I swear I read this as "Step-nanny Meyer" at first. SMeyer as a nanny. HOW TERRIFYING WOULD THAT BE? I bet she'd try to marry off any girls she babysat for to older boys down the street. B|
But you don't understand, they were these boys' TRUE LOVE ! That cyborg comment made my entire day. And the cake ! Oh my god, the CAKE ! Now I want to bake one. Gah. Is it bad I now ship Tana and Joan, to go along with Edward and Other!Edward ?
Post by PuzzleChick on Sept 20, 2011 17:53:06 GMT -8
^ MY FEELINGS, THEY ARE HURT. No, actually they're not, it's cool. xDDD *hugs* The snarks do all kind of run together into a wall of text. ^^;; I went kind of posting-crazy over the weekend. Since they were all already typed up and I was mostly copy-pasting, it seemed weird to post them slowly. So I was all, "WHEEE POSTS, POSTS EVERYWHERE. "
I've got a couple of Erin's fics and a Yugioh/Twilight cross-over left to re-post before I start a new snarking project. Still deciding on what it will be. (Actually I never finished the YGO/Twilight one. I should probably snark the last chapter of it before moving on.)
Post by PuzzleChick on Sept 21, 2011 5:54:54 GMT -8
This is one of Erin's newer monstrosities, (Well, it was new at the time) in which she and the Twilight characters fight Pokemon. Yeah...
(Originally snarked 6/8/10)
Truelove Fight Chaptr 1
Already I have questions. Is the title of this thing Truelove Fight? Or is it Truelove and the chapter title is Fight? (I asked this because on ff.net, in the chapter drop-down box, the title was labeled Fight.) And what the crap does any of that have to do with Pokemon?
Heelo Im writting a nuw stori abot ho Me and Ward save the wold form the evil pokmons that were mad by SATIN!!!
BUT...BUT NOW WE WILL NEVER KNOW WHO WAS GOLDEN SHOWERING ERIN JOAN IN BREWDENING LOVE. HOW CAN I READ THIS WHEN I'M HANGING IN SUCH SUSPENSE?!
On second thought, I'll survive. And look, at least she's admitting to it being about HER and not about Joan. It's nice to see you're coming to grips with the truth, Erin.
I neva wached pokmons befor coz they aren't Christian and Father James Holden says they are bad for christens to watch, but I sen pics of them so I kno what they lock like OK!!!!!
Normally something like this would make me go "thou dost protest too much" or "ORLY?" But in this case I'll let it go. Pokemon is popular media, you can't avoid seeing it. However, I'm now having flashbacks to this creepy guy who (presumably) had a crush on me in high school. He thought that Yugioh was Satanic and that Satan was corrupting kids via Yugioh cards. (The fact that I have a huge collection of Yugioh cards and that I adored them played a large part in why he began avoiding me after a week or so after first approaching me.) Erin's claims sound suspiciously similar.
I hop you like this stori coz I reely like it.
Ihop? Fuck, now I really want pancakes.
THE CUTE BUBBLES ARE BACK.
One day me an ward were walling down the rood
Oh my gods Erin, I've already discussed this "walling the road" thing with you. Roads do not require walls. Quit being so construction-happy.
halding hands when suddenly a YOLLOW DEVIL OF SATIN JOMPED OUT AT US!!!!!!
It was an evil pickacoo. (A/N Pickachoos are devils xoz they have ponty ears like satians hones.)
So does that mean that pokemon without pointy ears are okay? Because most of the Grass ones don't have them...
"WARD HELL I SCREAMED!!!"
Quotation marks. Learn how to use them.
the pickachoo was locking at us and was makeing noises like it wanned to posses us.
Or possibly it was just hankering for some pancakes too. Hey, Pikachu? Wanna come get pancakes with me?
Ward jumpd in font of me and sped at the monstar.
Dude, me and the Pikachu are having a conversation here. Not cool, man. Not cool.
The devil was using its unhole powers and I was scarred that ward wold not be Christina anymour.
Wait, what? You want Ward to be Christina? Oh Erin, I always knew there was something a bit different about you. So tell me, how are things with Jenny?
