Tigeranne
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Post by Tigeranne on Oct 29, 2011 22:39:51 GMT -8
Have some homophobia.Chapter 14 We met Sora and Roxas who were really really hot. They looked at me because they fancied me. Then they started to make out. They were quite hot. However, homoness is against the murmum law and so god smote them. They looked burnt, like the crisp at the bottom of the pack that no one eats. That's a compassionate observation to make. And yes, she had probably read Edward Sercet when she wrote this.Inuyershun had sex with them as well and got smote as well. Then I went to find Storm. I flew around using my amazing x ray vision to find Storm. I was beautifully craptulay excited. Suddenly….Gandhi appeared! Remember I said that it seems that this has been one of Ariana's major influences?"I am Gandhi" Gandhi moaned. He was wearing black eyeliner, black lips, and had a lot of cuts on his wrists. Congratulations, you have made Ghandi an EMO! He didn't have much hair except for two strands like home simppo that were died black and gelled in front of his face. This is just... "I am storm's spirit guide". He fudged esoterically. "I can help you find Storm" he immortalized depressingly. "I looooove your studded belt were did you get it?" I questioned hygienically. "Blue bananana" he grumbled sexily. He's also suffering from Dumbledore style second youth... We flew around the world to find Storm. "oh wiat a minute she's nut here she's on another planet I forgot sorry" he deuced irrespectively. Me and storm went to find storm. We flew to a faraway planet. It took a long time, something in the retrospect of around 4 wonderful years. So she is now about 20 years old. Is she getting any more mature?On this planet there were giant things everywhere. Big parrots, I mean wow srsly. Some guy called Wander and his horse Agro helped me find Storm. I found her and went home and Wander came with us but Agro died. (wander had a powerglove that can transport people anywhere because someone accidently broke the Ocarina I forgot to tell you so we couldn't use it) I'm not surprised. You are pretty destructive."Hey Darkness and Stormy babes." He obfuscated cosmologically. "Do you want to come home and meet ma boyfriend, John Barrowman?" Poor John Barrowman. he analogized provokingly. "he is a tv presenter!" wander loved lovingly. Me and Storm flew with Wander (he's vampire so he can fly btw forgot to say) to…Wander's house! Auggh!
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Post by Talys Alankil on Oct 30, 2011 8:54:27 GMT -8
… She didn't. She didn't just burn Sora and Roxas for being gay ! I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT ! I mean, I'm not shipping them, but still. Also, what about Alice and Jasper ? Why didn't they get killed ?
Well, I can definitely see what you meant by saying Ariana was influenced by this troll. I guess understanding where Ariana comes from is almost worth reading this thing. Almost.
But still, it feels like she has a list of my fandoms and is raping them all. But considering how many fandoms she rapes, I guess it's only natural some of mine are in there as well. …Now the only thing I can find refuge in is that there's no Twilight/Wheel of Time badfic. Does such a crossover even exist ? I'm not sure I really wanna know the answer to that question.
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Tigeranne
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Post by Tigeranne on Oct 30, 2011 9:44:29 GMT -8
I couldn't see any Twi/WoT fics on FF, but if there was, it should go like this:
"One day Rand met this shady fella in a tavern, while he was looking for Mat who had last been seen in the company of a questionable lady with fangs. He realized immediately that this was a Darkfriend of the worst kind, and shot him with balefire. Edward Cullen disintegrated and had never existed. "Who is Edward?" asked Bella Swan, who was making out with Jacob in the back of her truck somewhere in a different age. And all was well."
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Post by Talys Alankil on Oct 30, 2011 10:32:21 GMT -8
^That would be the awesomest thing ever. Except that Mat would need to be saved afterwards. And that Campires don't have fangs.
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Chibithulhu
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Post by Chibithulhu on Oct 30, 2011 10:34:19 GMT -8
... AAAAAAAAUGH!
First of all, I've never really gotten shipping Sora and Roxas considering they're, y'know, the same person. But that aside. Master Chief is indeed from Halo, which I don't believe is the planet's name. Not certain, though. The head crabs are from Half Life, the biggest hit of Valve (AKA, the people who made Portal). "I wanna be like you" sounds like it was ripped from The Jungle Book Disney movie. The Ocarina of Time does not work that way, would not be given to random slut here, and I've ceased being entertained and am now just ticked off. You don't mess with Nintendo characters around me in a Suefic. Double for the homophobia and general offensiveness.
Oh, and Ayla? While she might be from the book series you suggested, there's another prehistoric Ayla from the SNES classic Chrono Trigger. Considering all the video game references, I'm inclined to think it's her. *Pulls out the Anti-Sue catapult* GET OUTTA MY FANDOMS, HELENA!
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Post by Talys Alankil on Oct 30, 2011 10:47:59 GMT -8
Technically, you could say Halo's an artificial planet, but Master chief wasn't born there. Also he wasn't born with that armor. The books actually describe him as a kid. Yes, there are Halo books, and they're quite good considering what they're an adaptation of.
Also, I just noticed she didn't fall for Samus Is A Girl — she never references Samus with pronouns, actually. It's odd, considering the obvious opportunity to fail here.
And how do you put an "emo mcr" style to this ?
…It's like every time I stop and think about this fic I have more complaints.
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Chibithulhu
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Post by Chibithulhu on Oct 30, 2011 13:17:21 GMT -8
^ Same way you do a metal version of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" without rehearsal or instrumentals. You don't, they're just trolls.
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Tigeranne
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Post by Tigeranne on Oct 30, 2011 15:16:42 GMT -8
^That would be the awesomest thing ever. Except that Mat would need to be saved afterwards. And that Campires don't have fangs.Yeah, poor old Mat tends to attract all the wrong sorts of girls. The fangs were artistic license, since it was fanfic. First I was going to write "lady who sparkled", but they don't usually do that in public. I've never played Chrono Trigger, so I don't know that version of Ayla. Then again, Helena has probably not read the J.M. Auel books, unless they were forced on her in school or something. I think WoT and ASoIaF are safe, because they don't appeal to the Twidom. ASoIaF is too gritty, not romantic, and people don't get what they want. WoT is simply too complex, and the Twihards would probably think it moved along too slowly. Plus all the needless descriptions of the ugly dudes, we can't have that...
