," my eyes teared with feigned fright. You bitch! You bastard! (Heck yes, woman can be bastards too!)Tanya scoffed. "She's lying, she was passing notes and teach here OK, so that's what she actually calls him?, was checking her pockets," Tanya said. The antagonist speaks truth, while the heroine tries to get an innocent man in trouble. Oh, the confusing moral lessons we learn in fanfic!"No,-" I was about to argue, but Milly put her hand up to silence me. "Class, who's correct?" she asked. People mumbled Lauren. Great... The class apparently can't tell Lauren and Tanya apart. This makes me wonder if they are indeed my characters having snuck in. They are often mistaken for twins, at least.Tanya: Hey! This isn't ME! I'm not into Edward! Actually, I take offense to the very suggestion!Lauren: Yeah, it ain't me neither. I'm not into sharing boyfriends. Even "almost" boyfriends. If they can't be mine, I let them go. BTW, when do we get any screen time with our story?Uh... someday. And I think I should explain to the readers that when my Lauren says "boyfriends" in plural, she actually refers to only one."Miss Swan? Do you have an explanation?" she asked. "Jacob started it!" I whined. "Is this true?" she raised an eyebrow. "Yes," he simply replied. Jacob, you're an honest bloke. Do you wanna be our snarking-assistant for this mission?Jacob: Uuuuhh, that usually ends badly for me."Well, Miss Swan, you are still getting detention for answering. Don't you mean for lying? Jacob is new, it might have been different at his last school." "So I have detention right?" I asked. "Yes," she said. I can't have detention...what if I need to go to base? Use your foolproof assassin-lies to "go to the toilet" and get "locked in" or something. You're supposed to be our Power Sue, here. Try to think of something yourself, eh?"But, Miss, Jacob just wanted to ask about the school and..." I sniffed tears spilling. "Well you could of told him at lunch," she replied. "But he wanted to know where his next class was," I sniffed. "You or someone else could of showed him the way," she said. Milly is so principled that there is no way of getting anywhere with her. I like Milly!"What if no one wanted to?" "That wouldn't happen," "But I wanted to be nice..." "Alright! No detention this time," she huffed and walked away. SIGH! Milly, please don't let her undermine your autoritah!Milly: Must... go... to... office. Must... obey... voice... in head.SIIIIIIIGHHHH!The bell rang and I looked to my side to see a very amused Jacob. Jacob: TEEE HEEE HEEE I'MMA KEEEEEEEEL YOU!I glared and stuck my tongue out at him childishly as he chucked. I wiped away my fake tears. I saw Tanya and her crew glaring daggers at me. "What do you have next?" he asked. "I've got Government," I stated as I walked out the door. "Well I'll see you at lunch and Gym," he smiled and walked away. Well, both of them should give him oportunities to kill her. It would be very amusing if the rest of the story was narrated by her vengeful ghost. (Has anyone done that in a trollfic yet? I know Twila becomes a ghost, but it's at the end of the story and doesn't have much impact on her life.Stalker... No, dear. He's not stalking you, he's only trying to murder you. That's not half as scary in a fanfic.The next three classes passed uneventfully. It was now lunch and I bought a chicken and cheese burger with a cup of coke. I know you are a Sue and all, and can't gain weight, but shouldn't you at least TRY to seem like you live a healthy life style. So far you've eaten only junk food.I sat on a table That means you're litterally sitting on the table, and not on a chair. But OK. and started eating my burger when someone sat in front of me. I looked up and it was Jacob. "What are you doing here anyways?" I asked curiously. You are a little dumb, aren't you="Maybe trying to information out of you?" he smiled. "Won't happen. Ever," I said and took another bite of my delicious burger. "Are you sure?" he asked. "Yup," I uttered. I started sipping on my coke after I finished. Jacob was eating a slice of pizza and all around were girls glaring at me. "I bet she's a w-h-o-r-e whore," the voice of Tanya said from behind me. Hey, Tanya? Aren't you the one who has slept with between 80 and 90 guys? So if that's fine and doesn't make you a whore, how can Bella, who has slept with zero, be one?"Yeah, that must be why the boys like her," Lauren snickered. "I bet she pays them too," Jessica sneered. Isn't that a bit of a contradiction? If they boys did indeed like Izzy because she put out easily, she wouldn't have had to pay. If she had to pay, that would indicate that the boys didn't WANT to sleep with her. But, meh. This is badfic-Jessie I'm arguing with.I saw Jacob staring at me curiously, seeing what I will do. I smiled wickedly. "Excuse me," I smiled and but my rubbish into the bin. I walked up behind them and took their sundaes. "Hey!" Tanya yelled. That got the attention of the whole cafeteria. "Oops," I smiled as I dropped their sundaes on their heads. People started laughing. "Revenge is sweet," I muttered under my breath. But that was only the start. "Ugh!" Jessica shouted and jumped in my direction. CAT FIGHT! CAT FIGHT!I dodged it and she fell on the