blenderbender
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Post by blenderbender on Feb 23, 2012 18:12:32 GMT -8
Hmm, I think I'll start this off with my HP fanfic information (ie;my insane brain has come up with the life story of just about everyone.)
-The LGBT characters which make up a large portion of Harry's year ? They don't exist, or they're straight, or they have changed genders.
-The Ravenclaw 7th years don't skip class to take care of Michael after he is tortured, despite years of friendship, because it's "immoral" to cut class if you aren't sparkly vampires.
-Alecto is a great mother and Amycus is a great babysitter. Or he fell in love with one of the twins and Alecto is totally cool with it.
-Flora Carrow's nervous breakdown when she's arrested for suspected involvement with the Neo-Death Eaters? Never happened.
-Hestia Carrow had no alcohol issues and didn't die in childbirth. She totally survived a complicated delivery.
-There is no adoption because "Why would you want to raise someone else's baby?"
-There are no Neo-Death Eaters.
-If the Neo-Death Eaters do still exist, and do somehow gain the international scale they do in my fics, the International Confederation immediately steps in to squish them with no problems or dissent, and they don't become overly controlling tyrants afterwards.
-If they DO somehow do that, then the DA easily beats them without anyone dying.
-Leanne's brother-in-law never leaves her sister. He stays, never gets into crime, and of course raises his children. Therefore missing out on Leanne learning to let go of her structured lifestyle and sacrifice her own desires to raise her sister's children.
-Nobody dies. EVER.
-The women are totally useless (oh Morag, I miss your badassery already!)
-The Ravenclaws are the "overly helpful, chess club types" and the Hufflepuffs are either non-existant or the "golden retrievers"
-Neville never needs any help with anything because he's so sparkly perfect, Hannah is a statuesque model, and the DA totally loves Neville.
-Ginny and Luna are subservient to Neville as opposed to equal partners.
-Morag never has to fight to keep her political power because she never has any.
-All Slytherins are evil. No exceptions. All Gryffindors are the purest pure people imaginable. No exceptions.
-Rather than seeking a divorce from Jared for his emotionally abusive ways, Sophie is turned on by it. Similarly, instead of demanding Henry grow up and stop acting like a prick and go back to the decent man he once was, Morag becomes a simpering lovesick puppy who just wants her husband to come home (I think my heart just threw up a little thinking of Morag like that).
-Due to the fact the blood purity angle would dropped, Sue never dumps Adrian for calling Terry a mudblood. They stay together forever and always, angsting about fake obstacles to their romance rather than the real ones, and Sue's later relationship with Raymond and their children are ignored.
-Since there is no mention of blood purity, there is nobody pointing out the parallels to racism. Therefore, Raymond never leaves his "who cares?" state of mind regarding the Death Eaters.
-Helen would be married, as would Jade and Anthony.
-Since every woman needs babies Carol and Leanne would give birth to many children.
-Since unwed mothers are evil, Jade, Sally-Anne, and Helen are all married.
-Rose is Sorted into Gryffindor, thereby eliminating her fears that Ron won't love her anymore because she's a Ravenclaw.
-Since Mike is no longer gay, his dad struggling to figure out how to deal with LGBT issues is dropped.
-Because Terry is no longer gay and Morag and Roger are no longer bisexual, Stephen doesn't have to struggle to accept them.
-The Ravenclaw 7th years are no longer tight buds, since nerds can't have friends.
-Since poor people are icky, Dean, Shane, Sophie, Ron, Gregory, Susan, Leah, Neville, Jason, Seamus, Wayne, Jessica, and Sally-Anne are no longer broke.
- On a similar note because they are rich/upper middle class, Justin, Morag, Isobel, Stephen, Draco, Daphne, Pansy, Theodore, Blaise, Harry, Lavender, Jade, Parvati, Padma, Zacharias, Tanya, Henry, Fay, Vincent, Persephone, and Raymond can do no wrong.
-Since white makes right, there are no racial minorities.
-There is no divorce.
-Tracey isn't just slammed against a wall and kissed against her will by Edward Runcorn. She's gang-raped by the Slytherin boys. She than puts on a fancy dress and murders them all.
-Amanda and Sally don't suffer horribly in Azkaban, nor do they get tatoos of their prisoner numbers on their wrists after they're released.
-All of Daphne's conflict with her family is gone as she's no longer gay.
-Lavender never admits she's in love with Parvati on her death bed because 1) Lavender no longer dies and 2) She's no longer gay.
-Michael and Morag date because Mike can't be gay with Terry anymore.
-All the Slytherin girls are bitchy blondes.
-All the "good" characters are drop dead gorgeous and rich.
-Roger Davies sticks to his promise and moves Mike from the reserve team to the normal team, thus eliminating the conflict of him going behind Mike's back and putting new Beaters on.
-Emma's daughter's have the same father.
-Morag is never considered a whore for sleeping with multiple partners, and Emma is never called a slut despite rumours she sleeps with people for stories.
-Roger Malone and Morag are both virgins and would never ever be slightly wanton. Meaning, Sonya doesn't exist anymore because her dad didn't sleep around.
-Since gay people don't exist, the potions that can make an unborn child biologically their's do not exist.
-Flitwick never kills Dolohov, nor does he threaten to kill the Carrows after they torture Michael because he's not cool.
-McGonagall is no longer badass, she's a sweet old grandma figure. Molly is not a fighter. Snape is just hard on students to make them do well.
