Asshole Family [Season 1]

[Rocket Raccoon]

(Asshole Family is filmed in front of a live studio audience.)

you might think i'm crazy
to hang around with you

ASSHOLE FAMILY

maybe you think i'm lucky
to have something to do

Starring: Eric Cartman

but i think that you're wild
and inside me is some child

Ryan Stark

you might think it's foolish
or maybe it's untrue

Knight Kitty

you might think i'm crazy
but all i want is you

Asher Woodcock

you might think it's hysterical
but i know when you're weak

Jurdon Guar

you think you're in the movies
and everything's so deep

Aeon von Sparkleman

but i think that you're wild
when you flash that fragile smile


you might think it's foolish
what you put me through


you might think i'm crazy
but all i want is you

Episode 1: Hilarity Ensues

The young boy sighed, slamming the door on his way inside. He couldn't explain it - one moment, he was in his normal life, but then everything...changed. It was if his original life hadn't existed -- there was only this 'usual' home. A home filled with various douchewads of varying degrees of annoying, and on top of that, he had no idea where his mother or his friends were. Even if he had his issues, he did have a small spot in his heart for them, and...well, their replacements weren't exactly top notch.

The first time he met them, he'd just walked out of his new room, trying to wake up. Sure, it was Saturday, but there were shows to watch on Saturday. Perhaps he'd finally get around to watching that episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic that he missed. He couldn't get behind in that, not after the last season. He yawned, patting his way across the wall and stumbling into the kitchen. "MOOOOOOOOM." He called, not seeing his mother in the kitchen, where she oh-so-obviously belonged. "MOOOOOOM, I WANT MY FUCKIN' BREAKFAST. GET ON THE BALL. MOOOOOOOOM. MOOOOM." This was about the moment he rubbed his eyes and realized that he was inside a place he wasn't familiar with.

"...What the..." He muttered, walking to explore the place....and tripping over the bridge between the rooms. He quickly caught himself, but not before hearing that noise.

The noise of people laughing.

"What the hell?!" He had to be on the Truman show or something. Shit. No. He couldn't be broadcast. Not like this! Not until he was supreme wizard king of the world! "C'MON OUT HERE, YA LAUGHING BASTARDS! WHAT THE FUCK IS SO FUNNY?!"

But there was no response.

[Alastor]

"SHUT THE FUCK UP." A voice screamed from the living room downstairs, ever so slightly slurred and... vaguely foreign. It sounded like, who ever this voice belonged to, was from 'lots of places'. "I'M TRYING TO GET OVER A HANGOVER."

[Penny Royals]

"It's been doing that all night," whined a tall blonde, coming out of another room and into the hall in a fuzzy draped robe, smoothing out his hair and rubbing his eyes. "I barely got any sleep, they were 'oohing' and 'awing' until three AM at least..."

[Fiery Firefly]

Another door opened and a tall brunette man stepped out with a towel around his waist and vigorously rubbing his long hair with a smaller towel.

"You're not the ones who had to hear a laugh track in the shower..." he said in his thick Texan accented and currently quite annoyed voice.

[Alastor]

"That's because I've met women with larger dicks than you." The same voice mumbled, hiding under a blanket.