table I was on, the pizza staining her shirt. "Wow, she's violent," I said. Jacob snorted and said, "Have you looked in the mirror?" Jacob is like a an oracle of truth, isn't he?"I could say the same to you," I smiled. "Look what you did to my shirt!" Tanya screeched. "Yeah, you should see your makeup," I smiled. They gasped and ran out of the room, covering their faces. Jessica ran quickly behind them. Shouldn't it be Lauren who ran after them? She didn't seem to get anything dumped on her this time.When they left the cafeteria broke into a round of applause. Looks like no one liked them. Errr, no? People tend not to like bitches and bastards. So tell me again, how and why are these three ibesiles the most influential girls in the school? It can't be because they are "sluts", so are their fathers (or mothers for that matter) leading business owners, politicians, Hollywood stars, or...? Tell us how these unpopular girls got their alleged power! I grinned at sat down. When everyone got back to eating, I grimaced. "I hate attention," I commented. SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURE.Jacob snickered. "Well, I'm off to bio! See ya!" I waved and bounded to class. Don't you just love how casually she chats to the person she was in a life-and-death fight with less than a day before?I was one of the first ones there. I took out my things and doodled in my notebook. I unconsciously drew a dagger and a face that looked like Brittany. I jolted when the chair screeched beside me. "I'm sorry, did I frighten you?" the velvety voice chuckled. IT is Edward."A little," I admitted. I stuffed the book back in my bag and sat up straight. "How are you Bella?" I wonder about how she is Bella, too. She's not much like the canon character. Edward must be sensing that he's in badfic again. he asked smirking. Shivers went down my spine when he said my name. "I'm good," I feigned nonchalance. "There's going to be a party at my place tonight, do you want to come?" he asked. His breath blew in my face and made me momentarily mesmerized at the scent. I guess he's smoked something so strong that even the residue has intoxicating effect. That would explain how he keeps his sanity through all these fics."No, I'm good." I answered after I got out of my daze. "Are you sure?" he asked leaning closer. He tucked a piece of hair behind me ear. At his touch there was an electric shock That's not a very pleasant sensation at all. I've been up against enough pony-fences to know. and it made me shiver in delight. His put his hand just over my shoulder. I was locked in his gaze for a moment before I shook my to snap out of it. "I'm sorry, I can't," I smiled. Before he could say anything, the teacher came in. "Ok class, today," he blabbered on. During class, I almost fell asleep, but once in a while, Edward would nudge me keeping me awake. Nawwww, that's so gentlemanly of him!Class ended as a blur and I found myself in gym. I think his breath did drug her for realz. We were doing volleyball. My team won only by a point. That's because Tanya and her clones So they all look like Tanya? Doesn't Jessica have black hair? used their 'feminine charm' on the teacher whenever they hit someone with the ball, hard. I think it's more the case that the teacher doubts these twerps can throw very hard, as that would put them in danger of breaking their nails.I was going to walk back into my dorm, when I spotted Jacob. Hm...will it work? "Hey Jacob," I said in a voice that what I hoped was seductive. "Hi," he grinned. "So, I was wondering..." I trailed my hand up his chest. No, pleeease."Yeah?" he asked. "Are you doing anything tonight?" I purred in his ear. This could have a double meaning. The usual one with the dates and the other one asking if he is going to do anything to the Volturi. Don't take your readers for morons.He grabbed me by the shoulders and looked me in the eye. "Stop it, it won't work," he rolled his eyes. "Well, it was worth a try," I shrugged and he laughed. He looked up and laughed harder. I turned around and saw 3 angry glares, 1 smirk, 1 curious/amused look and 3 mouths agape. "What?" I asked innocently. Rose was smirking, Alice was curious/amused and Emmett, Edward and Jasper had their mouths wide open. You surely should know who was glaring. "You know how to flirt?" asked Alice. Alice, that's a Sue's primary weapon! I see that you don't get to be the Sue too often.Alice: I know! *sniff!* They say it's because I have too much personality! I'll only ever be the side-kick!Oh, but Alice... You have suffered enough! They put you in a dreary asylum for over a year.Alice: Yes, but it's a long time ago, and I have My One now. If you're happy, you're not eligible for Sue anymore.Weeeeell, yeah. But wouldn't you rather be happy?Alice: YES!"I don't know what you're talking about," I cocked my head to the side. "Oh, puh-lease, you were just flirting with Jacob." sneered Tanya. May I remind you, Tanya, that he's not your property. Even if you "claimed" him, Jacob has free will as to who he wants to flirt with."I wasn't, but I need to type a text, so see you!" I ran towards my dorm. I got into my room and closed the door. I checked the time. It was 3:18. 'Jacob transferred to my school...