-Orphans are depressing. Therefore, they do not occur.
-None of the girls challenge sexism when they see it.
-Morag becomes a Chaser, the more "feminine" position rather than a Beater
-Simply put, any and all complexities or conflicts are sucked out with a straw and everyone lives happily ever after forever and ever.
-The girls have no interest in sports/adventure/fighting/etc. They all have "feminine" jobs or are housewives.
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Post by writer wannabe on Feb 23, 2012 19:11:43 GMT -8
^Your fic sounds awesome. Reading through this list, though, turned into a game of "Hey! I recognize THIS name!"
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blenderbender
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Post by blenderbender on Feb 23, 2012 19:46:28 GMT -8
*blushes* Thanks. It was originally just a piece about the DA's 7th year, and then it kinda..exploded in my head. Haha, really? Well a lot of them weren't identified in canon (they were there, but not named) and so some of those names probably aren't recognizable.
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Post by Chaotic Neutral on Feb 23, 2012 21:58:23 GMT -8
^I'm almost afraid to ask, but what happens to Harry, Ron, and Hermione in this fic of yours?
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blenderbender
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Post by blenderbender on Feb 24, 2012 12:12:20 GMT -8
^They fight the Confederation's tyranny and help with the later reforms? Also, they defeat the Neo-Death Eaters? You shouldn't worry about the Gold or Silver Trios. You should worry about everyone else. If you want details about anyone in particular I'll PM you. Though, really, all the minor characters get a much bigger part, particularly the ones in Harry's year.
Don't worry there's plenty of happy sweet moments, and the survivors get their happy endings, but they actually EARN them and go through hell to reach them.
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Post by Chaotic Neutral on Feb 24, 2012 21:45:39 GMT -8
^Sounds like you do a pretty good job of spreading the focus, then. Something else Meyer fails to do.
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NintendoGal55
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Post by NintendoGal55 on Feb 24, 2012 23:16:18 GMT -8
If Meyer wrote my work, a story I call "Cyber Connections"
~The plot twist would be non-existent. ~One of the main characters wouldn't get killed off. ~All four MC's would be Mary-Sues and desperate for boyfriends. ~The bitchy main character would be a Scary Sue. ~Tim, a police officer, would be reverted to the way Meyer thinks of Charlie. ~The plot twist would be that Thomas, a supporting character, was a vampire. ~Steven would be a werewolf. ~The one character who gets killed off wouldn't get killed off, she'd be infertile and no guy would want to be with her.
Basically, she would throw supernatural and romance into it. The story is about friendship, loyalty, and is also an eventual murder mystery.
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blenderbender
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Post by blenderbender on Feb 25, 2012 7:43:55 GMT -8
@cn- Thanks! And, as per usual, we could write a novel about things Meyer failed to do.
If Meyer wrote a superhero story I'm planning with some friends called "The Fates"..
- Fireband and Tiger Lily wouldn't be dating. -Tiger Lily would never fight to reclaim her kingdom, nor move on after her husband died. - Fireband would refuse to date a guy for information because he's ugly, not because she's gay. -Bloodknight wouldn't kill people, and he's certainly never bring along his 11 year old sister as some sort of "sidekick". -The rich characters would be the "best" people. -Facepalm wouldn't be hypoglycemic. -Glitzy Girl being a complete and utter ditz wouldn't be an issue. -Glitzy Girl would be totally obsessed with Bloodknight and become his servant after they start dating. -The Saviours (the main hero group of the world) love and instantly approve of the Fates because they're always right. -Tiger Lily wouldn't be into tech at all, and neither would Animal Woman because nerds are icky. -Poor people are icky, so Fireband is no longer living in a very racist very homophobic ghetto. -Since white makes right for Smeyer, Fireband and Tiger Lily are both white. -The Club (main villains) wouldn't sell drugs, or have prostitution, or commit any actual CRIMES.
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Post by writer wannabe on Feb 25, 2012 12:01:44 GMT -8
For the story "Consequences" that is in the works until I achieve a higher level of writing skill (god i make it sound like i live in an rpg) . . . --The main character would be a super-powerful wizard, more so than he is now --said wizard would NOT be vulnerable to the raging villagers laying siege on his own household --those raging villagers would be mad because a woman among them fell in love with the wizard instead of mad because the wizard accidentally turned the entire village into half monsters due to a freak accident with creating a chimera --the wizard would NOT be a widower or, if he still is, he would love the woman Meyer made him fall in love with because he never really loved his late wife --he would not have a son who's in just as much danger as he is from the mob outside his home --the wizard would not give a rat's ass about the village and, if they're all deformed still, would not even attempt to undo the curse --furthermore, THE WIZARD WOULD NOT DIE IN THE END AT THE HANDS OF THE VILLAGERS
In other words, she'd completely defeat the purpose of the piece.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 26, 2012 16:14:11 GMT -8
If SM wrote Blue Moon (which, in fact, is a Twilight "fan fiction"), it would be something like this:
- Everyone is straight, including Raina - No drug/alcohol use - No violence or gore - No premarital sex - Raina ends up with Embry, Seth, Mike, or some other random character - Raina is a carbon copy of Bella - Raina is perfectly perfect - Raina is much more whiney and has no backbone
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Saeran
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Post by Saeran on Mar 1, 2012 19:15:16 GMT -8
Oh boy if she rewrote Gang of Fools
-Falk would remain a girl because hey! we can't have any ftm or mtf transgenders in this story no siree!