Then ward piked up the pickachoo and thru it high into the sky and it dispeared.
...So wait, he threw Pikachu into the sky and Pikachu didn't come back down? You know what that means? PIKACHU WENT TO HEAVEN. THIS IS PROOF THAT GOD IS ON PIKACHU'S SIDE.
"YOU SAVAD ME!!! I jomped wards arms. Ward huged me bak and kussed me on the fored. Then Father James Holden said
Whoa, where the hell did he come from?
"The word is getting taken ovar by evil creaters called pokmons.
Okay, now that really does call for an ORLY?
The are run by satian and they are the enamy of good christens.
Run by Satan, huh? So Pokemon are a corporation of some kind?
We hav to get rid of them or the will take ovar and het rid of all christiens."
Riiiiiight. Okay then.
ME and ward were sad for a bit beciaz the evils were here but then Ward sad "Emert and Japper and Alice And rossie and carlise and MC can help us fight them."
Oh, oh, and this means that the Not Nice People are on the Pokemon side, right? Cool! I'm totally going to have a team of Eevee and Eeveelutions!
And then I thoght
Oh come on, leave poor Jake out of this. The guy's been through enough already. Come on Jake, you can come get pancakes with me and Pikachu.
eDward locked sad becoz I sad abot Jay but he nuw I woodnt cheet on him with Jay beciz I am a good christen.
Hey, whoa, wait a second. I thought Edward couldn't read your mind?! Also, is this like a sequel to Brewdening Love or something? How can you be writing a sequel to it when you never even finished it?! And if this is a sequel, WHERE THE FUCK ARE BRIAN AND HUGO?! THEY WERE THE BEST PART! Wait. Ooh, are they Pokemon trainers now? Is that where they went? (Obviously Brian would be a Fire trainer. u_u Hugo would train all types, because of his penchant for having so many different and diverse interests.)
We went to find the others
You know, pancakes sure would hit the spot right now. Maybe blueberry pancakes.
How exsiting, we ar gong to get rifd of all the evil thins from the wold so ony good thigs can live, like TWILIGHT and the bible <)
Uh...those are books. Technically not really living. And you do realize that if Pokemon is bad, you're going to have to get rid of Magic, and WoW, and Yugioh (And I'll fight you on that one, and trust me, you don't want to fight me over Yugioh.) and every other TGC and video games and most manga and...well, let's just say you'll be really, really busy. Also, the fact that Twilight was capitalized and the Bible wasn't makes me doubt your authenticity.
All in all...Brewdening Love was more lulzy, but this fic has lulz potential. This awfully short chapter makes me worry that Erin may be losing steam though. She's writing very passively. I do hope future chapters (If she ever continues it) will have more detail. u_u (Note from the future: Obviously she never continued it. =|)
Post by Talys Alankil on Sept 21, 2011 8:07:38 GMT -8
Yeah, but there is a Truelove Fight chapter 2 nevertheless.
Your comment about Brugo being trainers inspires me a Pokémon, Brewdening Love version, with Brian as the Fire-type Gym Leader, Hugo as the Champion, and Erin/Joan would use the Cullens instead of Pokémon to fight. As for the others… I don't know ^^
Post by PuzzleChick on Sept 22, 2011 15:37:32 GMT -8
As God of the Thread I say everyone can have whatever they want, including Mews and Celebis. /o/ (I, personally, would love to have an Entei and Suicune as well...x3)
While Erin was on hiatus, in December I took a stab at another of her fics, Twilight World (since renamed Twilight Bible.) It wasn't nearly as amusing to me, though, so I only did the first chapter. I didn't record what date I snarked this one.
Without further ado, IN THE BEGINNING...
And thus ends the last line we'll ever see in this fic that is actually spelled correctly.
A/N: Thus is mi new story about Twilight if it was the bible. God love to all god reeders.
What the hell is a god reader? And who gives you the right to go around dishing out God's love for him?
Edward had just finshed creating the world. He had made a betaful garden for Alice and Jasper to live in. They were the first people to live on the erth.
You've replaced God with a sparkly vampire. Congratulations on making God headdesk. Also, they're the product of his great work, and so he gives them a garden full of beta fish? WTF kind of gift is that?