-B'I sent that message to Aro. I got one back instantly. 'Really? Are you okay? Did he do anything? What does he want?
-A''Yes, yes, no, I don't know.
What do I do?
-B''Keep tabs on him. Don't let him do anything. Give me a report each night.
-A'[/i] 'Yes Master
-B'I got a text from Jane. 'Use your feminine charm on him!
-J''I already tried
-B''Keep trying!
-J''Fine. Bye
-B'I decided to take a shower. My wounds didn't bleed, but were still really red. Yes, that's the colour of fresh meat.It hurt to shower with them, but I managed, barely. How about using that ability to turn pain off?I had extra of that medicine and put it on. I bandaged myself up and put on a t-shirt and sweatpants. I slipped on my gloves, took a dagger and went for a jog. If you bring a dagger, it's not a "jog", it's a hunt.I ran for around 20 minutes before climbing on my tree. I had sat there for 10 seconds before a hand covered my mouth. I punched the person behind me and they yelped while letting go. I turned around and there were about 6 people there. In the TREE? Oh boy. The one that covered my mouth was Jacob. No surprise there."What the heck..." I whispered. "They're transferring tomorrow," Jacob grinned. I didn't think once before I typed as the speed of light to Aro. In such a situation, the best way to react is obviously to text chat. Trying to, you know, escape would be too cliché. They were all looking at my face to notice. Um, huh? I slipped it back into my pocket. "What do you want?" I asked, my arms folded. "Just wanted to live a normal life," Jacob answered. So he's given up his life of crime? Of stealing and killing? Of fighting a totally incompetent band of rival criminals on a regular basis."Ha! Yeah right," I rolled my eyes and punched his stomach. He cried in pain and fell to the ground. Bitch!"That's what you get," I mumbled. "Jake!" one of them called and jumped down. The rest of them glared daggers at me except one. Why didn't they throw daggers at her? They are supposed to be ruthless gangsters. He looked kind and innocent. And looks never deceive. That's why Izzy's got horn on her forehead, devilishly red eyes and spikey teeth. I grinned. I climbed high and sat next to him. "Hi my names Bella," I smiled. "I'm Seth," he grinned. Oh yes. Seth, the baby wolf."So what are you guys here for?" I whispered to him fluttering my eyes and twirling my hair. Hoping for better chances at killing her, when they are seven against one?"Well, we are supposed to kidnap you since you're the best of the Volturi." he whispered back. Granted, the rest of the Volturi fail hard at assassinating. But Izzy hasn't been too successful so far, either."Well that's nice...I think," I said. The rest of the tribe were staring at me suspiciously. "What?" I asked innocently. "What did she ask Seth?" a boy asked. Where was Jacob? I looked down and lookie lookie, Tanya and her crew. Who are probably more of a menace in their Power of Slut than the werewolf gang. The laws of fanfic danger have more loopholes than a slice of Swiss."Can this be between you and me?" I asked in his ear making him shiver. He nodded. "Seth!" the whole tribe yelled causing Lauren to look up and gasp. The rest of the girls did too and gasped. I rolled my eyes and found worms in a bird's nest. I took three. Sure. Go ahead and rob the baby birds of their supper!"Hi guys," Tanya smiled and blinked like she had something in her eyes. "I'm not a guy," I poked my head out. "Ugh, I wasn't talking to you Swan," she rolled her eyes. "Yep, but now I am!" I smiled. "You girls are ugly." This is such a pointless conversation. And why ARE Tanya and her Stepfords there? How can they be everywhere Izzy goes? Don't they have interests? Don't they have free roam of a huge campus filled with attractions?They all started shouting. "That not true!" "Are you sure you're not talking about yourself?" "I'm beautiful!" When they all were shouting, I put a worm in each of their mouths. I sure hope those worms were dead, and it's not the girls I feel sorry for."Ahhh!" they screamed. Not "GAH! BLERK! PTOOOOI!"