SP441
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Post by SP441 on Apr 30, 2012 10:05:43 GMT -8
I'm suffering from the pony withdrawal effects, So I'm going to be a dick to crappy fanfiction to lessen the pains. So, Erin... I think she doesn't need introduction, She's the single most infamous Mary Sue author on this website, bar Stephanie Meyer, She's famous for homophobia, religious bigotry, and grammar so awful dictionaries immolate themselves if placed next to a excerpt of her work. Before we tackle her magnun anus Brewdening Love (sic), I'm going to go over the one shot spinoffs first so I don't break the flow later on. ====================================================== Wards Secert. [SP441: HE LIKES PUDDING.]She looked at them and a signle overweight tear spat out from her eye. [SP441: Miss, When you're so fat that you're crying grease, lay off the Burger King.] How could it of cume to this? Bellr frowned at her two suiters and wantd to slap them a punch to thier smug litle face! Bella cried and preyed for them. [Bella: TONIGHT, THE HUNTER DINES ON FABULOUS FLESH!] They had become fahomosexuals! [SP441: Nice riddance calling them Faghomosexuals, Lady, Why don'tcha go full on overboard and call them "FaghomodieinthepitsofhellyouwretchedAIDSdumpsterssexuals"?] They locked at eachother like hey looked and Bella before they gayed themselves! Edward stoked Jobob's cheap. "Let's be togather foreva" He said, cooingly. "Let's! And to cememnt our pertersion let me turn into a wolf becore we bum love." [SP441: OH DEAR LORD, THEY CAUGHT "THE FURRY"! AAAAAH!]And he did. And Bella looked on and she cried. y had this happened? [SP441: Genetics! They're wacky like that.] Why has god alloud this? [SP441: BECAUSE GOD IS DEAD... Tired, He had to smite 20 fools this morning, Give the big guy a break already.] It wan't write! [SP441: Agreed, If there is one thing that this fic isn't, is writing.]As if to answer her preyers, a single white light shune down from clouds up in the sky on the gorunf. [SP441: It was a Ion cannon from the heavens, vaporizing her, THE END.] "Belle," It spoke in a cumforting, manly voice not like a fatter [SP441: So, Fat people got a comforting, Manly voice?...Hello Ladies...] "I am sorry you fell in for mosex." [SP441: Moi Sex? What, Is God a french pervert?]Bella ran up to and hagged the light, cting. "Why god? Cannot you undo?" God patted her soulder with his golden light. "No I cannot, Bella. It is not...OF MY WORK!" DUN DUN UND So Bella pashed God away and ran into the forrest, tears streaming like rivers in the air. Sexah Ward and fat ugly wolf indian [SP441: Mmmmh, I think the author doesn't like Jacob.] looked after her longing. "I have realised the error of my ways." Said Edward, cryingly. [Edward: I put it in without lubbing it up...]"Me too. We were mistaked to fall in love with eachother [Jacob: I'm wrong for falling in love with a complete tool that is so inept at bed that his hand complains of headaches.] in the not good boy and boy way, especially when we had a sex yixen in front of our very eyes!" [Jacob: I should've yiffed that cunt all the way to anthrocon! Awoooh!] [SP441: I am going to catch so much shit from the local furries...]They both neeled and began to pray. "Oh father who art in Heaven, Hallow be thy name. We, but lambs of your shepardry, have mistaken most foal. We want you're forgiveness so we may love Joan insteed!" [Bella: What about me?][Jacob: Are you writing this?][Bella: No...][Jacob: Then please, direct your complaints to My Balls, Department Hell.]God came down from clouds in heavan and put a hand on both thier shoulder. "You must make it up to me for the hanus thingy you both did. I understand you felt rong and wanted to hurt Bella. She needs you." [SP441: FINALLY! THE ANSWER TO HOMOSEXUALITY! Gay people are mean spirited and like to hurt straight people! WHEN WILL THE MEDIA PAY ATTENTION TO MY WHITE MIDDLE CLASS MALE PROBLEMS?]They both nodded. God spoke "You must both give me a finger to show you mean bussiness." [Jacob: ...Gladly. ]Edward, without hesitation, stood up and lept for the nearest tree. He broke off a branch, and put it in his mouth. He then grabbed the pointer finger of his left hand and wriggled it, then reefed it then tore the tithe off entirely. He howled kind of like Jackob in New Moon, and small streams of red shiny blood came from the wound. "Here God, here is my debt. I am worthy og loving you and Bella." God nodded, and turned to jacob. "And you?" jacob bit his throbing lip, tears in his eyes. He was alive, not like Edward! He would hurt and bleed and not grow his finger gack. Jacob spat in God's face and turned into a wolf and ran way. He would rather love the men than lose a finger! [SP441: Personally I'd flip him the double bird before shoving them in his eyes amd them say "Here's your godamn finger, God.", But good riddance.]God threw a lightening bolt and fried the wolf. He spasmed in airt for a moment then died. God went over, grabbed his soul and punched it in the face. [SP441: Y'now, Sometimes I wonder if Erin sees God as just a magic genie that she can use wherever she wants to see things go her way.]"You have made your choice, Jay Black. Now you must sugffer punish ment until you realise the error of your ways!" [Jacob: But I already did! That's why I came searching for you!] [God: Really? Oh... Sucks. *Drops Jake in hell*.]He opened a hole and thre Jacob into hell. He turned to Edward. Go Edward, Bella is weighting for you by the trees." Edward thanked his One True Lord, and turned and ran t to the trees. Bella was crying. She was on a clifftop, looking at the pale blue oceen below her. It shone up at her like a moonless night. She cired. "Oh God, I love you so. Edward, jacob, i will always remembr you how you." A single tear fell and she took a step forward oof the cliff. But....Edward came and flapped and saved her! [Edward: DON'T WORRY BELLA! I'VE COME TO SAVE YOU! I HAVE REALIZED THE ERR-] [Celes: ...Do I know you?] [Edward: Oh, Sorry, Wrong love-starved twit *Tosses Celes off the cliff*]He held her tight, his well body stroking Bella gently and she quivered whiff his torch. "I have fixed myself Joan and now I will only love you." "I love you too, Bella." Bella said as she looked up into his smouldering amber eyes. She kissed him,and god watched on smeling. All well. [SP441: Edward lived the rest of his days in grief, due to his one true love being killed right in front of him. He spent every night of his life drinking his sorrows away and being pecked on by the harpy he calls wife, until he ultimately commited suicide in a church, His last words written in blood. "LATIN IS A DEAD LANGUAGE". ]=========================================== ...Good night.
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Chibithulhu
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None can resist cuteness.[Mo0:10]
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Post by Chibithulhu on Apr 30, 2012 14:34:30 GMT -8
And again you manage to make homophobic trash funny. Kudos, good sir. Kudos.
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Post by Talys Alankil on May 1, 2012 10:16:12 GMT -8
Nooo, not Celes ! You monster !
…Wards secret. Never gets old, never stops offending me. Good job on that one.
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Chibithulhu
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None can resist cuteness.[Mo0:10]
Posts: 2,236
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Post by Chibithulhu on May 1, 2012 15:02:25 GMT -8
Poor Celes. Don't worry, she probably survives it.