Jaser and Alice loved each other alot and were gong to have kids because thats what Edward wanted therm to do.
*snorts* I've never subscribed to the whole "we're the only two people so we have to love each other" thing. Also, if Edward told you to jump off a cliff, would you do it? (Don't answer that, Erin. I'd rather not know.)
Howevr he mad a apple tree that he tald them that they were not aloud to eat the apples form.
Look, you make them this garden and give them nothing to eat but beta fish, and then put an apple tree there and tell them not to eat from it. All signs point to that you obviously want them to eat from it. I feel compelled to quote Good Omens here: "I mean, pointing out the Tree and saying 'Don't Touch' in big letters. Not very subtle, is it? [...] Makes you wonder what he's really planning." ...I'm just sayin'. (Also: you will read Good Omens read Good Omens read Good Omens /mind control)
No. Seriously. Read it, it's awesome.
Japper and Alice dint want to eat the apples because they didn’t want to make edword anger.
EDWARD ANGER. ANGER BAD.
But then one day a eval snail
*chokes* An evil WHAT?!
named Joms came down thru the tree and talled to Japper whou was siting undar the tree.
*dies laughing* Oh gods, I can just see this evil snail, (with evil mad scientist eyebrows) sloooooooowly crawling down the tree. I see potential for an Overly Long Running Gag here.
“You should eat my apples.” Jomes said.
"HOLY SHIT A TALKING SNAIL!" Jasper shouted.
But Japser igored him, he new edwart did not want him eating the apples from that trea.
So...the fact that the snail talked is a non-issue totally? Really? He isn't at least a little bemused? IT'S A TALKING SNAIL FOR FUCK'S SAKE!
“NO!” Said jaser, I love Edward thy God.”
Well, good on you for standing up for your principles I guess.
The snae did not give up thou. He said to japer.
Wait, I always thought it was a snake that was involved with all of this. Which now begs the question: is she trying to be creative using a snail instead, or is she really just so dumb that she spelled snake as snail?
“Why , my apples are rond and red and very deisous.”
And there was never an apple that wasn't worth the trouble you got in for eating it... /Good Omens is awesome Good Omens is awesome Good Omens is awesome--
Japper looked at the applkes witch locked very delious. He picked one off the tree and bite into it.
Wait, seriously? It only took the snail one more sentence and Jasper is like, "Oh, dude, forget God and his rule about not eating the apples then!"
“This is yum,” Said japster. “Alice, come here and tast this apple/”
Ah, maybe Alice will remember that whole thing about not eating the apples... (I'm going to ignore that yum comment.) (Also, I find it amusing that in this parable, Jasper has the Eve role. Hmmn...)
Alice come over and told the apple off jasper, He bite into it and she said. This is the best apple I have ever had.”
1. Alice, you just flunked the test. What's this, not even a moment of hesitation? 1.5 YOU'VE NEVER EATEN AN APPLE BEFORE, HOW COULD YOU KNOW THIS IS THE BEST? 2. Is it just me, or did Alice and Jasper just switch genders? 3. Still no reaction to the talking snail?
Then Edward saw wat they were doign from heathen and got anger.
OH NO, NOT ANGER FROM HEATHEN.
“YOU DISBAY ME!” He roored, “NOW YU ARE VANISHED FROM THE GARDEN OF ADAM!”
Jasper, Alice, and the snail: "Wait, who the hell is Adam?"
Japser and Alin ran from the garden and into the desert, They had been vanished from the garden fro disbaying God.
No shit, I already figured that out.
“Oh no, “Aline cried and Jasper crid too.
“We falled God, We are unworthy.”
That's what you get for taking advice from a frackin' SNAIL. How stupid are you people?!
Edward who was wathign from the sku felt bad about what he had doen to them so he said
Edward-God is obviously very, very emotionally unstable.
“Yu cant return to the gernden but I will make you a house that yuo can liev in.” Then Edward pointed his finger and a manion appered.
Well fuck...maybe they should have gotten on Edward's bad side sooner. But...a mansion? Really? Whatever happened to that vow of poverty thing?