-Instead of getting back up and learning how to fight after he got his wing's clipped Falk would cry and anguish over how he can't fly anymore and how it would just be best if he *cringes* went with Damien and became the perfect wife
-Kynan wouldn't be gay and he would always angst over the fact that he was abandoned instead of just saying fuck it and living his life with his older brother Falk
-Also his freakout where he ends up slaughtering all of the adults in the orphanage after they sell the kids wouldn't happen because we can't have violence
-Aden would be a gigantic smarmy douchebag with a female love interest instead of a bi jerk with a heart of gold atoner -Emil wouldn't be a kickass lady swordswoman instead she'd probably be a delicate flower mary sue
Ugh this left a bad taste in my mouth
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Post by Deleted on Mar 4, 2012 10:45:36 GMT -8
-Two of the characters would end up cisgendered. -Two of the main characters wouldn't be in a relationship (two women). Two other characters also wouldn't be together (a man and a trans female who hasn't had gender reassignment surgery). -One of the main characters would sparkle and botch the rules I've set for the story about vampires. (Of course, said character HATES Twilight.) -Several characters wouldn't exist, since they're dragons; or she would completely botch the rules I've set for the story about dragons. -One of the nicer characters would be turned into a creepy, obsessive stalker and be so out of character it would hurt. -The writing would be filled with purple prose (ironic, because I veer into beige prose with startling regularity). -One of the protagonists wouldn't take a level in badass near the end. Hell, she'd probably be turned into a copy of Bella. -The main plot would only revolve around one of the protagonists (the one that would probably become the Bella copy), ignoring how many people are DYING in the story. - A major plot point from the get-go would never happen, since it happens to the protagonist that would probably become her Bella copy and she just wouldn't be able to stand anything happening to her now created Bella copy. -One of the strong female protagonists having her mother die in a car accident would then be treated as though it was her fault, despite how she wasn't even THERE when it happened. -Several of the female protagonists would end up infertile, because having strong independent women is a no-go for SMeyer...
*cringes* It hurts just thinking about it.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 11, 2012 22:35:14 GMT -8
If she rewrote my book:
-All the deities and all the different religions in the book would be gone. Even the main head honcho, Araces, would be gone. Which means the main race of the story, Daevans, would have to be scraped right down to their culture and way of life. T__T
-Salias would not have been kidnapped, tortured and nearly killed by the main villain.
-Analae, or Ana, would not be the young, fiery tempered heroine. She would be chaste and seeking only to marry a man instead of going out of her way to seek vengeance on the person who burned her village down. Her only flaw, being clumsy, would make her more graceful than a deterrent on her and others. Her short-temper, foul mouth and reckless personality would be non-existent. She would also be a master mage instead of a mage-in-training, and if Meyer kept the mage-in-training she would be a brilliant student instead of the student who's barely passing her classes.
-The Pure Crystals would not have huge, life threatening restrictions on their powers. Instead, she would keep them as omnipotent and scrape the consequences of using their powers.
-Irudiar, the main villain, would not be the conniving ass that he is today. Instead, he would promptly fall in love with Ana and become rivals with Malavis. He would watch Ana sleep every night and stalk her everywhere she goes both physically and magically.
-Ciel would not harbor a secret love for his master, Irudiar. He would be fighting for Ana's love instead.
-Malavis would not be exiled from his own people. He would have stayed the Daevan Emperor and would have never been corrupted. Salias, his younger brother, would somehow break all rules and become a Pure Crystal as well (even though only one can exist). He'd fight for Ana's love as well, because she's so beautiful and perfect.
-Haiv would be a weak-willed, motherly woman instead of the strong, independent and clever woman in the book. She would also be wearing a lot of clothing that covers her from head to toe, and she would not be able to shift into her real form (a wasp woman with four arms, antennas, wings and a wasp thorax).
-Thorn would be made even more angsty than he is now. She would also try to pair him up with Haiv, even though the two only have a temporary alliance because they serve the same master. She would make him moan and groan about his past and keep him stuck in his memories, instead of making him a broken man trying to move past all his dark memories.
-Salinder would not be the crazy, foaming at the mouth Enldrin King. He would probably end up being Ana's father and only be served as a parental figure. He would not be able to shift into his true form (spider body with extra limbs and extra eyes), because spiders are probably gross in her book.
-Rosco, the ugly rat man, would not exist because he is...well...hideous to look at and Meyer wants beautiful people in the book.
-Morizar would be straight instead of gay.
-Lethora's wife, Erilesse, would be weak and crying all the time over her deceased children instead of trying to move on. She would constantly be whining that her husband doesn't pay her enough attention, even though his job consumes a lot of his time. She would mill around and do nothing instead of running around everywhere to help her husband and their cause.
-The Enldrin and the Bargiest race would not exist because they're too ugly and creepy.
-Irudiar would never have successfully taken over the world. He would merely be changed from an evil man to a good man.
-Violence would be off-screen, or toned down tremendously.
It's still a work in progress and a lot of things still need to be reworked, tweeked and/or scraped. However, Meyer writing my book....I would kill myself if that ever happened. :C
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blenderbender
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Post by blenderbender on Mar 30, 2012 20:20:50 GMT -8
Oh God, another horrible thought just jumped out at me about my Harry Potter fic. The next generation of Harry's year. Oh God, those poor children.
Well, how badly would Meyer mangle them?
