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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2012 12:53:37 GMT -8
This is what Super Smash Bros. Melee would be like:
The intro would be a bunch of vampire versions of characters just sneaking around, stalking each other.
Everyone would have stereotyped "vampire" voices.
The female characters would be WAY weaker than the males, who would be cheap and overpowered.
There would be no point in throwing someone off the stage, because everyone could turn into a bat and recover.
Everyone's moveset would involve biting in some way.
Final smashes (if they were in SSBM) would have them sparkle.
The stages would be bland and generic.
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Post by writer wannabe on Apr 11, 2012 12:57:00 GMT -8
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2012 13:05:48 GMT -8
I just KNOW an SMeyer version of Majora's Mask would be awful.
What do you think she would do with it?
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2012 13:31:49 GMT -8
*sob* Resident Evil: Revelations...
No convoluted plot.
A love triangle involving Raymond and Parker vying for Jill's attention and both are a vampire and werewolf, respectively. Jill would get with Raymond. Then, if Jill got pregnant, Parker would imprint on the kid. *vomits*
Quint and Keith wouldn't exist.
Nor O'Brian.
Nor Lansdale.
The sections involving Terragrigia would be cut and only told in one very minimalistic cutscene.
The Ooze wouldn't be there...
The Queen Zenobia would be amazing and beautiful instead of partially destroyed by monsters. Despite this, Jill would bitch and complain about it every damn second.
Rachel would show up more, just to be some random "rival" for Raymond's attention. But she'll be treated as some whore who doesn't deserve the time of day.
Jessica would also be treated the same way as Rachel, but with Parker.
Chris would just be there.
Etc.
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Post by writer wannabe on Apr 11, 2012 13:40:17 GMT -8
*sigh*
All that symbolism that makes the story so much deeper would be out, any character deaths would be gone, Link and Zelda would definitely get hitched, all the minor characters we grow to love would be scrapped or shallow stereotypes, the groundhog day loop would be gone and the moon would be about to crash, and there'd be a lot of blatant Mormon stuff instead of letting Termina have its own little faith system.
Link would get overpowered before the Deity's Mask (which will be scrapped due to the fact that it's a "Deity's" mask) is obtainable and make the entire game too boring to play and the transformation masks wouldn't have their own advantages and disadvantages and instead would either be overpowered if it's pretty (probably the Zoras) or unbearably weak if it's not pretty (Deku, humans, and Goron).
And one of the biggest changes that'll make lots of ppl puke (cause, let's face it, it wouldn't be the first bad Zelda game) is the romance between Kafei and Anju. Imagine it being more like Sam and Emily's relationship.
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Chibithulhu
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Post by Chibithulhu on Apr 11, 2012 21:40:49 GMT -8
I've got a lot, so let's start with Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box, just for the ending.
See, it turns out Anton IS a vampire. And Katia falls in love with him. Sophia eventually met someone else, married him and had an unfulfilling life, so Katia's just a direct copy of her grandmother instead of it being incest. She'd probably fuck around with Iris, the end credits song, too. Just for added pain.
Similarly, the Bioshock series's themes of choice and parenting and the problems of political fanaticism would all go down the drain. Ryan wouldn't die, because he, being rich and powerful, is a good guy now. There's a stupid romance between Jack and Tenenbaum. Harvesting the Little Sisters would get you the better ending. Don't worry what Tenenbaum thinks of that one- she's not their creator anymore, being as she is a female, and anyway familial love means jackshit in this series compared to romance. The sequel would probably have a Delta/Eleanor romance, and Delta would live and that made my stomach churn just thinking that, but they're not blood related so in Meyer's books it's cool. Eleanor also wouldn't do anything in the climax. Oh, and that awesome Art Deco style of Rapture's and its period music would probably be replaced by some anachronistic crap Meyer thinks is accurate but isn't. If you have to ask what happened to the violence, you don't know Twilight.
Golden Sun's whole "save the world" conflict would be ignored in favor of the Jenna/Isaac romance, to the point where Isaac would willingly give up the Mars Star to save her. Saturos and Menardi would be turned into card-carrying villains, and the "heroes" would probably have attitudes more in line with Alex. The entire plot twist would be trashed, and instead they restore alchemy to get the Golden Sun and rule over all or something.
