Story Keeper
Persistent Member
There's a wild wind blowin', down the corner of my street[Mo0:1]
Posts: 1,129
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Secrets
Aug 20, 2011 18:32:46 GMT -8
Post by Story Keeper on Aug 20, 2011 18:32:46 GMT -8
I'm scared of having sex, because i'm terrified my first time will be completely horrible and turn me off of it forever I'm the same, mate.
@thread:
I always get flustered when I see someone in a military uniform. Not the modern ones, the old-fashioned ones with caps and all that.
I'm kinda scared to have a boyfriend in case he tries to domineer over me.
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TrippedUp
Persistent Member
A dreamer forever and always...[Mo0:10]
Posts: 1,898
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Secrets
Aug 20, 2011 19:06:18 GMT -8
Post by TrippedUp on Aug 20, 2011 19:06:18 GMT -8
I think I subconsciously go after guys that are very distant. That way, there's no danger of being in a real relationship where someone could affect me and turn me into someone outwardly feeling. Someone who might get hurt.
So I pine away knowing well enough that it will never happen with that guy, and knowing full well my next crush will be with another distant guy.
I also believe this is the reason I reject every guy who shows interest in me.
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Secrets
Aug 20, 2011 20:17:04 GMT -8
Post by Melon Collies [Mo] on Aug 20, 2011 20:17:04 GMT -8
I'm scared of sex, because, honestly, I'm terrified of being pregnant and the though of having a guy's dick in my hoo-ha just squicks me out to no end. ...Well, also because I'm somewhat of a prude...
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TrippedUp
Persistent Member
A dreamer forever and always...[Mo0:10]
Posts: 1,898
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Secrets
Aug 20, 2011 20:28:24 GMT -8
Post by TrippedUp on Aug 20, 2011 20:28:24 GMT -8
I'm scared of sex, because, honestly, I'm terrified of being pregnant and the though of having a guy's dick in my hoo-ha just squicks me out to no end. ...Well, also because I'm somewhat of a prude...
^
I double-posted?
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Secrets
Aug 20, 2011 20:35:02 GMT -8
Post by Melon Collies [Mo] on Aug 20, 2011 20:35:02 GMT -8
Thank sweet baby Jesus I'm not alone on that. x.x
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Secrets
Aug 20, 2011 21:17:12 GMT -8
Post by Weed Candy (AwesomesauceSoup) on Aug 20, 2011 21:17:12 GMT -8
-I fantasize a lot. So much so that I can not read a sentence in a book without doing so. I can read clearly right now because I'm thinking the words in my head as I type them, but otherwise my thoughts are an incoherent mess and just slip around. A thought interrupts another thought mid-sentence.
This really fucking irritates me.
-It is 1:15 a.m. Eastern Standard Time where I live right now. There would normally be no problem with this, except I've actually made a good habit of sleeping earlier (at 9/10:00) and I was getting a good night's rest and I was very happy with it.
Now that it's 1:15, I am feeling so screamingly FRUSTRATED right now. I was sleeping RIGHT. I was sleeping AT A REASONABLE HOUR and now I've fucked it up. Fucking shit this is the angriest I've been all summer. I feel like throwing my goddamned chair out my window right now because I am sick of this staying up late BULLSHIT.
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Secrets
Aug 20, 2011 21:30:05 GMT -8
Post by aealo on Aug 20, 2011 21:30:05 GMT -8
I want to feel better so badly that I keep wanting to take all kinds of drugs, even if I destroy my body in the process.
I want this to be over.
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Secrets
Aug 20, 2011 22:35:24 GMT -8
Post by Weed Candy (AwesomesauceSoup) on Aug 20, 2011 22:35:24 GMT -8
I feel I must be the most hate-able person in the world. Everywhere I go, I muck things up with my fat mouth. I always annoy people I try to be friends with, and I end up ruining friendships I already have. I try my hardest to change that, but to no avail. oh hey. I get the feeling we'd get along. @thread: 2:35. Still up. Still angry like a fucking rabid, feral animal.
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xander
Persistent Member
[Mo0:15]
Posts: 5,525
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Secrets
Aug 20, 2011 22:40:23 GMT -8
Post by xander on Aug 20, 2011 22:40:23 GMT -8
I was gonna post a really lengthy thing about today and feelings and stuff, but I backspace'd the whole thing and typed this in its place.
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Philophobia
Persistent Member
]=[mu: ][Mo0:0]
Posts: 2,291
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Secrets
Aug 21, 2011 0:09:45 GMT -8
Post by Philophobia on Aug 21, 2011 0:09:45 GMT -8
I'm worried to go back to my 'therapist'. I've completely given up on my meds and thought about trying to OD on them a few days ago... I just want everything to be okay without having to fill myself full of this shit. My doctor seemed uneasy trying to get me on a higher dose. I just hope the next guy I see will give me better answers instead of trying to force me on stuff that only mask my pain. Being king is sweet at first, but it starts to fade when you have nobody to share it with. I haven't felt this lonely in ages.