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Post by Talys Alankil on Oct 30, 2011 15:26:31 GMT -8
^Too true. I can picture it it. "How can so many protagonists be ugly ? And Birgitte. She wants an ugly man. Is that girl crazy ? And why is Cersei hated by everyone, she's like, the most beautiful woman in Westeros ? Surely Beauty Equals Goodness !" Don't even get me started. I'm glad those are safe, really. But I still want to find a Vampire Diaries/Twilight badfic. For the lulz. 'Cause VD is definitely the kind of series that would appeal to Twihards, at least in appearance.
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Chibithulhu
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Post by Chibithulhu on Oct 30, 2011 15:29:34 GMT -8
How can anything move slower than Twilight?
And don't forget, Alastor's got a Twilight/Neon Genesis Evangelion fic he's snarking now. You know, the series where everyone either dies, is mutilated, loses their minds or some combination thereof, and the ending has the entire world hugged to Tang? Yeah, someone crossed that over with Twilight.
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Tigeranne
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Post by Tigeranne on Oct 30, 2011 15:48:37 GMT -8
How can anything move slower than Twilight? It's not really slower than Twilight, but it's a much longer series. Sure the books span a relatively short periode of a few years, but a lot is happening everywhere. There are multiple parallell sub-plots, and you sometimes see a series of events from several points of view to show you how all is not what you first thought. What can be frustrating is that the lead up to some major event can be so incredibly long and winding. The characters go here and there, looking for clues, sometimes to find out was a red herring all along, they totally overlooked something important, and someone is in mortal danger somewhere. And there is a lot of description, but at least we get an idea of what they characters look like other than "hot".
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Tigeranne
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Post by Tigeranne on Oct 31, 2011 0:12:06 GMT -8
Let me serve you another overdose of unusual metaphores, cooked up by our friend Helena Darkness.Chapter 15 We entered the mesastatic house hold and smelt the unmounted air. "It's very Extralinguistic in here isn't it Darkness?" saidThat passage was randomly bolded in the original text.Storm extrapully. I was really hot, like the songbird heralding the dawn. Suddenly…John Barrowman met us! Ladies and gents, this is what John Barrowman looks like:His hair was butch and ecstatic. It was like an anecdote gone well. It was black. It was hairy and moist. His hair was studded, it was cream, it was darkest black, it was blackest black, it was hot, it was a caravan in the rain. His hair was like really really realy really really really rally really really nice savageness. His hair was almost as hot as cloud strife's. His back was spiny and rippled, it was crying, it was flash, it was like a petri dish of coloured germs. His back was crippling to look at, his individual spines stuck out like tiny caterpillars on those high seas of the shelves in ASDA. His nose was like an electric socket with water on it. His nose was a snowglobe with MCR inside. It was a knife carving chicken, it was a beautiful fragment of magnet. His penis was like a chav on a council estate. It was like a woodpecker on a sandwich of justice. His eyes were sparking like a vampire or lemonade or limeade or appleade or sparkling water. His eyes were grace, they were slender, his middle was like a washing machine water bath. His mouth was a bird bath. His whole face was rippled like a galaxy ripple. His skin was the texture of a crunchy. His lips were like a broken Hershey bar, his lips were oranges, they were geese, they were the fragrance of a smelly cheese. His lips were like lemonade or limeade or appleade or sparkling water. Maybe coca cola, maybe. Depends how I feel at the time. His eyes were sharp. His claws were gravel, they were razors, they were gryphons. His wings were shiny and scaly, like the songbird heralding the dawn. His wings were like dawn. His beak was as hot as Gerard way's liver. His beak was red raw and black and brown. His marks on his head were hot, like a small tortoise on the shelves of ASDA. His arm was damaged from his hotness. His arm was captain jack harkness and captain jack sparrow in one. His teeth were like pick-up-sticks. It was a shame he was gay. That was totally accurate, wasn't it?"Come in come in everyone!" John Barrowman said lovingly in a lovingly way. "Now, what does everyone want for din dins? I have lentils and blood soup since I know how hungry you vampires get!" he grinned made dinner and we sat down at the table to eat it beautifully. I looked quite beautiful and I could tell Wander and John Barrowman wished they were straight so they could be with me and avoid God's wrath. Yes, please offend gay people and Christians in the same sentence.
Also, be with you? You're married, lady!I ate with my fork in my right hand because I don't conform to the ideals of society. I do that all the time. So I'm individualistic, I suppose.
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Tigeranne
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Post by Tigeranne on Oct 31, 2011 0:33:39 GMT -8
Not done torturing you yet. ;D
Chapter 16 – The Sorrowful Rose
Thenks 2 helena for editing again
I'm sure that will help a lot. /sarcasm
We concluded on consuming our monochromatic meal beautifully, afterwards I went to the bathroom to sick it up, just sick it up into the toilet statelyly. That's grateful. Even though my body was already really skinny and emaciated, I was bulemic and anorexic because I was emo Oh, so that is what causes eating disorders. Easy cure: ban EMO. and was therefore conflicted and morbid and depressed and insecure and depressed and emo which was is why I has eating disorder even though I am vampire now.
Yeah, yeah, vicious circles are vicious.
John Barrowman and Wander waved us goodbye as we flew away through the time vortex back home...suddenly…we flew home! I felt sad for John Barrowman and Wander because they were nice people but would be going to hell because they were gay with each other. WELL AT LEAST THEY ARE NOT SERIAL-BABY-KILLERS!!! Even though that was hawt it was a sin to do that. Suddenly…we were shot out of the sky!
"HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA" came an evil laugh infinitesimally. It was….the doctor! Which incarnation is he on now? "YOU SCORNED ME HELENA, YOU MUST DIE!" he shot eye lasers at us again. I used my superpowers to kill him even though he was already dead, like the songbird heralding the dusk. <---!!! "YOU FILTHY DUCK I AM GLAD YOU ARE PREOPLY DEAD THIS TIME" Hint: He's not. I detoxified stringently. I doctor was quite hot but he had to die because he tried to rape me and make out with me which I wasn't fond of tbh.
He never did any such thing. And traditionally the Doc isn't exactly hot though. He used to be old men. So concidering he has died a lot of times now, does he even look like David Tennant anymore?