-Their names would all be changed into weird ass names that would make any celebrity proud. After all, why would they go for something significant to them (Any of Harry's kids names, Rose and Hugo having their middle names dedicated to grandparents, Morag's son having the middle name "Michael" after her best friend, etc.) or at the very least normal (such as Jennifer Margaret or Isabella Lois)?
-No biracial children, so Skye, Rhys, Beth, Amber, Hollie, Francesca, Nicole, Zara, Eimear, Harry, Ciara, Madhari, Abena, Tristan, Cavan, Tia, Paige, Isla, Yue, Ryan, Aaron, Cynthia, Cosette, Matilda, Lincoln, Michael, Kazuo, Himeko, Etsuko, Kaori, Isabella, Mati, Stephanie, Cassandra, Jennifer, Angus, Evie, Iona, Corey, Imogen, Dinah, Sarah, Ben, Brandon, Arthur, Terra, Fred Jr, Roxanne, An, Min, Bao, Asher, Dana, Basil, Alvina, Agnes would all disappear.
-Seeing how their parents are no longer LGBT, and would no longer need genetics potions and surrogates, or adoption agencies to have children, this means that Lena, Zara, Alfie, Harry, Mia, Ciara, Paige, Isla, Tia, Robert, Lorcan Finnigan, Kyle, Anna, Angus, Amber, Hollie, Logan, Rachel, Eimear, Jennifer, Lara, Madhari, Nicole, Francesca, Ricardo, and Catalina would not exist.
-Since sleeping around is bad and Roger Malone wouldn't do that, Sonya doesn't exist.
-As single parents are bad, Oscar, Elizabeth, and Harvey wouldn't exist.
-Adoption doesn't occur and so, Himeko, Etsuko, Kaori, May, Isaiah, Matilda, Kazuo, Michael Newport, Reuben, Lincoln, Layla, Damon, and Cosette no longer exist.
-After hacking these children from existance, all their mothers would be left desperately wanting babies, since that's all women are for in her universe.
-Alvina likely wouldn't exist, as her mother is infertile and so she and her husband got a surrogate
-Rather than a normal way to honour her grandmothers (with the name Alice Erica), the Longbottom's oldest daughter's name would be a moshpot between the two.
I'd continue, but really, after losing so many of the kids, I'm having a hard time knowing who's left. You get the idea, she'd hack these poor kids into pieces.
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Post by writer wannabe on Mar 30, 2012 20:43:40 GMT -8
^I'd say that the entire point of that piece would be defeated in purpose. So many characters gone...
So her name would be Alica? Or Erice? Or Alicerica? Yeah, Alicerica sounds like Meyer's style.
But Alicerica [Al-leh-ceh-reh-kah] still rolls off the tongue better then Reneesme/Renesmee/Reenesme (or however you spell it). (also note, the pronunciation of Alicerica may expose my slight Texas accent)
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blenderbender
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Post by blenderbender on Mar 31, 2012 1:05:55 GMT -8
Mm, maybe not defeated, but a lot more characters would be left childless. Which would remove a lot of the issues with going on the run, and fighting against the Neo-Death Eaters, so it's just more conflict removal. And it also wrecks Rose's story, as her best friend was among those scratched out.
Alicerica actually does seem like Meyer's style. Alica doesn't seem half-bad though. Is it bad that I think Erice would be cool if it was pronounced like "Eris" the godess of chaos? Well, it wouldn't be cool for her, but the connotations are AWESOME. At least, to me.
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Post by writer wannabe on Mar 31, 2012 12:27:35 GMT -8
^"Eris" is actually how I pronounced "Erice," coincidentally.
Though, I have to wonder, when we are following Meyer's style of naming the "most unique baby in the world," why do we often come up with better names than Reneesme?
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blenderbender
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Post by blenderbender on Mar 31, 2012 15:41:52 GMT -8
Sweet! It even fits then!
Because we have an actual sense of names that don't make ears bleed?
On another note, "most unique baby" my ass. There are at least 4 others. And their father had the sense to give them real names.
Speaking of etymology, another point Meyer would ruin is some of the name themes. For instance, Draco's children, they had a theme of first names being constellations/astrology meaning, and the middle name having a light meaning. Of course, Meyer would throw it all out because "Why would Wizards use Muggle names? You can't just call them Jennifer or Samantha!" >.>
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Story Keeper
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Post by Story Keeper on Mar 31, 2012 16:54:07 GMT -8
Dear God, if Smeyer tried to write the Blood on the Ice trilogy...
- The two countries involved would live in peace and harmony and would speak English.
- There would be no oppression of workers, women, the church or anything.
- The main characters would be middle-class with long life expectancies and adequate food, housing and healthcare.
- All the characters' names would be English, French or otherwise classy names, rather than Slavic names like Mikhail or Oksana.
- Everyone would wear modern designer clothes, rather than sarafans, ushankas, etc.
- There would be no violence.
- There would be lots and lots of romance and no conflict between characters.
- Lenya (the protagonist) would be the tallest, strongest, most handsome and smartest person in his class.
- Lenya wouldn't make mistakes.
- Lenya would be able to communicate with his family whenever he likes.
- Nobody would be tortured or killed.
- The Krasnaisski military would be sympathetic.
- Everyone would do everything for Lenya and would keep him out of danger.
- Lenya and the other characters wouldn't have internal struggles.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2012 13:42:48 GMT -8
Oooh, 'Callope's Quest' would get wrecked.