And she has an actually good REASON for wanting to throw herself off a cliff. After all, in that scenario she genuinely believes she's the last person alive and the only other company she had just died. Can't blame the girl for going over the despair event horizon after that one.
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Post by Anya the Purple on May 1, 2012 17:28:29 GMT -8
Oh man. This fic. Even though I should be incredibly offended, it never stops bringing me lulz. Especially with awesome snarking. Good job, sir.
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Post by Talys Alankil on May 1, 2012 22:21:05 GMT -8
Poor Celes. Don't worry, she probably survives it.
And she has an actually good REASON for wanting to throw herself off a cliff. After all, in that scenario she genuinely believes she's the last person alive and the only other company she had just died. Can't blame the girl for going over the despair event horizon after that one. That's true. And she'd probably come to blast Edward's sparkly ass after she gets back up the cliff.
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Chibithulhu
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None can resist cuteness.[Mo0:10]
Posts: 2,236
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Post by Chibithulhu on May 2, 2012 11:16:19 GMT -8
Exactly! Too bad fire's Terra's specialty, not Celes's.
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Post by Talys Alankil on May 2, 2012 13:00:35 GMT -8
^Oh, it doesn't matter. She just needs the right magicite ^_^
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SP441
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Believe in Magic.[Mo0:5]
Posts: 278
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Post by SP441 on May 2, 2012 17:15:09 GMT -8
Pfff, Fire, Who needs that. The cool thing to do is equip Jewel Box and Raiden, So you can learn Quick and then use it to cast Ultima five times in a row. But I digress ====================================================== Edwards Brithday A/N: This isn a part og Brewdening love, but its like what steepanny meyer did with the bree trainer story, like a exra bit or something. [SP441: A cash cow? Silly Erin, No one in their right minds would pay for this abomination.] God loves you all and I love anyone that god lobes [SP441: Only God lobes? WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER PARTS OF THE BRAIN, YOU BRAINCISTIC BITCH?]<3<3<3 I woke up early at midnite becose It was the dsay of Wards brirth [SP441: Known in some circles as "The day of Lavos".] and I was gong to set up his supplies party early so he woodnt no abot it ok. I went to the Crullens house and meat ali outside the window, She had a reelly pretty purple party dress and leather hells. [SP441: Leather Hell sounds like a S&M bar.] Her hare was done in a nice wavy way [Alice: You're so pretty? Who's the pretty rabbit? Who's the pretty rabi-][Angel:BITCH MAKE ME MAH DINNAH! ]"Hey Joen you look hawt today, ward will tink yu are so sexah." Alice tod me outloud. I was weering a special outfit for ward. [SP441: Yeees, the "special"Outfit...] I had stragtened my har and was whering a black dress which was a dress and a skirt at the same time, [SP441: Oh... That sounds really stupid, Like a mentally challenged cheerleader outfit.] it was tight and short and made my legs look reely long and skiney. I coulnt weight to see werds reactan when he say me. [Edward: -Hey guys what's going o- OH GOD A VAGINA! AAAAAAH!]Anyway we got the tables out of the shed and put them on the ground and made a markey over the top to protect it from whatever. We then put the cake out, it was a reely expensibe cake or whatever [Erin: We found it inside a huge underground laboratory, I'm sure nobody's going to miss it.]*Meanwhile*[Rattman: COMPANION CUBE! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? AND WHERE'S MY CAKE? NOOOOOOOOOO!] and put all the food out and then I wrent home to bed until night time came later that night. I was reely excited about the party becose allot of wardys firends that he hadn't seen for agers woud be cumming ovar. But one I wanst locking fordwards to was tana. She thought ward was hawt and wanted tyo sell him awey from me [SP441: FILTHY SLAVER SCUM! *Jumps in with a Chinese Assault Rifle.*] but I was way hawteer than her anyway so I kne ward would stay wiyj me [SP441: Yeah, I can see why you have stayed together for so long, You have so much chemistry! Like, You're pretty, And he's pretty! So pretty people get together!] insteed of going for ythat dirty Slit. [SP441: Now, How do you know her slit is dirty, hmmm?... Been having some carpet sandwiches lately?]It was 6 and everyone hid in his room, then ward came In. Happy birathday Edwerid" I SCREMED OUT . [SP441: *LE GASP*!... Wait, this moment isn't intense, Why did you type that in all caps?] he jammed at me and huggled me tight into his pecks witch ere hard and tight. [SP441: CHRISTIAN, HUH? THAT'S WHY YOU'RE WRAPPING YOURSELF ON HIS TIGHT, HARD PECKS, YOU FILTHY WHORE YOU.]"Ommg joan you look hawter than you eva have be4!" He told me and I kussed his big lips in a erroctical way. [SP441: SO CHRISTIAN.]"come outside we have a supplures for you sexah,Z" I wanked at him and he wainked back. [SP441: Mutual Masturbation, SO CHRISTIAN.] We whent outside to the rotunda and there was what me and alica had mad for him this mourning plus all his friends where there. Then tana came up to him and said in a seductive vocal, "Hey big boy you lock good, [Tana: I saw how you twisted your key as you locked your house last night, that was so fucking hot.] and then he tried to kass him."THEN I WALLED UP TO HER AND DLAPPED HER FACE HAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "HE IS BY BOYFRIEND OK SO BAK OFF SLUTY!" [SP441: SHE'S a slut? You just went to second base in front of everyone, you hypocritical cunt!]Tana creamed in my erection and tried to pash me, [SP441: WHOA! When did this fic became a Futanari porno?... Not that I'm complaining...] but wardy pucnjed her hard in the stomck. [SP441: What a hero! Punching girls in the stomach for being slightly annoying! God would be so proud.]NO YOUO HURT JOAN NOW FUCK OFF! [SP441: JOAN WAS THE ONE WHO STARTED DOING BITCHSLAPS, YOU CLOD! ARE YOU BLIND?]!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [SP441: Today on this morning, the Exclamation Mark was found dead in a alley with a huge watermelon shoved up it's ass, Forensic evidence suggests that it was raped to death in a humorous fashion, Clowns may or may not have been involved.]" THE LORD IS UNPLEASED BY [SP441: ...Well?]YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" [SP441: Heh, I like to think that Edward actually made a small pause before saying that.][Edward: THE LORD IS UNPLEASED BY....][Tana: ...][Edward: ...][Tana: ...][Edward: ...][Tana: ...][Edward: ...][Tana: ...So... Y'gonna-][Edward: YOOOOOOOOOU!!]Tana cired and gave me the finger but I egnored her becose shed uglah now anyway. [SP441: Our heroes! Ladies and gentlemen, disfiguring people for being mildly annoying, such brave folks!]I forgat to give you your precent joan, I saids to ward. [Erin: Get on your knees and say "Aaaah"!]I gave him a box and he opened the box In it was a ring made of sliver. I LOVe it, he told me,and then we ate the cake and I said [Edward: Ohmygoooosh! This so goes with my shirt and my cockring!][Erin: ...He's so straight!]I love you, ward I love you to Erin The end/ ,3,3,3,3 Naww that was a sweat story, Edward and joan are prefect togetha. [SP441: Yep, They assaulted and disfigured someone, and Edward is still without his one, Jacob, I am so happy I could kill an entire orphanage with a Donkey Jaw!]================================= Next up is "Truelove Fight", Then... We tackle the main course...
