xander
Persistent Member
[Mo0:15]
Posts: 5,525
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Secrets
Oct 8, 2011 10:28:15 GMT -8
Post by xander on Oct 8, 2011 10:28:15 GMT -8
As happy as I am about finally getting a job so I can get some money... I want to quit already. I don't want to do it anymore. I don't like it. I haven't even had my first day (I'm still in training!) and I want to just...stop.
It's stressing the fuck out of me. For the past couple days it's just been this huge weight on my shoulders that won't leave and it's just depressing the shit out of me. I hate it. It's already made me cry, like, three times.
And I would have quit already, but I need the money. And it feels pathetic to want to quit so early. I keep telling myself that it'll get better, but it doesn't feel like it's going to.
Hell, I've even planned to quit already. It after a month I still feel like this I'm going to make up some bullshit excuse of it's getting in the way of my classes.
I just. I can't do it. It's freaking me the fuck out. I can't sell things. I just...
If I didn't need the money for a new tablet. I would've quit already. And I probably will in a month if this stress doesn't lessen any.
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Oct 10, 2011 11:41:40 GMT -8
Post by nchaos on Oct 10, 2011 11:41:40 GMT -8
I absolutely hate getting my hopes up when I make something new. I list it, stare at the pictures, count the views constantly and keep thinking "This is totally gonna sell" and it never fucking does. I wish I could just relax and chill out and calm down and all those other things that Ben does without even thinking, but I guess I can't.
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Oct 12, 2011 0:10:38 GMT -8
Post by aealo on Oct 12, 2011 0:10:38 GMT -8
I kind of realized something really bad...
I... I think that I've been raped.
I mean, I knew that what Jake did was considered rape, but I think... before that... I had been raped. It would explain so much.
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Oct 13, 2011 0:45:55 GMT -8
Post by Mmm Yog-Sothoth on Oct 13, 2011 0:45:55 GMT -8
People assume I'm a good person, but I'm certainly not. I need to get that tattooed on my forehead to warn people preemptively. Also, I'm slowly realizing there's so much emotional shit in my life I just haven't dealed with even though I thought I had. Ugh. October always seems to be a rough month.
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Demeter
Persistent Member
You know what you are in the dark...[Mo0:8]
Posts: 4,114
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Secrets
Oct 13, 2011 18:05:16 GMT -8
Post by Demeter on Oct 13, 2011 18:05:16 GMT -8
^ Fall seems to be a rough season in general.
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Oct 26, 2011 12:30:21 GMT -8
Post by scieanopsocellatus on Oct 26, 2011 12:30:21 GMT -8
I just really really REALLY want to scream.
Ever since school started, I've been stressed out. No reason for me to be stressed now that I've dropped Mariculture, but I'm still stressed. I just want to start my new major so that I don't have to deal with this biology one anymore.
And I've been sick since the semester began. Puking up my guts at least once a week, feeling feverish and pissy, sniffling and sneezing, etc etc. I think it's either the water or the food that's doing it, because it's usually after lunch when I feel my worst.
But for some reason, I can't bring myself to show or tell that I'm this sick or stressed. I just 'man up' and push on. So no one thinks to ask if I'm okay. I'm just wearing a mask and smiling and hoping that I don't suddenly puke everywhere. And this burying my emotions leads to panic attacks, which leads to me feeling worse.
And I ust want this damn semester to end.
Oh, and to scream.
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Philophobia
Persistent Member
]=[mu: ][Mo0:0]
Posts: 2,291
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Secrets
Oct 26, 2011 16:38:59 GMT -8
Post by Philophobia on Oct 26, 2011 16:38:59 GMT -8
I'm not sure when it's going to happen, but I think him and I are going to hook up. I'm starting to like him, and I think he has feelings for me (since he asked at least two or three times what I think of him so far. Talk about nervous). I feel like an ass now, because even though I'm starting to really like him, I can't get an old crush (or two) out of my mind. This sucks.
