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Post by HeraldChaos72 on Dec 6, 2013 14:21:33 GMT -8
Thanks, Orky. On to the next chapter, fellow snarkers!
27 – School days (Chrom: You're back in school now?) (You didn't mention anything about a vacation.)
A/N: Im egnoring peeple that are meen and that want me to warship the devil. I send christien love to Jenna Becca and everone at yourth groop. God loves us all (Chrom: We don't worship the devil.) (We worship the flying spaghetti monster.)
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Me and dad and Wars stared at each toher then dad came in the room, he was going to hut me. Ward got up sexahly and defancivley and stod beteen me and dad. (Chrom: The wars stared at each other?) (How can you be sexy and defensive at the same time?)
“It is my falt, I sneaked into her rom becase I love her!!!!!!!” wARD told dad. He looked stuned then he said. “I am her boyfriend Edwerd Cillen.” Wards voice was reely brewdy and sexah. (Chrom: Who's Cilen?) (How can his voice be brooding and sexy?)
“GET OUT OF MY HOUSE OR I WILL CSLL THE POLIC!!!!” (Chrom: Hear that, Eddie? He wants you out of the house.) (It's about time that her father takes steps to stop their relationship.)
Ward left trhough the window (Chrom: What kind of person leaves through a window?) (Meyerpires, that's who.)
“GET TO SCHOOL NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” DAD yell at me and I got out of bed and got reedy to go to school. (Chrom: You don't have to type dad in all capital letters.) (Did you do it begrudgingly?)
I put on some blac eye shadeew and pink lipstic. I made my makeup reelyy hot and put on a nice black shirt that came to just above my nees and I put on a nice light blue tank top that left my arms uncovered. Then I waled to school. (Chrom: You don't have to pile on so much make-up to make yourself beautiful.) (Can you stop with the costume porn already? We don't need to hear your overly long descriptions.)
At school Ward was weighing for me at my talbe. I sat nezt to him sadly. (Chrom: He was weighing things for you?) (You sat sadly?)
“I am sorry bout dad” I told him and he chukled sexah like (Chrom: It would've been better if you could've said, "he chuckled sexily.") (The word, sexah returns.)
:Its K, I ove you.” He told me and i cherried up. Jenna and Jacob came and sat at our table too, then it was time for class, we went to maths class. (Chrom: He owed her?) (She's a cherry?)
In maths class there was a new boy with sexah blonde hare and he was wering a small cross around his neak he was in a sexah black top that hagged his mussels and he wore tight jeens. Becca came beside me halding hands with jap. (Chrom: Another character joins the fray...and he has muscles.) (Becca is holding a Japanese person?)
“That’s Brian Hahnel, the new boy.” She said (Chrom: I knew it was Brian.) (Brian is young enough to pass as a teenager?)
Jenny who had came to my other side nextr to ward wunked and me, “He’s cute.” (Chrom: Flirtations from the female characters in 3...2...1...) (What about Jacob? Isn't she dating him right now?)
I agrued but only in my heed becase Ward was beside me too. We all said down, I sat nextr to the new boy. (Chrom: You argued inside your head?) (And you're trying to seduce Brian while Eddie is right there.)
“Hi Im erni?” I hald out my hand becase it is polight. (Chrom: Polight? I don't see any lightbulbs that have this name.) (Again, she got a sex change.)
“I am brian,” said brain and he shaked my hand. (Chrom: Brain? Like Pinky and the Brain?) (He must be very intelligent.)
“Are you a christen too?” I asked and he said yes. (Chrom: Ugh... Another Christian... I should've seen this one coming.) (He can't be all that bad, Chromy.)
“This is my Christina boyfriend Ward,” I told brian. Brian locked at ward and said hi but he looced sad that I was with Ward. (Chrom: Is it possible that Brian likes her, too?) (Christina Ward sounds like a singer.)
The teecher camer in the room so we stopped talking and listen to him (Chrom: This is the first time I've seen the word, came anywhere.) (At least, it's not sexual in nature, but the tense makes it suck again.)
At lunh time I invalid Briain to sit next to us. He sat next to Em. I couldn’t tell who was sexaher, Em or Brian. (Chrom: Probably, Brian. He has muscles.) (Who doesn't love a muscular blond man?)
“So when did you move to froks?” said Al (Chrom: Is that Alice?) (Yes, it is. Also, you didn't spell Forks right, Suethor.)
“Yesterday, “ said brian. I moved hear frome Canada. Canada is a batter citey then Forks thou.” He told us. (Chrom: The fuck? Canada is not a city! It's a country, for gods sake!) (He's speaking Shakespearean?)
“Why did you move from Canada?” I assed sexahly and seductively and interestedly. (Chrom: No. You don't put three adjectives in the same sentence.) (That's not a way you write a sentence with an adjective.)
“Becase my mumand dad want to live hear.” He said, he locked gronchly but that made him lok hoter. (ERIN: But not as hot as Ward K!) (Chrom: And the author's notes need to stop. Seriously, I can't read the story properly without those goddamn author's notes floating around!) (He's grouchy now?)
Ward looked at him growly like. I assed wart wat was rong and he said (Chrom: He said what?) (He's growling at him?)
“He isn’t talling the turth.” He washpered bac. (Chrom: He's not telling a turtle?) (He washed his own back?)
“Why?:” I said looking at brian who was talling to Becca. (Chrom: Because he doesn't want you hitting on another man.) (Is that a colon I see that shouldn't be there?)
“I donot now, I will find out.” Ward said angerly. (Chrom: He doesn't know?) (How can you not know? You can read minds, Eddie. Just use you mind reading powers.)
I dint now why Ward was so growly and anger like. He looked so hot and sexah when he is anger thou so I deside to forgive him. I am a good christen afta all. (Chrom: No, you're a lustful harlot.) (You will go to hell for that.)
It was the end of the day and I was waling thru the car-park, then Brian came up to me. Ward had gone home already becase he was felling sick. (Chrom: An excuse to talk to the hot new boy?) (I see what's going on here...)
“Hay,” brain wunked at me, I smelled eroctically. (Chrom: You smelled Brian?) (That's not cool to smell someone you just met for five minutes.)
“Hay,” I said bacx and he looked at me sexahly and eroctically. (Chrom: He looked at you sexily? How does that even work?) (She has hay?)
We waled together and brian assed me questions (Chrom: He's probably asking you some questions the police asks about.) (It's interrogation time!)
“So who lone has you and ward bean together?” (Chrom: What kind of question is that?) (Is he really a police officer?)
“I think and say, About 2 months,” (Chrom: Two months? I say you and Eddie were together for five minutes.) (Just days after meeting him, you said two months? I call bullshit on that.)
Brain looks at me sadily. I think he likes me but I cant halp that a lot of boys are attacked to me. I walk round the coner and (Chrom: You're an egotistical brat, you know that?) (I can't help that I'm a Mary Sue who is soooo attractive and hot! No, that doesn't work that way.)
MY HOUSE WAS ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111 (Chrom: Who set your house on fire?) (I was the one who burnt down your house. *chuckles evilly* Ahahahahaha! HAHAHAHAHAHA!)