Gandhi appeared out of his dead body. He was soooo fit and sxc even though he was an old man mmmm yeh Gandhi so hot yeh giv it 2 me. Oh, yeah. I forgot you had an old man fetish. Maybe you would prefer the first or second doctor to the tenth and eleventh. (Personally, I think the eighth is the hottest.) "well done" Gandhi dibbled melodically. "you have killed one of the 7 great evils. Now only six remain" he said hotly.
"what are the six great evils?" I sighed figuratively. Storm nodded her head in silent solid hot agreement. "well when a man luvs a woman very much he expresses his love with motion" Gandhi malingered. "is they are not married they release great evil on the world known as 7 deadly sins. The doctor was one of these sins. He has been deleted now only 6 remain you must kill them helene Oh, Helena is writing the story again, so the character reverts back to her old name for a bit. you are the only one who is brave, hot, and strong and magical enough to do it!" he intellectualised. "oh and storm can help. How nice of you to remember that Storm exists. These evils are located throughout the universe and through time itself! The remaining ones you need to find are Master Chief Already dead, Ganandorf, Yubaba, Sauron,Tay Zonday Because making a Youtube song makes you a super villain?, the LADY OF SORROW." Oh, so that isn't Darkness Helena? Gandhi reminisced. "weve already killed master chief" Storm said unnecessarily. "pipe down Storm no one likes you" I screamed hotly. I'm beginning to understand why this girl has no friends. "what, pray tell us, are the lady of sorrow?" I said with an air of zirconium.
"the lady of sorrow is the final test of the great evil itself. She can only be killed once the others are killed first because they are her horcruxes. In another fic that could have made sense. I am going to send you back now to your normal time because….that is where you live! As good a reason as any. Find me again. The spiders will show you the way." Gandhi dispeared on a puff of deku nut smoke. I looked quite beautiful. Suddenly we were in…our normal time!
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Tigeranne
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Post by Tigeranne on Oct 31, 2011 0:44:37 GMT -8
Chapter 17 – Roses are black EMO hearts are blue In Soviet Russia Poem writes youBack in our normal time. I was very sad even more depressed than usual I mean because I had not been to meet the eddward in a long time. Suddenly…Edward Cullen appeared! He was so hot almost as hot as me. Hey, what happened to your bad self esteem? We made out and had sex on the floor. Comfy. Jasper and Alice tried to join in but I said there was no way because I try to keep to murmum faith. When we were finished we got change but Jasper and Alice stayed naked. I don't think they own clothes."ok now you're finished I will help you get special powers" Gandhi said. EWW EWW EWW! Ghandi was watching you shag? I can tell he thought that I looked hot when I was naked with Edward Cluedo. He totally watched! "I already have loads of special powers not to mention the ones I aquired when being vampire" I superfluoused. "yes but these are very special finishing blows that only I know since I used to be an exorxist of India unfortunately I was not strong enough to fight the great evils and win only you, Helena, are strong enough to do it you chosen one!"he sexed. What has Ghandi done to deserve this?I kissed goodbye to my beauty Edward Cullen and me and Storm flew to the Dojo where Gandhi would teach us his special moveset. Once he had taught us his special moves he said "now you know what to do my work is done. I can finally release life, like the songbird heralding the dawn". Suddenly…Gandhi died! He is now ghost Ghandi. I wish I was joking."NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo" storm cried. "he was my mentor!" she screamed sadly. She knelt down next to him and cried, like a midnight oil spillage. Is Midnight Oil a goth band now? Namedropping bands that are outside your target demographic is against the rules. "goodnight sweet prince" she whispered. She made out with his forehead. "im not ok" she expropriated. "I'm not ok I prumise!" She was caught in a bad romance. And you aren't?
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Tigeranne
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Post by Tigeranne on Oct 31, 2011 1:00:18 GMT -8
Is it just me, or is every chapter shorter than the last?Chapter 18 – Hero of time (and sorrows) It was weird being back in Monroeville. We had to leave though to travel to the Elven forests like Gandhi had told us to. I was so fucking depressed. Why? That sounds like an awesome journey.Me and storm flew to the elven forest. The elves were all really hot especially legolas and he wanted to do it but I stayed true to my vows with Edward of cullen because I am a mormon. Mormons not exactly known for monogami, you know.The head elf spoke to us. "the first great evil we need you to kill is Ganondorf. He is pretty fly for a white guy but don't let that fool you because he his sooooo evil!" the head elf excreted wildly. "we shall help you though if you go to our fighting arena there is someone there that might help you kill him since he is a very skilled assassin." The head elf beamed at us angrily. Tom Bom Jolly Tom. We went to the fighting arena. Travis Touchdown was there. He helped us learn how to assassinate. Then we flew to Ganondorf's castle in Lithuania. Hint, Helena: Lithuania is on Earth. That is not where The Legend of Zelda takes place. It took a year to get there because there were many birds flying into our faces. I bet you looked pretty when you arrived.When I'm not quite as depressed as usual I am a really funny, random and crazy person. People laugh at my jokes. I made the journey go quicker because Storm was a fan of my dry sardonic wit. Ganondorf's castle was very big, like the marquee heralding the sogginess. I Looked quite pretty even though we had just flown in a storm for a year. Storm was a little worse for wear. Poor Storm is not a Sue.Chapter 19 Prepare to become a little angry.Me and Storm gefahren to Ganondorf's castle. He was long lean and gay. It's ok when hot guys like each other, but ugly guys doing it is really sinful. I really have no comment other than "I have no comment". Gandhi's dead spirit appeared. "Hury mein freunden, there is only 12 in minute time to defeat him." He screamed, looking extremely hot in his minute loincoth. He was so sexy, if he wasn't dead and if I wasn't married to Edward Cullen I sooooo would, even though he is an old man. Concidering the guy you actually married is clinically dead as well, you really shouldn't discriminate. Ganondorf laughed evilly, like the songbird heralding the dawn. He was evil because he was ugly. Sure.Suddenly I had an mind map. Edward Culena appeared in my mind map and started giving me words. "USE UR BREASTS, Darkness!" No, no, no! The line is "Unleash the breast inside of you!" he screamed suddenly. Suddenly… I got naked! Ganondorf was extreme shocked nicely. I was so hot that ganondorf turned straight he had been cured! "yay you has been cured of homoism!" Storm extrapolated wildly. "now you are free like a normal healthy person!" she wilded sexily. I still have no comment.I put on my bra, underwear, skirt shirt. And various assortments of jewellery and fishnets. Storm was already fully clothes because she had not got naked you perv. Finally the next evil had been distraught. I'm sure a lot of people are a little distraught by now.