“Thank God, how can we replay you?” Alice assed but Edward replate
Replay? Just hit rewind and start over.
“You must never doubt yur lolty to me again and must crete many childen to full the erth.”
That's so creepy. They have to have enough kids to populate the whole Earth. And then keep the species going. There is going to be incest out the wazoo...
Jasper and Alicn preyed to god every night befour they went to bed and then Alice fall pregenant with a baby.
That's...not actually how babies are made, Erin. Do we need to show you the Miracle of Life movie? I'd be happy to reply it from my memories considering I'll never be able to burn those Nightmare Fuel images out of my mind.
“God,” (Erin: They are not aloud to call God Edward because they aint worty.)
Wait, what? If Edward has replaced God then why aren't they allowed to call him by his proper name? Are you somehow suggesting that the name Edward has more holy power than the name God? And why the bloody hell hasn't a lightning bolt struck you yet? (OH WAIT. Maybe that's why she vanished? Divine intervention?)
Alce is having a baby” Jasser celbrited wen he told Edward at prey time that night.
Wouldn't he already know?
“This is excelet news.” Said Edward, “Now you msut anme your first chill Bella to proof your loyly to me!”
First of all, that's almost the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Second, oh please let the baby be a boy, please, please Santa, I'll totally owe you!
When alice had the baby she named it Bella as god had assed. Bella was a butaful baby.
“She will grew into a Queer,”
I'm sorry. I can't. I CAN'T.
Said jasper proufly. Alin aghrined.
I'm not sure if Alice is agreeing, or if she's chagrined. Both maybe?
“She will be the queen of Christianity.” Said Edward one day to them as bella grew into a woman.
PPPPFFFT. Someone back me up here: there are no queens in Christianity, right?
“This is a honor form oour family.” Jaser said proudy.
You've only had one kid so far? And Bella's already a young woman? GET TO WORK. THE EARTH ISN'T GOING TO POPULATE ITSELF YOU KNOW.
Aline was making sure Bella grue to be the queer God espected of her.
"Right then Bella, this is called a bandanna. And this is called flannel. And this is called a boycut haircut. Go out there and make me proud." (As a lesbian who likes bandannas and doesn't mind flannel and who has short hair, I have no shame in making fun of these stereotypes. ;3)
One dae Bella met a men named Jacub.
Wait, where did he come from!? Did Edward-God create some other people one day while he was bored?
“Hi,” said Jacob.
“Hi,said bella and she walked awy thinking that Jaycub was hot.
What in the name of fuckwittery...
Edward who was watching tald Jasser and Alice trhat Bella was felling in luve
She has spoken ONE SINGLE WORD to him and thinks that he's hot. This does not equal falling in love. My gods, I want to smack SMeyer for encouraging this kind of stereotype.
and if she did she couldn’t became the queer.
Well if she's with a guy, yeah, that's going to make that a bit difficult...
AN: tell me what you think, god luvs you. Pleese Revow
I'm pretty sure you don't want to know what I think. Obviously, given my place on the Not Nice People list, you didn't agree with what I thought about your other fic.
Post by Chibithulhu on Sept 22, 2011 16:54:28 GMT -8
... Huh. Suddenly, I wanna read Good Omens again.
Also, obviously the Adam they're talking about is Adam Young. Duh. The garden's actually Tadfield. They just don't know it yet.
I'll admit there are ways to pull off the Adam and Eve plot. Namely, if there's only one other person on the planet, assuming you don't kill each other first, boredom would ensure that eventually you'd have to communicate. Children of Eden, the Stephen Schwartz musical, plays it fairly well (and kinda creepily) by A) Having them be almost sibling-y at first (Ew, but pretty much comes with the setting), and B) Having Father (AKA God, but it's a show about family, so roll with it) add that they "were made for each other", then show through the rest of the play that he's a total control freak, so yeah, he probably means that literally.
Yeaaah, this is a musical where the closest thing to an antagonist AND the only character to appear in both acts without double-casting is God. It's sort of a weird show. Great harmonies, though.
Pikachu: Sure, it's overmarketed, ought to be level 300 by now, and has gotten downright annoying, but deep down it just wants to be loved... Screw it. LEAF BLADE!