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Secrets
Aug 21, 2011 3:30:16 GMT -8
Post by Corporal Flashback on Aug 21, 2011 3:30:16 GMT -8
I know she's just trying to introduce me to her other friends, but I wish my best friend wouldn't invite me to her church stuff because it's just so awkward. The leader of her youth church hates me because I introduced her to "devil music" (lolololol Sade and I first made friends because her phone went off in class and her ringtone was Nirvana) and this other girl Romina keeps trying to include me by telling her about her VISIONS AND THAT SHE SEES DEMONS and I am supposed to think that she is sane even though she tells me this two minutes after we meet.
I feel like I've tried to integrate with these people but their interests are literally "church church church" and I really don't want to see Sade go the same way.
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Secrets
Aug 21, 2011 8:24:02 GMT -8
Post by Giardia on Aug 21, 2011 8:24:02 GMT -8
I'm scared of sex, because, honestly, I'm terrified of being pregnant and the though of having a guy's dick in my hoo-ha just squicks me out to no end. ...Well, also because I'm somewhat of a prude... I feel the same way, more or less.
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Secrets
Aug 21, 2011 17:44:28 GMT -8
Post by dakman the Terrifying on Aug 21, 2011 17:44:28 GMT -8
Being king is sweet at first, but it starts to fade when you have nobody to share it with. I haven't felt this lonely in ages. I feel the same way man. i am an entirely different person when i am drunk,i actually feel like i matter. Plus i keep on dubbing people "the King of Ireland" while I'm wasted. That's more of a funny story though.
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xander
Persistent Member
[Mo0:15]
Posts: 5,525
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Secrets
Aug 21, 2011 22:54:27 GMT -8
Post by xander on Aug 21, 2011 22:54:27 GMT -8
I've started questioning myself about my sexuality. I know for an absolute FACT that I'm physically and sexually attracted to only guys, and not girls. Especially the sexually part. But...emotionally attracted to is a whole 'nother matter. Apparently, gender doesn't matter there. (I say apparently, because this sprang up recently.)
So...really fucking confused now.
I can't just brush off the emotional/mind attraction as "Oh, it means we click and can be good friends!", either. No. How my mind's processing it as far more than that. With the emotional attraction I can imagine a relationship--closeness, affection, companionship--the only thing not present (and would never be present) would be sex. Sex would never happen within the relationship.
So what the hell do I call a relationship just based on mental attraction and no sexual attraction at all? It can't be described as "just friends". It's far more than that. Far more.
Oh and the fucking irony. I posted in here, afraid that my best friend might get a crush on me not too long ago. But in reality...I think it's turning out to be the other way around.
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tldr
Member
Resident alcoholic[Mo0:0]
Posts: 287
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Secrets
Aug 21, 2011 23:11:13 GMT -8
Post by tldr on Aug 21, 2011 23:11:13 GMT -8
I'm jealous of the TS members who are more mature, responsible, and smarter than me. It especially bothers me when these users are my age or younger. I'm still bitter that a someone in my playwriting class got her script picked over mine. Deep down I don't think I'm any better than Ashley of RHoNJ and that bothers me. I hate myself for gaining the back the weight that took me months to lose.
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Secrets
Aug 22, 2011 8:26:35 GMT -8
Post by Aethryx on Aug 22, 2011 8:26:35 GMT -8
I kind of wish all the stuff from Norse mythology was real. >>
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Secrets
Aug 22, 2011 11:42:02 GMT -8
Post by aealo on Aug 22, 2011 11:42:02 GMT -8
^Me2 *sadfaise* Doesn't stop me from being Norse Pagan though.
I know this kid is just trying to be nice but complimenting me on my looks all the time and never talking about anything else is getting rather... creepy.
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Kookie
Persistent Member
geddit cuz im goffik
Posts: 3,151
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Secrets
Aug 22, 2011 15:51:59 GMT -8
Post by Kookie on Aug 22, 2011 15:51:59 GMT -8
I'm jealous of the TS members who are more mature, responsible, and smarter than me. It especially bothers me when these users are my age or younger. Same here. Secret: My best friend has been annoying me somewhat and it's mostly my fault
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Secrets
Aug 23, 2011 14:10:00 GMT -8
Post by Melon Collies [Mo] on Aug 23, 2011 14:10:00 GMT -8
I always feel either disgusted, slightly ill (nauseous or dizzy or faint), or guilty after I masturbate. Hardly ever do I leave my bedroom pleased with myself after I do so. I'm not sure if that's normal or not, or whether or not this says something about how sexually active I am.
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Secrets
Aug 23, 2011 20:46:21 GMT -8
Post by nchaos on Aug 23, 2011 20:46:21 GMT -8
I always feel either disgusted, slightly ill (nauseous or dizzy or faint), or guilty after I masturbate. Hardly ever do I leave my bedroom pleased with myself after I do so. I'm not sure if that's normal or not, or whether or not this says something about how sexually active I am. I do too, but that's mostly because of the dysphoria and all that fun shit. I just needed to put this all out somewhere. It's fucking stupid and whiny and I don't even care anymore, I just need to bitch this shit out somewhere it won't hurt anyone.