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A/N: I was lissening to some awsum chirstant musac and it gave me inspiritration. I hop you lie this chatter as much as I do. (Chrom: The only thing I like about this chapter is the fire.) (Christian music gives you inspiration?)
I liked how her house burns on fire. It's a crowning moment of awesomeness. More lulz continues next chapter.
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Post by HeraldChaos72 on Dec 7, 2013 10:39:00 GMT -8
The 28th Chapter is up and ready, fellow snarkers. Happy reading. 28 – secets. (Chrom: What secrets are you talking about?) (I bet she has big secrets to tell us.)A/N: I haven updated becase I have bean buzy with school and stuf. But now I will do lots of udates to mak up for not doin them. FUC OFF SINNARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111 (Chrom: Ugh, no... No more badfic, please... I beg of you to stop this torture...) (Score one for the snarkers. Victory is imminent.)0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o MY HOUSE WAS FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111111111111111111111111 (Chrom: I bet Brian burnt down your house.) (No, it was me! I did it!)I sceamed and ran to my hose hopping my dad wasn;t in ther, but he was at work so i stoped caring about him. (Chrom: Then, why are you concerned about your father just now?) (What's Hugo Smith's profession now?)“Brain we have to call the fighters!!!!” I yellowed to brian but he had ran away. The house bunt down to ash and then I cryed. I dint no wear to go so I went to Wards hose walking in a sad but sexah way. Charlises meat me at the door and I told him upsetedly what had happened. (Chrom: The fighters do nothing but fight.) (How can you walk sadly and sexily? That leaves a huge plot hole.)“Is your dad k?” assed charlises. (Chrom: What kind of misspelling is that? No one says the word, "ass" when you're asking someone.) (He's just a workaholic, Carlisle.)“Yeh, he was at work at the hospital so he was out of the home.” I told charlises cryingly. I hated live. I fought about God and that made me happyer. (Chrom: He's a doctor now? What happened to him being the mayor or a lawyer?) (She hated to live?)Insude was Ward and Jas and Al and Rose and Em and Becca and Jenny. They wear all slitting on the couch weighting for me. Ward brought me down onto his nee. I codded him and talled him bot the fire and that my house was not a pile of doust. Wadr plucked my tears with his fingers and raped his hands round me erotically. I gave him my best seductive eye. (Chrom: The misspelling of the word, wrapped just made it worse.) (And you're flirting with Eddie instead of just helping your father?)“We will buld you a new home.” Said em and then he and japer left to go to were my house was. They had to buld me a new hose befour dad got home or he woold be mad that all the alcohol got bunt. (Chrom: Why would he get mad if his beer was burnt? He could just buy some beer later.) (They're construction workers now?)The next day I was at school wen ward came up to me and said (Chrom: Who's Wen Ward?) (Some kind of singer.)“There is somethin suspesious about brain.” He told me secetly. I got scarred becase his vouce was dark and growly and not sexah but evil. (Chrom: Did you mean whisper?) (His voice is a demon's voice.)“Y?” I assed. (Chrom: She showed her ass to him? Gross.) (I have Pokemon Y!)Word walled away and brain came to me. (Chrom: Word? Is that his new name now?) (It's Brian. He's back!)“Hey, Joms.” Sory botu your house.” Said brian. (Chrom: Did he just call her James?) (James is a girl now?)“It’s K, we got a new 1 now.” I told him, I was locking at him to see why word hated him but I gessed it was becase he was jeelous of brian taking my attesion away from him. (Chrom: Because you flirted with him.) (And that's cheating on your sparkly boyfriend.)Thats god’ said brain and we wled to cass together. (Chrom: I get the sneaking suspicion that Brian might be young enough to pass as a teenager.) (God's in class, too?)The shool day ended and I went home, Ward came with me to the new jouse em and rose had bult. It looked the same as the old one but it was cutter. (Chrom: Your house was cuter than the old one?) (She now cares about how houses look.)We wen inside and there was BRIAN WITH MY DAD IN HANDYCUFFS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111111111 (Chrom: I knew it! Brian's a police officer!) (Her dad is arrested? What did he do?)“WHAT ARE OU DOING? ??” I SCREMED SO HATD THE WINDOWS SHAKED. (Chrom: Your voice alone doesn't have the power to make the windows shake.) (She screamed into a hat?)“I am aresing your father becase he is a drug deelar.” Barin told me. (Chrom: A drug dealer? I didn't know Hugo Smith was a drug dealer.) (That's one reason to arrest an alcoholic.)“YOU CANT ARESS HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I got anger reely bad. Who was this fake chritan. (Chrom: He's not a fake Christian, he's just doing his job.) (I now have a new role model that I can look up to since I'm becoming a police detective myself.)
“I can, I am the FBI and I bunt down your hose.” Bvrian said. “I was underclover to invessigate you fatter.” (Chrom: He's one of the FBI? That's even more badass.) (He was the one who burnt down her house? Why can't I do something that's more evil than that?)I walled up to brian but he punchewd me in the face, it hurt. (Chrom: I support you, Brian. You did the right thing.) (He punched Joan? That's awesome!)“WHAT DID YU DO THAT FOUR? ?” Wardy yellowed. (Chrom: Because she was getting angry and wanted to kill him.) (Now, now. No need to get defensive, my dear Eddie.)
“Becase I am the FBI and I can,” Said brin then he lead to the cop car and put dad in it. (Chrom: Best line ever.) (And it's a crowning moment of awesome for sure. This guy should get an Emmy for this.)They drove away (Chrom: So, will Joan finally treat her father with respect?) (I'm pretty sure she will.)0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o A/N: Severs Joans dad rite for beaning an drunk. (Chrom: And you're just so vain to everyone.) (Not all dads are drunk.)
I loved the crowning moments of awesome that Brian had. He's officially my hero for punching out a Mary Sue. More lulz continues tomorrow.
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Post by HeraldChaos72 on Dec 8, 2013 12:03:22 GMT -8
The 29th chapter is now underway. Don't worry, this is really short.
29 – loanly (Chrom: You're lonely because Eddie's not here?) (Are you loaning something from the bank?)
A/N: I have bean reely busy latey with school and stuff so I havet bean able to do lots of updates but not that school is almost finished I can do lots of updats. (Chrom: No, no more torture, please...) (It's almost over. I promise you that, Chromy.)
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Now that dad had bean taken away by the FBI I was aloan in the hosue. I dint like beening aloan becase It made me fell bad. I desided I wood move in with Wady (Chrom: Did your father give you permission to move in with Eddie?) (At least, you still have your friends.)
I xgot all my stuff and Ward put it in his car and we moverd it to his hous. I was moving into wardys rom. But i was going to slept in a seperat bed, I had desided that we carnt slep in the same bed intill we are marriage. I neva wanned to go agenst the Lords Teechings agen. (Chrom: You could still sleep in the same bed if you're friends.) (Serves you right for committing the sin of lust.)
Ward knew what it meat to me not to go agenst the Lords Teechings so he dint make me slept in his bed. I was happy ass that me and ward cold live together and embrass the Lords Teechings (Chrom: You're a happy ass?) (You guys were cold?)