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Chibithulhu
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Post by Chibithulhu on Oct 31, 2011 6:02:22 GMT -8
... Okay, first of all, Ganondorf's not white. He's a sort of green color. Most of the humanoid villains of Zelda aren't actual skin colors. Second, I don't think he has any sexual feelings other than power-lust... Okay, yes, I half-ship him with the Triforce, but that's just because it's hilarious. And still lust for power.
As for the homophobia... *Punches a wall. Multiple times. Hard.* Okay, now I feel better.
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Post by Talys Alankil on Oct 31, 2011 9:04:19 GMT -8
Random German in the last chapter ! Now I wonder where that comes from… Yeah, I'm limiting myself at one thing per post. Otherwise it would turn in full-on snarking and it's your snark thread, not mine ^_^
@chibi : That was win ;D
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Chibithulhu
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Post by Chibithulhu on Oct 31, 2011 10:55:00 GMT -8
I know, right? I love that comic.
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Tigeranne
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Post by Tigeranne on Oct 31, 2011 12:01:37 GMT -8
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D Awww I hope his wish comes twuuuu! Feel free to snarkify the fic too, Talys. Disowned trollfics are public domain! There are still 1o of these mini chapters to go, during which the fic tries to regain some sense of plot and gets really disturbing.Chapter 20 – The Sorrow Full Rose We flew back to da pace where we called home (Monroeville) and then suddenly…we we teleported OMG! We teleported to a random place called Azeroth. There was a wizard there! He looked like Gandalf from Harry potter. I didn't even realize Gandalf was in HP! Silly me, I thought he was from LotR! Shows how much attention I pay while reading... He was hairy. He had a beard. It was as white as snow on a egg factory. It was as hot as a lukewarm vegetable soup. Which is almost not hot at all."MY FRIENDS I NEED YOU" he boomed quietly "IF WE SING THIS SONG WE WILL HELP MY MOTHER LIVE HOOHOO!" came his ecstatically reply. Sing along! And please try to sing it after the instructions...."everyone after me – from the tiny ant" he corrupted Duely. "from the tiny ant" we smoothed smoothly. "to the elephant" he borrowed. "to the elephant" we chorused nonchalantly. "from da snake to the kangaroo" he soothed. "from the snake to the kangaroo" we crooned sexily. "from the great white shark" he noted inevitably. "from the great white shark" we sidewaysed stonely. "to the singing lark" he repeated polychrasmially. "to the singing lark" we sponsored. "care for them it's up to you" he distinguished hopefully. "care for them it's up to you" we fudged nominally. "care for them it's up to you, care for them it's up to you, no one else can care for them" everyone sang horridly. "it's up" he crapped. "it's up" we knockered. "it's up to yooouuuuu" said everyone. And we thought the Cuppycake Gumdrop song in FTS was random?After the song was finished (which it just like did) the wizard's mother came back to life. If I wasn't so depressed that I could feel happy I would feel quite glad that the beautiful love of motherhood not really lol had come back into da terrible evil world. So in other words, you are a selfish, whiney brat incapable of feeling happy for other people? Is that what you are saying? And you are supposed to be our protagonist. (Although I cheer for the Doc. And poor Storm. She is halfway to sainthood just for putting up with you.)Suddenly…I felt even more depressed than usual! You had a rare moment of suddenb insight, and realized what a crapfish you are? That you are so awful that Ariana aspires to be like you?"*crying* omg I feel soooooo ugly!" Nope, you are just being self sentered again. Never mind. I broke down on the floor because of my horrific uggleness. When you are so incredibly ugly on the inside, it's just a matter of time before it starts seeping through to the outside as well. Remember Emperor Palpatine and Voldemort. You probably look like the girl version. (Darkness is actually really pretty but she thinks she is ugly because she is depressed and isn't a bighead) Really. Didn't a previous chapter describe her as emaciated and deathly pale? I began to slit my crisps happily. Better than slitting your wrists, at least. Oh hey, if you ATE those crisps, you might gain half a kilo or so, and actually start looking a little prettier. I looked really beautiful and emo and depressed with all those big tears funning down my alabaster face. That's shorthand for "She looked like a skeletal wretch in a painting with the Irish potato famine as the motif." (I think the two girls who wrote this are Irish. And where is Ariana from, again? Perhaps they ARE Ariana?!)"noooo ur not ugly you are the most beautiful thing in the world!" storm cried for me depressonly. I said I agreed with her even though I obviously didn't in my mind (even though I was actually really hot) TO BE CONTINUED Oh dear. Of all the Sues that really ought to spend some time in a psyciatric treatment facility, this one should be shortlisted.
