What if SMeyer wrote your least favorite story?

[Catalpa]

Alright, we all know that Twilight is bad. But most of us don't think it's the worst possible story written. Most of us have works that we loathe more than the Twilight series.

So my question to you: what would happen if SMeyer re-wrote your most hated book/story? Would it get better? Worse? About the same?

As for me, my most reviled story has got to be Haoru Airen. And if SMeyer wrote it... It would actually become marginally better. Not character-wise or plot wise, oh no. The female lead would still be a spineless, good-for nothing lump, and the male lead would still be an abusive, egotistical son-of-a-bitch, because that's basically all that Smeyer can portray. I guess she shares that in common Shinjo Mayu.

But on the plus side, at least meyerfied Haoru Airen wouldn't have the constant rapes. Hell, those got on my nerves. Instead the chick would get kidnapped and fall in love with basically no conflict whatsoever. And that would actually make the story better, because it wouldn't be as sickeningly fucked-up or glorify rape as love. It would be dull as dishwater, but I would gladly take that.

On the negative side of thing, though, SMeyer wouldn't have the balls to kill of Hakuron at the end. But if he wasn't the rapist bastard, I wouldn't have as much as a burning desire to see him flayed alive either, so it's a fair trade off.

[Lord Lovrina]

I don't think Smeyer could improve Eragon. It still would have very little substance to it. I think her writing abilities are on par with Christopher Paolini. For some reason I can see Eragon and Arya becoming more Mary/Gary Stuish.

[Lil' Raskol LobLaw]

Can't. She already wrote it.

[Anya the Purple]

If Meyer wrote the Maradonia Saga, it would be the Maradonia Saga.

Least favorite story that I've actually read, though? Hm... that would have to go to Something Wicked This Way Comes by Bradbury.

Oh, let's see. Well, the purple prose might actually decrease, which would be nice. And instead of Jim and Will, it would be Jim and Mary Sue (not that Will isn't one; he'd just be a girl). And instead of Jim actually being slightly interesting with the whole "drawn to the darkness" thing, he'd be sparkly and perfect. They'd both be seventeen instead of twelve and defeat the carnival o'DOOM easily, which they do in the actual book, but maybe (hopefully) SMeyer would take out the weird scene where Jim and Will are stuck on the carousel and I still have no freaking clue what happened. Will's dad would probably rant just as much, but maybe without all the "deep" shit. But it would sound exactly the same. Mr. Dark may lose coolness, but as he has very few scenes and isn't supposed to be cool anyway, he might remain just as cool, or even get cooler. I hope so; he was the one good thing about that freaking book.
...Basically, Meyer would slightly improve the book, as long as she didn't change Mr. Dark too much.

[Lyra]

^A sick part of my mind wants to see a Meyerfied Maradonia Saga now.

[Anya the Purple]

^Would it really be any different?

[reniefuwa]

Apr 15, 2011 18:27:00 GMT -8 Lil' Raskol LobLaw said:

Can't. She already wrote it.

Same for me. And considering that others claim to have found worse examples, I'm actually happy for that.

Check that. I would say "Hot Gimmick" is about on the same level, and it wouldn't change a whole lot, actually. Hatsumi would still end up with the abusive Ryoki, her other one-time love interest would treat her like dirt, and...oh wait, her adopted brother would turn into a controlling abusive ass too, all in the name of love. So, I guess it would get worse.

[scieanopsocellatus]

If SMeyer rewrote Sword of Darkness (originally by Kinley McGregor), it would pretty much be the exact same book. Just without all the graphic and perverted sex scenes.

But the characters would be the same, the time-travel would be there simply because it would be "LOL SO AWSOM WEEEEE," and the original Arthurian legend would still be fucked over.

[Story Keeper]

If Smeyer rewrote Candyfloss by Jacqueline Wilson, it would give me more of a headache than before.