The World Ends With You would remove all the subtext with Joshua, or possibly just turn him female and nerfed. If it's the former, Neku ends up with Shiki, who stays in her "pretty" form. If it's the latter, Neku ends up with female!Joshua. Neku becomes a Reaper and never gets over his emo urges. Joshua would be seen as perfectly reasonable for wanting to wipe out all of Shibuya, because he's a superior being and his significant other died/she was lonely. Everyone basically forgets Rhyme. Kitaniji turns out to be the villain, period, because he's not hot enough, as is Hanekoma who is now obviously evil. The combat system would be scrapped for being too difficult, all the themes about expanding your world and making friends would be gone, the soundtrack would be replaced with something suitably angsty, the character designs would be dull and lifeless, the story would be significantly dumbed down, and it would be set in some small-town American high school because researching Japan is hard. Alternately, Neku's female, Shiki's a jealous bitch, and it's a love triangle between Beat and Joshua, but everything else stays the same. Also Beat's shirtless the entire time, and also black.
Pokemon would be aged up, turn into a dating sim and have the battles as an afterthought. There'd be no adventuring and saving the world.
I'm not sure how she'd fuck up Yoshi's Island, but it would be fucked up, Mario would be slim, pale, an offensive stereotype and lose the 'stache, and Samus would be a guy.
I can't even begin to IMAGINE what Heavy Rain would look like as written by Meyer.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2012 21:04:00 GMT -8
You mean if Smeyer directed the Metroid Prime Trilogy. O.O
Dun Dun Dun
That's all I can say.
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shiko
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Post by shiko on Apr 12, 2012 21:23:54 GMT -8
If Smeyer directed Katawa Shoujo...
God help us all.
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Post by Anya the Purple on Apr 13, 2012 5:25:46 GMT -8
Meyer directing Portal 2? Dear god...
Wheatley would not be an adorable little personality core. And he wouldn't be voiced by Stephen Merchant (I have a friend who would probably go into epileptic seizures at this point). He'd be a tall, pale, hot guy. And GLaDOS would be completely nonthreatening. Gels? What gels? That would require creativity! Instead of exploring the history of Aperture Science, Chell and not!Wheatley would just kind of... sit around and stare at each other. GLaDOS would show up in the last five minutes of the game, and Chell would sit back while Not!Wheatley defeated her. Also Not!Wheatley is (supposedly) a genius. AND THERE WOULD BE NO SPACE CORE.
...Excuse me while I go cry in a corner.
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Chibithulhu
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None can resist cuteness.[Mo0:10]
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Post by Chibithulhu on Apr 13, 2012 8:46:38 GMT -8
If Smeyer directed Katawa Shoujo...
God help us all.
Ergh, yeah. Especially since the game creators put so much effort into researching it and such. |
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Post by annabellamy on Apr 13, 2012 9:34:48 GMT -8
If she directed The Sims series... Well, I guess the only 'genetics' available would be pale skin and any colour hair, and the ghosts wouldn't come back coloured according to how they died, but would be sparkling angels who are pale, blond-haired and blue-eyed.
Then again it's a simulation game, so all but the ghosts thing is according to the player's tastes.
World of Warcraft? Well, all of the quests would involve how 'in wuv' you can be with someone you barely know, and there would be no battling or duelling.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 13, 2012 11:26:22 GMT -8
Meyer directing Portal 2? Dear god...
Wheatley would not be an adorable little personality core. And he wouldn't be voiced by Stephen Merchant (I have a friend who would probably go into epileptic seizures at this point). He'd be a tall, pale, hot guy. And GLaDOS would be completely nonthreatening. Gels? What gels? That would require creativity! Instead of exploring the history of Aperture Science, Chell and not!Wheatley would just kind of... sit around and stare at each other. GLaDOS would show up in the last five minutes of the game, and Chell would sit back while Not!Wheatley defeated her. Also Not!Wheatley is (supposedly) a genius. AND THERE WOULD BE NO SPACE CORE.