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Tigeranne
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Post by Tigeranne on Oct 31, 2011 12:15:34 GMT -8
Remember when she killed her Dad? In the past, before she was even conceived? She has come up with a way around it.Chapter 21 – Midnight Sorrowfulness Me and Storm flew back to the homeland of us. Suddenly…Edward was in his house! He looked like a hotter version of Gerard Way crossed with Gandhi. Now I really want to do a pic morph of the two! Suddenly…my powers returned! I had a feeling that tonight was gonna be a good night. I had a feeling that it shall such a good night. (and by good I mean depressing. I used my powers to go back in time because I felt like I had a reason. Behold! The most amazing scene ever written:We were in Monroeville 7 and a half thousand years ago. I saw…Edwart Cullen! He looked like he was in pain. Me and Storm hid in the trees to watch because we were curious ok don't diss! I scratched my nose because it was really itchy. Booo! Conforming to the ideals of society! Booo! Storm had her hand on her head. Suddenly…Edward gave birth to a child! ..............................ouch?"omg" I said fruitily. It was…a beautiful vampire babby! She looked just like… …..….… ME! I could tell because the baby was really sexy. She looked exactly like me! If you think a newborn baby is sexy, then you are afflicted with a severe case of pedophilia. See. A. Shrink. Now!"EDWARD!" I yelled girlishly. Edward of Cullen looked up and saw me flying down. "darkness" he said questioningly."OMG it's you!" he screamed lovingly. My god, Edward looked so hot. But there were questions to be asked. "Edward who is this child you gace birth to?" I replied sexily. "it is…YOU!" came his vivacious reply. "wait so am I…Am i?" I screamed beautifully. "I am your father!" Edward admitted hotly. "I hope this doesn't mean that we can't be together any more because I love you more than anyone!" he excused fantastically. This is SO wrong."nahh course not you are so hot how could I resist you even if you are my father!" I gargantued. "I am just so glad that preppy idiot that used to be my father is not!" said I. "I am so glad we shall be having relationship in distant future!" So incesting with your own Dad is toters OK as long as he is hot and not a prep?"Yes me too I have to admit this babby is extremely sxc. I wouldn't say no" Edward numbered suggestively. THE HELL? Edward is completely pedo! Unless she means that the baby is born with big boobs or something, which would also be an all sorts of sick and wrong thing to write!Then me and Storm lew back to the present time to learn how to defeat another great evil. Check yourself into a secure facility. Then the world will be safe from ONE of them. Also, what happened to the baby? Was it left with Edward?
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Tigeranne
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Post by Tigeranne on Oct 31, 2011 12:43:51 GMT -8
Chapter 22 – The loving of Mr Brightside
Me and Storm Mclovin flew to a mountainside cave (I forgot to mention this earlier it happens after Gandhi told them about the great evils I forgot to say just pretend it's a story ok it's only partly based on real life!")
It's not like the story had any sort of continuity to begin with, darling.
In the cave was….MR BRIGHTSIDE! He was a hot old man that lived ina cave (this cave). He smelt of the sea because he lived near the sea.
What IS it with you and old men?
There was a giant powerpoint presentation playing in the background. Me and storm sat down to watch it. It was about how to defeat the great. Suddenly…Mr Brightside turned evil! He grew wings out of his anus and began to hurt our faces!
I have nothing to say. Really.
I was really strong though and me and Storm defeated him (I did most of the work). I looked really pretty.
Oh hi, Helena's false insecurity. Nice to see you being inconcistant again.
This is probably the most boring part of the story. Note to potential trolls reading this hoping to learn something: You can't make anything funny by making it boring.
ChAPter 23 - the meaning of life
NOTE - THIS CAHPTER IS VERY IMPOTENT FOR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT SO NOW YOU KNOW
Spoiler: It's not.
I put my hand into my pocket sexily.
I scoured my pocket creepily until I found a list and a beautiful pen.
I took them out of my pocket.
I looked at the list.
We had defeated 3 of the great evils now!
I crossed out the Doctor's, Master Chief's, Ganondorf's names with the pen flirtatiously.
Then I put it back in my pocket, not to be seen until we kill Yubaba.
Suddenly…Storm lost me! She dumped you, for treating her like dirt! I was walking around without thinking because I'm so fucking defused. That's not far from the truth. I would have called out to her, but I don't conform to the ideals of society. I felt bored so I sat down waiting for Storm. I got out a camera. I felt tangible, like the fragrant musk of an alabaster pube. Bleeeeehhhh! I took photos of myself with the camera photographically, making sure the contrast was high and it was in black and white and from a out of the ordinary angle from above with me looking sad, because I don't conform to the ideals of society. No, you conform to the ideals of EMO. Ever noticed how similar all EMOs and other "individualists" are to everyone else in their group? Nah, of course not. I then cried circuitously, because I was anorexic and thought I looked really ugly when in fact I'm really pretty and hot.
If you are anorexic, there is sadly a very good chance other people do think you look ugly and straight out creepy.
Storm wandered in flimsily. "I've been wondering where you might have perchanced to, dalekness" <-------- Storm cried lavishly, like an orange in a bowl.
"I'm so depressed Storm" said I. "I feel trapped, like a moth in a bath" I sniffed bimonthly. "Maybe I'm not awesome enough for this quest. Look at me. I'm so fucking ugly, I look almost as ugly as one of those stupid preps that hate this story" I lamented funnily.
That poor, poor 4th wall. *rebuilds it*
Storm looked at ma sexah face solemnly. "I have to tell you something Darkness. Now, I don't want you to be alarmed. But we have to be serious for a second about this".
"WHAT WHAT IS IT" I headed compellingmeisterly.
"I think you suit…red streaks" she emptied emptily like an empty bowl.
"Orly?" I screamed gently. I clicked my fingers and my green streaks turned into red. I had lots of special powers that even vampires don't have, because I am special a bit like those people in Heroes you know what I mean yeh? I am metephormagis.
So why are you angsting about being so ugly? Just turn yourself into something you find attractive!
I was hungry so I made Storm go and get some food. She cooked a meal and it smelled ok but then I remembered I was anorexic so I had to refuse it.
Storm deserves better than this. Seriously.
God my life sucked. My father wasn't my real father, he was a prep anyway and I was so special that people were always out to kill me! And I still didn't have an Ipod nano god I might as well just kill myself.
Suicide is cheap in fics.
But I couldn't. I had a task to do. To defeat the remaining great evils. I looked at the sky. It was the colour of purple, like a piece of rice used customarily.
Storm decided to go to sleep. God now my own friend hates me she was so selfish so I kicked her until she woke up. Why she doesn't hate you from the bottom of her heart is beyond my comprehension. Why was Storm so lazy. I was such a good friend to her but all she did was take take take.
Darkenss reminds me of a "friend" of mine from back in college. She was also really good at turning everything upside down and throw mega-angst-rage-fits when something didn't go her way.
I picked up a stick. It was brown.
NOTE I KNOW YOU MIGHT COMPLAIN SAYING NOT MUCH HAPPENED IN THIS CHAPTER BUT I WANTED TO EXPLORE DARKNESS'S PERSONALITY MORE OK SHE'S VERY TROUBLED AND NOT A MARY SUE LIKE SOME PEOPLE SAY SHE IS JUST A REALLY GOOD PERSON WHO HAPPENS TO BE BEAUTIFUL AND GOOD AT EVERYTHING OK!