??"Yes!" I whispered. They spit them out and starting doing the thing where they rub their tongues with their hands. Like in cartoons? Isn't that usually when their tongues are burnt?They ran towards the toilets. "Hey! At least you didn't swallow them!" I yelled after. The tree was full of laughter and Jacob climbed back up. "Thanks," the smirked. "I didn't do it for you. It was revenge on them 'trying' to make my life miserable. And now that I think about it, I've been doing most of it..." I mused. Yes, that seems about correct. The things Izzy's done in retribution has mostly been worse than the original offenses."Wait, Seth what did you tell her?" asked a boy. "Well I'm outta here," I tried to get out, but three boys grabbed me. "You're not going anywhere," one said. Can't she just punch them and run off like she usually does?"What did you tell her?" commanded Jacob. He looked at me and I pouted. "I told her...um...that...um..." he stuttered. "What did you tell her," Jacob snarled. "That I'm pretty, duh," I rolled my eyes. LOL! Her vanity saves the day."Really?" Jacob raised his eyebrows. "Well," he started. "Remember, you made a pact with us," he said. YOU ALL KISSED JAMES?!!!??!?!?!He gave me a apologetic look and mouthed 'sorry' before telling him. "I told her why we're here," he sighed in defeat. "You what!" a boy asked. "So am I going to be kidnapped or what?" I sighed. And all this time the idea of calling "Help!" hasn't occured to her once?"Seth!" they all groaned and he slumped his shoulders in defeat. "Well, I'd rather you kidnap me after I get revenge with the sluts. But it's you choice," I shrugged my shoulders. So when she's tormented the school's most loserish girls a little more, she'll go with them of her own free will? Does it count as kidnapping if you go voluntarily?"We can't right now, there are too many people and six people who enrolled and never came, will not look good," Jacob explained. "Well yeah, but if you all got on the slut's They even count as one single person now? good sides, they could trick all the male teachers and they would tell the principle an excuse," I explained. "Same with me and Edward Cullen, I guess since the girls hate me," What with you and Edward? There is nothing going on between you as of yet. And what has he got to do with these new wolfs?"You're very calm about being kidnapped..." a boy observed. "Yeah, well I don't care if I die," then I thought about it, "but someone will steal my money," Ron Weasley: She neeeeds to sort out 'er priorities!"How much do you have?" asked another. "Like I'll tell you," I giggled and saw Edward coming over with I think her name was Angela. Hellooooooo Rain!Rain Cordelia Etc. Bennett: Not another Sue case?No, you can go back to planning your attack on Rebecca. (Boy is that overdue!)"Wait, shush," I smiled. They started making out and his hands eventually went into her pants. Angela looked uncomfortable. Rain: This kinda reminds me of that time I killed Mike!"Boo!" I screamed while swinging upside down. They both jumped and Angela flushed red. "Tsk, tsk. What would Ben think?" I shook my head at her. Edward looked mad. This was the first half of chapter five. Because of an overwhelming lack of response, I'll go with the one vote that said to continue. There are hits, so I know people still read this thread. [/quote]
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Post by Talys Alankil on Apr 27, 2013 15:55:47 GMT -8
^About the vote. With the new version of proboards, you can edit the thread's first post and put up a new poll. (also you just posted the same chapter twice, I think)
I am very curious about the "sluts", though. The more the story advances, the more they're treated like a single entity. What does it mean ? ^^
Also, I kinda like this Jacob, to be honest.
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Tigeranne
Member
I believe![Mo0:0]
Posts: 787
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Post by Tigeranne on Apr 27, 2013 23:23:12 GMT -8
Oops! I think I quoted the post instead of editing it! Anyway, I tried to alter the poll, but it's not really in the first post. It sort of exists outside of the thread itself in a way. But I guess that if someone really hated PP and didn't want me to continue it, they would have taken the two seconds it would take to post "stop it!"
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Post by firegirl26 on Apr 29, 2013 14:59:55 GMT -8
you ( tigeranne )make the story sound better. this story is boring
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