...Excuse me while I go cry in a corner. Could you imagine how Meyer would massacre Glados. She would probably turn Glados into Victoria. Glados wouldn't be meglomaniac, she would be trying to avenge her fallen mate. Glados wouldn't be dangerous instead she would have self preservation software installed. Also Glados wouldn't appear until the last five minutes of the game. Lets not forget that Glados would be completely stripped of any and all personality (which imo was the most entertaining part of the game) and turn her into a sparkly robot that is so beautiful. Lets not even get started on how she would destroy Wheatley's character. |
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Post by annoyed on Apr 13, 2012 15:22:49 GMT -8
If Meyer directed Persona 3, she would just have SEES calmly explain to Nyx that humans don't really want to die, and Nyx would just say "ok" and leave. Also she'd hook up Minato with Yukari because Aigis can't have children  |
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Post by Anya the Purple on Apr 14, 2012 14:37:47 GMT -8
Meyer directing Portal 2? Dear god...
Wheatley would not be an adorable little personality core. And he wouldn't be voiced by Stephen Merchant (I have a friend who would probably go into epileptic seizures at this point). He'd be a tall, pale, hot guy. And GLaDOS would be completely nonthreatening. Gels? What gels? That would require creativity! Instead of exploring the history of Aperture Science, Chell and not!Wheatley would just kind of... sit around and stare at each other. GLaDOS would show up in the last five minutes of the game, and Chell would sit back while Not!Wheatley defeated her. Also Not!Wheatley is (supposedly) a genius. AND THERE WOULD BE NO SPACE CORE.
...Excuse me while I go cry in a corner. Could you imagine how Meyer would massacre Glados. She would probably turn Glados into Victoria. Glados wouldn't be meglomaniac, she would be trying to avenge her fallen mate. Glados wouldn't be dangerous instead she would have self preservation software installed. Also Glados wouldn't appear until the last five minutes of the game. Lets not forget that Glados would be completely stripped of any and all personality (which imo was the most entertaining part of the game) and turn her into a sparkly robot that is so beautiful. Lets not even get started on how she would destroy Wheatley's character. |
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Chibithulhu
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Post by Chibithulhu on Apr 14, 2012 16:12:46 GMT -8
And the humor would be nonexistent. Or those painfully unfunny attempts at humor like the whole "vegetarian" thing that just fall so very, very flat.
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Post by KeyOfTheTwilight on Apr 17, 2012 17:00:38 GMT -8
My fave would be .Hack//GU.... I think it'll be too complicated for her to even direct it. My other favorite would be The devil May Cry series And I think I'll know what she will do to Dante. T_T My other favorite is the Sengoku Basara games and the Samurai Warrriors Series. ...No. I will not let her do anything to the generals. She obviously sucks at history. I bet she'll make Masamune look like a fool! D8< All because he has a flaw in his appearance! >8( And the King of Fighters games. I don' know what she would do to it, but I saw the movie... I hated it. I bet she would take away all the fighting and focus on Kyo and Yuki's relationship or something. And yeah. In the movie the pairing of Mai and Iori just bugs me. Mai Obviously has a thing for Terry's brother! >.< Back in topic.... Yeah. The games I listed. I bet if Meyer directed these, She'll take out the fighting, insert some of her lame romance (Because seriously her romnce is just weird and messed up), make a Mary Sue of herself and treat some characters like trash... Blank expressions and just pair everyone up. Endrance even. With that annoying little fangirl of his.  Infact, He's Broody enough to even go after him. >.> |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 19, 2012 17:25:42 GMT -8
Another game: Team Fortress 2
*starts crying at the thought*
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Post by reniefuwa on Apr 20, 2012 20:33:06 GMT -8
How about Amnesia? The creatures you have to run/hide from wouldn't be scary. They would probably sparkle, making all the players wonder why they're the bad guys, actually.
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Post by CandyCoatedCute on Apr 21, 2012 11:47:39 GMT -8
If she directed Harvest Moon? I guess you could get stalked as opposed to you stalking them? There'd be less work to do. You wouldn't have to try as hard to befriend people.
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Chibithulhu
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Post by Chibithulhu on Apr 24, 2012 8:46:34 GMT -8
If she directed Harvest Moon? I guess you could get stalked as opposed to you stalking them? There'd be less work to do. You wouldn't have to try as hard to befriend people.