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Tigeranne
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Post by Tigeranne on Oct 31, 2011 13:04:41 GMT -8
Oh dear.
Chapter 25 OMG
I had just finished slitting my wrists when Storm woke up.
"Darkness" she bomed seductively "we have to go and defeat the next great evil! Or else you will DIE" she carried magiacinly. She has snapped. Can you blame the poor child?
"Ok I think first we have to travel to 7 and a half thousand years in the past time" I ideaed crumpily. Me flew to 7 and a half thousand years ago in the past time. Everything was so different! Adam and Eve were still in the garden of the Eden Project. There were no dinosaurs around because dinosaurs are a lie created by evil scientists to disprove the book of Murmum because they were jelous. That's not true! Dinosaurs deffo existed. And people used to ride them! The sea was made of lava and people flew on blimps instead of planes (this Is a parallel universe so it has blimps in it ok?) There were many spirits flying around. A spirit dragon called Haku helped us defeat many monsters. (god bless his soul) He told me I looked hot.
I think dragons have a different perception of hotness (no pun intended) than humans, so I wouldn't necessarily take that as a compliment at all. He probably meant that you look really spiney and knobbly.
"what great evil do we have to defeat next oh yes it's YUBABA" I screeched softly.
Same friend from college also had a bad habit of screeching a lot. It was definitely not softly, though.
Suddenly….I saw Edward Cullen vampire man! He was a lot younger but he looked the same as he did in the future.
Since he is a time traveller, how do you even know he is younger?
"Edward" I applauded rambunctiously. He looked my way. He walked over. He scratched his ear. "hello my name is Darkness do you know me at all?" I danced meticulovingly. "hmm darkness I have a strange feeling you are going to be important to me one day." He nicely said. "yes in the future we get married and have S-E-X and love each other!" I loved.
"And you are my Dad."
"orly" said he. "ok in that case if we are married in the future we should have S-E-X now because married people are allowed to without it being sin full because you are so hot I can't resist you!" he cried. Then we did it on the floor.
It gets worse.
Chapter 26 – The baby of sorrow
-9 MONTHS LATER-
This is not good...
Me and Storm had stayed in the past for 9 months because we still hadn't found Yubaba's whereabouts. I was very happy though, because it meant I got to spend a lot of time with my husband Eddward of Culena. You must have aged quite a bit during the fic. If my maths is correct, you are about 22 years old now. How come we see no character developement? I got a job as a model to earn some extra credits (this is the currency in this past time world) so we could buy things from shops and various tradesmen. However, Deano the Manny Man was a farmer, and not happy with this, so he raised dispute against competitive citizens
That was so random it just has to be a reference to something.
It was weird that Edward Cullen had fallen in love with me before I'd met him in the future. It was many a time paradox. One day when we were having breakfast in our tree (people lived in trees in the past I think) Jasper and Alice came to visit. This was before sex changed were invented, so Alice was still a girl.
Um, OK?
Both of them were naked. Jasper had a six pack almost as big as Edward Cullen's.
They never actually have worn clothes. No surprise, really. Although I wonder how they got through the Victorian era.
Suddenly…Edward yelled! "HELP ME DARKNESS I'M GOING INTO LABOUR!" he sobbed ecstatically. We dragged him out of the house and into a clearing so as not to mess up the carpet. Blood spilled out of his disco stick. Boys, are you cringing yet? He was crying with pain. Suddenly…a head appear out of his "magic wand" (you know wat I mean)! OOUUUCH!!! Then the body then the was….
A BABY! I looked up into the trees. I could see me looking back watching Edward. I knew if I stayed here I would fly down and meet myself which would cause the universe to melt. "quick everyone except Edward must leave!" I brightness. No, you Darkness. You in past. You speak cave-speak.
We all left except Edward. I always walked with my left foot first because I don't conform to the ideals of society. After my past self had met the Edward I went back and helped him back to the house. I knew the baby was me because it was sexy.
How exactly is the baby sexy???
On the way back I met Storm. "DARKNESS" SHE fudged unducncly. "YOU HAVE TO COME WITH ME I HAVE FOUND YUBABA WE MUST KILL HER!"
So what did you do with the baby? How did she end up adopted by a prep 7500 years later? Explaination? No, we're not getting one.
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Post by Talys Alankil on Oct 31, 2011 13:06:33 GMT -8
The… baby… was sexy ? O.o Also… Incest Yay ! And how does past!Edward know that he'll be with her anyway ? And if Edward's her real dad, why did she even need to kill her "fake" dad in the first place ? And if she was born 7 and a half thousand years ago, how can she be a teen in the present ? And, as a fervent supporter of creeper!Edward, I'll just assume that he had… lots of fun… with the baby during the millenia that led to the present time. Ew, I just managed to disgust myself. SO. MANY. QUESTIONS ! Y'know, I think I'll snark this someday. When I'm done with all the snarks I already have planned.
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Tigeranne
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Post by Tigeranne on Oct 31, 2011 13:36:20 GMT -8
And if Edward's her real dad, why did she even need to kill her "fake" dad in the first place ? And if she was born 7 and a half thousand years ago, how can she be a teen in the present ? And, as a fervent supporter of creeper!Edward, I'll just assume that he had… lots of fun… with the baby during the millenia that led to the present time. Ew, I just managed to disgust myself.SO. MANY. QUESTIONS ! [/size][/quote] I think we need to apply Insane Troll Logic to this, and assume PrepDad was her biological father before she killed him. Then instead of her disappearing, alternative history assigned her a new father. Who unfortunately was Edward. She must have been brought to the present by time travelling, abandoned and later adopted by the prep family (who originally were the biological one I guess?). But the fic never got that far before the trolls confessed. And a bit of early childhood molestation could definitely account for her being totally and utterly fucked up in the present. And her penchant for old men and incest. Gahhhrkk!
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Chibithulhu
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Post by Chibithulhu on Oct 31, 2011 16:20:10 GMT -8
GAAAAAAAAAAAAH! INCESTUOUS CREEPY BADLY-DONE MPREG AWFULNESS!
This. Fic. Sucks.
