Alastor reads the Twilight crossovers
Oct 29, 2011 22:56:52 GMT -8
Post by Alastor on Oct 29, 2011 22:56:52 GMT -8
...Why does this fic exist?
Link.
This is an Evangelion fic, so it's only appropriate to have this:
...What? First sentence and I'm already lost.
No. No fucking way.
Let's see... In order of selection... Rei, Asuka, Shinji, Touji, and Kaworu. Okay, you got that right.
...but that implies this takes place after episode 24, which was when Kaworu was both selected/revealed to the other Children AND revealed to be the last Angel. The events of End of Evangelion occur shortly after, making this fic impossible. But fuck the carefully built timeline, not like it matters!
Clearly! It's nice to give an explanation to what the hell you're fighting, but that's something almost everybody who's heard of Evangelion (read: 99% of the internet) knows.
We don't know why exactly, though. This fic's guess is as good as mine, beyond trying to find what hides under Geofront and cause Third Impact (and thus we turn into Tang).
And you really couldn't give the Angels a general theme. >>
What. Bella. Killing three Angels. The very same Bella who couldn't do a fucking thing.
Clearly it's SEELE trying to do good for once and rid us of a Sue.
and when I can I will go back.
...to find a highly dysfunctional group of people!
...actually now that I think about it, Bella fits in perfectly.
Gendo: "Dear, what happened to naming the daughter Rei?"
Yui: "...not being on my anti-depressants?"
O... kay. The hell does this have to do with anything?
Well, duh. This is common knowledge that anyone who's looked Eva up on Wikipedia knows.
WHOA, WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK. HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT.
So.. Technically, you're the Fourth Child? Or is Shinji?
Everyone at NERV: "DAMMIT SHINJI, PILOT THE FUCKING ROBOT."
Shinji:
Edward: "Uh, Bella? You're American. Not Japanese."
Edward: "ARE YOU CHEATING WITH THAT KAWORU FUCKER AGAIN?!"
Emmett: "You stole my phone! Again!"
Emmet: "Hey, it's my phone!"
Other line: "Uh, Hello? Is this Tomino Pizza?"
"Izzy." I heard Misato.
"Misato I have been waiting you said 2:00 pm. Its 3 now what the hell!" I yelled at her.
"Well you see the times aren't the same." She was trying to get out of my anger.
Misato: "Calm down! Jesus Christ, I work at a defense organization, not to mention the timezone differences!"
Also, lolauthorname
So that gives you the right to be a bigger bitch then Asuka, while ignoring that this woman has a job in the fucking military, trying to prevent the apocalypse?
Misato: "Even Unit-01 is! And it can't talk!"
"Okay do you have any idea when I could come back?" I was so hoping that I could come back really, really soon.
No. YOu aren't going back to NERV. Ever.
"No I haven't and Shinji wants to talk to you."
"Put him on." I almost yelled at her.
"Ok god well Shinji and Asuka wants to talk to you." I heard her put on speaker for both of them to talk.
Oh this'll be good...
Wait. Asuka knows this is a self-insert fic...
Shinji: "...I haven't."
Holy shit! Asuka's... actually kinda in character! This actually might be go-
"SEE!" Asuka yelled. "And um Isa could you please sing the um song you made for you know?"
...
There's a copy and paste of the lyrics to Cruel Angel's Thesis, so I'm skipping it.
Asuka: "Oh thank Gott! That damn brat's gone!"
It's over! YAY! ...only there are two more chapters.
Link.
This is an Evangelion fic, so it's only appropriate to have this:
I missed Shinji, Misato really badly. Hell I miss Asuka and she was a bitch to Shinji.
...What? First sentence and I'm already lost.
You see Shinji is my twin brother.
No. No fucking way.
I am can do things that only five other people can.
Let's see... In order of selection... Rei, Asuka, Shinji, Touji, and Kaworu. Okay, you got that right.
...but that implies this takes place after episode 24, which was when Kaworu was both selected/revealed to the other Children AND revealed to be the last Angel. The events of End of Evangelion occur shortly after, making this fic impossible. But fuck the carefully built timeline, not like it matters!
We fight things called Angels.
Clearly! It's nice to give an explanation to what the hell you're fighting, but that's something almost everybody who's heard of Evangelion (read: 99% of the internet) knows.
Its hurt to tell you what the Angels look and why they try to kill us. They do.
We don't know why exactly, though. This fic's guess is as good as mine, beyond trying to find what hides under Geofront and cause Third Impact (and thus we turn into Tang).
And you really couldn't give the Angels a general theme. >>
I have killed three
What. Bella. Killing three Angels. The very same Bella who couldn't do a fucking thing.
but none have showed up in a long time. I am in hiding. Someone (That's not an Angel) wants me die
Clearly it's SEELE trying to do good for once and rid us of a Sue.
and when I can I will go back.