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Mina Murray
Persistent Member
I'm the love child of win and awesome![Mo0:13]
Posts: 1,124
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Secrets
Oct 26, 2011 17:41:35 GMT -8
Post by Mina Murray on Oct 26, 2011 17:41:35 GMT -8
My one IRL friend annoys the living shit out of me. Especially now that she somehow got a hold of my new cell number and is sending really fucking stupid photos/chain mails. I'd drop her completely but sadly she really is my only "friend". And I feel bad to even call her my "friend" she's more like an acquaintance now really...
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Oct 27, 2011 11:48:42 GMT -8
Post by Corporal Flashback on Oct 27, 2011 11:48:42 GMT -8
So I got home from my mom's about an hour ago and I've pretty much been crying since.
I really don't see the point of anything anymore, I'm not happy, I haven't really been happy for a while. I don't like being an attention seeker but I really just need someone to listen to me and be non-judgemental but I really have no-one I can do that to. My parents don't understand, I don't want to mess up Helen's life just as she's getting back on track and my friends would be pretty freaked out if they knew what was in my head.
There were two people I could talk to, my counselor at school, going back would be a step backwards, and my ex-boyfriend, who basically told everything I told him about me to his best friend who I have hated since Year 7, and seeing them on the train every morning is a kick in the teeth.
And I'm pretty sure my mother doesn't care about me. I've never been the favourite and at times like these it really shows.
Erk Demeter is right, this is a really sucky time of year and I can feel myself falling into that old pattern, I'm trying not to but everything is going against me. It's really just tiny things building up and up and up and I can't deal with it
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Mina Murray
Persistent Member
I'm the love child of win and awesome![Mo0:13]
Posts: 1,124
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Secrets
Oct 27, 2011 21:09:38 GMT -8
Post by Mina Murray on Oct 27, 2011 21:09:38 GMT -8
I never actually date people I'm intrested in, only people who are intrested in me. Because no one I'm intrested in is ever remotely intrested in me, and I figure if I can't get what I want I should just learn to like what I can get.
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Secrets
Oct 28, 2011 19:42:38 GMT -8
Post by aealo on Oct 28, 2011 19:42:38 GMT -8
My therapist thinks I have Multiple Personality Disorder... I dunno if I want to believe him or not, but I'm scared.
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TrippedUp
Persistent Member
A dreamer forever and always...[Mo0:10]
Posts: 1,898
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Secrets
Oct 28, 2011 20:00:15 GMT -8
Post by TrippedUp on Oct 28, 2011 20:00:15 GMT -8
I really want to fall in love. But I don't think I'll ever let myself be that weak or exposed.
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TrippedUp
Persistent Member
A dreamer forever and always...[Mo0:10]
Posts: 1,898
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Secrets
Oct 31, 2011 12:00:28 GMT -8
Post by TrippedUp on Oct 31, 2011 12:00:28 GMT -8
Oh god, I know this is a secret, but I'm too repulsed to make a thread. ADVICE!!!
I found out my dad googles sex every time he's on the computer and no one is home. I had to exit out of 2 porn sites and delete the entire history of my computer for the week. (It's fairly new)
I know he and my mom are estranged, but oh god I didn't need to know this! I don't even think he knows I can see the history of the computer! And worse, when he told me he needed to download a program (Adobe) to watch a video, I agreed. So as I go to download it and tell him to look for his videos himself, he asked my to google video sex, and I think it was a slip up or I heard him wrong but HOLY FUCK D:
What do I do without letting him know?? This is so damn awkward and I wanna go in a hole and never come out.
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shiko
Persistent Member
Turn me to ash and give me back to nature. After all, to the universe we are specks of dust.
Posts: 2,029
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Secrets
Oct 31, 2011 15:42:45 GMT -8
Post by shiko on Oct 31, 2011 15:42:45 GMT -8
TMI
I hate how I smell after I masturbate, it's makes me feel dirty :X It's the smell of dried cum thats gets to me and I take a shower but well... >////< but it's a smell that just feels so relaxing though maybe it's that I'm stratifying urges I guess which are part of human nature but the damn smell!