I mussed my dad thou, even thou he was a meen drunk man. He was still my dad and I wanned to get him out of jail. (Chrom: You don't care about your father at all even though you loved him.) (You have to be a jerk to call your dad a meanie.)
“Ward, we have to get my dad” I tod word and cried tears. Ward raped his arms arond me and kissed my forest. (Chrom: The word is supposed to be wrapped.) (It makes Eddie a rapist if you keep misspelling a simple word. Did he just kiss a forest?)
“We will, We will go to the jail tomarrow and get him out, you need to go to slep not.” He told me and tacked me in my bed, then I wen to slepp. (Chrom: He tackled her?) (That's not nice, Eddie. You don't tackle someone on the bed.)
The next mourning we got up and got reedy to go to jail. I dressed in a nice blue full langht dress with nice black slip on shoes. Because we had to make a good impresson so they woold let dad out of jail. Then we got in wareds car. (Chrom: I doubt you have to dress good to get your father out of jail.) (Is it a silver Volvo this time?)
We were on the road when ward turned the corner. (Chrom: What happens next?) (I bet it'll be another irrelevant chapter.)
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Erin: It is shot I no but it will be longer soon, (Chrom: You shot a chapter?) (You better make it long.)
And the short chapter ends here. More lulz continues tomorrow.
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Post by HeraldChaos72 on Dec 9, 2013 13:42:57 GMT -8
It's the 30th chapter, everybody! Happy reading.
30 -A NEW EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111 (Chrom: Another revenge chapter? This should be good.) (I totally agree. We should have fun snarking this one too!)
Erin: This is a new chapper about the evil peephole and how Ward and all the Vampires and Jacob and me fight them away. (Chrom: A peephole? Is that a new character in the story?) (Chapper? You meant chapter.)
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Me anD ward and Al and Jacob and Jenny and Becca and Rosse and Em were all at my house one day when these peeple came into town. They were vampires but not nice vampires like my vampire famely but meen bloodstucking ones that kulled peepe and ate them, like Joms and Victor. They were actually deemons. (Chrom: Where's your proof that vampires are demons?) (It says so in vampire lore, I guess that's where she got this info.)
They were coming at me. I new there names. There was on named skegs and one names firebird and one was halohead and another one was named pussle and one was Coger Mcloud and another one Antispectacles. They were anger at me becase they were jeelous of my hot boyfriend and friends and my pact with God. They warshipped santa and wanned all good christens deed. (Chrom: Who's Skegs and Pussle?) (I'm guessing those two are the snarkers, SkesisGirl and PuzzleChick. Joan, they're not jealous, they're simply trying to point out the flaws within your story.)
“Joan, you cannot be a Christina, The dxevil is all powderful.” Skegs said and pointed her evil mangy finger at me. She had bad hare that was uglah and fizzy and she looked jewwash but she was a devil warshipper. (Chrom: You're anti-Semitic if you don't like Jewish people.) (My god, she's Eric Cartman in disguise.)
“The satan will beet yor god and pound him into doust.” Said pussle. She had big low fangs that were dipping with blood and uglah spikey hare that was uglah. (Chrom: I feel sorry for her. She didn't deserve to be made fun of.) (Not true. Yami's hair is beauteous. It's your hair that is ugly.)
“we will kull you and your christen frends, and satan will rule the world.” Mcloud said in a meen uglah vouce that was scarry and she had dirty ripped cloths that made her look uba uglah. (Chrom: Who's Mcloud?) (I think she's one of the snarkers, too. Poor thing, she didn't deserve this kind of torture.)
Halohead and Antispectacles had guns and knifes and they were passing them arond there groop. Halohead was laghning meenly and was wearing an ugly hemet and had an uglah bodi and locked like a satan warshipper and Antispectacle had big teeh and long fingernales that needed to be cut and was not cleen. (Chrom: When did vampires use weapons? And when did they worship Satan?) (Vampires can't use weapons and I'm not really sure that that they worship Satan.)
“We hat you and eward and all you peeple becase you are hot and we are uglah deemons” said antispectacles jealously. (Chrom: That's not true. I know that demons are beautiful, not just ugly.) (I don't think they have any reason to be jealous of them.)
“You will die and Santa will rule! And there will be no hot peeple becase it will all be deemons on the world.” Said halohead yelling yellingly. (Chrom: Santa's not evil enough to conquer the world.) (Unless you're robot Santa.)
Firebird came from the bac of the groop and walled up to me. She had bad breeth and she was looking all durty and loose with lots of winkles and she was flappy. (Chrom: Phoenix, is that you?) (I couldn't believe that Phoenix herself would get the utmost torment from Joan's nasty descriptions of her.)
“JOAN YOU WILL SECUM TO SANTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111” Firebird creamed and hit me in the faces. (Chrom: I don't want to waste my semen, though.) (Kick Joan's ass, Phoenix!)
Ward jumed ford and stared to fight firebird. Gthe rest were shouting their guns at us. Em and Rose and Al And Jap and Jenny and Becca all fighted too. But the evil vamflyers had Santa on there side so they were stonger. (Chrom: I'll root for them.) (And I'll take the snarkers' side because I can't stand to see them suffer like that.)
Then a car appeered out of no were. It was back and was big. Out of the car came the pope and Jesus! (Chrom: Even though they have the son of God, we'll never give up hope.) (They have the son of God on their side? No! That's impossible!)
“we are hear to halp the god christrines.” The Pope said and pulled out his popestick. Skegs ran at the pope witha swear and they stared fighting, there sticks hiting eachotter. (Chrom: Skegs has a stick?) (They're mages!)
Jesus was fighting firebird. He was using something like magic (Erin: But it wasn’t magic becase magic isn’t reel.) and he catched firebird in a gold clage. The gold clage bunt firebird. (Chrom: Magic is real. Just look at Harry Potter.) (Like in that fairy tale where Ivan catches the firebird?)
The pope hit Skegs with his popestick and she was raped up and then Jappter took of haloheads hemt and reveled a defromed head with funny eye. Al and Em raped Mcloud and antispectacles up at the same time. (Chrom: The misspellings made my eyes bleed.) (Here, have some neutralizer.)
Ross got Pussle and raped her in rope too. Then te put the evil vamfires in the middle of the room and raped them all together. The Jesus came and cast a spell on them so they cont cume bac and then the pope whacked his popestick and all the meen uglah deemons were sent back to Santa. And then Jesus did a mega cuntpunch so they cold neva come back (Chrom: They took turns raping those poor tormented snarkers? Ugh...) (I'd do a Mega Punch on Jesus for blasphemy.)
“There will be no SINNAR devil warshippers here!” Jesus anoned and we all claped happi ass. (Chrom: No... Gods, no...) (We couldn't save them... We failed them...)
Me and ward kissed and hagged becase we were happi that the meen deemons had gone back to santa and that we cold be happi christains for the rest of our lives without them tyring to make us devil warshippers. (Chrom: They went back to the North Pole?) (Those snarkers will be back, Joan. You'll pay for this, I swear.)