You'd never get tired. The girl PC would be useless and the "Claire" version (blonde More Friends of Mineral Town one) would be changed to a brunette. All the heart events would be exactly the same, being instant declarations of love. Male PCs would be unable to cook. Animals would never get sick, you would never be wounded. If you end up with a suitor with a rival, the rival falls in love with your child. |
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Captain Victoria
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Post by Captain Victoria on Apr 24, 2012 14:54:40 GMT -8
Dragon Age: Origins? Oh Lord.... Well, Alistair would be a jerk as well as sad. Zevran wouldn't abashedly hit on the PC, regardless of gender. The player wouldn't be removed from his or her background - totally uprooted and, in some cases, with nothing left. Morrigan probably wouldn't stick around because she's mean or she'd be so different from the Morrigan I know and love, she would only be vaguely reminiscent of the character she once was. Sten.... I don't know how Meyer would change Sten, but it would suck. The elves would be the bestest race ever because humans suck. The Grey Wardens wouldn't have been destroyed and the Blight would be resolved neatly and happily with no-one sacrificing anything, among other things. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2012 12:40:54 GMT -8
Let's see... Touhou...
The plots would be lame and romantically-driven, Flandre and Remilia would sparkle, and (gasp!) there would be GUYS in the series. Sparkly hot guys. The characters would be flat, boring pieces of mental cardboard, and ZUN's legendary bad art would go in favour of generic bishie characters that look like they walked out of any random anime. The games would also be way easier, to appeal to brain-dead teens.
The horror.
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yaelxyz
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Post by yaelxyz on Jun 21, 2012 4:10:48 GMT -8
Hmm... Assassin's Creed?
Well, Ezio would kill himself the minute Cristina died, therefor AC:B and AC:R never freaking happened. As for Altair... I get the feeling that she would just change the entire setting so none of the characters will be Middle-Eastern. This is Meyer, you know. Also, Altair and Maria would probably fall in love in first sight and then Altair would completely forget about the Assassins and the Apple of Eden. Who needs that, amirite?
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Post by Fiery Firefly on Jun 21, 2012 9:09:58 GMT -8
A Meyer version of Halo? Hmm...
Judging by how she characterized body snatching parasites in the Host... she'd probably make the Flood the heros, or at least try to excuse their actions. And instead of turning into a disgusting zombie when you get infected, you'd become gorgeous if you got infected. They'd be able to communicate, and would constantly talk about how humans need to be assimilated to save them from themselves. Cause they'd be so selfless! *gag*
And Gravemind wouldn't speak in trochaic septameter anymore, cause that'd actually mean she'd have to put effort in writing his dialogue. Can't have that can we!
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Post by readerwritergirl on Jun 21, 2012 19:30:52 GMT -8
*sigh* All that symbolism that makes the story so much deeper would be out, any character deaths would be gone, Link and Zelda would definitely get hitched, all the minor characters we grow to love would be scrapped or shallow stereotypes, the groundhog day loop would be gone and the moon would be about to crash, and there'd be a lot of blatant Mormon stuff instead of letting Termina have its own little faith system. Link would get overpowered before the Deity's Mask (which will be scrapped due to the fact that it's a "Deity" mask) is obtainable and make the entire game too boring to play and the transformation masks wouldn't have their own advantages and disadvantages and instead would either be overpowered if it's pretty (probably the Zoras) or unbearably weak if it's not pretty (Deku, humans, and Goron). And one of the biggest changes that'll make lots of ppl puke (cause, let's face it, it wouldn't be the first bad Zelda game) is the romance between Kafei and Anju. Imagine it being more like Sam and Emily's relationship.  |
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Arcadia
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Post by Arcadia on Jun 22, 2012 13:20:16 GMT -8
Corpse Party without the corpses or lesbian subtext between Seiko and Naomi wouldn't even be a game.
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Post by Alkonost Storm on Jun 25, 2012 15:01:36 GMT -8
Journey...would not be Journey. She'd completely miss the point of its concept and switch the main concept to something involving her ideas of love. She'd probaly change the character designs too DX
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Post by Deleted on Aug 19, 2012 7:59:28 GMT -8
SMeyer working on the Prince of Persia series. Oh god save us all. The Sand Creatures would not be ugly; she'd make them sparkle and look gorgeous. The Prince would have married Farah in the first game, and his Dark Prince side would not exist. If it did, it would not be the Dark Prince but someone sparkly with bronze hair and a chiseled, marble body. :I
As for Assassin's Creed....I'm gonna be having nightmares now. -hugs her AC games- Assassin's Creed:Brotherhood and Revelations would not exist because Ezio is too old in those games. O__O
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Post by candypants on Aug 19, 2012 20:08:38 GMT -8
Shin Megami Tensei
Let that thought sink in for a second. Now cry as all your favorite characters turn into cardboard characters.
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