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Secrets
Oct 31, 2011 16:36:58 GMT -8
Post by Melon Collies [Mo] on Oct 31, 2011 16:36:58 GMT -8
I want a girlfriend more than a boyfriend. I've honestly just about given up on starting a relationship with a boy at this point, because most guys are jerks who don't deserve any with an IQ higher than that of a potato, or move away, or are tramps, or already have a girlfriend, or are gay.
I think I legitimately have depression. I really don't feel like doing mcuh of anything anymore. The only thing I really want to do is just sleep all day and cry. I only go to school because I have to. I'm so obsessed with this stupid fucking unrequited crush that it's taken over my life, and yet I can't buck the fuck up and just tell Emma how much I love her. Because I'm scared that she'll not be my friend anymore, when I know that she is my best friend and would never realistically give up on her friend because fo some crush. Fuck this shit. Fuck this stupid cliched teenaged hormone-y bullshit. Why did I ever have to realize that I like her? I want to be NORMAL, god damn it!!!!!!! I wnat to go one day without holding in secrets! I hate having to hide my autism and the fact that I'm probably bisexual! UGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by Mmm Yog-Sothoth on Nov 1, 2011 0:27:09 GMT -8
I found out my dad googles sex every time he's on the computer and no one is home. I had to exit out of 2 porn sites and delete the entire history of my computer for the week. (It's fairly new)
I know he and my mom are estranged, but oh god I didn't need to know this! I don't even think he knows I can see the history of the computer! And worse, when he told me he needed to download a program (Adobe) to watch a video, I agreed. So as I go to download it and tell him to look for his videos himself, he asked my to google video sex, and I think it was a slip up or I heard him wrong but HOLY FUCK D:
What do I do without letting him know?? This is so damn awkward and I wanna go in a hole and never come out. Yeah, I know from personal expierence that being in that situation sucks. But, at the same time, almost every guy who has an internet connection looks at porn, regardless of how often he's having sex or if he's in a healthy relationship or not. It's just the way things work. I probably don't think it'd be a good idea to confront him about it unless you have some reason to believe that porn is becoming a major problem for him somehow. You could also just say something subtle like "please delete your internet history better," and that might solve the problem just as well without a long, awkward conversation.
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Post by annaofcrazyland on Nov 1, 2011 2:21:36 GMT -8
I want a girlfriend more than a boyfriend. I've honestly just about given up on starting a relationship with a boy at this point, because most guys are jerks who don't deserve any with an IQ higher than that of a potato, or move away, or are tramps, or already have a girlfriend, or are gay.
I think I legitimately have depression. I really don't feel like doing mcuh of anything anymore. The only thing I really want to do is just sleep all day and cry. I only go to school because I have to. I'm so obsessed with this stupid fucking unrequited crush that it's taken over my life, and yet I can't buck the fuck up and just tell Emma how much I love her. Because I'm scared that she'll not be my friend anymore, when I know that she is my best friend and would never realistically give up on her friend because fo some crush. Fuck this shit. Fuck this stupid cliched teenaged hormone-y bullshit. Why did I ever have to realize that I like her? I want to be NORMAL, god damn it!!!!!!! I wnat to go one day without holding in secrets! I hate having to hide my autism and the fact that I'm probably bisexual! UGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I actually didn't know you had autism, too. But I'm really sorry you're feeling like this, love. *hugs* I was in a very similar situation last year, you can always PM me if you wanna talk. <3
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TrippedUp
Persistent Member
A dreamer forever and always...[Mo0:10]
Posts: 1,898
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Post by TrippedUp on Nov 1, 2011 2:24:13 GMT -8
I found out my dad googles sex every time he's on the computer and no one is home. I had to exit out of 2 porn sites and delete the entire history of my computer for the week. (It's fairly new)
I know he and my mom are estranged, but oh god I didn't need to know this! I don't even think he knows I can see the history of the computer! And worse, when he told me he needed to download a program (Adobe) to watch a video, I agreed. So as I go to download it and tell him to look for his videos himself, he asked my to google video sex, and I think it was a slip up or I heard him wrong but HOLY FUCK D:
What do I do without letting him know?? This is so damn awkward and I wanna go in a hole and never come out. Yeah, I know from personal expierence that being in that situation sucks. But, at the same time, almost every guy who has an internet connection looks at porn, regardless of how often he's having sex or if he's in a healthy relationship or not. It's just the way things work. I probably don't think it'd be a good idea to confront him about it unless you have some reason to believe that porn is becoming a major problem for him somehow. You could also just say something subtle like "please delete your internet history better," and that might solve the problem just as well without a long, awkward conversation.