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GO AWAY MEEN SINNARS THAT NO BODI LOVES, YOU ARE ALL UGLAH DEEMONS THAT WILL NEVER HAVE A HOT BOYFRIEND LIKE EDWARD KRULLEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111111 AND YOU ARE JUST JEELOUS OF ME BECASE I AM WITH EDWARD AND YOU ARINT. (Chrom: They're not demons. They're human beings.) (And you're the sinner here. You just treated those guys like shit. I wish that you were never born.)
For those of you who got put into the story to be tormented, I feel sorry for you. I will not let your sanities die out in vain. The next chapter will probably come tomorrow.
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Post by HeraldChaos72 on Dec 10, 2013 13:43:31 GMT -8
Greetings, fellow snarkers. What time is it? It's Brewdening Love time! 31 – Suplieses. (Chrom: Does this chapter have supplies in it?) (Only one way to find out.)A/N: STOP IT NOW YOU MEAN SINNARS THAT KEPT SENTING ME NESTY NOTES SAYING MEEN THINGS ABOUT MY STORI AND ME. YOU JUT HAT ME BECASE YOU WISH MY STORI WAS URS. FUK OF SINNARS. (Chrom: We don't wish the story was ours. You just suck as a writer.) (And how can we be mean sinners when you're one yourself?)0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o Edward turned a coner and we went into a differant street that dint go to the jail. (Chrom: I thought they were going to the jail to rescue her father?) (Coner? Is that where we put the cones?)"Wear are we going?" I assed askingly. (Chrom: To a clothing store. He wants you to look fabulous.) (To a cliff where nobody can see you and possibly kill you on the spot.)Ward just guggled and dint say anything. I was staring to get warriored. All these evil foughts pooped into my heed about were Wady was talling me. Mabe he dint love me anymore and was going to kull me. But then we wen into a new town that had lots of shops and houses. (Chrom: Guggled? I'm don't think you know what I think it means.) (What town was that? Be specific.)We parted in the carpart and Ward tolled my hand. He led me alone the street and took me into a shop. It was a resturunt. We were setted at a table. (Chrom: The parking lot, you mean.) (Did Eddie pay for your hand?)"Oder something to ate." Wadd talled me and I pucked up the menu. (Chrom: She puked up the menu? Gross.) (They're eating at a restaurant while her dad's in jail? That's lame.)"I will have the low-fat spagetti." I said to the weighter. (Erin: Becase I dont want to ate to many calorgies.) (Chrom: Calorgies sounds like sexy eating.) (So, you're one of those girls who don't like fattening foods.)Ward got us some drinks of collar. But Wad dint dsrink it becase he was a vampier. My fod came and I ate it eatingly. I was so hunger that I dint care weather the spagetti was low fat or now. Ward watched me Sexahily as I ate seductively. He smelled eroctically at me and I feltngood. (Chrom: Of course, he's dead and he can't eat or drink. Joan, do you have a mastication fetish going on?) (Another redundant sentence. Honestly, you can't say you ate your food eatingly. That doesn't make any sense.)"so why did u brin me to this expansive resturunt?" I assed him happy. (Chrom: To secretly kill you.) (And to hang your body on a flagpole.)"Becase you are sexah and i love you." Ward said smilingly. (Chrom: That's not a real reason to love someone.) (And being sexy can't net you any boyfriend or girlfriend. Just be yourself.)Ward paid the money and we walked to the beech sexah like. We were halding hands and everthing. (Chrom: Again, how can you walk sexily?) (Couples dig beaches. It's the most romantic spot to propose to your girlfriend/boyfriend.)The waves were pounding the sand and it was rumantic like. The sky was starry and sexah and Ward looked gegoress. I wanned to caddle him heeps. (Chrom: The waves and the sand are having sex? That's awkward...) (What does caddle him heeps mean?)We stod on some rocks and ward raped arond me from behind. He breathed on me and it smelt good, like rarsberrys. He snuffled in my hair and said (Chrom: Please don't tell me I just saw another rape scene.) (No, it's a dream. It's definitely a dream sequence that didn't happen.)
"You smel reelly good." Then he went in fount of me and bent down on one nee and he had my box in his hands. (Chrom: Wow, just wow. Who tells you that you smell really good right when it gets romantic?) (I don't think I would be saying that.)"Will you marriage me?" He assed in a sexah vouce. (Chrom: Marriage proposals complete with sexy voices? I like it.) (I'll just imagine Chrom proposing to me with a sexy voice. That'll definitely turn up the romantic scale by eleven.)0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0oo0o0 AN: OMG wat will Erin say? ? This is so exsiting. The next chaper is going to be reelly good and exsiting too. Isnt Ewad sweat? <3<3<3 (Chrom: She'll turn him down.) (No, he's not really sweat at all.)
Just when things couldn't get any better, we get a marriage proposal. That's right. A goddamn marriage proposal from Eddie himself. If those two marry right now, the world would end. More lulz continues tomorrow. Stay warm, everybody.
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Post by HeraldChaos72 on Dec 11, 2013 13:44:16 GMT -8
Hey, everybody. It's time to snark this shitfic!
32 – Aswers. (Chrom: What answers do you seek?) (I bet it's the vague ones.)
Erin: I am not goin to give in to the pessing of the meen sinnars that what me to dye. Cos I am gooin to kep righting my stori weather u like it or not becase peeple like my stroi and you are just meen sinnars that r inmanure and like to puck on peeple. (Chrom: You want us to dye your hair?) (And we'll just keep flaming you.)
SINNARS ARE EVIL (Chrom: No, we are not evil.) (We're the good guys. You're the bad guy here.)
0o0o0o0o0o0o Thyne loves Ward 0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o (Chrom: We don't love your boyfriend.) (Plus, he's a sparkly vampire douchebag, so no.)
I gassed, (Chrom: You farted?) (That's gross.)
"YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111 I said to Ward sexah. I couldnut weight to marri him. Iit was reely exsiting. Ed smelled at me in a sexah way. We left the restrunt. (Chrom: The many exclamation marks would probably stretch the screen.) (That's a very big yes.)
When I got hom I went to bed and had a wired dreem. There was a moon and a big woof that was jay, he was holing sadily but it was hot in a bad way. He cam up to me and looked into my eye with a big crying eyes. Then he told me he loved me more then ward loved me. (Chrom: What's hot about howling at the moon?) (Werewolves can talk?)
I woke up scariedly and new I had to see Jay, I snucked out of the rom and took the ferri to were jay lifed. He was aseep when I walled in his room but I wok him up. (Chrom: Jacob is life?) (He's immortal!)
"Jay," I said sexah like.
"Yeh?" He said sleepy.
"I think I am making a misteak in marring Ward, I thing I love uyou." (Chrom: No, just no. You're already marrying your stupid vampire douche.) (So, this is Twilight: New Moon.)
Jay looked at me with sexah rust eyes. (Chrom: His eyes were rusted?) (And they're sexy?)
"You have to brake of the engaugement. He told me all series like, I had neva herd jay sond so series befour now. (Chrom: So, Jacob sounds serious now...) (Everyone's in serious mode.)
I was crying wet tears becase I was so confussed, I loved to peeple and that wasn't Christina. But I wanned to marri Wardy but I loved Jay at the same time. What was I goin to do? (Chrom: Of course you are, it's because you're a fucking idiot.) (You're about to become an adulteress.)