For starters, it would be more in line with the original story at least characterisation wise (it being a serious re-write of 'Lady of Sorrow) i.e. Callope would be just as much of a bitch as Helena.
You know, here's a more in-depth look
Callope-based on Helena Darkness -As previously stated, she'd be back to her old characterisation or there abouts. -Gone would be her badass fighting skills that she'd work so hard to gain; after all, females can't stand up for themselves! -She wouldn't be blonde -Her clothes wouldn't be revealing and therefore she wouldn' have the same freedom of movement -Despite being a bitch, everyone 'good' will still like her even though she hates the attention instead of feeling flattered if a little confused -She would not hate Dingo for being a glory-stealing ass, instead he will be her love interest -She will not kill him for his highly sexist remark and his attempt to take all the fame for himself while portraying her as a mere damsel in distress; instead she will be flattered and fall in love. -She won't have a quasi-girls love relationship with the spirit possessing her sword, her role as love interest will be taken by Dingo -Failing that, the spirit will be male and take Jacob's role. -Jackson won't exist, if he does he won't be important to the plot.
Camomile-based on Twila -She will be blonde and white instead of black with green hair -As she is a fairy, she will sparkle -Instead of friendly ribbing, she will be the bitch character and put Callope down -She will be killed off or otherwise humiliated
Cananashi-based on Naruto from 'For Your Eyes Only' -Would be secretly working for the bad guy -Wouldn't be a transsexual, would either be born a girl or be a crossdressing man -As she is Japanese, Meyer would ignore her culture and make stuff up. -Her backstory would get the same amount of attention as Rosalie's -And all this assumes she actually exists.
Celia-original -Wouldn't exist because she is a nerd and therefore not important - never mind that this wrecks the plot
Cardasea-based on Tiana -Would have uber-speshul mermaid powers -Would fill Alice's role i.e. do nothing of any real importance
Catherine-based on Rebecca Swansin -Would be secretly working for the bad guy -Fred would not exist as their interactions would make Catherine sympathetic and we can't have that
Carmen, Ciki, and Centuri-based on Joan, Laura and Atera respectively -As Callope and Camomile's derailment would give them no reason to be in the story, they would not exist.
Plot -Plot? What plot? -It will be solely about Dingo and Callope getting together ith a meaningless conflict tackedon at the end -Dingo will save the day for Callope and she will do none of the work. -Neither will any of the other girls -The Lady of Sorrow will give up her world domination plans after a simple debate because she is beautiful (though not as beautiful as Speshul Snowflake Callope) and actually likes Callope so therefore she can be redeemed -At the end, the 'good' girls will all get perfect men and live happily ever after because that is the only validation of a woman, don't ya know!
...That hurt to write
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blenderbender
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Post by blenderbender on Apr 27, 2012 14:23:49 GMT -8
I know, I know, it wouldn't kill me to post about something other than my HP fanfic in this thread, but I've been thinking about it a lot lately.
So what's the main would be screw up now? Character interaction. I don't even want to think about it, but it would be slaughtered.
-Every familiy would be completely intact, dead relatives and divorces are not options.
-The kids in Harry's year still would not care about their families, and not really have qualms about leaving.
-Terry would not bother to have Proffessor Burbage arrange a way for his family to make a quick getaway just in case. Neither would Kellah.
-The girls would only be motivated to do anything to protect their kids, and even then they aren't badass.
-Any sets of twins (Helen and June, Morag and Isobel, Padma and Parvati) would get along famously without any of the sniping, disapproval, frustration, or jealousy that often goes into sisterly relationships.
-Hermione would not argue with her parents to get them to allow her younger sister to go overseas for a special program just before the Horcrux hunt.
-Leanne would not be torn up about her sister disliking her. After all, it's "Us vs Them".
-Lavender's brother wouldn't even notice, much less care, that she died.
-Michael and Seamus would just automatically get along, difficulty in being stepbrothers be damned.
-Michael wouldn't semi-resent his dad.
-Most of the girls would have children young, not over a wide range.
-Jade wouldn't be infuriated over her sister's irresponsibility when she dumps her kid on her.
-Emma would be best friends with her stepmother, even though she's supposed to hate both her and her stepfather (for a while anyway) because she wants her parents to get back together.
-Millicent would be a Nazi-expy. Because she's going to be of German ancestry.
-Anthony can't act like being Jewish is important to him, since that would require research. Ditto for Bem and Sophie being semi-pious Muslims.
-Morag cannot become angry at Neville for his constant doubt in himself, or try to encourage him.
-Emma wouldn't have a penchant for befriending "freaks" like Lily, Colin, or Mafalda.
-EVERYONE with kids would ignore them and dump them off on babysitters/Fenrir Greyback.
On appearances:
-Everyone blonde would either be bitchy or change their hair colour.
-Ernie wouldn't have a dead arm from a dragon attack.
-NOBODY would have any scars. The three wars they fought in be damned, they cannot have scars.
-Good guys=yellow eyes, Bad guys =Red eyes.
-No tatoos, even if they have a significant meaning to the characters.
-All the girls would dress in a mix of old fashioned and red carpet styles. With poor colour coordination of course!
-Everyone is conventionally attractive.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2012 5:23:46 GMT -8
-The main character would be paired with the Prince -One of the character wouldn't be able to read her mind -Two of the characters wouldn't be a gay couple (One would be turned in to a woman) -Another female character would get the guy she wants because he 'saved her' -All the 'bad guys' would be ugly
And that's only to name a few
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Post by writer wannabe on Jul 22, 2012 10:24:28 GMT -8
Because my story changed drastically since I last posted, I think another shot at this is needed.
