Thor vs Bella Cullen (spitefic crossover)

[marienomad]

Thor belongs to Marvel. Bella belongs to Stephanie Meyer. I don't own either one of these.
Thor vs. Bella Cullen
By Marie Nomad

Thor: I am Thor, Son of Odin and of Marvel!

Bella: And I'm Bella Cullen of Twilight. So, you're a real god?

Thor: Well, we are aliens who had traveled to this world thousands of years ago to guide humans. We had left after that.

Bella: What's it like being a god?

Thor: Difficult at times.

Bella: But it must be wonderful to have people cater to your every whim. To have people build statues and temples in your honor.

Thor: It can also be a burden if you are not careful. What about you? I see that you had become a vampire. How do you feel?

Bella: Wonderful! I'm graceful and beautiful and immortal! I have all these powers! I can see dust motes dancing in the air! I can hear every breath in the surrounding hundred feet! I can smell you and you smell like a rushing thunderstorm! I can crush rocks with my bare hands. I can run across the state in mere minutes! I had risen above the mere human and become what I was destined to be!

Thor: Do you not miss your humanity? This is a huge change in your life.

Bella: I don't miss a thing. I am perfect! I don't need sleep. I won't get sick. I won't age a single day. I am forever and eternal!

Thor: But if you do not sleep, then do you not dream? Dreams are a wonderful thing.

Bella: I am living the dream right now!

Thor: What about food? The people of Midgard have a vast assortment of foods and beverages that will take decades if not centuries to try out. Like this one sandwich that consists of a hamburger on a doughnut. It sounds a little odd but it is delicious!

Bella: Food is over rated. Give me a cougar any time.

Thor: It is tragic that you had lost your humanity at such a young age.

Bella: Why are you acting like I lost something important? Humanity is over rated.

Thor: HUMANITY IS SPECIAL!

Bella: Why are you so defensive about humans? They are stupid and weak. We are superior to them in every way. You are worshiped as a god.

Thor: I may be stronger than they are and I will live long after my human friends fade from this world but they are not inferior to the likes of us. They are adaptive. They learned to kill and to heal. Their civilizations forge bonds with other civilizations to change goods. In the City of New York, there was a small block in which you can get a eggroll from China, a beer from Ireland, a pizza from Italy, and a coffee from Colombia. Does that not blow your mind?

Bella: Not really.

Thor: What of your parents?

Bella: They're okay. But my mother's scattered brained and my father couldn't survive without someone to cook for him in the house.

Thor: But they loved you and raised you the best they could.

Bella: They did a good job but they are not that special.

Thor: You are a child! I had met many special humans; those who are lost after a long sleep and yet fight to save others, those who had actually tapped into the Terrasect and created new technologies, those fought the magic of a powerful god from within... those who faced gods with a weapon that is untested. If you simply open your eyes, there are mortals out there that are... incredible.

Bella: But they are weak.

Thor: But that weakness makes them more... admirable. They are a brave and tenacious race. It is my desire to protect them and help them when they need it.

(Bella rolls her eyes)

Bella: If you believe that.

Thor: You... you remind me of myself when I was younger.

Bella: Thank you.

Thor: I was an arrogant spoiled person who believed that those humans are beneath me. I am blessed with a father stern enough to teach me the important lesson of humility. When you realize my words and gain some wisdom, you will understand.

The End

[annoyed]

He should have smashed her with his hammer

[JW%]

... Make Bella a doctor who is lame of leg and must walk with a cane?

Yes, Donald Blake, Thor's secret identity in the comics(Odin wanted to teach him humility so gave him a mortal form. A disabled mortal form.) is basically House.

Yeah, I know, not at all important to this, but I found it interesting.

The thing that Bella never realized, mostly due to Meyer's questionable handling of the finale of the book, is that there is always somebody bigger and stronger than you. Maybe not literally, but there is always someone who can beat you. Always.

How you handle your defeats is more important than how you handle your victories.

Take a moment to look at how Bella's handled her 'defeats'. Not well. Not well at all.

[Talys Alankil]

^Not in Mary Sue-land. There is no one above Mary Sue, and no defeats for her to handle.

Which is exactly the problem.

[arcanius]

Nicely done

[JW%]

Feb 24, 2014 9:36:07 GMT -8 Talys Alankil said:

^Not in Mary Sue-land. There is no one above Mary Sue, and no defeats for her to handle.

Which is exactly the problem.

Actually, I would volunteer the perspective that Edward turning her down and trying to leave her alone counts as a "defeat".

How did she handle that? Did she rally back and recover from it? Did she learn her lesson and know to do better next time? Did she do ANYTHING socially positive?

How does she handle "defeat"? Not well. Not well at all.

[Talys Alankil]

^Well, I meant something that had long-term consequences.

[arcanius]

^ In that case, no defeats whatsoever like you said. After all, no one may defy the sue

[JW%]

A defeat doesn't have to have long term consequences, though often times they do since in order for there to be drama there has to be something on the line. A defeat can be a temporary thing that the protagonist deals with and overcomes, thus removing any long term consequences from being defeated.

Going by Thor there, assuming Avengers movie-verse, suffered a defeat that changed nothing in the long term. He was defeated by a combination of Ironman and Captain America when he tried to 'save' Loki. Did his defeat allow Loki to escape? No. Did his defeat put any one of those three heroes out of action? No. Did his defeat even slow things down for the critical time the villains needed to put their plan into motion? No. Did Thor's defeat even instill enough humility into him to realize that these particular mere mortals could stand up to him? If the scene following where he mocks Nick, Tony, Steve, and Bruce are any indication, no again.

So, there was no long term consequences, but it was still a defeat. And Thor rallied himself gamely, and was ready for two more fights(another defeat at the hands of Hulk/Loki later even). He brushed off his defeats, silently vowed to himself to do better next time(the scene where he picks up his hammer after escaping the plummeting prison cell is somewhat understated, but implied that he's questioning his worth and needs to rebuild his confidence), and stood tall.

Compare that to how Bella reacted to her "defeat" of Edward leaving her. She went into a downward spiral culminating in suicide attempts. Her ONE "defeat", the only one that I know of in the entire series, and she was entirely unable to overcome it and grow from the experience, demonstrating the inverse of values our society promotes.

The Mary Sue part comes where Edward rushes back to her. In my opinion her depression and suicidal tendencies aren't part of her Mary Sueism, it's just more of another kind of bad writing.