...to find a highly dysfunctional group of people!
...actually now that I think about it, Bella fits in perfectly.
My name is Isabella Ikari
Gendo: "Dear, what happened to naming the daughter Rei?"
Yui: "...not being on my anti-depressants?"
and I am the third child and I am not 18 I am 15 but for some reason I look 18.
O... kay. The hell does this have to do with anything?
My Eva is unit 1 and only Shinji and I can use it
Well, duh. This is common knowledge that anyone who's looked Eva up on Wikipedia knows.
because of our mother's soul being in Eva 1
WHOA, WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK. HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT.
but really I am the one who is Eva 1 the most Shinji doesn't like it and I am really the real 3rd child so yeah.
So.. Technically, you're the Fourth Child? Or is Shinji?
Shinji only does if he has to do it.
Everyone at NERV: "DAMMIT SHINJI, PILOT THE FUCKING ROBOT."
Shinji:
I was watching my phone because Misato was going to call soon telling me about Shinji and when I can come home.
Edward: "Uh, Bella? You're American. Not Japanese."
"Bella love are you ok?" I looked at Edward.
"Yeah, yeah I am." I told him.
"Yeah, yeah I am." I told him.
Edward: "ARE YOU CHEATING WITH THAT KAWORU FUCKER AGAIN?!"
"Well bells you don't seem it. All you have been doing to watching that phone." Emmett told me. "Are you waiting for someone to call?" I nod my head. Emmett grabbed my phone.
Emmett: "You stole my phone! Again!"
"Hey give it back." I jumped up and yelled at him.
Emmet: "Hey, it's my phone!"
"No Bells never."
"Emmett give me my god damn phone." The phone when off. "Emmett give me my phone." I grabbed it and ran out of the house in to the woods. I picked it up.
"Hello?"
"Emmett give me my god damn phone." The phone when off. "Emmett give me my phone." I grabbed it and ran out of the house in to the woods. I picked it up.
"Hello?"
Other line: "Uh, Hello? Is this Tomino Pizza?"
"Izzy." I heard Misato.
"Misato I have been waiting you said 2:00 pm. Its 3 now what the hell!" I yelled at her.
"Well you see the times aren't the same." She was trying to get out of my anger.
Misato: "Calm down! Jesus Christ, I work at a defense organization, not to mention the timezone differences!"
Also, lolauthorname
"No you know what time it is here." I sighed. "Just tell me everything."
So that gives you the right to be a bigger bitch then Asuka, while ignoring that this woman has a job in the fucking military, trying to prevent the apocalypse?
"Ok well Shinji is doing good missing you like crazy hell Asuka is missing you. Everything at Nerv." She told me.
Misato: "Even Unit-01 is! And it can't talk!"
"Okay do you have any idea when I could come back?" I was so hoping that I could come back really, really soon.
No. YOu aren't going back to NERV. Ever.
"No I haven't and Shinji wants to talk to you."
"Put him on." I almost yelled at her.
"Ok god well Shinji and Asuka wants to talk to you." I heard her put on speaker for both of them to talk.
Oh this'll be good...
"Izzy!" I heard Asuka.
Wait. Asuka knows this is a self-insert fic...
"Bella." Shinji.
"Hey guys I have missed you like crazy." I told them.
"Hey guys I have missed you like crazy." I told them.
Shinji: "...I haven't."
"Isa you have fucking come back! I can't take a woman who doesn't know how to clean and a boy who doesn't know how to stick up himself!" Asuka yelled at me.
"Now Asuka we have been over this. That is Shinji is. Right Shinji?" I chalked a little bit.
"Um y-y-yeah I guess." He tripped over his words a little bit.
"Still the same."
"Now Asuka we have been over this. That is Shinji is. Right Shinji?" I chalked a little bit.
"Um y-y-yeah I guess." He tripped over his words a little bit.
"Still the same."
Holy shit! Asuka's... actually kinda in character! This actually might be go-
"SEE!" Asuka yelled. "And um Isa could you please sing the um song you made for you know?"
...
"Of course I will I haven't sing it in so long." I knew Shinji would want to hear I made the song for him and for Nerv and Asuka really liked how it sounded.
There's a copy and paste of the lyrics to Cruel Angel's Thesis, so I'm skipping it.
"Hey guys sorry to do this to you but I have to go. I love you Shinji and I miss you like fucking crazy bye."
"Bye!" they all yelled.
"Bye!" they all yelled.
Asuka: "Oh thank Gott! That damn brat's gone!"
I have to get back to them. I miss them like crazy and I take stand Edward with the whole fucking 'be careful Bella it's a piece of grass you can die if you step on it.' HA if only he knew that I get in to a fucking big ass thing that was made to kill and I was the one doing it…
It's over! YAY! ...only there are two more chapters.