--Eda, the human turned into a dragon by a fae, would be one of four things: a bitter bitch who was never enchanted to begin with and serves as a minor villain with no personality, or she sees her turning as a blessing and goes on and on about how pretty she is and how much stronger than humanity she is and is supposed to be seen in a good light, she's just a dragon who needs to be killed so the hero can save the princess, or she IS the spineless, useless, bitchy princess. --Jay, who is now the child of the sun and moon gods, is no longer fascinated by being forced into human form and all his experiences as a human. No, being human is a hinderance because humans are icky and boring and Jay is oh-so-much-better than all these humans. The subplot of celebrating humanity and human experiences turns into a misanthropic boring mush. --Jay's turning human thing becomes a metaphor for Jesus Christ's sacrifice, even though that metaphor was not the point at all and there are several major details that separate Jay being forced to live as a human and Jesus willingly experiencing human life, temptation of sin, and sacrificing himself (Jesus) so humanity could be closer to God. --Sir Grant the knight is a side suitor for some random princess or Princess Eda *gag* and is supposedly vile despite being rather chivalrous in-text. Instead of being a very romantic (as in he romanticizes just about everything), dramatic, and generally good-natured (he changed a lot since the first draft, wow), he now has no personality. --Locke becomes Carlisle Cullen 2.0 since Locke is a healer. Then Locke just heals because healing is cool and no longer has any desire to use his talent in healing to help the poor, downtrodden, and any in need since Locke now was never poor and downtrodden as a child since being poor is icky and no one likes poor people. (okay, now i'm getting sick of this section) --Tristan is Jacob 2.0. His powers as a wizard make him likely to have outbursts of rage and basically goes Avatar State instead of his powers needing focus, meditation, and an even temper to control. Also, since he's technically "brown" (Tristan has a Mediterranean tan for natural skin color), he's part of a minority and is firmly lower-class instead of being firmly middle-class and part of the majority. The general comparison is going to be that wizards are filthy, violent lowlives compared to the brilliance of whatever the main love interest is. --The Fae Prince is now the main love interest instead of a side character. Instead of just helping the main protagonists reach their goals and then moving on, he solves every problem and is nigh-invincible. He says he's sympathetic towards humans but only gives lip service to that sympathy instead of actually being sympathetic towards humans because he finds them interesting and endearing. He ends up being abusive and above everyone in morals and . . . Well, he's Edward 2.0 instead of being a MINOR CHARACTER who only briefly appears to help the protagonists since one of his subjects is responsible for Jay becoming a human.
So . . . everything goes down the toilet.
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blenderbender
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Post by blenderbender on Jul 24, 2012 23:20:00 GMT -8
Oh Lord...I just had a horrible thought about what would happen if Meyer got her hands on my Disney Princess story, about them taking on the villains when they cast a magic spell.
Let's plunge right in shall we?
-Mulan, Jasmine, Esmeralda, and Pocahontas would not be part of a group of leaders with Belle. Belle would be in charge, plain and simple. Women who aren't white aren't allowed to lead! Or, y'know, exist.
-None of the girls can fight. Military experience/other heroics be damned!
-The girls all got married immediately, instead of waiting it out and deciding to marry them over time (hey, "Happily Ever After" doesn't mean "And they instantly got married!")
-The girls aren't immune to the spell because the villains got cocky and excluded them, deciding they weren't threatening, but because magic doesn't work on them.
-To compliment this, all the villains are now magical.
-Esmeralda would be a horrible, horrible Romani stereotype, Pocahontas would be a Native stereotype, Jasmine a Middle Eastern one, Mulan an Asian one, and I'm scared of what she'd do with Tiana.
-ALL the girls would love to cook. Screw it being Tiana's thing, with some help from Snow. They all cook!
-They all adore getting all dolled up. Mulan doesn't hate it.
-Snow isn't 14.
-Esmeralda doesn't go on a vengeful rampage against Frollo when she sees he's hung most of her people.
-Nobody dies, even a Disney death! (As in, they come back shortly after/aren't really dead).
-The story doesn't plunge the Disney verse into a war between the heroes and villains.
-If said war does happen, the girls are in supporting roles. Princess Squadron? What's that?
-Snow doesn't have a baby in the Epilogue (Squicky, I know, but in at least one comic she had a son with Ferdinand. For reference the epilogue is 2-3 years later, so she'd be about 16-17. Seeing how she's in a generic Medieval kingdom, it'd be okay for her).
-They all want babies. Babies, babies, babies. Never mind that Mulan and Merinda don't really want kids. They must have babies!
-Frollo chasing Esmeralda is her fault for not putting out.
-The girls, particularly Mulan and Belle, do not call out sexism.
-The girls have no interests in anything.
-In the end, the boys need to rescue them. Never mind that they should be under mind control.
-The themes of ladies being awesome, friendship, growing via hardship, and that "Princess" doesn't mean "weak" are stripped.
-Scar and Zira aren't together. Scar is using her. Because evil people can't have any kind of love.
-The Court of Miracles is out in the open. Because with Frollo gone, all racial bigotry must be as well! The Romani are not still persecuted at all!
-Rapunzel doesn't teach Tiana to use a Frying Pan O' Doom because ladies can't have weapons.