Then I remambered something (Chrom: That she forgot about her father.) (What did you remember?)
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Erin: (Chrom: There's no scathing author's note here.) (Yay! No more author's notes!)
And Chapter 32 ends here. I can't wait to see what their shitty wedding looks like Oh, never mind, there's another boy who loves her and that guy is Jacob, our douchebag werewolf who competes with Eddie's sparkles. Join us for another chapter tomorrow. Stay warm out there.
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Post by HeraldChaos72 on Dec 14, 2013 13:24:38 GMT -8
Hello, fellow snarkers! I apologize for not updating this snark lately. It's because I was under the weather, but I'm feeling better now. Let the snarking begin! 34 –Pretender (Chrom: Isn't this supposed to be Chapter 33?) (I think it's supposed to be. It's another revenge chapter.)AN: THIS IS ABOUT THE EVIL SINNAR PRETENDING TO BE JENNY. U R NOT JENNY, CUZ JENNY IS HAWTER THAT U AND U R MEEN AND EVIL. GO AWAY AND STOP PRETENING TO BE JENNT> (Chrom: I'm guessing this must be another troll impersonating her friends.) (It must be Jenny's shadow!)0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o Me and Jenny where walling down the stret. Jenny was with Fenando and I was with Ward and we wear all halding hands. Then Jenny jumped out from behind a door. (Chrom: I assume that Jenny is the other Jenny.) (Already, I can picture the Persona 4 references.)"NO JOAN, THAT ISNT THE REEL JENNY, I AM THE REEL JENNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1" She scremed scremingly. (Chrom: Unnecessary exclamation marks and a one doesn't count as good writing.) (Jenny, this is your shadow.) With the other Jenny was Jay, they were halding hands. Jay looked at Jenny next to me and said (Chrom: He said that he's dumping her for the other Jenny.) (The other Jenny was Jacob?)"WHO IS THAT?" (Chrom: Jacob.) (Your other self, what else?)"OH MY FUCKING GOD" I YELLE. "THIS IS THE REEL JENNY, SHE IS WITH FATNANDO." (Chrom: Fernando is fat?) (I tempted to sing "Fernando" with his name in the place of it.)Jay looked all hot and sad and confussed, "But she said she was the reel jenny," (Chrom: How can you look hot and confused?) (Of course, she is.)I was getting anger becase peeple fought i dint kno my best friend foever. (Chrom: You haven't seen her in weeks?) (She's getting anger for sure.)"that jenny next to you is accualy a devil warshipper." I told jay and then Jenny went weird and turning into VICTOAR. (Chrom: Wh-What? She turned into Victor?) (When did Victor become a devil worshipper?)She had big fats and wanned to suk my blod and kull me. (Chrom: I didn't know he was a morbidly obese transvestite.) (She's a very fat vampire?)"NOOOOOOOOOO, WARDY HALP ME!!!!" I creamed and ward went in from me and started foughting with victori. Fenano gabbed Jenny and ran away with her and Jay was halping Ward fight. Ward was holding onto victora wile Jay pounded into her, beating her so she would go away. (Chrom: This looks like rape.) (I thought Eddie committed to their marriage, not rape another vampire woman.)Ward and Jay left victoria in the gutter and came for me. We have to get you home. Ward said and she put me on him. Then he was running fast and sexah and climbed throu my window and put me on my bed. (Chrom: There's no quotation marks in this sentence? You were doing so good until now.) (He was running fast and sexily at the same time?)"stay with me I assed him. "Okay I will. He said then he codded me. The next day I was going to the jail to get my dad. Me and ward were looking sexah together and we where dressed in the same cloths, I was wearing a full length sexah black dress that made my boobs stand out so the judge would let dad go homo. I wore a gold necklass that Ward got me that was made out of reel gold. It sparkled like he did. (Chrom: It's not really good to wear revealing clothing to seduce the judge.) (I doubt the judge will be impressed.)We got to the jail and went to the fat man on the desk. He looked grumpy and meen. I dint like him. (Chrom: That's just the warden.) (Most wardens look nice.)"Hi we want to get my dad out of jail." (Chrom: So, you can treat him like crap again.) (Who's speaking this line?)The meen man locked at me and said "Why," Becase he is inacent. He dont do dugs." I pleased. (Chrom: When did they accuse him of being a drug addict?) (If you truly love your father, you would've treated him nicely.)"I dunt kno, I will have to se." He said growlerly and anger. He got up from his desk and he smelt like BO. (Chrom: Please don't put useless details that don't relate to the plot.) (And words that don't fit in the sentence.)He came back and said. "You cant have him," He said "WHY NOT? " I said sad. (Chrom: You sound like a whiny brat.) (You said sadly, you mean?)
"Becase he is a cheeter. He dint play his tax." (Chrom: Since when did this revolve around not paying taxes?) (First, he's accused of being a drug addict and now, he didn't pay his taxes.)I got so anger. LET HIM GO@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Chrom: When did the email symbol get here?) (No ones this time?)The man laugh at me and said meenly No, never. We are goin to kull him." (Chrom: But, what about Brian?) (Brian will probably rescue him.)You cat kull him." I was hard. He mite be a drunk and meen dad but I hat to safe him from the Fat smelly man and the evil sinnar jail. (Chrom: She was sexually aroused by her own father?) (That's creepy.)And then I saw BRIAN WAS BURNIGN DOWN THE JAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Chrom: When did Brian appear?) (He didn't appear until the end of the chapter? Weak.)0p0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0 AN: STOP PRETENDING TO BE JENNY U UGLAH SINNAR BITCH. SHE IS PETTYER THAN YOU AND SHE IS SAD THAT U R PRETENDING @ BE HER. GO WAY BECASE WE DONT LIKE U AND WE HAT U. (Chrom: I sense an egotistical moment here.) (She's petty about the way she looks?)This is the end of this chapter. As a late get-well special, I'll be posting another chapter again today. Stay warm, fellow snarkers.
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Post by HeraldChaos72 on Dec 14, 2013 14:29:51 GMT -8
Hello, and welcome to the 34th chapter of this snark. Happy reading.
34 – SINNAR (Chrom: Who's the sinner here?) (It must be Joan who's the evil sinner.) A/N: I WASH EVIL SINNARS WOOD STOP PRETENDING TO BE MI FRIENDS. THAT EVIL SINNAR ISNT BECCA, ITS AN MEEN PERSON THATS PRETENDING. COZ MY FRIENDS DON HAVE DAS YET> AND II NO BECASE I GO TO SCHOOL WIT THEM. (Chrom: She washes evil sinners?) (She must've baptized them.)
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One day me and becca where going to the mouvies, we were going to see a sexah romanac together .We were sitting in the dak cinema and then Becca turned into AN UGLAH WITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 (Chrom: It's Twilight, isn't it?) (Becca has transformation powers?)
"NOOOOOOO" I sreamed. "WHERE IS THE REEL BETTA?" (Chrom: Already, I can tell that this is another revenge chapter.) (Please, Suethor. Please, stop making those chapters that make absolutely no sense to the plot.)
"I AM THE REEL BECCA" THE UGLAH WITCH Said. (Chrom: Impersonation fail.) (Who's the ugly witch?)