Floss would have straight, brown hair, her real dad would be handsome and wouldn't be in danger of losing his business, Rhiannon would be even more pretentious and annoying, Floss' mum would be more annoying, Floss would react even more prissily to Tiger's antics, the fair wouldn't be a fair but rather a rave party, Rose would live in a house rather than a caravan, Rose's son would wear "normal" clothes and would have a "civilian haircut", everyone would be American for some reason, everyone would own a Range Rover, Rose would be a normal person, the customers at the café would be youths who don't give a fuck over about anything, Floss would have a superhero boyfriend, Floss would have a massive suicidal debate about going to her mum and stepdad and stepbrother in Sydney, Floss would have no enemies and Susan would still be wimoy, but otherwise without a personality.

[PiedPiperPluto]

If SMeyer rewrote the terrible that is No Bra, it wouldn't be quite as horrible as the original. It would be written, so at least we wouldn't have to suffer the derptastic artwork, and there wouldn't be nearly as much pointless cheesecake. SMeyer probably wouldn't write a transsexual character, so that would take away the one point of interest this story has, but it would also take away the failtastic nature in which that character was handled. Overall, SMeyer would make it into a generic 'romance', which would actually be an improvement.

[Anya the Purple]

If SMeyer rewrote The Clique, Claire would immediately rise to the top of the Clique, promptly ignore them, and live sparkly ever after with Cam.

[Deleted]

Add me to the "she's already written my least favorite story" group

[takagid3a]

If smeyer rewrote Shukufuku no Campanella...actually, it would be worse. The Tortilla sisters wouldn't be nearly as funny, Leicester would sparkle more than he already does, and Minette would be the viewpoint character, and she'd be a brat rather than just a cloying, annoying moe-blob.

I can't think of other things I've read that could be improved by smeyer. The OP already did Haou Airen, and I haven't read No Bra (nor do I want to, if the description is anything to go by).

[Deleted]

Apr 15, 2011 18:27:00 GMT -8 Lil' Raskol LobLaw said:

Can't. She already wrote it.

Same here.
I'll never read her books.

[Chibithulhu]

If SMeyer wrote Grapes of Wrath... (While it's far from the worst book ever written, I hate it with a passion, even if I do agree at least in part with the politics)

Okay, first, Jim Casey wouldn't die, and Rosasharn's husband What's-his-face wouldn't leave. That, or he'd leave and Rosasharn would be treated as a bitch or something. The focus would either be on Rosasharn or Tom and the new love interest that was written in/Gender-flipped Jim Casey/Whatever, screw it, we're talking about SMeyer writing Grapes of Wrath. Like ANYTHING from that book could happen in Meyerland to heroes? Oh, no, it'd be fluffy daisies and puppies and no politics. On the bright side, that does mean no politics, no dumb turtle chapter, and no breastfeeding scene. So, while it would be totally defanged (much as I hate the way the book went about doing it, the plight of the migrant workers in the Great Depression WAS an anvil that needed dropping), there'd be at least some improvements to it.


If she wrote Atlas Shrugged (Like Grapes of Wrath, only without me at least AGREEING with the politics the author's soapboxing), Dagny would be totally neutered and submissive, and Hank Rearden wouldn't be married/would be married to Dagny/whatever, screw it, does it matter? To make SMeyer write Atlas Shrugged would mean cutting out all the political stuff. Does that even LEAVE a shell of a plot the same way Grapes of Wrath would have one left? I couldn't tell, I eventually had to give up that book because about an eighth of the way through I got sick of it and realized I WASN'T[/i] reading this for class. [/b][/font]

[casandraelf]

Meyer wouldn't write Stone Butch Blues because it's against her religion. Either that or it'd turn into a badly written love story where Jess is 'saved' by a Gary Stu and magically becomes cisgender and feminine(the character of Jess Rosenberg, from what I've read so far, is a butch lesbian who seems to identify as male) I don't hate Leslie Feinberg's Stone Butch Blues, mind you, as it's well-written, but it's really good at making me depressed.

If Meyer wrote Twilight, it'd still be Twilight...No really, I hate Twilight the most. I've seen other shit, but Twilight still pisses me off.