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Post by Talys Alankil on May 3, 2012 4:25:34 GMT -8
Pfff, Fire, Who needs that. The cool thing to do is equip Jewel Box and Raiden, So you can learn Quick and then use it to cast Ultima five times in a row. True, true. And that was a hilarious snark.
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Chibithulhu
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None can resist cuteness.[Mo0:10]
Posts: 2,236
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Post by Chibithulhu on May 3, 2012 5:14:15 GMT -8
Poor Ratman. Not only does he have to deal with GLaDOS, Erin stole his cake! Truly she is the ultimate evil.
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Post by Anya the Purple on May 3, 2012 5:40:36 GMT -8
^I KNOW RIGHT?
SP441: oh god, the lulz... What about Bella's Baby?
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SP441
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Believe in Magic.[Mo0:5]
Posts: 278
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Post by SP441 on May 3, 2012 7:13:04 GMT -8
^I KNOW RIGHT?
SP441: oh god, the lulz... What about Bella's Baby? Can't find in her gallery, If you got a link, send away.
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Post by Talys Alankil on May 3, 2012 8:54:14 GMT -8
^ Over here.(Yes I have it bookmarked. Don't judge me.)
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Chibithulhu
Persistent Member
None can resist cuteness.[Mo0:10]
Posts: 2,236
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Post by Chibithulhu on May 3, 2012 13:52:41 GMT -8
We have to share that little pile of fail with the world, after all.
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SP441
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Believe in Magic.[Mo0:5]
Posts: 278
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Post by SP441 on May 4, 2012 12:03:03 GMT -8
^ Over here.(Yes I have it bookmarked. Don't judge me.) Your country appreciates your help, My brain, however, wishes you death. He's a bit cranky, though, so you can ignore it, I know I do. ================================================= Heelo Im writting a nuw stori abot ho Me [SP441: Ho you is correct, sweetie...] and Ward save the wold form the evil pokmons that were mad by SATIN!!! [SP441: Huh, And here was I thinking that Pokemon was made by Satoshi Tajiri...] I neva wached pokmons befor coz they aren't Christian and Father James Holden says they are bad for christens to watch, [SP441: Yep, Y'now how those things are, We gotta watch out for los Nintendos, los Pokemons, e los Playstations.] but I sen pics of them so I kno what they lock like OK!!!!! [Erin: Some of them like Onyx lock really bad, for they lack arms to twist a key with.][SP441: Also, Note that she knows what they look like, so she feels qualified to write about them, BECAUSE LOOKS MEAN EVERYTHING! Origin? Behavior? Habitat? Culture? Pfff, Useless...]I hop you like this stori coz I reely like it. [SP441: I'll let this say everything I need to: ]O0o0o0o0o0o0o One day me an ward were walling down the rood halding hands when suddenly [SP441: BATMAN JUMPED FROM THE SHADES, AND HIT EDWARD WITH A BAT GRENADE.] a YOLLOW DEVIL OF SATIN JOMPED OUT AT US!!!!!! [SP441: Oooh boy, As someone who played the original Megaman, I completely agree with Erin about Yellow Devil's origin...] It was an evil pickacoo. (A/N Pickachoos are devils xoz they have ponty ears like satians hones.) [SP441: Aw, You're making Spock cry!][Spock: ...][SP441: Why aren't you crying Spock?][Spock: Mr.441, As you can see, I am a Vulcan, and as such, Do not express emotions, much less at a poorly written work of fiction.]"WARD HELL I SCREAMED!!!" the pickachoo was locking at us and was makeing noises like it wanned to posses us. [Pikachu:Pi-Ka-Chu! *Hug me! Hug me!*]Ward jumpd in font of me and sped at the monstar. The devil was using its unhole powers and I was scarred that ward wold not be Christina anymour. [SP441: Silly Erin, No matter religion, race, or orientation, Edward will aways be a woman inside.] Then ward piked up the pickachoo and thru it high into the sky and it dispeared. [SP441: Where the sudden change in pressure made it explode messily, spraying guts everywhere, WELL DONE EDWARD!] "YOU SAVAD ME!!! I jomped wards arms. Ward huged me bak and kussed me on the fored. Then Father James Holden said [SP441: WHERE THE FUCK YOU CAME FROM?]"The word is getting taken ovar by evil creaters called pokmons. The are run by satian and they are the enamy of good christens. [SP441: See? This is why Satanists aways win, they got games like Pokemon and DooM, Christians got things like Bible Adventures and Spiritual Warfare.] We hav to get rid of them or the will take ovar and het rid of all christiens." [SP441: And they succeeded, ON THAT DAY, KANTO WAS BORN.]ME and ward were sad for a bit beciaz the evils were here but then Ward sad "Emert and Japper and Alice And rossie and carlise and MC can help us fight them." [SP441: Something seems off here...][Edward: We're going to be helped by Rose, Alice, Carlisle, Jasper, and MASTER CHIEF!]And then I thoght [SP441: HOLD THE PRESSES! YOU THINK?]"And Jay." eDward locked sad becoz I sad abot Jay [Edward: My dick envy is more important than the looming evil on the world!] but he nuw I woodnt cheet on him with Jay beciz I am a good christen. [SP441: Bitch, I am as atheist as they get, and I am more in tact with the Christian principles than you.]We went to find the others O0o0o0o0o0o0o How exsiting, we ar gong to get rifd of all the evil thins from the wold [SP441: Start by yourself.] so ony good thigs can live, like TWILIGHT and the bible <) [SP441: So, You're going to destroy everything that you hate? Jee, that sounds a lot like Kefka, except that you're not funny, menacing, or deep.]================================================= Welp, that's it for now.... ...SYKE! WE'RE GOING FOR SECONDS MOTHERFUCKERS! ================================================= This is a one of stoir were bella is pregnant wih a chird. [SP441: ...BRING IT ON! GIVE ME YOUR WORST!]O0o0o0o NO"Whaled Bella Swab I is pregnant!1" [Bella: I is referring to myself like retarded caveman!]Edward randown tghe stairs and flew towards me likw a ghetto blaster. [Edward: YO YO YO THE BIG E IS HERE TO BUST A CAP IN YO ASS WITH GRENADES, LASERS, BOMBS ALL KINDS OF EXPLOSIVE SHITS, MUTHAFUCKAS!]"Edward" He yelled in panic "What is wrong?" [Edward: DO THE BIG E HAVE TO DISCIPLINE YO ASS, HO?]I cried al over him and put my face into hio neck crevass. "I...I...I...I...I...I AM PREGNANT WITH FEATUS!" [SP441: AAAH! KILL IT! KILL IT BEFORE IT MAKES YOU SWIM THROUGH A SEA OF SAWS!]Edward looked into my cold dedicate eyes and I looked into his frosty warm eyes and eyes and I cried into his furrowed breasts. [Edward: Yep, I'm a bear, bitches.][Jacob: Weird, from last night, I could swear that you were a Baby Panda...][Edward: Shhh! What happens in the fun room, stays in the fun room!]He patted me like a dog reassuingly. [Edward: Daaaw, Does the Bella want a cookie? Does she? Who's a good girl? Bella is!]"There there my dear sweat Blla, we will figure