I wouldn't have looked there if he hadn't left his..."searches" open. Seriously, at least have some shame! I'm his daughter, and I don't care what he doesn't know about computers, he knows how to close a window! >_<
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Post by Mmm Yog-Sothoth on Nov 2, 2011 1:13:22 GMT -8
I wouldn't have looked there if he hadn't left his..."searches" open. Seriously, at least have some shame! I'm his daughter, and I don't care what he doesn't know about computers, he knows how to close a window! >_< [/size][/color][/font][/quote] Yeah, the leaving windows open thing is pretty damn weird, even if he was in a hurry or closed others and just forgot a couple. o.O I'm not sure what to chalk that up to, unless he really doesn't have any shame for some reason.
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Philophobia
Persistent Member
]=[mu: ][Mo0:0]
Posts: 2,291
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Secrets
Nov 8, 2011 15:36:40 GMT -8
Post by Philophobia on Nov 8, 2011 15:36:40 GMT -8
I'm kind of regretting taking all these classes, even though I'm never going to get the oppertunity to do this stuff again. I just want this year to be over with already, get my diploma and get back to making my life stress free. But I shouldn't even bother,since I'm pressured to go to college. If I graduated early, I'd get shit from my mom. If I don't go to college, I'd get shit from my mom. It's a lose fucking lose for me,and it's bullshit.
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Kookie
Persistent Member
geddit cuz im goffik
Posts: 3,151
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Secrets
Nov 20, 2011 15:13:05 GMT -8
Post by Kookie on Nov 20, 2011 15:13:05 GMT -8
It's mandatory that we take a semester of public speaking at our school, so I'm taking it next semester. And I'm terrified. I mean, public speaking in general is awful enough for me and I just know that there's no way I'm going to get an A in that class. And, they apparently do a lot of partner work and the teacher lets people pick partners even though it's against the school rules god fucking dammit and the thought of picking partners actually makes me feel kind of sick. Also, because I'm taking advanced public speaking, we have to wear ~professional clothing~ for one of our presentations (instead of our regular school uniform) and I'm scared of that day for ridiculous reasons.
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Secrets
Nov 22, 2011 19:39:22 GMT -8
Post by dakman the Terrifying on Nov 22, 2011 19:39:22 GMT -8
It's mandatory that we take a semester of public speaking at our school, so I'm taking it next semester. And I'm terrified. I mean, public speaking in general is awful enough for me and I just know that there's no way I'm going to get an A in that class. And, they apparently do a lot of partner work and the teacher lets people pick partners even though it's against the school rules god fucking dammit and the thought of picking partners actually makes me feel kind of sick. Also, because I'm taking advanced public speaking, we have to wear ~professional clothing~ for one of our presentations (instead of our regular school uniform) and I'm scared of that day for ridiculous reasons. I am taking public speaking this semester, and it is a pain. I speak pretty well in one-on-one and small group settings, but i absolutely suck at organized speeches.
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shiko
Persistent Member
Turn me to ash and give me back to nature. After all, to the universe we are specks of dust.