"NO U R NOT!!!!!" I said as the witch tired to pout a spell on me. (Chrom: She pouted when she tried casting a spell?) (Was she tired?)
I ran away, The evil witch fallowed me, shouting magic at me (BUT MAGIC ISNT REEL,) (Chrom: Magic is real. You just haven't read Harry Potter.) (She shouts magic?)
Then I went out side and Becca came the door (Chrom: She came through the door?) (When did she come home?)
"Becca, there is an evil watch pretending to be you," I told her scarredly. (Chrom: You're a coward.) (And you expect Becca to protect you.)
"OMG," SAID THE REEL BECCA!
"We both started running to get away from the uglah watch. I was all scared and then. (Chrom: And then what?) (Oh, boy... It's someone else who joins the party.)
THE POPE CAME WITH HIS POPESTICK. (Chrom: The Pope is back.) (And he still has his popestick.)
The pope came the witch and dispersed her. She bunt up into peices and then me and Becca where safe from the EVIL SINNARS THAT PRETEND TO BE MY FRIENDS. (Chrom: This is supposed to be a dream sequence, right?) (I just hope it is.)
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111" (Chrom: And we're back in reality.) (Well, that was one heck of a dream sequence.)
I yellowed as brian put the fire in the jail. My dad was in there. (Chrom: Of course, you have to stop him.) (Her father's in danger.)
"YOUR BURNING MY DAD WITH FIRE!!!!!11" I got anger. (Chrom: His main strategy is to kill it with fire.) (He's just trying to state his point, Joan.)
"YOU CANNOT GET UR DAD OUT OF JAIL, HE IS A FALLEN!" (Chrom: A fallen what?) (Is he a fallen angel?)
Brian was so meen, I cant belief I fought he was uba hot. I was glad I didn't dump ward for him. (ERIN; BRIAN ISNT HOMO WITH JOANS DAD COZ THATS NOT CHRISTAIN AND NONE OF MY CHARROTERS ARE GAY!) (Chrom: It's okay to be gay.) (You're the homophobic one if you don't like gay people.)
"Joan, we have to go and fight your dad," Ward told me and we leaf. I was in the car crying hard and my check was wet. Ward looked at me with a sexah eye. (Chrom: He eyes you in a sexy way? That's not good. That tells you that he lusts for you.) (Why were you crying.)
"We will find where brain put him and get hime out." Ward said, But I was ova tired to get dad out of jail becase brian kept beating. (Chrom: Brian beats Hugo at his games?) (Does this sound like an anime?)
"WE HAVE TO KULL BRIAN!" Alice said and we agreed. (Chrom: No! Brian and Hugo are meant to be together!) (Oh, I didn't know you ship those two together together, Chromy.)
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Erin: Stop tiring to make my charroters gay, they aren't homo, u sinnars. (Chrom: Yes, they are gay for each other.) (And I don't think we're sinners.)
Okay, it's not cool to be homophobic. Just saying, since this bitch is basically offending gay people with her homophobic tendencies. More lulz to come tomorrow.
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Post by HeraldChaos72 on Dec 15, 2013 12:56:18 GMT -8
Here's the 35th chapter! Only two more chapters to go...
A/N: HEY EVERY1!!!11111 I have bean weigh because it twaz the seeson and I and the folks headed to a friend of the family's farm for the holidays! They had ducks and shit, it was totally awesome. And a late Marry Chritmas! Everyone, please hank Jesus for being our salvation many a year a go. Coz it was his birday and we need to remember him. No one likes an ungrateful do they? No one wants to be Jewdas-like! OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111>!? (Chrom: You're Hitler in disguise since you must hate Jews.) (Maybe she is.) But now I am back now, and omg I saw New Moon over the brek too. OMFG WARD IS SO HOT IN THAT and I guess Taylob is too but meh, WARD IS AWESOME!11 I hope 1 day I can meet Rob Pattersun. (Chrom: And Robert Pattinson was the poor guy who had to play Edward Cullen.) (I feel sorry for the poor guy because he's always hounded by Edward fangirls.)
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ERin: OK, SPECIAL NOTE! It's been a while sinse I wrote some of this so I forgot some things. Blame the ducks hahah!1 Um so yeah, the story happen now 3 months later and yeah. (Chrom: There's a time-skip now?) (Is the story far from over?)
Edwoe was shitting in the car and I was beside hymn. (Chrom: Shitting in the car sounds disgusting...) (And the "hymn" misspelling returns.)
"We can get married soon, my sweat." I said coercingly, happi ass becoz we would be marryed and then God wouldn't hate us for having made love (ERIN PLEASE REVIEW: Did I make Bella do that?). Becoz making love is not a sin when you are merryed. (Chrom: Of course, I had to wait after the war was over to marry.) (I doubt she is actually sweat. We're not going to review- Wait, what? She's Bella now?! What happened to Joan?)
We went to my dads hose and he was at the table. I was glad he had been resued from Brian but yeah he was still a bit of a douche to me. (Chrom: No, he's not a douchebag.) (He's your DAD. As in your nice, but stern FATHER.)
"Joan! Jone!" He called thankfully, as I walked past. I was wearing a long blue carthagian with a long black miniskirt so we went to my rom and shut the door. I rolled my emerad eyes under my lushous leyelashes. He seriously needs to chill, it was Ward who did most of the saving anyway, and by allowing us to marry (and thus making it cool with God) with his blessing he had already thanked him. I looked over and Jenny was sitting the bed, modenstly dress as she had just came from Father James Holden's prayer service (Erin: It is Sunday.) (Chrom: Then, why don't you tell us in a sentence instead of an author's note.) (And you're ignoring your father? Girl, you need to be thankful that you saved your father.)
"Oh my god Joan!" She shriveled as she ran ab jump hugged me, "Joan, how was your trip in the countryside? I missed you so much girl!" (Chrom: She has abs?) (I doubt it. She's not really working out.)
"Yeah I mossed you too." I replied. (Chrom: They have moss?) (It was so good except for the word, "missed.")
"Oh heyo Joan!" Said Becca, who was behind Jenny and i hadnt noticd. (Chrom: What? Is she a country girl now?) (Her accent says yes.)
"Oh hi!" I said.
"Hello ladys." Ward charmed at them. They sooned. (Chrom: He's such a charmer, but I can do it much better than him.) (Oh, you're such a charming prince, Chromy.)
"Hello Wao!!!!111" They blissfully said backwards to him. (Chrom: He's Chinese?) (They're in bliss.)
"I was the country too!" He beamed. (Chrom: He's from Axis Powers Hetalia?) (I'm going to take over that country as the Empress of Edwardonia.)
"OH! I missed you 2!" Denny said as she went over and gave him a quick, PLUTON HUG. She then backed off to the bed and we all sat down. (Chrom: Jenny is now Denny?) (She got a sex change again complete with superpowers!)
"How is Em?" "Oh good" She replied. We would be going that night to see the other Cullens at dinner. Jen loves Em. (Chrom: Oh, she's fine. She's got a little memory loss, but she's okay.) (I thought Jenny loved Jacob?)