-In that same vein, no swords for Jasmine and Mulan, no arrows for Mulan and Merida, and no knives for Esmeralda.
-Their is no diversity in personality at all between them.
-Rapunzel and Belle no longer spend a lot of time reading, and Ariel is no longer addicted to learning about other cultures.
-They are all idiots. Never mind that running a kingdom requires some smarts, they're all stupid.
-Ariel is a "siren" rather than a mermaid.
-Ferdinand is a super macho, mildly abusive freak rather than a sensitive, somewhat dreamy 15 year old who goes to Aladdin and Shang for advice all the time.
-Eric only humours Ariel in her exploring, instead of sharing her interests.
-The guys take the lead in everything.
-Gaston is preferable to Adam/The Beast. Belle is stupid for not wanting him.
-The girls go on a long journey in their iconic ballgowns. And heels. No they cannot even wear flats! They must be FANCY! Screw practicality! They cannot wear simple, practical clothes.
Excuse me while I go weep for this story.
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Post by annabellamy on Jul 25, 2012 7:30:59 GMT -8
"Songs of the Slain" would barely exist...
- Firstly, there would be no actual songs in the book. Arctic Wine would just play crappy covers of already-popular songs and not bother singing about their debts and how they just want to get their mortality back. - Felix would not have Asperger's syndrome. - Matthew's self-harm would not extend beyond one or two 'accidental slips' with a razor. He would not develop anorexia. - Caspar would not weild a Seax, and Kristiana would not hold onto her mother's chakra stones. - (This comes from my being a history student) There would be very little research done into the Finnish War. In fact, all of the research I've done to plan the fictional Battle of the Border/Karelian Conflicts where Sylvan is mortally wounded would just go to waste. SMeyer would drastically change the geography so Sweden would border Russia instead of Finland, resulting in no travel-related deaths during the journey from a military base at Stockholm to Karelia.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2012 11:30:58 GMT -8
Well, let's see, I'm working on the structure for a Sci-Fi novel right now that has multiple conlangs... (Put my urban fantasy novel that I talked about earlier on hold right now for it.) - No conlangs with differing grammar structures from English. All of the differences would be tossed out in favor of a simple and very lazy relexification of English, if not just having all the aliens speak English as a native tongue, even on their native planets. - The aliens would be invaders instead of researchers and observers. - They would be treated as superior to humans, despite Meyer making them act worse overall. (In-story, they are much like humans in terms of morality and aren't any better or worse; there are some evil ones, but also some good, and some neutral ones.) - The main character would be heterosexual instead of asexual and fall in "twu luv" with some 17 year old girl a la Bella Swan or Melanie Stryder (I don't know for sure about the latter, I haven't read The Host), despite his age. - A good portion of the stuff pertaining to their biology and evolution would be altered in some manner, most likely to make them more "pretty," immortal, and to make it possible for some human girl (aka a Bella stand-in) to become one of them. - The aliens would lose a good portion of their cultural differences and differing gestures, instead being forced to become eerily like the dominant culture of the United States. - The setting would be changed so the characters would all be in their late teens at most. - It would be written in first-person instead of third. - There would be a Bella stand-in. And she'd learn the alien languages all in two weeks, tops. - The aliens would become utter shit at hiding their presence, but humans would never pick up on the weirdness. - There would be no swearing. No me gusta este y no me gusta Meyer o los libras ella escribe.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2012 7:39:23 GMT -8
-My witty vampire hunter would constantly angst about the death of his parents and always be negative. -All the vampires are the good guys. -Vampires will be shit at hiding their presence. -All the humans (except the vampire hunter) will be barley acknowledged in the plot. -The Hunters Order will not exist. -The vampire hunter (who is the protagonist in the original story) is the antagonist.
All this because SMeyer wills it.
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Post by Madame Celeste on Aug 1, 2012 14:37:53 GMT -8
Oh Lord...I just had a horrible thought about what would happen if Meyer got her hands on my Disney Princess story, about them taking on the villains when they cast a magic spell. Let's plunge right in shall we? -Mulan, Jasmine, Esmeralda, and Pocahontas would not be part of a group of leaders with Belle. Belle would be in charge, plain and simple. Women who aren't white aren't allowed to lead! Or, y'know, exist. -None of the girls can fight. Military experience/other heroics be damned! -The girls all got married immediately, instead of waiting it out and deciding to marry them over time (hey, "Happily Ever After" doesn't mean "And they instantly got married!") -The girls aren't immune to the spell because the villains got cocky and excluded them, deciding they weren't threatening, but because magic doesn't work on them. -To compliment this, all the villains are now magical. -Esmeralda would be a horrible, horrible Romani stereotype, Pocahontas would be a Native stereotype, Jasmine a Middle Eastern one, Mulan an Asian one, and I'm scared of what she'd do with Tiana. -ALL the girls would love to cook. Screw it being Tiana's thing, with some help from Snow. They all cook! -They all adore getting all dolled up. Mulan doesn't hate it. -Snow isn't 14. -Esmeralda doesn't go on a vengeful rampage against Frollo when she sees he's hung most of her people. -Nobody dies, even a Disney death! (As in, they come back shortly after/aren't really dead). -The story doesn't plunge the Disney verse into a war between the heroes and villains. -If said war does happen, the girls are in supporting roles. Princess Squadron? What's that? -Snow doesn't have a baby in the Epilogue (Squicky, I know, but in at