Posts: 2,029
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Secrets
Nov 23, 2011 10:52:21 GMT -8
Post by shiko on Nov 23, 2011 10:52:21 GMT -8
I think about sex all the time and I try to not think about it durning a test but damn it doesn't happen.[/spolier]
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Wreather
Member
L R L R, stop and dash and up and talk, B A B A, S(tart)[Mo0:0]
Posts: 396
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Secrets
Nov 23, 2011 11:05:24 GMT -8
Post by Wreather on Nov 23, 2011 11:05:24 GMT -8
I used to think that I'd be okay if I stayed single, but now that I've been in a relationship for two years and we've broken up, I get sad whenever I see couples happy together even if it's only in commercials. I don't want to tell anyone because everyone who knows me thinks I'm this strong person.
I also think I'll be Forever Alone because of my outward appearance mixed with my social awkwardness.
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Secrets
Nov 23, 2011 13:08:03 GMT -8
Post by Melon Collies [Mo] on Nov 23, 2011 13:08:03 GMT -8
After discovering that there is indeed such a thing as a sneeze fetish and discovering a bunch of cute art for it... I think I'm developing the beginnings of a fascination with it. o.o; Not a fetish, nothing sexual, I'm just starting to notice it a bit more and thinking more that most sneezy scenes are absolutely adorable. ^w^;
I have a bit of an attraction towards a girl in my art class. Nothing huge, as I know she's totally straight and homophobic (yeahh way too many homophobic people at this goddamn school), but I think she's just super cute and a really cool and unique person, despite her snottiness and bitchiness at times. I just watch from afar and think, "god i love her curls and her shirt is so adorable eeeeeee"
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shiko
Persistent Member
Turn me to ash and give me back to nature. After all, to the universe we are specks of dust.
Posts: 2,029
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Secrets
Nov 23, 2011 17:41:50 GMT -8
Post by shiko on Nov 23, 2011 17:41:50 GMT -8
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Captain Victoria
Persistent Member
My oolong heals, and your dealer deals for quite a hefty fee. So I self-medicate with tea.[Mo0:13]
Posts: 1,119
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Secrets
Dec 7, 2011 18:41:12 GMT -8
Post by Captain Victoria on Dec 7, 2011 18:41:12 GMT -8
I'm not the strong person people think I am. I take bullshit from people because I don't think I deserve better. I'm convinced unwanted attention toward me from a past man is because of -me-. It's -my- fault, and whenever I look in the mirror to snuff out anything alluring - I can find nothing.
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Secrets
Feb 8, 2012 21:18:19 GMT -8
Post by My Name Is Potato [Frees] on Feb 8, 2012 21:18:19 GMT -8
I'm normally really happy and confident and relaxed as a human being.
My parents are able to tear that feeling away from me for hours or even days within two seconds of discussion about my grades. Not intentionally, but they put the pressure on way, way more than they realize. I already get stressed out incredibly quickly when it comes to grades, and they make that a million times worse.
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Feb 8, 2012 21:34:25 GMT -8
Post by DefyingLogic on Feb 8, 2012 21:34:25 GMT -8
I would never ever beat someone up. Maybe two punches if I'm super beyond pissed but that's it. Everyone thinks I could kill them but I just couldn't. I cry at dead animals in the road dammit -_-
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shiko
Persistent Member
Turn me to ash and give me back to nature. After all, to the universe we are specks of dust.
Posts: 2,029
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Secrets
May 29, 2012 20:27:13 GMT -8
Post by shiko on May 29, 2012 20:27:13 GMT -8
Sometimes I wish I could have one night of no strings attached sex with another person of my gender, but I know I wouldn't be able to handle it after wards. My hormones are just raging right now and I feel like masturbation is not working out for me anymore. I'm still standing my ground and trying to maintain my virginity until I get into a nice healthy relationship, which I know will be a long ways from now. I'm trying to practice what I preach.
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