We spent hours talking about the past few months and reliving our memories. Going to Forks High. Fighting Jomes. Rome. Jay and me. Brian and the kidnapping. It was awesome, and we al even watched Gossip Girl for a bit, the episode where Hillary D came into it was on and that made Becca really hapy (Enir: she thinks H Duff is awesome but I dunno I think she's lost her touch recently, probably because she's sort of unwholesome now you know? Sorry becca, I know you like her but um yeah sorry). We talked and talked and taked. (Chrom: You don't even like Hilary Duff because she is unwholesome?) (Wow. You're mean.)
I looked over to Ward, and smiled. He was so handsome and perfect, and I will one day be his wife. (Chrom: But, I'm so handsome and perfect, not that sparkly vampire. HC, we need to get married right now. I want us to get married before those two tie the knot.) (B-But, Chromy, it's so sudden. Don't worry, though, the failfic's almost over.)
But then in my mind there was Jay instead of Ward and! (Chrom: And what?) (Another cliff-hanger...)
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOO
Erin: SOOOO what do you think faithfol reeders?! I wished you all a merry Chrisntmas, and I hop you had a good time til mow!1 :3 (Chrom: We think it's...the most worst chapter since the last chapter.) (Mow? You want us to mow something?)
And Joan says that one day, she'll be the wife of a rich sparkly vampire while I get a sudden proposal from...my snarking partner. More to come tomorrow.
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Post by HeraldChaos72 on Dec 16, 2013 15:46:20 GMT -8
The 36th chapter is up. Only one more chapter to go... NOT JAY@!!!!! I scrome, running out the room as much as posible. (Chrom: You scromed? Didn't you mean screamed?) (Were you scared of Jacob?)Edward came after me, and grabbed my arm. His vice grib was soft and passionatly cold. I turned to hymn tears rivers upon my fae. How could I have betrailed hymn?! (Chrom: Vice grib? Is it a new word from Pokemon?) (Hymn tears rivers doesn't make any sense at all.)"Wat do you mean 'Not J?" He asked concened. (Chrom: It means she's seeing someone else.) (And that's really bad. I think Eddie should break up with her.)I cried. "I fought Jay was hot when I locked at you insteed of you was hotwhen I looked at you!" (Chrom: Enough with the shallowness! I don't want to hear it anymore!) (She fought Jacob's attractiveness?)Ward looks at me in surprise and utter disbeleaf. His beatiful rogue lips began to quiver softly, and his olluring Amber eyes frosted with tears. He was almost cring; I had hurt him so badly and I didn't know what to do (Chrom: No more emoticons, please. We had enough of that, thank you.) (Of course, he's hurt because you eyed another boy.)He turned from me brewdingly. "Bella," He said, "I am hurt. You found me not sexah?!" (Chrom: I'm confused. Is she Joan or Bella?) (All they care about is how sexy they are? How repulsive.)He turned around and had unbuttoned the front of his shirt. He lay bare to me lik a cream pasty of manliness, so delous and loving. His abnobnimals were twitching in angxiety, as were his large manly peckers. I wanted to caress hymn and tell that I love hymn and was sorry but I didn no what to do about it! T_T (Erin: That sadness expreshun is from anime but I'm not a weeboo ok?! (Chrom: An insult to people who love anime anywhere.) (The failure of those descriptions makes Stephanie Meyer sound smart.)
I fell into his arms and cried. "I am sorry Ward, I'm sorry I ever dobed your sexahnes...I didn't men too." (Chrom: So, she's a man now?) (They're really vain...)He shoved me away, and I felt like the dust bitah rtiin the world. "I love you 2, Joan," He spat at me sorta, "But you need to sort out who you really loaf. DO IT NOW!" He creamed and ran out the window, leaving me alone with the others who had come oput to check the conmotion. I cried at them. (Chrom: He spat at me sorta? So, he sort of spat on you, is that it?) (He creamed himself and then, ran out of the window? That's really gross.)
O o o o o o o o o O "You alright to go in there hun?" Becca, who patted me cumforting. I nodded if there was one thing I had to do it was sort out who I lived althogh I new I loved Ward and NOT JAY. JAY IS AN EVIL DOG BITCH WHO IS FAT AND UGLY AND MEAN AND HAS DIRTY DKRTY HARE!!! (Chrom: Wow. You just don't call guys a bitch. That's insulting.) (And you just stated he's fat and ugly even though in the earlier chapters, you said he was hot? Damn.)I kissed Becca good bye and left her Mufstang. I went inside the beutiful church, hopping to receve help from the place I had gotten it very otter time. Tis the Glory of Thyne Lord, to look after His Sheep (Somewhere in Job). Fatter Holden was weighing for me in the ater. (Chrom: There are otters in this chapter?) (Are they talking about the Bible again?)"I pleasured you came!" He said wehn he saw me. (Chrom: Did he pleasure himself to her? Ugh...) (That's disgusting. Even I would be grossed out if an adult jacked off to me.)"You have bean a god Christina and God is also merry at you." (Chrom: No, she's not.) (She's lusting after two boys, in fact.)I blanked. "He told you?" Father Holden laughed. He has a nice laugh. "He told me? Yes, he did through the teavcings he laid out for us, and you so honorably fillow. Is this about Weed?" (Chrom: She didn't tell him about smoking weed?) (She's in big trouble now!)I cried and felt into the good father's arms, take us both to the ground crashingly after hitting the alter on the way down. I apollogised. (Chrom: You crashed into the ground crashingly? Joan, verbs do not work that way.) (They altered something?) "I'm so sorry Fatter!" I gased. (Chrom: He's fat now?) (I thought he was thin.)He said it was alright. "It's alright...so, what is this about Ward, dear Erni?" I told him; I couldn't pick between the irresistabley, sexah Ward and the nasty, ugly yet somehow also kind of sexah and devoted Jay. He nodded. I assued him I wouldn't do anything nasty like EVAL SINNING THONGS until we got marrid. He smilled. (Chrom: Thongs are evil? Since when?) (You just called Jacob nasty. That's not nice.)"I know them both and they are both good Christians. There is no real difference betwen the purity of their heats. You will have to think Joan; do you love Ward or Jay? If one of them was going to save, and you could only save one, who would you die?" (Chrom: I pick neither.) (Me, too. I don't like either of them.)Ward. No. Jay. Ward. Jay. WaedJayWadJomeswards-BAH! I didn't know. He put a hand on my shoulder, undersaningly. He took my outside, and up the hill. (Chrom: I could've sworn I read those words as James Woods.) (Undersaningly? So, she's undersane?)"Joan, when I am faced with diffcult desision I cannot deside, I stand here where the sun shines brightest and let the lord guide me. I think this is where you should do now. (Chrom: When I'm faced with a difficult decision, that person makes the decision for me. I think that makes more sense than the advice Father Holden gives us.) (I think the word, where should be replaced with what.)"Ok." I said. I stood and closed my bautiful emerald eyes. I felt the sun shine warmly on my peach cream skin, my long aubum hare and my totally hot Victoria Bekham design, with sliming balck at the waste and a gorgous angular skirt that daggers at the ground. I stodd, and thought. I felt the words come to me as the warm golden light shone upon me. I looked up at the sky. (Chrom: Costume porn again...) (Eyes with emeralds inside them are beautiful?)Both Ward and Jay were standing there large like those dream sequents TV shows have. They were both shitless and hawt but smelling down at me innocently as well. I smil back and waved. I gased, because in my head it seamed like the nice light was actually coming specifically from (Erin: Edited out to keep ya guessing!)!!! He was the one golden showering me in this ! (Chrom: A golden shower sounds nice, but I don't want to be pampered that much.) (They were scared shitless.)I scremed in joy and ran down the hill and into Beccas car, telling her that no matter how much lipstick she had on her lips would always look a bit ugly so to drop the fucking lippy and to drive to (Eirn: EDITED)'s Place so I could tell hymn!!!!!!111I thanked god. (Chrom: Wh-What?! What the fuck?! Did you just insult your friend just now?) (Oh no, she didn't! Becca's going to leave you if you actually insulted her and that's not really a nice thing to say.)So, now we have a grand finale on our hands. More lulz will come tomorrow. Stay warm out there.