least one comic she had a son with Ferdinand. For reference the epilogue is 2-3 years later, so she'd be about 16-17. Seeing how she's in a generic Medieval kingdom, it'd be okay for her). -They all want babies. Babies, babies, babies. Never mind that Mulan and Merinda don't really want kids. They must have babies! -Frollo chasing Esmeralda is her fault for not putting out. -The girls, particularly Mulan and Belle, do not call out sexism. -The girls have no interests in anything. -In the end, the boys need to rescue them. Never mind that they should be under mind control. -The themes of ladies being awesome, friendship, growing via hardship, and that "Princess" doesn't mean "weak" are stripped. -Scar and Zira aren't together. Scar is using her. Because evil people can't have any kind of love. -The Court of Miracles is out in the open. Because with Frollo gone, all racial bigotry must be as well! The Romani are not still persecuted at all! -Rapunzel doesn't teach Tiana to use a Frying Pan O' Doom because ladies can't have weapons. -In that same vein, no swords for Jasmine and Mulan, no arrows for Mulan and Merida, and no knives for Esmeralda. -Their is no diversity in personality at all between them. -Rapunzel and Belle no longer spend a lot of time reading, and Ariel is no longer addicted to learning about other cultures. -They are all idiots. Never mind that running a kingdom requires some smarts, they're all stupid. -Ariel is a "siren" rather than a mermaid. -Ferdinand is a super macho, mildly abusive freak rather than a sensitive, somewhat dreamy 15 year old who goes to Aladdin and Shang for advice all the time. -Eric only humours Ariel in her exploring, instead of sharing her interests. -The guys take the lead in everything. -Gaston is preferable to Adam/The Beast. Belle is stupid for not wanting him. -The girls go on a long journey in their iconic ballgowns. And heels. No they cannot even wear flats! They must be FANCY! Screw practicality! They cannot wear simple, practical clothes. Excuse me while I go weep for this story. Do you have a link to this story? Reading your post has intrigued me.
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blenderbender
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Post by blenderbender on Aug 1, 2012 20:28:25 GMT -8
^I don't have one at the moment. However, if you have anything you particularly want to read you can let me know, and I'll show you. Also, I've thought of a few more: -No research on any of the cultures the Princesses would exhibit (ie; no research on how Romani made money in medieval France for Esmeralda. No research on what kind of wedding Meg would've had with Hercules, etc.) -Meg has lost all of her snark. I'm sobbing just thinking of it. -Mulan doesn't have any armour. -Since adoption never occurs, Esmeralda either grew up in the streets by herself, or she no longer hates soldiers (her parents were ambushed and probably killed by soldiers when she was six. Her mother yelled at her to run and hide. Not long after she met Clopin, who took her in as his own) -The girls all want big, happy, perfect lives, rather than some wanting to get married and have a big family (Snow), want to go off and learn as much as they can (Ariel, Belle, Rapunzel), want to continue their careers (Tiana), want to have adventures (Mulan, Jasmine, maybe a little of Belle), or do whatever they choose to do. - The magical necklaces of "wisdom", "courage", etc. the girls get when they come across a major point of self-discovery actually DO have some kind of magic to defeat Maleficent, rather then just showing them that YES, they HAVE grown and fixed themselves up a bit, giving them the confidence and getting them to the place they need to be, mentally and emotionally, to do it themselves. - Mulan is now a natural leader, as opposed to a little awkward about leading troops. Hey, she's the soldier, Shang is the captain. The Fairy Godmother even mentions this when talking to the other "good" magical creatures who've been captured. ("Oh yes, she already knows how to TAKE orders well enough, but now she must learn to GIVE them.") - SMeyer wouldn't even bother to TRY to decide where the Princesses with unidentified homes are from (Snow becomes Queen of Germany, Cinderella the Queen of Ireland, Aurora the Queen of England, and Ariel the Queen of Greece) - There is to be NO indication that these women enjoy sex with their husbands! -The girls either do nothing but snipe at each other, or do no sniping at all. There can be NO in-between! -Tiana gets along with Cinderella and Snow, despite fundamentally disagreeing with wishing. She does not need to learn to appreciate them for everything else they are, rather than dislike her for what they aren't. She also probably wouldn't take on Snow White as a cooking prodigy, because Meyer would say Tiana is too good for it. -Megara doesn't have trust issues. -Everyone loves the girl's relationships. Clopin doesn't dislike Phoebus and make it very clear that, while he can't find it in his heart to stop talking to her for it, he IS NOT happy Esmeralda is marrying someone who isn't a Romani. Belle doesn't find her self semi-isolated from everyone (ie; anyone who isn't a Disney hero/one of Adam's servants, whom she either sees every day and are BUSY, or live too far to meet up with often) for not marrying Gaston. None of the royalty get flack for marrying outside their rank. - In the vein of trust issues, Esmeralda doesn't distrust Adam because his parents are the one's who appointed Frollo. -Belle didn't grow up in Paris, and move after her father lost a lot of money (note: In one of her songs she says "When we came to this poor, provincial town" -Ting-Ting, Mei, and Su aren't worried about what will happen when their husbands take over the throne. XD -For that matter, none of the royals need to teach non-royal spouses how court works and how to rule. -Merida doesn't worry about her mother, and is actually very condescending to her and the rest of the family. -Merida's family would just put up with that bull-hockey!
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Post by CandyCoatedCute on Aug 2, 2012 19:26:06 GMT -8
It would be awful. But it would also stand a chance of actually getting finished. I have ADHD so I switch stories often.
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