baby out." I cried. "But I'm a vampire now, and Esmerte was a miracle WHY AM I BABYING AGAIN!" [SP441: Don't know, Still trying to figure out how you got pregnant the first time.]I called Alice. "Alice I'm with pregnant." She cried and we all cried together. "I'm so sorry but hey she'll be a miracle like Esmememe [SP441: Wow, Erin brain's broke after trying to write Renesme's name.]But I knew she would NOT BE MIRACLE CHILD! I would feel it in my falopeons that the thing I caiied now was pure evil; [SP441: Of course it's pure evil, It's Dr.Fetus, he wears a monocle and top hat, couldn't be any eviler than that.]a somehow curse put on me years abo by evil james! [Bella: Are you going to put a curse on me with that magic wand?] [James: Bella... That's my penis...]IT IS THE DEVIL BABY OF JOMS! I screamed and everyone gasped. "We will abort it then!" [SP441: Well jee, way to boil down a complex moral debate to "We'll abort it then!", Please Erin, Enlighten us more!]NO ABORT, NO ABORT Edward screamed [Edward: I STILL HAVEN'T SAVED MY GAME!] "It's MY CIHLD!" [Edward: THE CHILD THAT WE JUST STATED IT ISN'T MINE!]I looked at him like he was a playa. "Foo it ain't be your baby [Edward: ...Bitch, Yo stealing my game? IMMA PUT A CAP ON YO SHINS, HO! IMMA DISCIPLINE YO! IMMA TEACH YA NOT TO MESS WITH THE BIG E!] because I'm the morther fatters don't have rights to unborn babets!" [SP441: Oh Erin, your educated opinion on abortion is so inspiring! War is solved, shelve the guns, no more hunger.]Edward cried so I pity kissed him, and nodded to Alice [Edward: Sheez man, Big E just got a bad case of blue balls...] and we flew to the magical abortion clinic...in England!11111 [SP441: That would be the most whimsical movie! "England's Magical Abortion Clinic"! We'd have to change the name though.... How about Austin Powers?]Professor McGooglule came out and we told her and she gasped. "Here drink this" She produced a potion from her front pocket sac "And bab will be cured/ So I drank it and I felt shills go through me and then baby and evil evil evil was gone from my tummy! [SP441: That's the edited version to fit the time, Here's the unedited version:][FILE MISSING][Apathy: The previous data was expunged for being offensive against everyone on the planet, Unit 441 was arrested and will be on prison for a while, so for now, I'll take over sporking until he can reassume his duties.] I went back to Edward and Emsere and smiled knowing Jomes had not managed to voodoo pregars me anymore 0o0oo0o0o I dot beleve in aborton but bella is a dirry hure and she was haven Jomes bab so its ok to abort then [Apathy: Uh....]================================================= Oh god, what have I gotten myself into...
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Post by Talys Alankil on May 4, 2012 13:31:09 GMT -8
Oh, wait, there's the Twilight World, too ! You gotta snark those as well if you want to do the whole thing You know you want to.And it is now my headcanon that Truelove fight is a canon prequel to the existence of the Pokémon world. Joan and Edward failed to fight the Pokémon (thankfully) and that's how the world as we knew it became the Pokémon world. Oh yeah.
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Chibithulhu
Persistent Member
None can resist cuteness.[Mo0:10]
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Post by Chibithulhu on May 4, 2012 17:50:06 GMT -8
But then, that means there are vampires in the world of Pokemon.
Then again, would that mean that Erinverse God is Arceus? ... OHMYMEW ARCEUS IS THE DEER LORD! IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!
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Post by Talys Alankil on May 5, 2012 3:55:55 GMT -8
^Well, aren't there vampiric Pokémon, though ? Maybe that's where they come from. And there are sparkly (shiny) Pokémon too. So it all works !
Arceus does look kind of like a deer, so he could be the Deer Lord. Definitely makes sense, considering how smite-happy Erin's God is.
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Post by Anya the Purple on May 5, 2012 7:13:32 GMT -8
@talys: Makes sense to me.
Maria: Oh, you've just gotten yourself into a world of hurt, my friend.
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SP441
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Believe in Magic.[Mo0:5]
Posts: 278
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Post by SP441 on May 9, 2012 12:56:14 GMT -8
A man sits alone on a richly decorated living room, the sole light source being the fireplace, burning ever so brightly, in a comfortable recliner, sits a man, dressed in stereotypical noir detective garbs, with a gaunt, expressionless face, accentuated by clearly visible stubble, his long blond hair slicked back his shoulders, tied by a ponytail. "...They're late" The man, whose name was Patterson, wondered to himself. Then, The sole door of the room came open, and out of it came two figures, One was a titanic man, his size and musculature would make him easily mistaken for a god of war, with green cargo pants and a tight black sweater pathetically trying to hide his intimidating visage, his sculpted face almost invisible behind the huge layers of wild hair and unkempt beard. The other was a small, childlike young man, his clothes were a complete mess, full of holes and shreds, with most remark being his jacket, which looked suspiciously like a heavily damaged straitjacket, his face was no better, with unfocused, chaotic eyes full of childish exitement, his hair a complete mess, It would take the world's entire supply of haircare products to get it in acceptable condition. "Yo, Pat, There better be a reason for you to have called me, Or I'm going to shove my foot up your ass!" Said the big man, His name Rogger. "Hello Mr.Apathy are you fine I'm fine today I went to see the ducks on the park they were pretty ever saw that cartoon about the black duck it's funny like that show about the brit people and the funny sk-" Rapidly blurted the young one, before being silenced by Rogger's hand. "Sammy, Shut yer yap, please." Demanded him. "Alright" Patterson asserted, "I called you here because I need your help with a job." "And what would that be?"Inquired Rogger. Patterson looked down and closed his eyes, well aware of his partner's reaction "Sporking Erin's work." "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?" Rogger yells, In a burst of rage "READING HER WORK IS LIKE GETTING ACID POURED ON YOUR BRAIN! ISN'T THIS THE JOB FOR THAT SMARTASS CREEP?" "He got arrested for divulging offensive information" Replied Patterson. "SON OF A-" Rogger attempted to say, before being interrupted by Patterson "I know you're angry, big shocker, you're Wrath, but it's only until he gets back from jail, which considering how sleazy the law system is, should be in a few weeks" "Grrrr... I guess we have no choice..." Said a defeated Rogger. "And you, Insanity, got any comment?"Inquired Patterson Rogger lift his hand from Insanity's mouth, he briefly stays quiet, blank, frightened stare on his face, before slowly whispering: "Abadon all hope, ye, who enter here..." ====================================================== [Apathy: Alright guys, you ready for this?][Insanity: Yes I am! Ready I am! Ready like baked cake!][Wrath: Fuck off.][Apathy: Close enough.]Chapter 1 A/N: Thus is mi new story about Twilight if it was the bible. [Apathy: It's the first paragraph and I already see sacrilege, this is going to be sweet....] God love to all god reeders. [Insanity: If Twilight was the bible, it would like, have, tons of sparkling dudes, and like, Noah would have a thong, and his ark would also have a sparkly thong, and then he'd stare at his blue robot lover, and say things like "Burton I love you but I can't kill you", And then it'd be really gay.]Edward had just finshed creating the world. [Apathy: He made it just as pleasant as he is, and he named it Aquas] He had made a betaful garden for Alice and Jasper to live in. They were the first people to live on the erth. [Insanity: HEY! What about the Zealians?] [Wrath: They where living in the skies at the time.] Jaser and Alice loved each other alot and were gong to have kids because thats what Edward wanted therm to do. Howevr he mad a apple tree that he tald them that they were not aloud to eat the apples form. Japper and Alice dint want to eat the apples because they didn't want to make edword anger. [Insanity: Edward anger? I am more worried about Applejack's anger once she finds out you've been playing God on her Apple orchard!]But then one day a eval snail named Joms came down thru the tree and talled to Japper whou was siting undar the tree. [Wrath: HE'S A SNAIL.... A FUCKING.SNAIL, This is motherfucking surreal.]"You should eat my apples." Jomes said. [James: If you catch my drift, big boy....] But Japser igored him, he new edwart did not want him eating the apples from that trea. [Wrath: He's obviously saving his "tree" for his mouth only.]"NO!" Said jaser, I love Edward thy God." [Apathy: Hey, jackass, Last time I checked, Thy means "you"]The snae did not give up thou. He said to japer. "Why , my apples are rond and red and very deisous." [James: Suck mah apples, they're red, big, bright, they're good for you, Suck mah apples...]Japper looked at the applkes witch locked very delious. He picked one off the tree and bite into it. [Apathy: Yup, that's the willpower of a champion right there, Maybe James can convince him that he's a walnut by the end of the day..]"This is yum," Said japster. "Alice, come here and tast this apple/" Alice come over and told the apple off jasper, [Insanity: Yeah! You tell that apple off! Apples are cheating bastards, I once tried to date one but she kicked me for some random worm.] He bite into it and she said. This is the best apple I have ever had." Then Edward saw wat they were doign from heathen [Apathy: Wow, a heathen god, what a paradox.] and got anger. "YOU DISBAY ME!" He roored, "NOW YU ARE VANISHED FROM THE GARDEN OF ADAM!" [Jasper: ...But I'm still here...] [Edward: *Puts hands on his eyes* LA LA LA I'M NOT SEEING YOU SO YOU'RE NOT THERE ANYMORE.]Japser and Alin ran from the garden and into the desert, They had been vanished from the garden fro disbaying God. "Oh no, "Aline cried and Jasper crid too. "We falled God, We are unworthy." [Jasper: And I tried so hard to resist the temptation!]Edward who was wathign from the sku felt bad about what he had doen to them so he said [Wrath: Welp. that's the anger of a God right there, five seconds and he's already all "Lol jk".]"Yu cant return to the gernden [Edward: Maybe I could get you back here, but, eh...] but I will make you a house that yuo can liev in." Then Edward pointed his finger and a manion appered. [Wrath: OH, JUST THAT? YOU KICK THEM FROM YOUR GARDEN AND GIVE THEM A MODERN DAY PLEASURE FOR THEM? YOU'RE THE WORST ANGRY GOD I'VE EVER SEEN!]"Thank God, how can we replay you?" [Edward: INSERT ANOTHER COIN TO CONTINUE.] Alice assed but Edward replate "You must never doubt yur lolty to me again and must crete many childen to full the erth." [Alice: ALL, Of the earth?] [Edward: Yes.] [Alice: Jasper, get the ice, you're going to be real sore this night.]Jasper and Alicn preyed to god every night befour they went to bed and then Alice fall pregenant with a baby. [Alice: Already!? We barely got out of foreplaying!] [Jasper: *gasp*...water... please....]"God," (Erin: They are not aloud to call God Edward because they aint worty.) [Apathy: So, God is lower than Edward? I think there's a circle in hell just for you, m'lady...] Alce is having a baby" Jasser celbrited wen he told Edward at prey time that night. "This is excelet news." Said Edward, [Edward: NOW GET BACK TO MACKING, You got 1.000.000.000+ babies to make!] "Now you msut anme your first chill Bella to proof your loyly to me!" [Insanity: Oh hey Bella what a nice name Bella means beautiful in portugu- wait a second, isn't Bella Edward's lover?] [Wrath: No...]When alice had the baby she named it Bella as god had assed. Bella was a butaful baby. [Wrath: NO NO NO NO NO!]"She will grew into a Queer," Said jasper proufly. [Wrath: Oh thank heavenly Jesus, she's gay.] Alin aghrined. "She will be the queen of Christianity." Said Edward one day to them as bella grew into a woman. [Wrath: WHAT? EDWARD YOU MONSTER! YOU CAN'T VIOLATE A PERSON'S SEXUAL PREFERENCE! WHAT KIND OF GOOD GOD ARE YOU?]"This is a honor form oour family." Jaser said proudy. Aline was making sure Bella grue to be the queer God espected of her. [Wrath: DEAR LORD, HE WANTS HER TO BE GAY JUST SO HE CAN "CONVERT" HER TO STRAIGHTNESS! YOU DELUDED FOOL! YOU CAN'T FORCE A PERSON TO BE WHAT YOU WANT! YOU'LL BREAK HER! YOU'LL BREAK HER IN HALF!]One dae Bella met a men named Jacub. [Wrath: FINALLY! A HERO!] [Apathy: Rogger, he's a pedophile in the original story.] [Wrath: So? Doesn't mean he's going to be in this one, I trust his abs.] [Apathy: ...And where did Jacob come from?]"Hi," said Jacob. "Hi,said bella and she walked awy thinking that Jaycub was hot. [Wrath: NO, YOUNG BELLA! YOU'RE FAR TOO YOUNG FOR SUCH THOUGHTS!]Edward who was watching tald Jasser and Alice trhat Bella was felling in luve and if she did she couldn't became the queer. [Apathy: Of course you can't, You can't be gay if you fall for the opposite sex.]AN: tell me what you think, god luvs you. Pleese Revow [Wrath: DO YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT I THINK? DO YOU WANNA-][Apathy: We already know, Meat Mountain.]==================================================== So, How was it?Awful.And you know what else? There's four more chapters!...No...Awesome! I will bring all the tacos, and also the chili, Chili goes good on tacos hey ever put chili on your socks? I did, felt good but cleaning up aftewards was a hassle so you shouldn't do it, Anyway do you think we should go for taco bell or-I hate my life
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Chibithulhu
Persistent Member
None can resist cuteness.[Mo0:10]
Posts: 2,236
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Post by Chibithulhu on May 9, 2012 16:35:01 GMT -8
But the Zealians were after Ayla's tribe, Insanity! Also, do we count Reptites as people in this argument, or are they excluded by virtue of being non-humans?
Oh, trust me. The blasphemy gets WORSE from here on in.