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Post by HeraldChaos72 on Dec 17, 2013 13:51:46 GMT -8
Ah, the grand finale. The last and final chapter is here! Happy reading.
37– No (Chrom: A one-word title? That's new.) (This is yet another revenge chapter.) Erin: STOP MARKING MY CHARROTERS GAY!!11 THEY R NOT GAY, U R. GO AWEY AND STOP FLEMMING MY STORI. (Chrom: They can be gay with each other as much as they please.) (You do not have the right to kill off the Brugo fanbase.)
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NOOOOO, wardy was leafing me for another gril and it WAS JENNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wok up creaming becos of the drem. I new ward woodnt leaf me for Jenny becos I am hoter than Jenny anyway. I got out of bed and wen to the barthroom to get cleen and not think abot Ward leafing me. (Chrom: There you go. You went into egotistical mode again.) (Finally, Edward leaves her for another girl.)
OoooooOOOoooO
I weny to scool and ward was ther in him car. I went over to him and he lacked sad.lc. (Chrom: He lacked a sad face?) (It's supposed to be "his car.")
Wgats rong? I asked concerndly.
Nothing, He said anger and brewdinglu. I dint like it. (Chrom: You didn't how he was angry at you?) (He said his words like beer?)
Look Erin, we nead to talk abot things." Ward sad growly. (Chrom: About what?) (Maybe he's talking about leaving her.)
What do yu meen sexah?" I assed and flucked my eyes sexahly at his diection. (Chrom: It's not going to work, Joan.) (Yeah. Just dump him already.)
JOAN I DOT LOV YOU ANYMORE!! He cvreamed at me and then he ran sexahly away. (Chrom: How can you run sexily away?) (Go, Edward! You don't need her anymore.)
I feel to the grond and cried rivers of water from my eye. WHY DINT HE LOVE ME ANYMORE??? (Chrom: Because you were being too forward.) (And you were stalking him.)
And then Jenny cam and raped her arm arounf my chess. (Chrom: She raped her chess set? That's gross.) (She's comforting you.)
Whats wron joan? She assed best friendly like.
WARDS LEAFT ME I slopped at her fase with my hard. (Chrom: You don't slap your friend in the face.) (That's rude, Joan.)
Jenny looked hut but I think she understool. I dint care but because i no she wanted to steel ward away form me anywy. (Chrom: Wow. What a green-eyed monster.) (Agreed.)
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I ran home a cired all the way. I ran to me rom and slemmed the door so my alcoholic dad coudnt com in an lectur me. He was at worek anyway, he was a lawyer so he wood bew home late. (ERIN: JOANS DAD IS NOY GAY WITH BRAIN!!!!! JUST BECOASE YOR AN ALCOHLIC DOSENT MAKE U GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) (Chrom: But, they are perfect for each other.) (You can't kill off the Brugo no matter how hard you try.)
I on my bed and smashed into the pillow. I was so anger that I coud kull Ward but that was aganst the Lords teechings. Then I loked on the foor and ther was a card. Then I had an idea, the VOLTIRE COUD HALP ME!!! AND THEY COLD KULL BRIAN SO THAT SINNARS WOOD STOP MAKING MY CHARROTERS GAYU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 (Chrom: The Volturi can't help you.) (They have more pressing matters than your petty troubles.)
I got dressed in leether boots and blak stookings with a shiny blue miniskirt and a sexah army pint tanktop witch made my boobs lok hawt and big so Ward would be jeelous for dumping me! I then culled becca and assed if she wanned to cum to the voltares with me. She said she woold but she had to do sume maury stuff frist. I drove my car. (Chrom: That's gross if you're actually cumming in front of the Volturi.) (And that's racist, too.)
Becca and me were in the car and we were both amnger at Jenny for being am UN CHRISTINA BLACKSTABBING BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111. I decieded Becca coold be my best gfrind insteed. (Chrom: She's not unchristian. She's a good girl.) (And I feel sorry for dissing Jenny earlier. She seems like a woobie character.)
We stoped the car ouitside ther valtoures house and we went inside. The valtourie were siting there wathing us.
(JOAN: I don like the valtorys names becase they are old and uglah so I gave them hawt names.) Nickalas got up and he had hawt hair wictch lookd lik gold and was wering designer jeens. I coold see becca starring at him, but the volturies were all marred so she couldt have him. All the other valturies were hawt to and wereing designer cloths escept for Ralph how was old and uglah (Enir: RALPH IS AN UGLAH NAME OK SO THATS WHY HES NAMED RALPH!!) (Chrom: No, they had cool names. That's why they're vampires.) (I have some advice. Change back their names.)
"WAT DO YU WANT JOAN?" nickalas assed in a boaming roaring voiuce. (Chrom: She wants you to get Edward back from Jenny.) (And kill Brian which is unchristian because it's murder.)
"I want you to mak Edward my husband and kull brian and jenny." I aked sexahly why flucking my eyelids seductivately. I was so gald that we had wore hawt clorhs. Becca was woring an off the shalder green top and tight jeans and high heals. (Chrom: You can't get any favors if you do that in front of them.) (Becca's favorite color must be green.)
The valtore were thinking when ALICE FLU INTO THE ROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111111111!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111 (Chrom: Do vampires fly?) (If they're Meyerpires, no.)
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Wuit does alice3 want. Find out in the next exsighting chaper!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111 NO SINNARS ALLUWED TO READ IT OK. BECOISE THEY DON'T FALLOW THE LORDS WEIGHTS AND HIS TEECHINGS AND THEY AR TYING TO BRING THE DEVAL INTO MY LIF!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111111111111111 (Chrom: We are going to read this story whether you like us to or not.) (We're not trying to bring the devil into your life.)
Well then, that's it. Thank god, it's over. Can I ask you something? Oh, go ahead. I know that I tried to wait until after the badfic was over and I was glad to have waited. You are a special woman and you are dear to my heart. Oh, thank you. You seem to be a nice guy, too. Uh, yes… What I want to ask you… Well, what I mean is… Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife? Yes, I would gladly become your wife. You don't know how happy I am that we're finally going to be married. I want to tell you something, love. You are the wind at my back and the sword at my side. Together, my love, we shall build a peaceful world, just you and me...
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