Post by PuzzleChick on Sept 23, 2011 8:48:03 GMT -8
At last, we arrive at the pinnacle of Fail. I can't necessarily promise I won't be a raving chainsaw-wielding lunatic by the end. But I can't leave it un-ripped-apart, either. And so here is my snark of...
She looked at them and a signle overweight tear spat out from her eye.
I'm not sure if she's trying to say that Bella's tears are fat, or if she's clumsily trying to say that she was crying the typical single shining large Mary Sue tear.
How could it of cume to this? Bellr frowned at her two suiters and wantd to slap them a punch to thier smug litle face!
Oh, woe, I'm not the center of their attention anymore! How terrible! I can't believe they'd dare ignore me! WAHWAHWAH.
Bella cried and preyed for them. They had become fahomosexuals!
Fahomosexuals? I'm guessing she was about to use a rude slur and changed her mind halfway through. Probably because she heard the whir of my chainsaw firing up.
They locked at eachother like hey looked and Bella before they gayed themselves!
A PERSON DOES NOT CHOOSE TO "GAY THEMSELVES." IT DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY YOU FUCKWIT.
Edward stoked Jobob's cheap.
"Let's be togather foreva" He said, cooingly.
Is it ironic that this scene is actually more romantic than most of Erin's het romance scenes? Most of the time she's going on about sexah-this and sexeh-that. Here there's actually some emotion.
"Let's! And to cememnt our pertersion let me turn into a wolf becore we bum love."
To cement our perversion? TO CEMENT OUR PERVERSION?
ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? ARE YOU TRYING TO BAIT ME? BEING GAY IS NOT A PERVERSION, IT'S A SEXUALITY THAT OCCURS IN NATURE AND WHICH IS PERFECTLY NORMAL. GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR JUDGMENTAL ASS. And you place being gay on the same level as bestiality. Real nice, like I'm not going to notice that you've basically just said I and everyone else who isn't heteresexual is less-than-human. Real motherfucking nice.
And he did. And Bella looked on and she cried.
You don't have to watch, you know. >_>
y had this happened? Why has god alloud this?
MAYBE BECAUSE GOD LOVES EVERYONE AND HE'S HAPPY WHEN PEOPLE FALL IN LOVE, REGARDLESS OF THEIR GENDER. EVER THINK OF THAT?!
It wan't write!
What, you're God now? You get to decide what's right and wrong for him? I have a feeling any actual Gods are not going to take very kindly to that.
As if to answer her preyers, a single white light shune down from clouds up in the sky on the gorunf. "Belle," It spoke in a cumforting, manly voice not like a fatter
Wait, the light spoke? What? And why is she saying "not like a father" when everyone always calls God the heavenly father?
"I am sorry you fell in for mosex."
... I have no idea what that means.
Bella ran up to and hagged the light, cting.
She...hugged light? But light isn't solid. MY GODS, YOU FAIL SCIENCE TOO.
"Why god? Cannot you undo?"
YOU DON'T UNDO BEING GAY, YOU EITHER ARE OR YOU AREN'T AND YOU'RE BORN HOWEVER YOU ARE. GET THAT THROUGH YOUR BLOODY HEAD, ERIN.
God patted her soulder with his golden light. "No I cannot, Bella. It is not...OF MY WORK!"
Oh give me a goddamned break.
DUN DUN UND
I see your dramatic noises and raise you a SCCRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. (That's the sound of a chainsaw)
So Bella pashed God away and ran into the forrest, tears streaming like rivers in the air.
Bella seriously needs to get over herself. She's a Mary Sue, I'm sure she can find other guys to fawn over her.
I should have seen that coming.
and fat ugly wolf indian looked after her longing.
You know what? I can't do this. I can't. It's so unfunny I can't think of anything funny to say about it. So stupidly, ridiculously, crapsackily unfunny. I don't even have words. I don't even have a stupid pun or an amusing macro at this point. I give up. Chainsaw, you have served me well, but let us leave this and find a happy place.
*walks away and sits quietly on the roof, staring out at the sky, blasting Adam Lambert songs and mumbling, "What do you want from me...?"*
No...no, I can't stop. The only way to counteract the fail here is to rail against it. My chainsaw and I shall fight on!