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Tigeranne
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Post by Tigeranne on Oct 31, 2011 16:31:58 GMT -8
I'll have to admit it is not a work of great fiction... Blergh. There are only a few chapters left, so I'm going to get this over with.Chapter 26 SOOO YEH ENEWEY I wus ma own mum it is much confusion. Actually, you're the one who did the impregnating, Edward did all the birthing. So he's actually your mother while you are your father. Gggggggaaaaaaaa That kind of sums up my opinion on the litterary quality of your epic narrative. Me and killed Yubaba it was hard but we did did it totally. Then a bird appeared nonchalantly. He was the size of a human and had small wings. Ne of it's eyes was huge and bloodshot and the other was quite small in comparision to the other eye. His eye was like a moon because it was vaguely circular. It didn't have a real beak – it's beak was stuck on with prick stick That is an actually existing brand of paper glue, if anyone was not too sure, and it's mouth was separate mouth to its beak. It was yellow with an orange "beak". It's feet were black. So basically it's a human in a bizarro bird costume."Hi. Ma name's Bulb bird. I will be your tour guide for the day" he birded quaintly. Just then John Barrowman walked past. No greeting JB? He's an aquintance of your after all. It's kind of polite to say "hi", at the very least.Me and Storm followed Bulb Bird around the city. (we had left the past word btw) We were in the city of England. It was bigger than Monroeville. It rained in England. This is a spiritual successor to BL, then. It was a horrible grotty magladantious place. The authors are Irish. Everyone there was ugly except me. (even though I think I am ugly and get depressed about it, I'm actually not) So why didn't you immediately feel at home in England? Surrounded by people as ugly as yourself? (Not to Englishmen reading this: I have nothing against England.)Suddenly…we walked next to Bulb Bird's car! I wondered for a second how a bird with wings could drive a car. But is she going to explain how it actually drives the car?"Come in my childs. I have a Muller Light. It's nice. You can have it." He shat beautifully. <---- Stolen by Ariana"Awesome I lurve yog hurts!" Storm cried friendlily. I refused to eat it because I am anorexic because I think I am fa even though I'm really skinny. Suddenly…Bulb Bird drove away…..suddenly….with Storm in the car! Silly Storm taking yoghurt from strangers. Fear not, Helena to the rescue.I was worried. I couldn't use my powers to save her because they had suddenly stopped working cos England town was sooo skanky. Your powers aren't worth much if a little Englishness can stop them. Suddenly I materialised a skateboard in the air and caught a ride on the back of a whale on wheels like what Mort Mc Fli does in Back to da Future. Does that actually happen? I watched that film when I was 8 or something, and I don't rember. I was very very sexy. I caught up with the Bulb Bird and sawhis secret underground gangster place. Suddenly…I walked down the steps into his hideout! Why are trollfic villains so crap at security?Storm was tied to a chair and had brown tape around her big stupid mouth. Bulb Bird was about to RAPE her (see I can tackle serious issues too) "Unhand her you fiend!" said I, like the songbird heralding the dawn. It was foreshaodowing. Of what? Then suddenly…Bulb Bird was stabbed through the middle! I looked around splederadifically to see who done it… it was…CORK CHILD! Please tell me this is not a game character!"I am Cork Child!" Cork Child corked childishly. "Wassup homies!" Cork Child had the head of a cork and the body of a child. He flew through the air because he had a Cork Head. Oh, so he wasn't just a kid from the Irish city of Cork? Does having a cork (which I take to mean "bottler stopper" here) head make you immune to gravity?Me and Storm flew away to the present time for our next assignment. So England is in the past?
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Tigeranne
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Post by Tigeranne on Oct 31, 2011 21:33:07 GMT -8
CHAPTER 28 – THE SORROW OF SORROW
Oh, the pain of agony and the agony of pain!
ME AND STORM FLEW TO A PLACE WHERE SAURON WAS. IT WAS…..MORDOR! WHILST WE Were there we bbought an ice cream made of chocoface. I wouldn't have eaten ice cream made in Mordor. Especially not if I was anorexic. DJ Otzi (from Switzerland Land) walked past us sexily.
Me and Storm tried to fight Sauron. Then me and Storm killed him by shooting hi eyes with those little silver balls you can get on cake sometimes thinking of that made me hungry but then I realised I was anorexic so I didn't eat any actually probably.
I doubt there was any actual chocolate cake in Mordor. (Although there was ice cream?) So don't worry your little nutricion deprived head. (It probably wasn't ice cream either....)
When Sauron was dead I looked at my hands horrifically. What had I done? I had killed so much for the sake of others, but did killing these people make me worse than the evils themselves? Character deveolopment! The only instance that will happen here. I barely had time to contemplate this when the digger truck man drove past again. He looked at me but he was ugly so there was noooo waaay. Suddenly…Edward's face started breathing inside me!
Now she is pregnant with him? Their family tree is going to look really weird.
"oh sorry" came Edward's muffled voice from inside my intestines. "I tried to teleport but it went wrong anyway I have a message for you. Wouldn't a teleporting accident like that have bursted her to shreds? YOU. ARE. NOT. ALONE" he whispered CULLENingly. I was scared. What did he mean? Had the time lords returned? (SPOILERS)
He is the Doctor, you know. You can't just kill him and expect him to be gone.
"WELL" said storm jeeruinghotingly. "I guess it's time for us to defeat the next great evil. TAY. ZONDAY!" I had to look Tay Zonday up, because the name didn't ring a bell. For those are similarly clueless, he is a kid who made a Youtube video called "Chocolate Rain" where he sings about racial issues. Hence all the references to chocolate in this chapter.
...!!!!!!! Chocoface is racial slur for people of African decent! What WAS in that ice cream??? se krepped esoterically. "but first I'm going home to see my parental guardians" she gated.
I sighed. Storm was so annoying.
Compared to you, she is all sorts of awesome. At least she cares about her family, that she has been away from for 6 years, following your ungrateful ass around in space and time.
And here we come to the chapter that was such a surprise to the readers when it was first posted, that it gained several positive reviews praising Helena.