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SP441
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Believe in Magic.[Mo0:5]
Posts: 278
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Post by SP441 on May 16, 2012 18:27:37 GMT -8
Welcome back, folks, Today we tackle chapter 2 of Twilight World, The sacrilegious piece of crap wrote by Erin of the Cullen Cl- Rogger, What the hell happened to you?I spent last week getting drunk off my ass, In hope that the headache i'd get on my hangover would keep me distracted from this turd.So... Did it work?No.===================================================== Chapper 2 [Insanity: Chopper two? Like those bikes that those weird mustached dudes work on?]A/N: STOP IT NOW YOU MEENIES!!!1, This is mi stori and I will do wat i want. [Apathy: Preach on, Tidus.]You are all eval SINNARS that wurship SATAN! Leeve my stroy alone, tits betta than your storiis [Wrath: Hells yeah tits are better than your stories.]|/||/||/||/| Jacub went home ant fought about how niece bella locked. [Insanity: She sure does, She has 78 skill in lockpicking, I personally have 65 Alchemy and used it to make a juice that made me feel funny.] [Wrath: Sammy, What I told you about mixing poison ivy and snake venom glands together?] But if he felt in love ith her she coulsnt became the queen. [Apathy: Why? You haven't elaborated on it, As someone who writes slash fiction on his spare time, I spit upon your inferior writing capabilities.] [Wrath: ...What.] [Apathy: We all have hobbies.] Joboc loved Edward alot and wouldn't go agenst his teechings but e wanted to be with Bella. So he dissolved a plane so he could be with bella. [Jacob: BELLA! I HAVE DISSOLVED A AIRCRAFT FOR YOU, BOW BEFORE MY MALE MIGHT!] [Bella: *swoon*]Bella was at the steam having a shower when Jabob got in the water beside her. [Wrath: Uh Oh, Close your eyes Sammy, things are going to get inappropriate.] [Insanity: Oh, Are they going to fuck? Bump Uglies? Get their game on? Screw eachother like dogs? Play Doctor? She's going to conquer mount Dickmore? Star in a Cinemax late night movie?] [Wrath: ...Just what the bloody hell have you been watching behind my back?]"Hu Bella," he said sexily. "Oh hi Bella," said bella blinking her eyelids [Apathy: Well, What else she's going to blink? Her cunt?]"I think you are georgess." Jacon told her and bella blashed "I think you are hort too." Bella told him. "Well we should ran away together and be togther." [Apathy: Their chemistry makes me swoon with joy.]Bella agrued and they left the steam and rand away to Egpty. [Apathy: So, Let me see if I got Jacobs little plan right here: 1-Find Bella. 2-Tell her she's hot. 3-Flee with her to Egypt. 4-? 5-PROFIT! God is not disappointed somehow too.
I mean, Come on, I made better plans to take a dump.]Edwarf hwo was washing feom the sky shaw the treatory they had comited and got mad that his queer had ran away with the commonar. [Edward: GRRR NOW HOW WILL I PROVE THAT YOU CAN RAPE THE GAY AWAY?]"YOU HAVE FANLED THOU!" Edward reared from the ski when he found Berlla and Jobub hiding in egpyt. [Insanity: Well Yeah, It was pretty easy to spot the only things still alive when some guy with a white T-Shirt passed by and shot everything on sight, I mean, They where the only thing still alive, Kinda like that song sung by that crazy robot in the huge laboratory, Y'now the one who made everyone on the spaceship zombies and stuff oh no wait that was SHODAN.] "FOR THOS YOU MYST BE SMITED." "!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Wrath: GASP! LESHOCK!]1111111111111 [Wrath: Ok, Seriously, You ran out of exclamation marks and had to resort to MOTHERFUCKING ONES? HOW DO YOU FUCK THAT UP?]" Yellowed jacobe you cannto smite us, we are your followers. "I CAN SO SMITE YOU, I AM GOD AND YOU HAVE BETRAILED ME! [Wrath: Well, He IS god... Smithing people is well within his reach.] I WILL SMITE YOU!" Edward ponted his finger at Jacob but Bella jumped in front odf the beam of deeth and she was as smiyted away into dust. "NOW LOOK WAT UO HAVE DOEN!" [Jacob: ...YOU DID THIS!] Edward scremed from the cloods. "YOU HAE SMITED TOE QUEEN OF CHRISTIANS AND NOW SHE IS DEAD! [Jacob: IT WAS YOU WHO SMITHED HER YOU SHITHEAD!] JOCUB YOU ARE VAINSIHED FROM EVER BEING MY FALOOWER AGEN! OU HAVE SMITED THE QUEEN!" [Jacob: YOOOU! YOOOU WHO SMITHED HER! YOU WERE GOING TO SMITE HER ANYWAY! YOU WERE, YOU BLAME-DODGING GIANT PRESUMPTUOUS COCK!]Jacobq was so deprossed that Bella had been smited so he ran away to Afirca. [Wrath: Is everyone master of the Instant Transmission Technique? How are they moving between continents so fast? And why didn't God smite Jacob?] When Jasser and Alin found out their daught had been smited by Jacub, Jappster went to find him and sacrifist him form bringin shame on ther famile and so Edward woud forgive therm. [Insanity: But they did no wrong, why would Edward be mean to them too they weren't even present in this chapter, and why are they chasing Jacob to kill him when Christianity Condemns revenge? Isn't this all against the religion in the first place and AAAAGH!] [Wrath: Sammy! What's the matter!?] [Insanity: MY HEAD HURTS!] [Wrath: Hold on, I'll get the Tylenol! Christ, Not even the crazy can grasp this fic logic.]Jasper travalled to Africa to find were Jabuc was hiding. He found him hiding in a hat in a village filled with no-edward fallowers. [Insanity: But where did they even came from and why they don't like Edw-] [Wrath: Sammy, Be easy on your head.] Jasster grabbed him and drugged him back to the minon. Alien lit a fire and Jasper perpored a spitroost to put Jacon [Wrath: Alright! Dogmeat! I'm hungry like a Horse!] on for the scarifist. Edward watched from the moon [Edward: Alright, let's see what they're up t- Hey! Who are you?] [Princess Luna: I am the landlord, Your pay is overdue.] [Edward: Bitch, I'm god, I don't need to pay for shit.] [Princess Luna: Very well, Tell me, Do you like bananas?] [Edward: Uh... Yes... Why?] [Princess Luna: TOO BAD, BECAUSE THERE AIN'T NO BANANAS. OFF. DA. MOOOOOOOOON! *Shoots Edward into the sun*] as Alice and Jater chanted their love for Edward and put Jacob on thew fire. The flames turned green as they burned his sinnar ass. [Jacob: Ow! Eh, It's alright, Edward would've burnt my ass later this night anyway! *wink*] Edward was pleasured that the hed redempt themshelves. [Edward: Congratulations, You have redeemed yourselves.][Alice: For what?][Edward: For being black.][Alice: ..But i'm not bla-][Edward: BITCH SHUT UP OR I CUT YOU!][Alice: Ok...]"You havbe poofed your looyly to Me and now you arse reinstated." He pointed his finger and Alic become pregnant again. "This time you will have a chill that will not disbay you or Me!" Then edword went away. Alicr haf her baby and this time it was a new gril named Roselie. Roselie was the prettyiest girl in the world [Apathy: In virtue of being the ONLY girl in the world.] and all of Edwards fallowers lobed her. [Edward Cultists: MORE LOBSTERS FOR THE LOBSTER QUEEN! ] [Rosalie: AGH! WHAT THE FUCK?]Rosalie never betrailed Edwart and he was pleasured by her. [Wrath: Oh dear lord! IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED EDWARD? JUST A INCESTUOUS FUCKSLAVE?] [Insanity: Oh this is just like that other movie I saw on Cinemax that other night where there was this dude and he was dressed in leather but not leather like a biker leather as in super happy fun time leather that people use to hurt eachother and like it anyway but then they-] [Wrath: ...Man I gotta start regulating TV more often.] So he made her a mate named Emert. Emmert was to fell in love with her and product children so Edward cold have many fallowers. "rossalie. Said Edward one day will she was cooking on the fire. "I have made you a husbend because you have pleasured me, hes name is Emmert and yuo must love eachother and have many child." "Oh that you God, I love thy." Rosalee said happliy. Then Edward zapped Emmert into life. [Apathy: If you can create life just like that, Why not create a bunch of followers yourself?] [Wrath: They would most probably have no personality.] [Apathy: So? With parents like these, I'll be surprised if Rosalie doesn't give birth to cardboard.]Emmertt and Ross lived happu together in their mansion that Edward had made form them. However one day emert wanted to sleep wih ross but she did not want to get pregnant. "Not tonight, I do not want a baby yet, it is not gods will to have a baby at this time." [Wrath: WHAT? GOD SAID IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS THAT HE WANTED A LOT OF FOLLOWERS AND YOU WERE GOING TO CREATE THEM! DEAR LORD, NO WONDER YOU'RE A BLOND.]"But it dose nto matter, as I will nto put my seed in you." [Emmert: I'll just fill your cunt with my man-chowder.]K," said Rossable and tyhey did the act. [Apathy: So spicy, I think you stimulated one of the nerves responsible for me not falling asleep.] When it was time for emert to relist his seed he pulled away and put it in the dirt. [Insanity: I think it's going to sprout into a nice appletree!] [Wrath: More like a cucumber tree...] [Insanity: Huh? Cucumbers don't grow on trees!] [Wrath: *Snicker*]Edward, who was watching in thwe windoe saw what emet had done and cremed [Emmert: GOD! WHAT THE FUCK?] [Edward: Sorry, I can't conjure myself some Pay per View, So I have to settle for you guys.]"YOU HAE WASED LIVE BY SLIPPING YOUR SEED. " Emert felt to his nees and cried, "I am sory My God, I did not meen to angry you. Rosale said that it was nto your will to have a baby yet." Edward fought for a but then sed. "I forgave you this time but if you ever wash your seed again I will smite you." [Apathy: Fear is not a nice way to keep a healthy workplace environment, Believe me, I know.]Emmert and Rosile promised to never sip his seed agen. [Wrath: Good, One less cumguzzler in this world.]|/||/||/||/| A/N: Emmert and Roaslue were noughty but it is god that ZEdward forgive them. I am reelly exsighted righting this stori, I hope al you GOOD REVIOWES liked it will happen next? Reed the next chatper to find out. [Wrath: Fuck.You.]=================================================== Welp, Gotta go.Mr. Apathy? Where are you going?Work, I received a call earlier today about a murder case on some old apartment, Those guys can't do a thing without me.Oh! That detective stuff, where you're like Dick Tracy that banana looking fellow I like bananas they're yellow and dance and claim your base oh no wait that's that robot dude, I head he's related to the Borg, the robot people from-Aw, What the hell, Flatface, We start getting into the turd core and you puss out to pretend you're Problem Sleuth?Calm your tits, Meat Mound, the two kids where passing by, So I called 'em for support.The good kids or the bad kids?The good ones.Double dammit.
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Chibithulhu
Persistent Member
None can resist cuteness.[Mo0:10]
Posts: 2,236
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Post by Chibithulhu on May 17, 2012 6:44:00 GMT -8
Aaah, Trolluna and Trollestia. Probably the worst landlords ever, but at least they're entertaining!
Well, since Egypt's in Africa and a lot of scholars think a hypothetical Eden would be in the Middle East, it could have made sense if Erin wasn't an idiot. But, y'know... Erin's an idiot.
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Post by Anya the Purple on May 20, 2012 6:46:19 GMT -8
Well it may actually be a biblical reference... Doesn't Cain go somewhere in Africa?
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Post by Talys Alankil on May 21, 2012 4:11:42 GMT -8
Considering she goes all Moses on us later, I'd say it's a reference to that. Or well, whatever event led to the Jews being in Egypt, anyway. I forgot what it was.
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Chibithulhu
Persistent Member
None can resist cuteness.[Mo0:10]
Posts: 2,236
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Post by Chibithulhu on May 21, 2012 14:48:25 GMT -8
^ If Andrew Lloyd Weber hasn't lied to me, it was because Joseph was sold into slavery by his jealous brothers, became the pharaoh's adviser, and Egypt had avoided the worst of the famine because Joseph was awesome at dream interpretation. Or something. Granted, I'm getting this from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. At the very least, I'm pretty sure the pharaoh wasn't an Elvis impersonator.
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Post by Anya the Purple on May 23, 2012 17:24:31 GMT -8
No, that's in there. And then he got his family an in during the famine, which is why all the Jews were in Egypt. And then there were a lot of them eventually and the Egyptians were like "whit they might overthrow us LET'S ENSLAVE THEM."
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Chibithulhu
Persistent Member
None can resist cuteness.[Mo0:10]
Posts: 2,236
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Post by Chibithulhu on May 23, 2012 19:13:20 GMT -8
Thought it was something like that! WEBER HASN'T LIED TO ME, AFTER ALL!
... Except that whole "It's over now, the music of the night" line at the end of Phantom. Way to make a sequel no one wanted, dude.
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SP441
Member
Believe in Magic.[Mo0:5]
Posts: 278
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Post by SP441 on Jul 5, 2012 14:07:27 GMT -8
Cripes, Has it really been One and a half months? I should work for Valve at this point. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Roger sat in a confortable recliner, his face marred by a annoyed expression, it has been well over a week, and "those bastards" haven't even sent any news, needless to say, he was impatient. "For a pair of jobless vagrants, they sure take their sweet time to get to places" mumbled Roger, with major irritation. He then set his gaze to his left, which was the door to the room, and sitting patiently looking at it was Insanity, unusually quiet. "Sammy" called Roger "Don't bother, these two never use doors". Confused, Insanity turned around and inquired "Why not?". Before Roger could answer, the loud, unpleasant sound of glass breaking echoed through the apartment, prompting to Roger to finally get up, his bones crackling due to long time going without use.
Insanity and Roger entered the kitchen, and notice a big cloud of dust covering the rather small room, "Friggin' finally", Roger muttered.