*cues up Desperado and storms back in* Step into the street by sundown, step into your last good bye...
"I have realised the error of my ways." Said Edward, cryingly.
Well, my inner peace lasted exactly one line. Fuck you, Erin. Fuck you with a very sharp stick. With fire ants on it.
"Me too. We were mistaked to fall in love with eachother in the not good boy and boy way, especially when we had a sex yixen in front of our very eyes!"
BEING GAY IS A NOT A MISTAKE OR A CHOICE. BEING. GAY. IS. NOT. A. BLOODY. MISTAKE. OR. A. BLOODY. CHOICE.
They both neeled and began to pray.
I don't know why I bother to be so horrified, I knew this was going to happen.
"Oh father who art in Heaven, Hallow be thy name. We, but lambs of your shepardry, have mistaken most foal.
What did you mistake them for?
We want you're forgiveness so we may love Joan insteed!"
This fic is about Bella, dumbass.
God came down from clouds in heavan and put a hand on both thier shoulder. "You must make it up to me for the hanus thingy you both did. I understand you felt rong and wanted to hurt Bella. She needs you."
I am so confused right now. They wanted to hurt Bella? (Can't say as I blame them on that one. I've been there and felt that, guys.) But apparently they felt wrong? I DON'T GET IT.
They both nodded. God spoke "You must both give me a finger to show you mean bussiness."
...SINCE WHEN DID GOD BECOME THE MAFIA?!
Edward, without hesitation, stood up and lept for the nearest tree. He broke off a branch, and put it in his mouth. He then grabbed the pointer finger of his left hand and wriggled it, then reefed it then tore the tithe off entirely.
=/ This is going to a very weird and kind of nightmare fuel-y place.
He howled kind of like Jackob in New Moon, and small streams of red shiny blood came from the wound.
I thought vampires didn't bleed. This is pathetic, I know the Twilight canon better than a fan does.
"Here God, here is my debt. I am worthy og loving you and Bella."
WAIT A SECOND. If I'm right, I think Erin is actually trying to insinuate here that being gay is enough of a crime that a person deserves mutilation as a punishment for it. WHAT THE HELL ERIN. WHAT THE...I DON'T EVEN...
WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU LEARN YOUR VALUES FROM, HITLER?! And Godwin's Law has just been proven again.
God nodded, and turned to jacob.
I imagine him saying this with a gangster accent.
jacob bit his throbing lip, tears in his eyes. He was alive, not like Edward! He would hurt and bleed and not grow his finger gack.
Edward will grow his finger back? THEN HOW THE HELL IS THAT A FAIR TRADE?! You know, God in Erin's stories is kind of a jerkass in and of himself. Any real representation of God would have shown him being fair.
Jacob spat in God's face and turned into a wolf and ran way. He would rather love the men than lose a finger!
Yeah, go Jacob! Stick to your guns! Quick, come over here and you can hang out with us and Brian and Hugo!
God threw a lightening bolt
God just turned into Zeus. >.>
and fried the wolf. He spasmed in airt for a moment then died. God went over, grabbed his soul and punched it in the face.
Yeah, God's a jerkass. That's not cool, Erin. Not cool at all. =|
"You have made your choice, Jay Black. Now you must sugffer punish ment until you realise the error of your ways!"
BEING GAY IS NOT A CHOICE OR A CRIME HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THIS ASLDK(JSLK;;'LFJ$@;,NANGAJK'D"FHAA;/A! ...Brb, chopping Erin's head off with a chainsaw.
He opened a hole and thre Jacob into hell.
So if you're gay and don't want to tear your body parts off, you're going to hell. I guess I'll be seeing Jacob there, then, in hell...
...Can't say as I mind much at this point, seeing as it's too late for me. I fall into 8, almost 9 of the categories on that guy's sign. ^^;
Also I'd like to add that in my headcanon, the Hell in this scene is an underground Rave club where Brian and Hugo are the bartender and DJ, and it's where only cool people get to hang out. So yeah, Jacob is just chillin' with them at the rave.