Chapter 29
Authors note – I'm trying to prove to Doris that my chapter will get a better review than hers if I actually make it make sense instead of writing random crap. Please leave feedback. – Love, Helena
Please keep in mind that this is still trolling, although "Helena" manages to make the character seem slightly more sympathetic for a while.
Storm and I landed in front of her house. It was dark now, a soft light shined in the window welcomingly, the warm scent of baking wafted through the air, inviting us in. As I breathed it in, a flood of memories came back, all the time I spent in my best friend's home, in company of people who loved me, unlike my own father.
Oh, but Edward does love you. Just in a very non-fatherly way.
We made our way down the old cobbled path to the front door; Storm looking happier than she ever did since we began our journey. Can you blame her. I heard voices inside, those same comforting voices I knew so well. As we waited to be let in, I caught my reflection in the door panel, there were dark heavy lids under my eyes and my once smooth face was haggard and rough. Several years of malnutricion in the pursuit of EMOful beauty can do that to you. I looked somewhat older Yeah, you are in your 20s now, if the timeline here does anything at all, more knowing. Could killing really change me that much?
Yep.
The door eventually opened after repeated knocking. I looked into the old rheumy eyes of an old man. He was bent over, using a stick for support, and he no longer had that playful energetic look I remembered so well. Instead, he looked tired, tired of life.
This chapter is almost a complete deconstruction of the rest of the fic.
"Dad?" Storm said, looking as shocked as me at his transformation. "Who is this?" he grumbled, squinting at us suspiciously. "It's me dad. I'm home." Suddenly his eyes widened. "Storm?" Storm smiled at him, her lip trembling slightly.
We sat down in the living room, which was largely unchanged from what I remembered, although there was no old dog by the fireplace, and Storm's mother was missing from her usual spot on the moth eaten sofa. The old man didn't speak much, he just looked overwhelmed at the arrival of his daughter. "So…" she said as she served the tea. "How're things then?" He just shook his head in sheer amazement, and gave me a look as if to ask if this was really happening. "Where's mum?" Storm asked. I felt apprehensive, thinking I already knew the answer. I doubted she had just gone to the shops. The father made a strange choking noise, and began sobbing into his daughter's shoulder.
I actually feel really, really bad for Storm in this chapter. Not that I don't generally feel bad for her during the entire story, but "Helena's" more realistic writing style makes it worse for some reason.
"There was another car…I wasn't there, you know how much she wanted to learn to drive?" "oh dad" she whispered, trying desperately to stifle the tears that threatened to escape. Then she turned to me and muttered urgently; "we can stop it! We can use your powers, Darkness, we can go back!" "I can't." "What? No, we can, we can! We can go back!" "You can't change things that have already happened. You can use the past to change the future, but this…it's already happened. ORLY? That didn't stop you from killing your first Dad! But saving your best friend only Mom is out of the question? I'm so sorry." Her desperation only made me feel worse. She just hung onto me, crying and crying as I tried to keep my own tears away.
Wow, I actually feel bad for Darkness as well. However, the next chapter is penned once again by "Doris", and she's back to being despicable.
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Tigeranne
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Post by Tigeranne on Oct 31, 2011 21:47:05 GMT -8
Chapter 30 – Knot dressed as ogres, hidden gendercide. I sighed vehemently. Storm was so freaking! Who cared about her dead mum I hate people that whine about their life when there are people are worse off in third world countries like America and stuff. And there goes the last chance of making the protagonist seem like she has a last scrap of decency.Suddenly…I HEARD THE TARDIS! It sounded familiar yet alien, like the songbird heralding the dawn. <-- She said that again!! I was afraid because I thought I had killed the doctor! When he ahd tried to rape me! Never actually happened. He just pretended to be Edward, for some reason. And are you surprised he has come back to life, even though that has happened every other time you have tried to kill him?Suddenly…a man and a ginger walked out. It wasn't the doctor I knew. "DARKNESS, MY GOOD FRIEND!" he whispered shoutingly. I backed away. "DON'T YOU DARE RAPE ME YOU FAT F*CK" I SCREAMED wonderfully "AND HOW ARE YOU SO ALIVE" I SCREAMED beautifully. "It's ok Darkness" the doctor said menacingly and nicely. "I am much more better now because I have redemptioned. When you killed me I regenerated into Matt Smith and I am no longer rapist! David tenant is gone from my blood system!" he jehova'd. She seems to have a bit of trouble distinguishing between actors and the characters they play on screen.I sighed because he was so cool in his bow tie and tweed jacket unlike rapist tennant. Out of all the real people being shat all over here, I think this is among the worst. Then the doctor grabbed amy (the orange one) and edward appeared out of nowhere because he loves me and we have a psychic link. We all did the Boston two step happily except Storm because storm is annoying too get a bf. Well, she is grieveing, and not a SLUT.Suddenly…amy STARTED GLOWING OMG! She transformed into….SYLAR! He was sorta hot I guess but kinda creepy looking so there was noooo waaaaaay. Sylar walked towards me fantagilicatlly. "oh lookie what we gave here" he creamed sexily. "Creamed" was funny the first time. Instance # 89674 is less than amusing. "looks like you're …special. I wouldn't mind having your powers" "GET AWAY FROM ME BITCH" I fatalled fortifying magically. Suddenly…. TO BE CONTINUED (?) Suddenly the fic ended!!!!
Nope... one more chapter.CHAPTER 31- when I was 10 and one week old WHEN I WAS A YOUNG GIRL MY FATHER (yknow the preppy one not my real father Edward) TOOK ME INTO THE CITY BECAUSE HE WANTED ME TO CONFORM TO STEREOTYPES But I didn't want to. I was emo through and through I didn't want to conform to his preppy imagine of daughterness. One night I was angry with the prep so I went into the garden which was in the forest that I lived in (remember that? Yeeeaaah continuity bitches) Suddenly…I HEARD A ****ING NOISE! A blue box materialised in front of my very augen. A strange man stepped out in front of me. He was wearing a bow tie It is over! The shitfic is over! HUZZAH!!! *Celebrates with pudding*
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Chibithulhu
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Post by Chibithulhu on Oct 31, 2011 23:21:06 GMT -8
PUDDING! ;D
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Tigeranne
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Post by Tigeranne on Nov 1, 2011 4:29:09 GMT -8
It was almond pudding!
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