"Behold! For the amazing twins have ari-" A male voice tried to present itself, before being interrupted by Roger "Christ, cut that crap, willia? It's enough the fact that you took forever to get here, we don't need your silly introduction lines, even more so after you broke into the kitchen and scattered dust everywhere, seriously, how did you even manage to get so much dust up here anyway?"
"Well, It HAS been long since we took time to bathe..." a female voice meekly said as the dust dissipated, revealing a young male and female, both wore similar clothing, cargo pants, military boots, leather gloves, a vest over a colored shirt, and a bandana covering top of the head. difference being in color scheme, the young purple-haired female, Samantha, preferred a white and pink scheme, while the dark-green haired male, William, went with a black and green scheme, both seemed incredibly dirty and embarassed over their rather lackluster entry.
"Do you even remember why you came here?" Questioned a irritated Roger.
"I don't remember, but I do know one think: I'm going town on that there fridge" affirmated Willian to Roger, who, at this point, was at the brink of smashing the two punks.
"Uh, Will, I think he's talking about that thing we were supposed to comment on?" Added Samantha, who was worried Roger's increasingly less arguable emotional state.
"Aw Sam, can't we eat first? We've been travelling for weeks!" Complained Will, causing Roger to explode at the two: "YOU'RE GOING TO EAT A KNUCKLE SANDWICH IN A HURRY IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP, WHY THE HELL DID YOU TAKE SO LONG TO SHOW UP? I THOUGHT APATHY FACE SAID YOU WERE PASSING BY!"
"Oh, we were!" Said Will "But we heard about this ancient treasure buried inside a nearby cave and we just knew we had to check it out, I mean, just think how much that would wor-" Sam tried to complement, before being interrupted by Insanity. "You know, we better get this show rolling because as you see Roger is angry and when he gets angry people get hurt i don't like people getting hurt it reminds me of soiled beams they taste awful like trouts whats your favorite fish mine's-"
"...Yeah, he's right, let's just do this" said Will over Insanity's rambling.
"Brace yourselves, this isn't going to be a pleasant trip" assured a now calm Roger" ================================================ [Sam: So, what we doing anyway?] [Wrath: Oh, Nothing much, just Twilight World.][Sam: ...][Will: We're right done fucked, are we?][Wrath: Ooooooh Yeaaah.]Chapter 3 AN: I AINT WARSHIPPING A NOTHER GOD. [Sam: So, is Warshipping like, Shipping Kratos with Ares, or sumthin'?] [Will: Wouldn't surprise me.]THIS IS A STORY BOUT IF TWILIGT WAS THE BIBLE. [Sam: Well, that's your problem right there.] SO EDWARD WOULD BE THE GODS. [Will: Don't christianity have only one God?] [Sam: We got a fakeeer!] Thank to the GOOD REVIOWER who is preying with me. You are a GOOD CHRISTINA! OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO Rose and Emm had a baby, they named it Renessme and they showed it to Alice and Kasper. They both thught Renes was a good baby. Renes may was goin to be a fallower of Edward. [Sam: But only on May, she'd be a Jew for the rest of the year, "Increasing my chances" she says.] Edwrd who was proud of Roseli and Emmert he made them a new house. [Wrath: Yeah, way to teach your children independency, Godwarth.] It was a big maniosn with slaves [Wrath: WHAT, SLAVES, WHAT?] so that Reneses could grew up and be a good christen. [Wrath: I-IS THIS WHAT BEING A GOOD CHRISTIAN ENCOMPASSES? SLAVERY?] They also had another baby and named it MC. [Insanity: Oh hey look it's Master Chief! I like Master Chief with his metalic armor, sense of honor and-] MC was a good cook and was nice. [Insanity: Oh oopsie, it's not Master Chief, it's Master Chef, big difference sorry.] Renessemay and MC were good christen sisters and pleasured Edward. [Wrath: Nice, This hypocritical motherfucker goes and creates himself a harem, Dicksnot...]Everyone was hgappy but Edward wasn't. [Edward: This is some sub-part head I'm getting here, I got more pleasure of a Lost Soul, and they're flamming skulls!] One dsay he decided to make a wiff that would love him and he would love her. He pointed his finger and then a women appeered. She was hot and had hair. [Will: Weird, Thought Edward had a thing for women with no hair.] Her name was Joan. [Sam: Eyup, No self-insert here, no sir.]Edward come down to earth to tell her that she ws his wifd. "Joan, you are ym wife." He said and then he tool her up to the sky where they culd watch over the world. "You are now alos the queen of christanins and have to ked them." [Wrath: And then she fall flat on her face.] [Edward: Come to think of it, Maybe I should have given her a Nervous System.]Joan loced Edward alot so they had a baby. They had a baby named Jesus. [Will: Didn't she say she WASN'T Blasphemous? Why is she implying that she and God fucked, and that she gave birth to friggin' Jesus?] They sent Jesus yo erth to help the fallowers. Joan went to erth to because that was Edwards well. [Wrath: ...She wanted her to bring him water?]Joan and Dward whent to were Alice Jasoer Roslie Mc Emmert and Roenesseme and Jacob lived. Roslie and Emmery had another baby and it was charlise. [Insanity: The children are giving birth to the parents and the parents shall give birth to the grandparents, I bet if it keeps going they'll give birth to a second God and then God and Edward fight and there'll be explosions and Godzilla and Mothra and it'd be cool.]WEhen jesus and Joan came to the house everyone bowed polite and welcomed them into the house. Joan and Jesus was happy with the family. They were now all good christinas and Jacob was going to marry Renesme and MC and charlise were going to be married. This Pleasured both Joan and Jesus and Edward to(ERIN: but he was watching from the sku so he wasn't at the house, he was pleasured becorse Joan was,) [Will: Linked orgasms? Didn't knew that was possible, Sam, do you think that could happen to us?] [Sam: Don't know, and let's face it, neither of us will ever know.]"God has sent me and Joan dsown to erth so we can led you," Jesus sais and then he pointed his finger and a buvket of wine appeered. [Jesus: But first, let's get plastered!] Everyone clapped and had the wine. Joan was board [Insanity: Cool! Let's use it to build a boat!][Wrath: I don't think cunt floats...] so she went back into the ski to be with Edward and to watch Jesus led the fallowers. [Joan: Eh, bored of LEADING THE ENTIRE HUMAN RACE.]"Were going to a new cuntry." Jesus told them [Jesus: Let's party in Vagina Land!] and they left the house. Edward pointed his finger and the house disapperds because he woud make them a enw one at the new cunty. Jesus led them thru the dessert but then they got trapped at a sea. Jesus stopped. "The sea is to bid and deep." Alice said. [Alice: Maybe we shouldn't have followed someone who's completely waste-] [Jesus: SHUT UP I CUT YOU!]Then joan came from the ski. OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo A/N: What are they goi ng to do now? God revioes pelse. God loves thyne. [Wrath: They're going to use their super duper God powers to save themselves, yippie.]============================================== So, how was it?I dunno, how was it Sam?It sucked. Yeah, it sucked. Don't worry, there's more next week. ... ...I hate you.The sentiment is shared. ...Anyone else noticed Mr. Apathy still hasn't come back? Anyone?
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