I'm fucking miserable. I don't know why, I don't know what's causing it, and I don't know how to make it stop. Last night I was fine for hours, watching a marathon of SVU with Ben and Julie, and then it hit me out of nowhere. Sitting there, watching one of my favorite shows, just sobbing under the blankets and trying not to let anyone hear me. I tried taking a shower and it just made me want to gouge these fucking things off me. I tried having Ben go buy me junk food, realized that I'd been binge-fucking-eating all day and it just made me more depressed. Tried fapping later that night and it just reminded me how fucking messed up and defective I am.
There hasn't been a single fucking day in the past two, three, four weeks that I haven't thought about just fucking ending all of this, and it's scaring me. I'm house-sitting for my parents, and I just keep eyeing that huge, beautiful liquor cabinet, thinking how fucking easy it would be to just throw everything away and drink until it all goes black again. This time, it'd bed ifferent though. This time, when that cold came through me and I feltt hat weightlessness, I'd just fucking let go. Just let it drag me down. I'm fucking low enough as it is, might as well crawl all the way to the bottom.
I'm fucking terrified. I'm fucking fucked. I think I'm losing it completely.
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Secrets
Aug 29, 2011 0:22:36 GMT -8
Post by aealo on Aug 29, 2011 0:22:36 GMT -8
I know I'm going to come off as conceited when I say this, but... I hate that three guys at my school like me. D: I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm flattered by that but they're all competitive and... ugh. I'd rather they didn't like me.
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Secrets
Aug 29, 2011 8:59:50 GMT -8
Post by Aethryx on Aug 29, 2011 8:59:50 GMT -8
I always feel either disgusted, slightly ill (nauseous or dizzy or faint), or guilty after I masturbate. Hardly ever do I leave my bedroom pleased with myself after I do so. I'm not sure if that's normal or not, or whether or not this says something about how sexually active I am. That's strange. I usually feel great afterwards, but everybody's different I guess. Maybe it's a psychological thing.
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Demeter
Persistent Member
You know what you are in the dark...[Mo0:8]
Posts: 4,114
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Secrets
Aug 29, 2011 10:44:09 GMT -8
Post by Demeter on Aug 29, 2011 10:44:09 GMT -8
^ Afterwards, my ears feel like they have to pop. I have no clue why.
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Secrets
Aug 29, 2011 11:09:04 GMT -8
Post by Corporal Flashback on Aug 29, 2011 11:09:04 GMT -8
I'm bored of everything and I'm finding it difficult to be motivated about anything
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Secrets
Aug 29, 2011 11:16:26 GMT -8
Post by Melon Collies [Mo] on Aug 29, 2011 11:16:26 GMT -8
^Me too.
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Demeter
Persistent Member
You know what you are in the dark...[Mo0:8]
Posts: 4,114
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Secrets
Aug 29, 2011 15:27:31 GMT -8
Post by Demeter on Aug 29, 2011 15:27:31 GMT -8
^ There are times when I sleep more because I know there's nothing interesting happening, either in real life or on the internet.
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Philophobia
Persistent Member
]=[mu: ][Mo0:0]
Posts: 2,291
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Secrets
Aug 29, 2011 17:24:45 GMT -8
Post by Philophobia on Aug 29, 2011 17:24:45 GMT -8
It pains me that I haven't seen you in months,and even more so that I may not even see or talk to you for an even longer time. The more I long to check up on you, the faster I'm falling back onto my personal hell. I just want to save you. I just want to be by your side and protect you... I think I hurt my back binding again... I'm afraid to hell my mom.
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shiko
Persistent Member
Turn me to ash and give me back to nature. After all, to the universe we are specks of dust.
Posts: 2,029
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Secrets
Aug 29, 2011 18:59:29 GMT -8
Post by shiko on Aug 29, 2011 18:59:29 GMT -8
I want to find someone who understands me.
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Philophobia
Persistent Member
]=[mu: ][Mo0:0]
Posts: 2,291
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Secrets
Aug 29, 2011 20:10:02 GMT -8
Post by Philophobia on Aug 29, 2011 20:10:02 GMT -8
^ Me too
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Kyouya
Member
[Mo0:0]
Posts: 194
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Secrets
Aug 30, 2011 20:04:36 GMT -8
Post by Kyouya on Aug 30, 2011 20:04:36 GMT -8
I find it extremely hard to connect to anyone. The only person I can be almost completely open with is a childhood friend whom I've known since at least 3rd grade. I'm a junior in college now. Even with people who want to be and are trying to be my friends and include me in stuff, I just can't completely relax and be myself around them and it makes being around them rather awkward sometimes. I can't say whatever the fuck I feel like, like with childhood friend (and a few good friends I made in high school), because I don't know them well enough and don't know what they'd accept and not accept. I don't do rejection well.
On a similar note, I don't want a boy/girlfriend for that same reason. I feel like I'll never find anyone because it's so difficult for me to connect with people. At the same time, that's exactly why I want a b/gf, so that I can find someone I connect with. I'm still looking for that person(s) who I can totally be myself around and actually enjoy my college experience to the fullest. I'm so guarded and simply can't/don't trust people enough to actually relax. I still haven't figured out why or what to do to fix it. Feels nice to actually get that out.
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