He turned to Edward. Go Edward, Bella is weighting for you by the trees."
Nice use of "weighting" there, Erin. Even when you're writing about Bella as the protag I see you can't resist putting her down somehow.
Edward thanked his One True Lord, and turned and ran t to the trees. Bella was crying. She was on a clifftop, looking at the pale blue oceen below her. It shone up at her like a moonless night.
How, pray tell, can a moonless night shine? It's MOONLESS.
"Oh God, I love you so. Edward, jacob, i will always remembr you how you."
How you? How you what? HOW YOU WHAT, SERIOUSLY, SAY SOMETHING REMOTELY FUNNY BEFORE I SMASH MY KEYBOARD OUT OF RAGE RIGHT NOW.
A single tear fell and she took a step forward oof the cliff. But...Edward came and flapped and saved her!
Mary Sue trait #826: If you don't get your way, bitch and whine and be melodramatic until you do.
He held her tight, his well body stroking Bella gently and she quivered whiff his torch.
Excuse me while I go bang my head against the wall.
"I have fixed myself Joan
YOU DO NOT FIX YOURSELF FROM BEING GAY BECAUSE YOU ARE BORN THAT WAY AND IT IS NOT A CRIME NOR A PERVERSION NOR A SIN AND IS NOT SOMETHING THAT NEEDS FIXING. I'M TRYING TO USE SMALL WORDS TO MAKE THIS EASY FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND, ERIN. WHY ISN'T IT WORKING? WHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? *clings to Brian and Hugo because only their awesomeness can overcome this kind of fail*
and now I will only love you."
And you can kiss my ass.
"I love you too, Bella." Bella said as she looked up into his smouldering amber eyes. She kissed him,and god watched on smeling. All well.
You can ALL kiss my ass, Erin, you and all of your stupid characters in this fic (except Jacob). Even if the whole thing about Bella saying she loves herself was kind of funny, that's not saving this. Nothing is saving this.
...I think I have to go take a shower now to wash off the stink of the fail that this fic was. It was THAT bad.
Post by Chibithulhu on Sept 23, 2011 9:58:54 GMT -8
... AUGH, that fic is FAILURE! I'm desensitized to a lot of Erin's blatant homophobia after FTS, but that's still a HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE, hateful little fic. Fire and chainsaws are too good for this shit. We need LASER CHAINSAWS. *Hands out laser chainsaws.*
... And please, please tell me that sign's not real. Tell me that was editing. I mean, I understand the "homosexuals are going to HELL" thing, same for the other religions and atheists, that's standard for sandwich boards of hate, but GANGSTER RAPPERS? IMMODEST WOMEN? MASTURBATORS? OBAMA VOTERS?
... The world is messed up.
Last Edit: Sept 23, 2011 10:01:16 GMT -8 by Chibithulhu
Pikachu: Sure, it's overmarketed, ought to be level 300 by now, and has gotten downright annoying, but deep down it just wants to be loved... Screw it. LEAF BLADE!
Post by PuzzleChick on Sept 23, 2011 10:44:39 GMT -8
^ LASER CHAINSAWS. BRILLIANT. /o/
Nope, far as I know that guy's sign is totally real. People be crazy, man. (And why are potheads listed, but not cocaine/meth/steroid/acid/etc users? WTF? Pot's the last drug anyone needs to worry about!) On the other hand, this makes being doomed to Hell a lot less scary. All the cool people are gonna be there. =3
Post by Talys Alankil on Sept 23, 2011 11:53:26 GMT -8
^Ah, Ward's Secret. It's funny, I think your snark of it was already somewhere on this forum. Oh well, it never stops being that way. Yeah, I'm saying "that way" 'cause I don't know any other word to describe that.
Post by PuzzleChick on Sept 23, 2011 12:09:54 GMT -8
^ Yeah, there was an actual Edwards Secret thread just for that fic, and my snark is hanging out on it, too. This is a slightly updated version of the snark, with a couple more gifs and hopefully better humor. xD
Well, this is all of my Erin snarks! Up next, the Yugioh/Twilight crossover Dance in the Dark, also known as: What Happens When Twishit Invades Puzzle's One True Fandom.